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JCC How do you deal with friend/family relationships across political divides? [Poll & Discussion]

Discussion in 'Community' started by Pensivia, Oct 24, 2020.

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When it comes to friends/family who have political/social views I find deeply offensive...

  1. I strictly avoid ANY discussion of politics with them because it would damage my relationships.

    16 vote(s)
    32.7%
  2. I discuss politics with them, but I focus mainly on trying to understand where they are coming from.

    15 vote(s)
    30.6%
  3. I discuss/debate/argue with them in an effort to get them to change their views.

    8 vote(s)
    16.3%
  4. I know neither of us will change our views, but I get into heated debates/arguments with them anyway

    11 vote(s)
    22.4%
  5. My awareness of their views (even if not discussed) has negatively affected my relationships.

    11 vote(s)
    22.4%
  6. I have relationships that have been seriously damaged or destroyed due to such issues.

    9 vote(s)
    18.4%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. solojones

    solojones Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Sep 27, 2000
    Luckily my childhood best friend, who was homeschooled by a conservative mom, became a lot more liberal when she married a former pot dealer :cool:
     
  2. B3

    B3 Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Jan 21, 2014
    Pretty much all of my extended family is pro-trump, and I simply don't get into these sorts of discussions with them. Not out of fear of damaging relationships, but just because I see no need to wade through their bull****. I have one cousin who got deep into Alex Jones in the GWB years and never looked back. I've avoided any substantial conversation with him for years.

    I also lost a good friend to Alex Jones, Bohemian Grove, chemtrail horse**** over a decade ago. That was rough, and dragged on way too long, and left me with an inability to find any humor in Qanon or any associated garbage. It just makes me very, very angry.

    Apart from that, though, all my longtime friends are politically and socially compatible. I don't know what I'd do if it were otherwise.
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2020
    solojones, Rew, CairnsTony and 5 others like this.
  3. anakinfansince1983

    anakinfansince1983 Skywalker Saga/LFL/YJCC Manager star 10 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Mar 4, 2011
    My parents always talked politics. My Dad was a journalist, it kind of came with the territory.

    And my kids came with me to campaign for Obama when they were 3 and 1.
     
    Runjedirun and Princess_Tina like this.
  4. Thena

    Thena Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    May 10, 2001
    Print or broadcast? I've done a bit of both
     
    Emperor Ferus likes this.
  5. anakinfansince1983

    anakinfansince1983 Skywalker Saga/LFL/YJCC Manager star 10 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Mar 4, 2011
    Print. Three different newspapers.
     
  6. Jedi Knight Fett

    Jedi Knight Fett Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Feb 18, 2014
    Just avoid! Avoid! Avoid. There are people I love that I know have supported republicans in the past. I don’t ask what they think of trump they don’t ask what I think of Biden.
     
  7. Lowbacca_1977

    Lowbacca_1977 Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    Jun 28, 2006
    I don't quite feel like any options cover it... I think it's much closer to that I've learned that my views are not in sync with so many people that it's not worth bringing up, to some extent, because other people end up finding my views offensive. Two offhand examples: the first would be my first political defriending, when i'd responded to a comment about thanking God for the USA on the 4th of July with that I'd think those that founded the country deserve the thanks. The second was when I was asked to 'stop joking' about marriage because I'd been saying that true marriage equality would be when any consenting adult could marry any other consenting adult, removing restrictions on things like polygamy. Which I do still stand by as a sincere view, but to enough people I knew, it was considered offensive to talk about removing all marriage restrictions, I guess because they felt it undermined same-sex marriage or something.

