Honesty is the Best Policy: Constructive Criticism... (9/8) Looking for new thread manager!

I'm willing to have Under My Skin or Close Quarters or any of my stories CCed.

 

I try to balance both plot and description. Actually, my unique writing style kinda forces me to go heavy on description so you know who's talking.

 

Anthology: the story is called Hope Reborn and was originally written for the Blind character challenge. It's not very long so I'll post it here in it's entirety. By posting here I am acknowledging that I desire concrit on all of my stories, and will be happy to supply the same to the other posters here.

Let me know what you think.


*Derisa*

Hope Reborn


I can hear it, you know. Fear has a distinct sound. It?s like old paper being crumbled by uncaring hands, fibres torn and brutalized. It gets louder as time passes, as the invisible face of death draws nearer.

Fear also smells and tastes different: an acrid stench of unused adrenaline; the soured flavour of wasted opportunity.

Make no mistake, for I am a good Jedi - I do not fear that which is not. There is no such thing as death: it is a moment of change only. It is inevitable, unavoidable, and profound, certainly, but nothing to be feared.

In truth, death stalks every mortal being: with every breath we hasten the end. Yet as I am a Jedi, born into this time of terrors to witness the utter destruction of my Order and the Republic, the passing of all I hold dear at the hands of that grim child, yet I repeat - there is no end, only change.

Too late we learned what was meant by that black Prophecy that spoke of the ?balance of the Force?. We Jedi had grown too numerous, and our power had been weakened thereby. Even those of us gifted, as I am, Sighted since I lost my vision, we failed to see the threat until it was too late.

The wreck of a boy who even now approaches my hiding place, and the Evil that holds his strings are wreaking ?balance? upon the Jedi. Now... now at last, my time has come.

I draw the Force in to me, and I hear with more than my ears. My heart?s beats resonate within and without, and a whole Galaxy of life is breathing and living, with me. The fear fades, but does not leave me. It hovers, waiting.

The air tastes different again, sweeter somehow. It?s only fitting, I suppose that a man?s last breath should be his sweetest. I stay kneeling, even as the door hisses open, my eternal darkness uninterrupted by any light, listening to my death approach on jack-booted feet.

I feel the heat of his presence, his power flares around him, a dark cloak like a raptor?s wing. I cannot see his scars, although I can sense how marked he feels himself to be, hideous now, destined for hatred and loathing. He has let it twist his spirit, and smother under the Dark all the light that had been Anakin Skywalker.

He glows through the darkness that is all my scarred eyes have to offer me. It is as though he were forged of volcanic rock, he is dark to the eye but searing to all my other senses. What once sparkled with the Living Force was now a dark sun of pure rage. Drunk on his own fury, addicted to the power he had leashed within, Anakin Skywalker was no more. Become Darth Vader, he had lost the Light.

As he approached, the remnants of his breath rasping at my ears, I can follow the threads of his future, and the bleakness I See there saddens me. There is an end for those who dwell only in Darkness - their souls consumed by their own avarice for power, they can stave off death for many long centuries, but when it comes, as it must, it is an end, for them. The Living Force cannot abide a spirit so tainted, and so they cease to be, and know only Death.

As I follow the many possible strands of his future, I See many deaths that await Darth Vader, many angry deaths. Sometimes it is at the hands of his Dark Master, or his eventual Apprentice. In some, his beloved betrays and murders him, in others, my friend Obi-Wan, over the flash of ?sabers, takes the life that was once his Padawan?s. In all of those myriad futurepaths I See, none lead back to the Light.

I sorrow as I know this, that so much potential should be wasted, and then I hear the deadly hiss of a lightsabre, and the singed air stinks of ozone. His blade swings unerring, and I am ready, in tune with the deep Force, within and with out..

 

And now introducing our first *Featured Story*!

The purpose behind this idea is to encourage more CC.

The way it works is that we will have a single story featured for as long as it takes for that story's author to receive constructive criticism from three different users. Then a new story will be posted and so on. This does not mean you cannot give feedback to the other stories listed in the index. This is just a way to--hopefully--insure that eventually everyone receives feedback.

The featured stories will be chosen based on challenges and feedback given to other featured stories.

Please post here when you send a PM feedback to the featured story's author and make sure to read the first post of this thread before sending in CC. Also, note that you do not have to read an entire story. CC is welcome even after reading just one post.

The first *Featured Story* is Under My Skin by DarthIshtar

 

Yay! Hope you guys like and are honest!

