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Before - Legends -Interwoven-[Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan] Part 2 of 2-7.23

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by -The-Negotiator-, Jun 28, 2005.

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  1. -The-Negotiator-

    -The-Negotiator- Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Jun 23, 2005
    -Interwoven-

    [PG]

    [Disclaimer] All characters, planets, etc. are the property of Lucasfilm.

    Qui-Gon returns from a near-fatal mission to his waiting Padawan. (Occurs four years prior to Star Wars: Episode 1: The Phantom Menace)

    ***********

    When I open my eyes, I see the carnage.

    I understand that it should be the other way around, that when my lids close against sight I should be engulfed with blood-soaked images of billowing, scarlet dust and desolate faces, the painfully fresh memories of my assignment on Guenhar. But when I allow myself to sink into the darkness of the universe that exists behind my eyes, there is no chaos.

    There is the Force, of course. It bolsters and lifts me, guides me through the dense smoke to the survivors, murmurs to me as I seek the simple solace of a blanket. And threading through that sweet light is another, familiar and dear, fine and smooth, gentle and cerulean hued.

    After my task was completed (as much as it could be amid the strife), I set the coordinates of my beaten little ship with such desperation I could feel my fingers quiver. As I streaked into hyperspace?s oblivion, a million thoughts assaulted me. I knew I should contact the Temple, my apprentice. Surely after the disintegration of communication on-planet, they feared the worst. I can admit my selfishness in that moment, for I spoke to neither Councilor nor protégé before collapsing into exhausted slumber.

    Drifting through the muddled contents of my resting mind, I was not jolted awake by the lingering haunt of Guenhar. I did dream, because so often when the body is worked to a frenzy, and the day has been full and the strength of a soul overdrawn, the brain cannot loosen its claws from around it all, and it sends your sleeping self into a tumbling, skewed tour of everything it possesses, within the swelled, soft layers of tissue and cells. There must be a rule of predominance in all of nature: the more powerful crush down the weak. The Force lives at the highest plateau, and comes to me before anything else.

    My Padawan, more so than anything or anyone I?ve encountered, is of the Force. It is only logical then that he would determine the path of my unconscious wanderings.

    The vessel streaked through the void, towards Coruscant, and I walked through recollections, towards Obi-Wan Kenobi.

    When I woke, I lay there beneath the covers, and could almost feel him in the other room, clinking the ceramic teacup as he sat it upon the tray, humming very quietly under his breath. But then I made the foolish mistake of opening my eyes, and he wasn?t there to supply the comforting background noise of morning. I remembered why he wasn?t with me, and then?then I remembered Guenhar, and my vision dimmed. The entire atmosphere was washed in the soot, the same gray film that covered the earth after the initial explosions. And it didn?t help that I was marooned in the cramped ship that had carried me to the deeply lacerated world, several cycles before.

    Relief came in the form of a rounded, scuffed window. Within its frame I saw a core of industrial steel, with lines of bisecting, neon orange, floating in the distance.

    And now I have penetrated the fabricated environment, and am slipping through the midnight air. Still, even this close, with the skin of utter weariness peeled away, I do not announce my arrival. It can wait for morning, after I?ve regained the center that can only come from living within your own walls, and eating from your own plate.

    I wait for the hangar doors to open; with these spent eyes I?ve acquired, it seems more like arms spreading outward, to usher me inside the warmth of the only home I?ve ever claimed to have. The ship stops, and slowly descends, to sit on short, curved stumps that unfold from its innards, like some bulbous creature crouching with ridiculously tiny, spindly legs.

    For a few seconds, I bask in the air that has already seeped into my nostrils. It smells sharply of fuel, but it?s a welcome aroma. When you?re away from the place you know best, you
     
  2. Layren

    Layren Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 28, 2003
    Wow :) This is wonderfully done! I love your imagery and your attention to detail. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's relationship is just wonderful.

    Poor Obi! THat's awful to think his Master was dead for weeks...


