Beyond - Legends I Never Will See Her No More (Ben Skywalker, OC) Part 2 up March 14

Title: I Never Will See Her No More
Author: Briannakin
Timeframe: ~86 ABY
Characters: Lukia Skywalker (OC), Ben Skywalker
Categorization: Legends

Notes: This fic deals with my OC Lukia Skywalker as seen in Journal of the Forgotten Child and No Words. Though reading either fic isn’t needed. All you need to know is Lukia was Ben’s youngest child, she was born to him after he temporarily fell to the dark side and had ‘relations’ with a Nightsister, and she was the last apprentice of Luke Skywalker. The final entry of the diary reveals that she never married and devoted her life to the Jedi Order.

I love the traditional Irish song I Will Never Marry and was instantly inspired to write this fic when I saw it was part of the Celtic Song Challenge (even though I didn’t get it as part of the roulette). I was inspired by Heather Dale’s lyrics “And she’s gone where I never will see her no more / So I never will marry, I’ll be no man’s wife” (which implies - to me at least - that the maiden’s lost lover is female, though other versions make it clear that the lover is a he). The character Emrys, mentioned in the diary, was originally male, but that was written back in 2014 before the SSR ban was lifted and the diary was written with no thought to any sort of sexual orientation/romance for Lukia. But the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea of Lukia as bisexual. One of these days I will write my Lukia origin story, and I think it will include such topics.




Ben watched as Lukia sat with her feet in the water. They were on the shores of the Pendrillain sea on the planet of Iega. The waters were said to have healing properties, but Ben knew not even time, nor magical waters, nor the Force could heal the loss of the heart. The wind picked up, blowing through Lukia’s long, unmanageable red hair. The cerulean waves swayed in a violent, yet lulling motion as if to consume the fair-skin maiden sitting on the smooth black sand. Lukia made no effort to move as her dark green robes were drenched. Instead she let out a pitiful cry of longing.

At 30 years old, she had lost the love of her life.

Ben closed his eyes at the memory. He had been here once, at her exact age. After he had lost his wife, the mother of his three sons. It had driven him to the dark side. He had made a deal with a nightsister: an offspring for her and lessons in necromancy for himself. Of course, Lukia had been the outcome and Ben never regretted having her.

But she had been cursed to lose so much in her life. It was the Skywalker curse. To love so fiercely, yet to have it all ripped away.

It had happened a week ago, when he first saw the emptiness in her eyes. The same emptiness Ben had seen in his father’s eyes when they had lost Ben’s mom. Luke had never been the same without Mara, Ben had never been the same without Sunari, and Lukia would never be the same without Emrys.

Though Luke, and he himself, had spent several happy years married to their wives and had children to remember them by. Lukia and Emrys had been planning their wedding, selecting wedding dresses and worrying about guest lists when explosions had rocked Coruscant. Emrys had been one of the first on the scene, trying to rescue as many from a damaged building. Lukia had arrived on the scene to begin medical triage to see Emrys run into the building… then to watch in horror as the building fell. Emrys, instead of using the Force to protect herself, had shoved a group of children outside.

Ben had seen the building fall on the holonet on his way to the scene. He had felt Emrys die painful minutes afterwards. He had arrived to see Lukia continuing to work, screaming orders and healing the worst of the survivors. Her eyes had been hollow.

Ben returned to the moment at hand: Lukia melting into the sea. He finally approached her. “Lu?” he asked. “I’m here, you know.”

“I will never marry,” she said simply. She was playing with the sivonite engagement band on her finger. Ben had seen his father do the same action many times after Mara died.

Ben nodded as he sat beside her. He understood. Yeah, many would have said that she was still young and still had plenty of time for new love. They had said the same about him and Ben had dated after the wounds left by Sunari’s death had scarred over, and of course there had been Lukia’s mother, but all his other relationships had never felt the same.

“You hear me now, dad. I will be no man’s wife. I loved her. And only her.”

“I know,” he said, brushing hair out of her face. There was no anger in her voice, no darkness, only sorrow. Lukia had adored Emrys.

“I will remain single. I will follow the ways of the old order, as Masters Cilghal and Tekli did. If I am to replace Master Tekli as Master Healer, I must devote myself to the Jedi, unlike any other Skywalker has done before.”

“If that is your path, I will do nothing but support you, like aways,” he said, pressing a kiss to her freckled forehead. “Just don’t become cold. Emrys would never have wanted that.”

