SWC How Star Wars Could've Ended in 1 minute

TLJ plays out the same way except Rey and Yoda couldn't convince Luke to confront Kylo, and the First Order kills everyone on Crait. Rey is killed by Snoke, Finn and Rose are either killed or executed by Phasma, that way Luke didn't distract Kylo while Rey allows the rebels/resistance to escape the caverns.

 

PHASMA: "FN-2187. So good to have you back."
*Phasma immediately raises her blaster and shoots Finn right between the eyes.*
TROOPER: "You know, Hux is gonna be ticked."
*Phasma shoots the Trooper.*
PHASMA: "Anyone else have any objections? Good, I'm gonna go watch Cake Boss."
*She does*

 

Obi-Wan's hut on Tatooine.
"My mentor taught me everything about the Force. Even the nature of the high ground."
Artoo plays recording of the Mustafar battle.

Luke ignites his father's lightsaber.
"You killed my father."

"I know what's been troubling you. Listen to me. Don't continue to be a pawn of your aunt and uncle! Ever since I've known you, you have been seeking a life of great significance, far more than any moisture farmer."

Luke waves the lightsaber.

Obi-Wan: "Are you going to kill me?"
"I would certainly like to."

"I know you would. I can feel your anger. It clouds your judgment, makes you weaker."


"I'm going to turn you over to the Empire."

 

Chewie aims his bowcaster at Kylo’s head.

 

from the Rise of Skywalker trailer

Spoiler

*Kylo and Rey have their climatic fight for the fate of the galaxy*

REY: "Wait! Kylo!" *turns off lightsaber* "Your cape isn't reflecting in the water pool behind you! You're not real! This is that same Force Projection stunt Luke pulled!"
KYLO: "Curses! Foiled again! Anything Skywalker can do I can do-gak!" *Dies*
REY: "Well, that was easy!"
*Directed by JJ Abrams*

 

Spoiler

Since his cape doesn't cast a reflection it may be a vampire.

 

Tatooine Gets Blown Up with Kenobi and Luke

 

"Jam their comlink, center switch"
Leia pushes button.
"No, that's turbo boost"
Leia crashes into a tree at 200mph.

 

Darth Vader chokes the imperial officer, and then says “ You have failed me for the last time “

The end

 

Owen Lars Kills Ben Kenobi using a gaderffi stick. Everyone drinks blue milk and celebrates. They don't need to go through with the whole deal of Luke leaving Tatooine. Luke becomes an adult and gets his own moisture farm.

 

"It's against my program to impersonate a deity"

The ewoks eat the rebels.

 

Palpatine forgets to clean his office after a late night Sith party and Yoda walks by in the morning.

 

Palpatine becomes a Jedi. Anakin becomes a Jedi but is never seduced by the dark side. A different SW saga is born.

 

Mace Windu kills Emperor Palpatine using the force in the Emperor's office. Palpatine becomes a burnt out husk. Then Mace Windu shouts, "Enjoy the ride."

 

Dooku: Anakin, before you kill me, I want to tell you something.
Anakin: What is it?
Dooku: Palpatine is Darth Sidious.

 

Windu: He's... too... dangerous... to.... be left... alive... aaaaah....
[Voices from Jedi Past]: Mace... Mace... Mace.. Rise, Mace... There are three corpses with functional lightsabers in the other room. Grab one, you idiot.

 

Always two there are no more no less. The rule of two lightsabers

 

Palpatine throws Kylo hard enough to kill him.

 

"What's your name?"
"FN2187"
"Wait.. what?"
"It's the only name they ever gave me"
"Well I aint calling you it. FN huh? FNigel. FNigel Bruce Willoughby Bertrand St Germaine. I'm gonna call you FNigel Bruce Willoughby Bertrand..."

The TIE is hit and blows up.

THE END

 

An overly buff actor plays Luke instead of Mark Hamill. The actor looks like Terminator Arnold in buffness and has an Austrian accent. All lines read by the new buff dude are read with total seriousness, no whiney teenager griping allowed. ANH becomes a macho display of buffness, physicality, and warrior moves.

The Imperials are portrayed as slow, easy targets for the new He Man Luke with his veiny, bulging biceps. Biggs is also overly buff and survives the Battle of Yavin. Our overly buff heroes return to Tatooine after defeating the Empire in one fell swoop.

There are also other overly buff and veiny Tatooine heroes in the celebration we have never seen before. After the celebration, our overly buff group of heroes go out and dust off some womp rats in beggars canyon. Some are so buff they barely fit into their vehicles.

 

Shmi: Mom, Dad, I'm pregnant.
Dad: What the hell? No daughter of mine is having a child out of wedlock.
Mom: Shmi, tomorrow, you and I are heading to the clinic to take care of this little problem.
Shmi: OK, Mom.

 

BEN: You must learn the ways of the force if you are to come with me to Alderaan
LUKE: I must learn the ways of the force if I am to come with you to Alderaan
BEN: Oh @#$%

THE END

 

Plapy: I am the Senate.
Mace: Oh. Hello The Senate, I will leave now.