    Excellent job and welcome to the boards!
     
  3. JediVeloJinn

    JediVeloJinn Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Nov 23, 2003
    Wow. That was great. I can?t wait for part 2.

    I like your descriptions. I especially liked that scene where Qui-Gon appears in Obi-Wan?s room dripping wet and only in sleep pants, then tries to explain his presence by saying that he?s only there to say goodnight. Of course Obi-Wan wouldn?t believe him!

    ~Velo
     
  4. lost_jedii

    lost_jedii Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    Great story ;) Like others said, your descriptions are all really good. I love Qui/Obi fics, can't wait for part 2.
     
  5. -The-Negotiator-

    -The-Negotiator- Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Jun 23, 2005
    Ooh, reviews! [face_dancing]

    [hl=skyblue]Layren[/hl] Thank you! [:D]

    [hl=skyblue]JediVeloJinn[/hl] Yes, he seems to understimate Obi-Wan's intelligence on occasion...or at least his ability to recognize the obvious. :p Thank you for reading. Part 2 should be up sometime this week, or early into next week. Depends on when I finish it. ;)

    [hl=skyblue]lost_jedii[/hl] Thanks. [face_blush]
     
  6. obi_ew

    obi_ew Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2002
    Wow. Beautiful picture you've woven here. Love your wording and I could picture Obi-Wan so clearly by your descriptions. Wonderful work and I eagerly await more. :)
     
  7. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    Your present tense is quite gripping especially as you draw us into the story. Why Obi-Wan is so distant and withdrawn is quite a revelation. I liked your descriptions of how Qui-Gon was exhausted and didn't really think that others would be that worried about him'

    Really well done. Looking forward to part 2.
     
  8. -Darksaber-

    -Darksaber- Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Mar 22, 2005
    This is brilliant, negotiator. Your writing is wonderful, and I long for more, my friend.

    ~Jodie-Wan~
     
  9. LukesTheMan

    LukesTheMan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 30, 2004
    Incredible! Your descriptions were powerful and I love your writing style. Looking forward to more of your work. =D=
     
  10. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    This was lovely! I can see we have a talented new writer on our boards! =D= I can't wait for the rest.
     
  11. Princess_Arulmozhi

    Princess_Arulmozhi Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 16, 2004
    Well, well, well. What have we here? A beautiful description of Qui and Obi's feelings, excellent imagery - and lovely, lovely angst. Love it. [face_mischief]

    Am so looking forward to more, devious sock. [face_love]
     
  12. maychorian

    maychorian Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 7, 2005
    Not another sock! Who ARE you?

    Oh well. Beautiful story! I'm really looking forward to the next part. I love Qui's little gestures of affections, though Obi-Wan's distance is troubling. But what's a good fic without emotional problems? Wonderful! Keep it up!
     
  13. advocate1900

    advocate1900 Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    May 19, 2005
    Wonderful! Fabulous, and so emotion-packed! I honestly cannot wait to read the rest of this story so please post as soon as possible!
     
  14. PadawanEstel

    PadawanEstel Jedi Master star 1

    Registered:
    Jan 23, 2004
    Wow...this was great! =D= Love the imagery and emotion you put into it. Looking forward to part two!
     
  15. Fluff-Slayer

    Fluff-Slayer Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2005
    Wow, Negotiator! I'm very impressed.

    You write the student/teacher bond between Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon beautifully. The whole thing read like--well, I don't know how much sense this will make to you, but to me... reading this was like having lemon tart. All light and tangy-sweet and easy to swallow...you know?

    Um, anyway... [face_blush]

    Your grammar and spelling was great *Skips for joy* and your wording is perfect. I can picture the scene so perfectly, it's as if it's not fanfiction at all! Finally, near the end, we find out what's wrong with poor Obi-Wan, though I suspected as much at the beginning... I mean, if you thought your master was dead, wouldn't you be a little upset/angry/shocked when he arrived in the middle of the morning-night? I know I would be! Add that to having apparently no sleep and you've got a whammy of an angsty monologue heading your way. Which means happy readers like me. :D

    There are so many lines that I loved, but a "barely there hint of sea breeze" sticks out. Oooh, you're so great! Pretty please post again super-soon, okay? Thank you!
     
