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Saga In-Dependence (December OC Challenge, OT era, one post)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Thumper09, Dec 21, 2007.

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  1. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Title: In-Dependence
    Author: Thumper09
    Timeframe: OT era, sometime between ANH and ESB
    Characters: OCs
    Summary: A military family deals with a member's secret deployment in different ways. Introspective piece.
    Notes: This is my entry for the December challenge for the [link=http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25562370/]Essential Guide to OCs[/link] thread. The challenge reads: "Hero Worship! Everyone looks up to someone, and your OC gets the chance to take a closer look at his/her hero. Does the hero measure up? Does your OC notice if s/he doesn't? Does your OC turn into a creepy stalker? Inquiring minds want to know." I admittedly ended up straying from what I believe the intent of the challenge was so I'm not certain if it's eligible, but overall it's still somewhat related.
    Disclaimer: I'm inflicting this on the world for free. No profit is being made. Alas, Star Wars ain't mine.

    Constructive criticism is most welcome.

    ----------

    "In-Dependence"


    VROOOM! WHOOSH! POW POW POW POW!

    The Lambda-class shuttle flew less than a meter above the crowd. The crowd did not react. None of them so much as blinked.

    Very close by, a Z-95 Headhunter appeared on the scene, also in flight. Its weapons sounded with a slightly higher pitch as it returned fire. POW POW POW!

    ?Ha! I hit you!?

    ?Did not!?

    ?Did too! I?ll prove it!?

    The Headhunter rammed nose-first into the Lambda shuttle. There was no explosion, only a surprised shriek of, ?Ow!? Out of control, the Lambda fell to the ground and landed centimeters away from the crowd. The crowd again did not react.

    ?Aurora! Stop it! I?m not playing Starships with you anymore!? The boy reached down, grabbed his toy Lambda shuttle and his action figures who had made up part of the ?crowd?, and then turned and walked off in a huff toward the school.

    The young girl proudly holding the winning toy Headhunter stood there for a moment in surprise, then she collected her dolls who had also been spectating and ran after the boy. ?Daeder, why not??

    ??Cause you always have to win. I never get to,? Daeder answered. ?It?s no fun with you.?

    Something about his reasoning confused Aurora. ?But I have to win! I got the Headhunter! The good guys fly the Headhunters, and the good guys always have to win.?

    ?Then let me be the Headhunter next time.?

    ?No!? Aurora held the toy starship protectively against her. ?It?s mine!?

    ?Mrs. Tillinar! Aurora?s not sharing!? Daeder ran off toward their teacher where she was supervising.

    Aurora stopped and stuck her tongue out at Daeder?s back. ?Dumb Daeder,? she muttered. She spun on her heel and went deeper into the school?s play yard. Once she had some room away from the other kids she dropped her dolls on the ground and released the Headhunter from its protective hug. Aurora held it at arm?s length and began to run with it, letting the wind made by her speed rush over its wings. In her mind?s eye she saw the Headhunter flying gracefully over the blue-tinted hills around their home, then over strange and funny-looking places she had seen on the Holonet.

    She ran in circles and straight lines until she heard Mrs. Tillinar calling her name. Aurora slowed to a stop, hardly even noticing when the sleek vehicle in her imagination reverted to a worn, scuffed-up toy. She narrowed her eyes a bit and once more defiantly clutched the Z-95 to her chest before walking toward Mrs. Tillinar. She knew Mrs. Tillinar would again try to make her give up her Headhunter and let someone else hold it and play with it.

    That wasn?t going to happen. No one else?s daddy flew a Headhunter. No one else?s daddy used a Headhunter to fight and shoot down bad guys. No one else?s daddy was a good guy.

    ***

    Calla Mackin drove her daughter home from Bluehill Base Primary School later that day. It was hard to concentrate on Aurora?s nonstop chatter while both driving the landspeeder and thinking about the brief talk she had had with Aurora?s teacher after
     
  2. Jade_Max

    Jade_Max Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 28, 2002
    Wow... that was... Heart wrenching and yet uplifting all at the same time.

    I can so see daddy's girl wanting to brag about daddy being a "good guy" and not understanding why she can't. And the husband/wife separation... it just about killed me.

    And then you go and end on an "up" note like that. A very moving piece - I think you did hold with the spirit of the challenge. Nice fic!
     
  3. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    This piece had a very real feel to it. It was very complex. I loved it.

    And after all that, despite all the problems and energy-draining issues that came with being a squadron leader on the front lines, Mackin still found the time to dedicate to his loved ones. He cared. He cared about his family, and he cared about his subordinates.

    That was the kind of officer Darin wanted to be.

    The young pilot pushed himself away from the wall and headed for the hangar. He had work to do if he ever hoped to be like that.


    Great way to end it. =D=
     
  4. Laine_Snowtrekker

    Laine_Snowtrekker Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2003
    Great one post! It was awesome, and the emotions were well-written!
     
  5. Meredith_Kenobi

    Meredith_Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    It was very interesting how each person saw such strength in someone else, and such shortcomings in themselves. And it just kept going like that. Very very nice. =D=

    It seemed so realistic too. It helps you to realize that it's not all about Luke and Han and Leia. Those nameless Rebel faces are more than just background characters. They have lives too.
     
  6. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Jade_Max: Good to see you, Jade. :) Yeah, this story seemed like too much of a downer before I added the current ending, so it's good to hear that the ending helped to lighten it. Thanks so much for the comments!

    VaderLVR: Thanks for the reply! I'm happy that you liked the ending.

    Laine_Snowtrekker: Thanks for the compliments, and I'm glad the emotions worked well. Thanks for reading!

    Meredith: Cool, I'm glad you noticed the different perceptions by the different characters. I wasn't sure if I'd mussed it up in the story. :) Thanks a bunch for reading and for the comments!

    -Thumper
     
  7. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 3, 2003
    Wow! I felt bad for taking so long to get here, but it was definitely worth the read! I really liked the way how each person thought so little of themselves, yet they still managed to be an inspiration to others, even in their weakness. This was a really fantastic story, and even though it wandered a bit away from the intent of the challenge, I'm glad you took it in this direction. Great work! =D=
     
  8. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2001
    I'm glad you liked it, DWH, and that the different perceptions came through all right. :) Thanks for reading and replying!

    -Thumper
     
  9. talkingbanana

    talkingbanana Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 4, 2003
    Oh, wow, Thumper. That was absolutely incredible. I'm not even sure where to begin, because it was just so great on so many levels.

    I did especially like the structure, though, with these three different people expressing their admiration in completely different ways - and how most of it was his family, and then the last little bit is somebody admiring him because of his family.

    Anyway, I'm not sure that made sense, but I liked it. Great job! :D
     
  10. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Hey there, 'Nanner. :)

    Thanks a bunch for the compliments! [face_blush] And what you wrote makes sense, no worries. :) I'm glad that the structure worked and that you liked the family connections. Thanks for reading and commenting!

    -Thumper
     
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