1. Don't wash your hands (Matthew 15)

 

Do bartending as a miracle

 

Talk in a gravelly monotone, always wear sunglasses and a heavy trenchcoat

 

John Conner???

 

Have your life story told as a bizarre proto-Rashomon setup by four guys you don't know and at least two of whom are plagiarizing somebody named Q.

 

There is so much potential for discussion here

 

Talk to this guy.

 

How to be Jesus Christ? How to be John Cassavetes? How to be John Cena? John Carpenter?

 

start learning woodwork.

 

Jim Caviezel

 

Why would anybody want to be Jeremy Corbin?

 

Changing your name is a good start. I’d recommend something timeless like “Jabithia Cradlesnatcher” or “Jazzhands Crumudgenson.”

If that’s already your name, congratulations, you’re ahead of the curve.

 

You have a great at-bat against Mitch Williams...



.

 

You have a silly walk.

 

Condemn the hoarding of wealth and be ignored by most of your followers.

 

Love the poor and those in prison, regardless of what mistakes they've made.

That's for Johnny. I'm sure Jesus would like it too.

 

Enter a den full of hypocrites and give them an Eastwood-style dressing down.

 

I’ve been told it helps to carry off a little darkness on your back, till things are brighter, to be the man in black.

 

Post either sarcastic condescending one liners or marxist wall of texts.

 

Have a massive budget Disney movie made about you, have it be a box office disappointment

 

I have to say I'm disappointed nobody has created "How to be Jay Z - the Thread" yet.