“I know,” she said, her voice cracking. “But I just want her here. I want to see her again. I need to apologize for not saving her.” Her voice was now coming in sobs as she wept. “I could have saved her. I could have been with her.”

“You know that isn’t true and you know she didn’t want you abandoning others to try to be with her at the end. You did what she did. You both were Jedi. And I’m sorry that has led you to such pain.”

“No,” she said, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. “You are right. We were both Jedi. Which is why I must devote myself to the cause she died for: to helping people,” she said, as if justifying her own decision to herself. “Because I loved her.”

“And she loved you.”

Lukia looked up at the setting white sun. The sky was turning dark. “I think I’m going to sit out here for a bit longer. Why don’t you head back to the cabin?”

Ben understood the hint. “Alright. Should I make dinner for us?”

“Maybe just leave mine in the cooler?”

“Of course.” He kissed the top of her head before getting up and walking away.

* * *

Lukia stared up at the three blue moons in the dark green sky. Her robes were now encrusted with salt from the sea. The tide had receded. She was dry, but cold.

The dead were not speaking tonight. Lukia knew she would never see Emrys again. Emrys had been a Jedi, but not as strong in the Force. Lukia had hoped someone would appear to take Emrys a message, but perhaps her father was right. Emrys knew. The dead did not need messengers and the living gave Lukia the comfort she needed.

“I’m sorry, my love.” Lukia said out loud. Tears crusted her face like the sea had done to her robes. “If I could join you, I would. I would plunge myself into the waters let the shells be my deathbed. But I can’t. I have much to do. I have a promise to keep and a destiny a great man once said I had. I must live, even if it means a cruel future without you. So we must wait.”

She took off the engagement band and held it into her hand. The promise of marriage had been broken. “If I can’t belong to you, my love, I will belong to no one.” She placed the ring in her pocket and got up.

She walked along the path feeling so alone. And the maiden remained alone. Her promises kept to the galaxy - to protect it - and to her love - to be with her again.

 

A very sad remembrance by Lukia of Emrys and her wanting to be with him in the afterlife, but still realizing that she has to live alone until her time to join him.

 

Yay, more LGBTQ fics.

And yay for parallelism in dark, doomed romances. And getting the atmosphere right. The red hair is appropriate for Lukia, and the body of water and the obvious nod to Mara.

The last section is beautiful.

 

So sad... but so dignified too. I love seeing Lukia again, but what a tragic tale. Emrys must have been an amazing, thoughtful, generous woman. She gave her life to save others. Of course, Lukia would have done the same thing- but that's why they loved each other so much.

The idea of there not being enough healing waters to soothe the pain of the heart is elegant and lovely. This has, oddly, a Little Mermaid feel to it - not the animated version but Hans Christian Andersen's original one, where the mermaid is left brokenhearted in the end.

For the record, this story is an example of the best way to write a same-sex relationship story. You understand that it's there, but it isn't the focus of the story. The focus is Lukia and Emrys's relationship as individuals and not as an SSR. The SSR is background; secondary to the tragedy of the loss. Gracefully and elegantly done!

 

Since I need to (finally) revive the LGBTQ Characters Thread, I'll borrow this bit for inspiration, for the first discussion topic, if you're okay with it.

 

As others have said before, this is a beautiful (and dare I say it--poetic) story of loss.

Lukia has suffered a tragic loss--and as she is still in the immediate raw aftermath, it's painful for her just to live through each moment. Even her father, who is no stranger to loss and pain, can only do so much for her. I get the impression just from this story that Lukia is the sort to love hard and true and utterly. When she says that she will never marry, and will instead take the lone path of other healers, she isn't just talking. It is true that people might feel that way right after a loss--but as time passes, and life continues on, they meet someone else, and they do love again. But it's clear from the linked story "No Words" that Lukia kept her promises until the end of her life.

And of course, she has to have that good old Skywalker hero complex. But even as Lukia wishes she could have somehow saved Emrys, she also knows the truth: Emrys was a Jedi, the same as she is, and she knew exactly what choice she was making when she saved those children rather than herself.

Also, Lukia has come to a beautiful place with her father to seek what peace, if not healing, she can find--I could picture the whole scene so well, with the "violent, yet lulling" motion of the waves. And she will--unlike the maiden in the song--go on living. She still has miles to go, and promises to keep.

Thanks for sharing this!

 

Thank you.