  16. -The-Negotiator-

    -The-Negotiator- Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Jun 23, 2005
    [hl=deeppink]obi_ew[/hl] Thanks. [face_love]

    [hl=deeppink]dianethx[/hl] I love writing in present tense. I find it the easiest way to write. Thank you. [:D]

    [hl=deeppink]-Darksaber-[/hl][face_blush] Thanks.

    [hl=deeppink]VaderLVR64[/hl] Well, not exactly new. But thank you. :)

    [hl=deeppink]Priness_Arulmozhi[/hl] Thank you, lovely lady. @};-

    [hl=deeppink]maychorian[/hl] Who am I? Eh, I don't even know anymore! [face_mischief] Thanks so much for the review. [face_love]

    [hl=deeppink]advocate1900[/hl] Soon? Well, um...is a month soon? [face_blush] But thank you. :)

    [hl=deeppink]PadawanEstel[/hl] Thanks! [face_dancing]

    [hl=deeppink]FluffSlayer[/hl] Wow, what a review! :eek: I'm so glad you liked it. Thank you! [face_love]

    Alright, so I kind of rushed through the end. Please forgive me. [face_blush]





    ***********

    His hands always move with grace, whether he is immersed in a kata, or reaching out to touch a friend, or dipping satchels of tea into hot water. While the deep brown begins to cloud the clear liquid, he takes the mug, my mug, the only one I use, and places it on the tray.

    I glance at the box of sapir leaf tea. I remember picking up a new supply of it before leaving for Guenhar. There?s barely any left now. Obi-Wan never took a liking to the particular brew. He tried to develop a taste for it, back in our early days when he was so eager to impress and emulate me, but was never quite able to quell the grimace that appeared after a hard-won swallow. He hates it, to speak frankly, which makes it all the more touching that he has spent several years? worth of mornings preparing it.

    But he would have no need for them while I was away.

    I?ve been standing here, watching his movements from behind his shoulder, and now, I must speak. ?Padawan, what happened to the tea I purchased before departing on my mission??

    Carefully, he pours a dark line, down into the ceramic container. ?I used them.?

    ?Used them??

    He doesn?t address my bafflement. He takes the tray and returns to the sitting area, resting it on the table.

    I go to the couch, my eyes never diverting from his face. Once more, he is not looking at me, but the tea, its warmth wafting up from the cracked lip of the mug. ?I?m not angry that you used it, Obi-Wan,? I assure him softly, ?It just surprised me. I didn?t think you enjoyed sapir.?

    ?I don?t.?

    Floundering, I lay my hand on his knee, and give it a gentle squeeze. ?Then why did you use so much of it??

    He deflates a little, his posture bowing and hands folding. I want him to look at me, to see those eyes so that I can uncover the unnamed hurt he conceals behind his clipped dialogue and proper Padawan demeanor. But his head lowers, and he says, ?Because I made it for you every morning, after you stopped contacting the Council.?

    The bones of my chest flex painfully around my heart. I open my mouth to speak, but he is first to break the short silence.

    ?I thought that if I made it, there would be a chance of you walking through the door. I know?? He stops and takes a breath, ?I know it was silly to think that. I knew then, too, that it was silly. But it was worse?to not think it, to not make the tea, and instead think of what might have happened to you.?

    Force.

    I stare at him for the longest time, and it feels like I?m witnessing his sad, dutiful ritual, that I can see him walking across the floor right now, his eyes moving around the apartment with fervent hope, only to realize that he is alone with the quiet. I can see him waiting for the water to boil, and dunking the tea bags in, and filling the mug, and sitting where I?m sitting, watching the door.

    I see him doing this, over and over, for the weeks my fate was in serious question.