 

Alright Ish I sent you some CC after reading the first post of your fic I hope it is helpful and I try to balance being gentle and honest at the same time. Any questions about it just pm me! I'd be happy to talk it over with you

 

Okay, first, I'll say that any of my fics are open for CC. Actually, I'm begging for it. I know my writing has multiple problems. My fics are in my bio, if anyone wants to read them.

And Ish--I'm going to read Under My Skin right now. I think that I'm going to do a CC for it (if I can find anything to critisize), but I'm terrified to do so because I don't want to sound mean. Then again, I get frustrated when I don't get critisism, so I'll grit my teeth and do it.

 

Suzi, hon, I love all of your comments. Please be brutal.

 

I've sent my CC to Ishtar and she got back to me already.

 

An idea popped into my head last night. If you are reading in this thread then you probably want feedback for your story but one of the big obstacles is that not so many people are willing to give feedback. Maybe it is because they do not feel like they know how to do it. So, I thought it would be good to put together a "Feedback Handbook" to help everyone be better informed about how to give the most helpful feedback.

I like this idea but really want to get others to help me and figured ya'll would be the best people to ask.

So, here is a very rough start of stuff that popped into my head. Please give me new additions, suggestions for improvement, etc...

Thanks, and be sure to check out the *featured story*. It only needs one more feedback before we get another story featured.


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Guidebook for Good Feedback and Constructive Criticism (CC)


Purpose

The purpose of feedback is to improve a writer's skills. If you are a writer, then giving feedback is also a good way to improve your own skills. If you are not a writer, by giving good feedback you may improve the work of the writer whose work you are reading, thus making your reading more pleasurable.

The Way to Give Criticism

Constructive Criticism should not be posted on a story's thread unless an author has specifically given you permission to do so. All CC should be sent via PM between you and the author.

Some authors do not want to receive suggestions for improvement so it is not a good idea to give CC to every author on the boards. There is a list [link to CC Thread Here] here [endlink] of authors willing to recieve your suggestions for improvement. If an author is not on this list you should PM him/her asking if he/she would like some suggestions for improvement. If the author replies that he/she is willing you should begin with a few suggestions for improvement and then if that is received well, increase your CC. Because an author is willing to receive your CC does not give you a license to pick apart every aspect of a writer's story.

Generic Guidelines

Constructive Criticism should not contain only suggestions for improvement. When writing CC you should point out an author's strengths as well as weeknesses. A good guideline to follow is that your PM should begin with mentioning an author's strength, then give a few suggestions for improvement and then end the PM with another positive aspect of the writer's work. If you have a large number of suggestions then it is also beneficial to intersperce the CC with good points in the story.

Be Specific. To say "Your paragraphs don't read well" might not help an author. Being more specific by saying "Consider your first paragraph: all five sentences in it are pretty much the same length which produces a choppiness when reading" would be much more helpful.

Items to Look For

Grammar/Spelling
When mentioning Grammar and/or Spelling you do not have to point out every error (if there are many).

Spacing/Format

Sentence Beginnings
Do many of the sentences in the same paragraph begin with a specific word? This is a tendency found especially with the words "he," "she," or "they".

Coherence
Do consecutive sentences contain the same amount of words? Are there too many short sentences?

**************************

Like I said, this is a very rough, spur-of-the-moment, off-the-top-of-the-head start. Please give me your input.

 

Looks really good, Kettch. I like the idea of a guide to feedback, as a whole, covering not just con crit but regular feedback as well. I could really use something like this in the FanFiction for New Comers thread over on the WNU...


*Derisa*

 

Another thing to keep in mind and judge a story by, characterization and story pacing..

Excellent idea Kettch! I'm glad you thought of it!

 

Its a good idea.

Re: Just a quick note, regarding characterization when I look at the characterization and what is realistic etc, I don't look at realistic that is only for one type of characterization.

If the author is characterizing a character as canon then depending on the the story plot etc what might be realistic or unrealistic for that characterization of that character in one story might be different for the same character in another story in which the author is not sticking to true hard core canon.


Just one of my ways of looking at characterization, not that its the only way or anything, just an idea that might help.

 

I think the featured story idea is a great one. I will be sure to try to review the next one as soon as it's posted. Missed this last one because my dad had surgery and I was gone for a while.

-sj loves kevin spacey

 

The concret examples are a great help. I find that I understand what is needed when I have good, clear examples.