Oh, I just love dark, doomed relationships. I really loved going back to my "fanfic" roots with this fic.

Thank you and thanks for being a part of hosting the challenge! I really had fun with colour in this otherwise bleak fic.

I think strong love and ultimate loss (not only romantically, but also between parent/child, brothers/friends) is really a key theme of the SW saga, even going into the new movies and it is one of the things I love about the saga.

And I actually thought she was going to throw the ring into the water too! But in the end, she didn't. I guess characters have minds of their own sometimes.

Thank you. And as I said above, I really had fun with a colour pallet in such a dark fic.

And well, Emrys was a name I used for a crush for Lukia in the diary, but I just thought it worked for both genders (says the person with a very masculine name).

Thanks. I loved revisiting Lukia, but it seems as though I just can't not be horrible to the poor woman!

Also, I loved the Hans Christian Andersen's version of the Little Mermaid as a kid (I WAS A WEIRD CHILD), so thank you.

And thanks. The focus of the story was really the love and loss so the genders of the characters just didn't matter.

Not sure who you are asking (me or Diva) but I am totally on board for this discussion topic (I'll have a bit to say!).

Thank you so much for all your comments and for hosting the challenge!

I'm really glad I got Lukia's personality forward in such a short fic. And, yeah, the hero complex is there.



Also, I know I suck at replies, but I just wanted to let people know that there will be a part 2 of this!

 

You don't suck with replies and OMG YAY.

 

Notes: I swear I’m going to eventually create an origin story thread for this OC (which will probably just be a collection of vignettes), but this hit me and I just needed to get some angst out anyways because everything else I was trying to write was sucking. This really is part 2 of I Will See Her No More, so I just stuck it here. There was going to be more (like what happens to the engagement rings) but it just got to a point with such a pretty ending, so I cut it off. If I should write more, let me know.




The rain fell; creating paths that connected the water droplets on the window. It rarely rained on weather-controlled Coruscant, but occasionally the moisture regulators in the atmosphere would become overwhelmed and sectors of the planet would have a great rainstorm that would often last for days.

And of course it would rain on her wedding day.

Though she would not be getting married today. The rain was not to blame for the change of plans: the cruelty of life was at fault.

Lukia turned her face from staring up at the grey skies and caught a quick glance at the city below: cold and unfeeling. Though it was even colder here at the top. And lonely.

She unfolded her legs and cast aside the useless blanket. She got off of the window seat she had been using for a bed and scanned the living area - decorated in utilitarian grey tones. The seating area was a mess of seating charts and to-do lists, all in her lover’s neat handwriting. The kitchen still sat two breakfast plates at the bar, with two cups of cold, half drunken cups of caff, now probably stale from being two weeks old. She hadn’t used the kitchen since that morning.

Lukia was not a particularly messy person, but could not bring herself to clean them up since returning from Iega, where her father had taken her away from it all. It was there that Lukia vowed never to love another being romantically. Though she had distanced herself from loving again, life still had to go on.

On the outside at least.

Her feet padded on the carpet until she reached the ‘fresher. When she tapped on the harsh light, she was faced with a stranger in the mirror. The reflection was not one she recognized. The red hair was dull and haphazardly up in a bun. The eyes were tired and lifeless as the once fitted white tank-top hung off of her torso.

“You look like shavit,” she murmured at the person far older than her staring back at her.

She pulled off the tank-top in one swift motion and entered the sanisteam.

* * *

Lukia didn’t bother with a towel after her ‘steam. The cold against her raw body distracted her as she finally entered the bedroom.

Though it wasn’t enough.

Her breath came in heaves as she saw the unmade bed, their laundry strewn about, and finally the two white dresses hanging from hooks on the wall.

Dresses that would never be worn.

It had all felt like a dream, like a nightmare, until that moment.

Guilt, confusion, and grief flooded Lukia as her dam broke and she drown in waves of sorrow and compassion and anger and love. Bare, she collapsed to the floor. It was too much. Too much.

Just get through the day.

Emrys’ words came to Lukia. When those words had been spoken, Emrys had been referring to their wedding, which Lukia had not gotten what the pomp was about.

But now the words carried so much more meaning.

Just get through this day.

Whatever it took.

Just get through the worst day of your life.

Then run away from everything. Block everything out.

Gritting her teeth, Lukia used her arms to push herself up.

Just get through this day.

* * *

Lukia dressed in black Jedi robes, which seemed to be baggier than normal. She tied her belt around her waist tightly. Had she really lost that much weight?