    And when I blink that bleary sight away, I see him beside me, drained from his early morning sojourns. Does he think me a mirage? Or have the many days of loneliness left him too spent to deal with any of this, including my unexpected return?

    ?O-Obi-Wan,? I track a crease
     
  17. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    Wonderfully done, TN. I loved the whole image of the tea and how Obi-Wan would make it for Qui-Gon every day and then pour it away before it got cold. Gave me shivers on how much attachment there was there. Loved the discussion of attachment and what it means. I always thought that those two had a special relationship and this just is a lovely way of portraying it.

    Your use of present tense continues to delight. And I loved your ending. Made perfect sense.

    Bravo! =D=
     
  18. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Community Squirrel Whisperer star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    SOmehow I missed the first part being posted but I got to read both and I could do nothing more that sigh in satisfaction and be terribly envious of the lovely words you put together. Your take on my fave duo is sweet without being cloying and yet Jedi through and through. The whole idea of Obi-wan making the tea as if that would be his master back... that was beautiful and tragic and just... wonderful.
     
  19. corellian-jedi

    corellian-jedi Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 4, 2005
    Wow, that was excellent. I definitely understand why Obi-Wan made the tea everyday and poured it out before it got cold. It kind of reminds me of an old neighbour, waiting for news about his son who was stationed in Afghanistan. He never went outside to get the newspaper because that was his son's job.

    I like your take on the relationship between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. ?I couldn?t stand for it to get cold.? <-Perhaps that sums it up.
     
  20. Fluff-Slayer

    Fluff-Slayer Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2005
    Oh, magnificence.

    I was terribly afraid that you weren't going to update this one. (I have the rather unfortunate reputation of being a thread-killer, and...well, you understand.) But when I saw this thread, updated and revived...

    It's fair to say I smiled for the first time in a couple of hours. :)

    Again, your writing leaves me breathless. Hyperbole? No, it's not. I'm serious. If everyone could write the way you do, Negotiator, none of us would need to take English (or bother with those oh-so annoying mid-term papers...grrr). You would have to be every reader's dream--a master of figurative language and expressive text, brilliant in all areas of the writing expertise. And if you rushed through this?well, I?d better not ever read anything you didn?t rush through. I think I?d fairly die of joy.

    It?s not every day that you meet such a talented writer. So yippee-skippy! I've fulfilled my talent-witnessing quota for the day.

    I ask you: how am I supposed to pick up the pen so to speak and keep writing after reading this? Simultaneously, you have managed to make my day and break my little writer-dreams. [face_love] That?s talent right there.

    P.S.: A sockie, eh? I will find out who you are; I already have my suspicions. :p
     
  21. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Ah yes! A devious sock indeed. Well, I could be mean and use my modly powers to discover your identity, but what would be the fun in that? [face_whistling]

    I think I'll just try to test my powers of observation. But in the interim, I shall just simply enjoy your story. You're amazingly talented; I wonder if I've told you that before? [face_thinking]
     
  22. Star_Drifter

    Star_Drifter Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 18, 2005
    Thank you for this touching look at Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. It was a pleasure to read!

    =D=
     
  23. maychorian

    maychorian Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 7, 2005
    Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

    I had a lump in my throat, too, while Obi-Wan was explaining about the tea. Even had a tear or two come up, and think, and that is very rare. So much pain and love and sadness. But what a perfect ending for a gorgeous little fic.

    The last line was so wonderful! I could have cried.

    Can't say it enough. This was beautiful beyond description.

    And you devious little sock! [face_laugh] I have a suspicion who you are, but we'll wait and see.
     
  24. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    What a lovely little story. I won't even begin to guess who you really are- just keep writing :)
     
  25. advocate1900

    advocate1900 Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    May 19, 2005
    Everyone now, a big, resounding...AWWWWWWWW! ^_- Just to let you know Negotiator, that was absolutely, positively wonderful. It brought a smile to my face after a tiring day at work and I thank you for it! Keep up the terrific work!
     
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