Also, I was quite relieved when Kettch said that I only had to read one post when I PMed people with suggestions. I'm more likely to give criticism that way. Trying to read the whole fic is just too hard (and time-consuming).

Edit: Okay, just PMed spiritgirl. I'll try to get to one story a day. I think that will make it less overwhelming.

 

That looks most excellent, Kettch. I'd submit it to the mods and see if it could be put into the FAQ.

 

Great ideas. For anyone who's still willing, Kettch asked me to send her the names of the first three who responded and i think i've only got two, so come out come out wherever you are and take your free chance to chew out ishtar...

 

I printed out DI's story for me to look at over the weekend, however it was an extremly busy weekend. Turned out I had to go with my mother to help her shop for a car (very time consuming as you well know), help my uncle and aunt get my grandparents settle in their home. Had to move them from south fl up to where we live, mow 5 acres of grass, you would think with my brother and his family living with us, he could do that for me and give me and my allegies a break , finish some school shopping for my neice who starts in a week, (long story as to why I'm doing the shopping) help her with learning her ABC's and writing them before school starts, they have to know how to do that now before they get into kindergarten now it seems according to a list of things we were given,etc. But I started it last night and hope to finish some notes and send them to DI tommorrow sometime. Also this week my boss who doesn't mind us using the internet once in a while during breaks, lunch etc is on vacation, and the other boss frowns on it. And he is in one of his foul moods this week for some reason, so I am only logging in to pick up updates to read and will post when he is not in the office. Sorry to rant, but I didn't want you all to think that I skipped town so to speak.

 

Okay, just PMed Lt. Jaina Solo. I'm working my way down the list....slowly.

 

I just pmed DI regarding her story.

***goes to list to see who is next***

 

Well, diane will be happy to know that by sending me a critique, she got me off my lazy tush and I'm going to do what I promised to do in the beginning (write a critique- if possible- of some people's stories). And I'm looking forward to it

Anyways, just wanted to let you know that I haven't completely disappeared from the face of the Earth.

Oh, and I really like the idea of the Feedback Handbook (that's another thing that got me off my tush ).

~LtJS

 

1) The index has been updated

2) Thanks to

Layren, Dianethx, and Knight_dilletante

for CCing the first featured story.

3) The second featured story is below.

4) Thanks to those who gave input for the handbook; it sill needs lots more, though. Please check it out down below.

5) I am glad a good number of you like the handbook idea. Once it is done we will see what to do with it.

 

**************************************

The Second *Featured Story* is A New Hope by Merlin_the_Wise, a.k.a. dianethx.

As the story was in the middle of a challenge thread and each person's settings will affect the placing of the link, the story has been placed here for your convenience.

**************************************


A New Hope

"Haunted eyes." Her awed murmur was lost, adrift in the heated afternoon air of Tatooine's desert wastes. "He has haunted eyes. I didn't think..."

Beru Lars did not complete that sentence. The desolate, grey-green windows of a battered soul stared back at her, their very depths swimming in pain and bottomless despair. Holding her gaze, mesmerizing - they were all she could see. Not the compact body of a warrior standing there so superb and still, not the greying hair intermingled with copper wire of youth, not the unhappy mouth even now giving way to age and ruination and death. She saw only his haunted eyes and the remorse that clung to every movement.

She watched him turn away then, his head bowed in shame and grief. General Obi-Wan Kenobi, hero of the battle of Tanub, bringer of the Peace of Sullust and the last of the Jedi Knights, was defeated. And it appeared to be eating him alive.

Wanting to give him support and some comfort in this hour of sorrow, she stepped forward. She knew that he had nothing left - no friends, no home; there was nothing but a single small hope, even now sleeping quietly in his arms. But the durasteel hand of her stubborn husband held her tight.

"No, Beru," Owen Lars said with cold disdain. "Don't. He does not deserve our help. He brought this all on himself, him and his damned Order."

"Owen..." Horrified, her voice sharpened with reproach. She had no idea that her gentle husband could be so cruel. For a brief moment, her eyes flashed again toward the quiet Jedi. It was clear that he had heard Owen's rebuke and accepted it as truth; the devastating guilt seemed to sink into his skin like a shroud.

Ignoring her, Lars growled back. "No, let him come to us. We are the ones that will pay the price for his self-righteous delusions."

Frowning at the hostility so clear in his voice and unhappy that he was the one to cause such pain in another, Beru shook her head, "Owen, shame on you. Master Kenobi..."