    So I'm fairly used to my views being too radical, and with that, it's hard to say how much I find views 'deeply offensive', even if I think very low of those views, because enough of my views are different enough that I just accept a fairly high level of bigotry and the like from people (example being that I think of supporting royalty as tantamount to racism, but that's common enough that I accept a lot of people hold those views. So I still think it's that, but I wouldn't say I'm 'deeply offended' by it, I just avoid dwelling on it and deal with people on the terms I can)
     
  8. Ramza

    Ramza Administrator Emeritus star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 13, 2008
    I just bite the head off a bat and then yell something about die Wertform while spewing blood everywhere.
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2020
  9. Pensivia

    Pensivia Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 24, 2013
    yes, I think you're right that probably strict avoidance is the best policy in most cases. The thing is, for me, the Trump issue is kind of in its own category. In the case of my old friend, I knew (or assumed) that she supported Republicans generally, but to me, Trump is just such an extreme example of so many distinct types of horrible things that it becomes more difficult to compartmentalize.
     
    Runjedirun and Rew like this.
  10. 3sm1r

    3sm1r Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Dec 27, 2017
    Is this radical? I've been thinking this for years but now that I think about it I have never brought it to a conversation.
     
  11. Lowbacca_1977

    Lowbacca_1977 Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    Jun 28, 2006
    It's probably less-so now, but this was a discussion I was having in 2008, where in California it seemed quite popular to say "how can you not allow same-sex marriage? It's not like it'll allow these other disgusting things between consenting adults". Apparently according to gallup, the moral acceptance of polygamy is well up over the last 12 years, but in 2008, my saying that statement about what true marriage equality would be was something that people presumed couldn't be a serious view. And again, that was in California where I'd expect people to be more open minded in this regard, possibly.
     
    3sm1r likes this.
  12. JediYvette

    JediYvette Pacific RSA emeritus star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jan 18, 2001
    I moved to the other side of the planet and am selective about who are my friends on facebook**. [face_party]


    **and hide those family members you need to. It will help your mental health.
     
  13. Rylo Ken

    Rylo Ken Force Ghost star 7

    Registered:
    Dec 19, 2015
    My wife posted a "We voted for Biden!" photo of the two of us on FB, and sure enough, one of my Alabama cousins commented a somewhat more polite version of "I'm glad you're not doing that in our state."
     
    Bacon164, Pensivia and heels1785 like this.
  14. Dark Ferus

    Dark Ferus Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Jul 29, 2016
    Personally dilemma- I posted on my Instagram story over the exact picture I had used as an avatar yesterday a message saying that one side sort of tries to help the people and the other never does and that any Trump supporter on my Instagram can debate me.

    There's a guy I made friends with at a school sports camp in high school. Been in touch with him off and on since then. He's always been good to me, patient with my "Ferus content" and other quirks. I was pretty much an outcast on the team then, and this guy from another school helped me out and has made me feel better.

    He messaged me saying he was voting Trump but wouldn't debate because he liked me. being the sucker I am, I deleted my story post out of guilt. I have since reposted the Taylor picture with another message on my story, and hid it from this guy.

    I am debating whether to block/unfollow him. I did this to another Trump supporter on my Gram who I never really knew as well as a middle school classmate on Facebook. He's been nothing but friendly but I hate what he voted for.
     
    Pensivia likes this.
  15. appleseed

    appleseed Chosen One star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 5, 2002
    I've cut several people out of my life because of Trump. Obviously I can't do that at work.
     
  16. Jedi Merkurian

    Jedi Merkurian Future Films Rumor Naysayer star 7 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    May 25, 2000
    My mother in law has forbidden my father in law from discussing politics at family gatherings.
     
  17. Charmbracelet

    Charmbracelet Jedi Padawan star 1

    Registered:
    Oct 24, 2020
    I don't know what party my friends are registered as but they've made their distaste for Trump abundantly clear, so I'm sure they aren't voting for him. I would generally describe them as left in that they are pro-LGBT (I don't have any straight friends, so there's that), pro-choice, free college, universal healthcare, etc. etc. I do think they judge me for not voting for Trump or Biden (I voted for La Riva), but they're also aware that Democrat and Republican lawmakers could give a crap about them either. In the end, they are voting for the lesser of two evils, a game which I refuse to play anymore.

    As far as my parents are concerned, my mother is a registered Independent. She finds the idea of a Black Republican to be hilarious (yes, she is Black) and, while not ideologically opposed to the Democrats, is also not a big fan of them either--- I believe she votes Democrat mostly anyway, as she made no bones about telling me I wasted my vote.