She wrapped herself in a black over-robe. The fabric seemed to consume her in an oddly comforting fashion. This fabric would be the closest anything would get to her.

The door then chimed - the first unexpected sound Lukia had heard in two weeks.

The silence was broken. It was time to wake up, paint on a face, tie her hair up, and enter the world.

Lukia pushed past the mess to answer. It was her three half-brothers: Jace, Akin, and Aku.

They all were going to be her brides-men. She had picked out and made them buy bright blue obis to go with slick black robes.

But they arrive today in all black.

Jace was the one to speak. “We told Dad we’d take care of you today, but if you’d rather Dad….”

“No,” she replied quietly, not sounding like the 30-year-old she was. She wouldn’t have been able to handle the symbolism of her father walking her to the place where she should have been wed. “I’m glad you guys are here.” She embraced them, knowing while she would be single for the rest of her life, she still had support and friendship.

But still, she didn’t let them into the chaos of her inner sanctum. She grabbed her boots and closed the door behind her.

* * *

Lukia entered the grand courtyard of the Jedi Temple with her brothers at her side. She quickly glanced around. This place should have been decorated with Icamuni flowers and blue lanterns with the sun streaming in. Instead, the canopy overhead was closed.

Jedi - family and friends - were all in attendance, but wore black and faces of mourning and sympathy. She tried to avoid their glances, but her stomach turned as she saw Icamuni flowers laid atop a small vase on the dais. What had been left of Emrys’ body had been cremated without any sort of viewing. According to her father, seeing Emrys’ final state would not have helped her.

Lukia felt the smallest bit of betrayal as her father had prevented her from seeing her love one final time, but of course Ben Skywalker would have known best. His final goodbye to his wife’s body had been to her decapitated head.

Grand Master Ben Skywalker was atop the dais, watching his children enter the funeral, with great sadness. Jace put a hand on his sister’s back and helped her up onto the stage.

Lukia looked to see Kir’iat and Daylya, Emrys’ father and mother, along with Emrys’ sisters, approach her. Kir’iat, the strong togrutan male Emrys had inherited her dark red skin and white markings from, was the first to hug Lukia. Daylya, Emrys’ human mother with Emrys’ long black hair, embraced Lukia next. Daylya stroked Lukia’s hair. Their eyes seemed so hollow; their souls were somewhere quiet, unreachable. A mother and father saying goodbye to a child - on her wedding day nonetheless - was a horrifying sight to be a witness to.

“Whatever you need, Lukia, just ask us,” Daylya said.

She nodded and offered the same. They were so kind to her, even in the unimaginable pain of losing a child. They didn’t blame her for Emrys’ death. The logical part of Lukia knew she wasn’t to blame, and the logical part of Lukia now had to reign in this public sphere.

She then turned to see her father approach her. He gave her a warm hug and for a moment, her façade began to crumble. She felt so safe to be scared in his arms. She wanted to ask him so many questions, but none came to her.

“We’re going to start now, okay?” he asked.

Lukia nodded as she took her seat next to her brothers.

Her father approached the podium.

“Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter,” he began, looking over the crowd. “Though, I don’t think any words can be a comfort in this time. We must say goodbye to a young life as she rejoins the Force, but also farewell to bright futures that will never be. We, still of this crude matter, can not comprehend the reasons why - she was supposed to get married on this day, to start her future, but now we must go on without her - but I feel she is at peace, as she always was.

“I had the honour of a close relationship with Emrys Fabi Siboah. She had this way of centring even the wildest beings. To be in her presence meant that you would simply feel at ease - calm and collected. Like everything was going to be okay….”

As her father continued, Lukia felt tears roll down her cheeks.

Everything was going to be okay. But not today.

Luke’s tears fell like the rain above.

Just get through this day.

 

Your story basically breathes tragedy and beautiful words. And I need a lot of handkerchiefs here.

 

A very sad funeral that Lukia was a part of due to Emrys death and of course it would rain on the funeral day to symbolize the crying and tears of sorrow for the departed.

 

I think the story wraps up nicely the way it is, but you can always do one in the past, showing us more of this relationship. Or something that ties your old DDC to this...

This just about killed me. There are so many situations in fiction and non-fiction where the weddings become funerals and this is...striking, to say the least.

I just...lost it. I can't. Will come back later. This tears up one's heart and steps on it.

And it's BLOODY great. Kudos!