He cut her off. His razored fury only seemed to swell as she tried to defend the Jedi. He spat out, "Master, Master of what I'd like to know. Shmi worshiped her little boy and look what he became when he went to the Jedi. That damned Temple turned that nice kid into a demon and..."

Abruptly, Owen turned away. She tried to reach for him but he pushed her aside. One hand raised and swiftly lowered in the baking air as though trying to bat away the memories of death and old loss, he walked a few steps and stopped. Looking towards the gravestones in the harsh desert sands with their sad shadows lengthening toward him in the coming sunset, he stood there and remembered the unhappy past. Folding his arms about him as if to ward off some chill, he seemed immovable.

Finally, twisting around, his narrowed eyes glaring at Kenobi, he said, "And he's to blame."
Raising his voice, he called out, "Is that what you are, Jedi? A Master? A sorcerer capable of turning a child into a monster?"

Even as Obi-Wan bowed his head, the caustic denunciation still echoing in the air, Beru refused to back down. "Stop this, Owen. He is our guest. And he's brought us a precious gift."

It was apparent that Owen thought his wife had gone mad. "Gift! No, not a gift. He's here to drop his problem into our lap. Nothing more and nothing less. If it wasn't for the fact that he has my stepmother's grandchild in his clutches, he'd never be allowed near either one of us. Death seems to follow him wherever he goes. Can't you see that?" With a quick shake of her head, he muttered, "Well, I won't have it."

She was determined to break through his fury and fear. She could be just as stubborn as he when s

 

Still need much more input. Just think, this is your chance to possibly improve readers' awareness (not to mention our own) of what you want critiqued in your story. What do you look for when giving CC? What do you want others to CC in your fics?

A/N: I know, I haven't spell-checked this yet. Sorry.

***********************************

Guidebook for Good Feedback and Constructive Criticism (CC), Version II


Purpose

The purpose of feedback is to improve a writer's skills. If you are a writer, then giving feedback is also a good way to improve your own skills. If you are not a writer, by giving good feedback you may improve the work of the writer whose work you are reading, thus making your reading more pleasurable.


The Difference Between Response Posts and Constructive Criticism

For our purposes we will call responses in a story thread ?response posts? while responses that are more in depth and sent via private message ?constructive criticism?.

Response Posts

As most authors truly appreciate feedback to their stories, responding to a story you enjoy is a good way to encourage a writer. Responses do not have to be a certain length, nor do they have to follow any specific rules. It is good courtesy to not say anything extremely negative about the story in a response post unless the author has explicitly stated that they want all comments posted in the thread, both good and bad.

Suggestions for What to Include in Response Posts

Many authors like to know any lines or parts of a story that you really enjoyed, so one good suggestion is to quote your favorite parts of the story and why you liked them. Positive encouragement such as ?Great Job? are appreciated but stating what exactly you liked about a story can give an author a better idea of what story portions are best received. Many authors also enjoy interactive posts where you state what you think will occur in the story.

It is considered acceptable to point out a spelling error or two, however stating ?your spelling is horrible? is bad edicate. Likewise with grammar and formatting.

Characterization should not be argued about in a thread?once again, if an author specifically allows it then it is acceptable.


The Way to Give Criticism

Constructive Criticism should not be posted on a story's thread unless an author has specifically given you permission to do so. All CC should be sent via PM between you and the author.

Some authors do not want to receive suggestions for improvement so it is not a good idea to give CC to every author on the boards. There is a list [link to CC Thread Here] here [endlink] of authors willing to recieve your suggestions for improvement. If an author is not on this list you should PM him/her asking if he/she would like some suggestions for improvement. If the author replies that he/she is willing you should begin with a few suggestions for improvement and then if that is received well, increase your CC. Because an author is willing to receive your CC does not give you a license to pick apart every aspect of a writer's story.


Generic Guidelines for CC

Constructive Criticism should not contain only suggestions for improvement. When writing CC you should point out an author's strengths as well as weeknesses. A good guideline to follow is that your PM should begin with mentioning an author's strength, then give a few suggestions for improvement and then end the PM with another positive aspect of the writer's work. If you have a large number of suggestions then it is also beneficial to intersperce the CC with good points in the story.

Be Specific. To say "Your paragraphs don't read well" might not help an author. Being more specific by saying "Consider your first paragraph: all five sentences in it are pretty much the same length which produces a choppiness when reading" would be much more helpful.


Items to Look For

Grammar/Spelling
When mentioning Grammar and/or Spelling y

 

Oh, and a belated thanks to CrystalKenobi for CCing!