    My father is a bit all over the map. He holds left views and right views and the conversations with him are always interesting. I feel like he plays devil's advocate on a lot of things to see where my headspace is at, and 99% of the time, I am usually ready to go to bat and debate/argue with him. We both keep the tone light for the most part, but there have been moments where I have gotten irritated, especially over the summer when he was giving his thoughts on Black Lives Matter (he's White) & how he feels that a different name would be less divisive and less exclusionary for well-meaning allies. I basically told him that anyone who is holding back on being apart of a movement, which is asking for others to recognize the humanity of Black people, because of its name can go straight to the bottom of h-e double hockey stick. He's said some other slick, anti-Black stuff in these past couple of months, which I always check him on, but soon he's just going to be told off and then blocked.
     
    CT-867-5309 and Pensivia like this.
  18. SuperWatto

    SuperWatto Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    Sep 19, 2000
    My mother is an Anglophile, she loves everything British. She can't stand the US, she thinks everything American is pompous. She's 78. Has walls full of books by English authors, no Americans.

    But I gave her a really good history book by an American author. It had a lot of English history, but also American history. It showed that both countries had good and bad politicians. By drawing her in with something she liked, the bar was lowered to read up on what she didn't like.

    Then early this week, she asked me "So how about America?". She was genuinely curious. Trump had been a forbidden topic at her house. But it seemed like now, for the first time, she saw that the US is not just people like Trump.

    So I told her basically what I learn here. And about the friends I make here. That Americans are just people, like any other people. Good and bad. And she finally got it.

    But here's the thing. I told her that the US is not just Trump voters, because only half the people voted last time, and less than half of those voted for Trump. The same 25% votes for populists as in other countries. And that convinced her. But I wonder what she thinks if she sees the turnout this year.
     
  19. Darth Guy

    Darth Guy Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Aug 16, 2002
    What history author did you have her read? Howard Zinn? :p
     
    Pensivia likes this.
  20. SuperWatto

    SuperWatto Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    Sep 19, 2000
    Barbara Tuchman - The Proud Tower.
    I think she liked Tom Reed.
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2020
  21. Darth_Foo

    Darth_Foo Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 24, 2003
    Big family of Democrats with only a few Republicans (one brother and my dad among them). With my brother we do our best to not bring it up. He once unfriended me on FB back in '12 because i shared a rude meme about Libertarians and the Tea Party but we made up. My dad though is Republican because he's a born again Christian so def do my best to avoid the topic but not always possible.
     
    Pensivia likes this.
  22. christophero30

    christophero30 Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    May 18, 2017
    My dad is a Trump supporter but we don't really talk about it. He doesn't get worked up about it though.
     
  23. Pensivia

    Pensivia Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 24, 2013
    Now that the election is over (well at least according to those who are in touch with reality!), I'm wondering how folks are doing with these family/friend divides now? Are things better/easier or worse?

    In my case, I haven't exchanged any messages with my friend since before the election. I have lurked her Facebook page, though...lots of posts about "voting irregularities" and other expected topics (horribly sourced as usual), so no surprise there, I guess. I am planning on messaging her to wish her a happy Thanksgiving next week, though.
     
  24. Runjedirun

    Runjedirun Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Sep 3, 2012
    It feels just as divided here. Recently I realized my husbands family is all Republican except for him, he's usually an independent voter, but voted Biden and blue down the ballot this year. My family is also a lot of Republicans especially on mom's side, but somehow I ended up a "crazy liberal". Election day was very weird because there it was the best news in 4 years and I had no family to text and celebrate with. Just my friends and I don't really have a lot of close friends. I celebrated with my hubby and kids too, but it seemed really odd not to text my mom or sister and say "Woo Hoo!" I don't think either my mom or my sister support Trump, but they are close to people who do and it's just weird.
     
  25. 3sm1r

    3sm1r Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Dec 27, 2017
    @Pensivia
    You might want to set a Breitbart threshold. If she starts posting their articles, it's time for an intervention.