Before - Legends It was only natural. Douglas Adams Quote Challenge

It was only natural. Douglas Adams Quote Challenge

Author: Earlybird-obi-wan
Timeframe: Legends: before
Genre: one shot. challenge
Characters: Jedi and Dunai elder
Timeframe: 414 bby

I got 9. The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
Chapter One, Restaurant at the End of the Universe


It was only natural.

Had the universe collapsed? It would do in the end. Was the universe created? No, that had been a very long time ago. Was it something Sithly? No, they were an angry people but not known to visit this planet in a star-system surrounded by a engine-destroying nebula. No it was something natural. A jagged crack had formed in the meadow where he had pitched his tent. His tent had collapsed. He had been deposited with his sleepingbag in the creek now following a different path. He was gazing at the destruction when he removed the sodden material. It definitely was something to investigate. He was a police-officer after all, away on a hiking trip through the wilderness and supposed to relax after a taxing year but he had to see what had destroyed the place. After two hours he was ready to go and shouldered his backpack. He started to follow the path of destruction with some urgency when he felt the loss and sorrow. But he couldn't go any faster and it was many hours later when he saw the destruction and the collapsed cottages and school. Rhivinna, a place he had visited only yesterday had been destroyed by an earthquake.

Help had arrived and was arriving. A big red and white transport with hyperdrive engines was in a place that had been the village meadow. He put down his backpack and took out a first aid kit. He walked to a Zabrak in a brown cloak who was supporting a young boy “I can help you.”

“You can. I have to find out who his parents are. He has been silent since I found him.”

“I am police officer Huling,” Pat turned towards the boy touching him lightly on his arm. “And you are?”

“Muia Tawtee. My parents are gone in the eternity and that man is Jedi-knight Fargal and he wants to take me away and that one is tending to Jasir Ere-Duns sister Fay.” Muia pointed to a little being of an unknown race that was tending to a little girl sitting on the grass before him before a sound of running footsteps had him looking the other way.

A man guiding three teenagers was running towards the transport.

“Fay!” a boy cried, running even faster before dropping on his knees before the being.

“Jasir! You alive. Mommy oh no.”

“Little one worry you should not. Help you I will.”

“I can help my sister.”

“Help you can not. Young you are. Jedi not. Too old to be trained you are. Fay Jedi she can be.”

“A Jedi, my sister can become a Jedi?” The boy touched the three-fingered hand of the being and was silent for some time. “You have to contact the authorities but for me; you have my permission.”

“And from me too. Jasir? You can stay with me.”

“No uncle Jesin. I want to learn more about healing beings. I want to go with healer Ghari Adin. Can I?”

“Sure and I will sign the documents that will have Fay going with the Jedi. Master Yoda, Jesin Er-Mun, come with me to my transport.”

“See Muia,” Pat guided the boy towards the Jedi-transport. “Only Fay is young enough to be trained by the Jedi. They only want to help you and bring you to your relatives if you can tell them where they live.”

“They live in Haradan,” Muia said.

“We will take you there,” Jedi-knight Fargal took Fay in his arms. “And no worry Muia, no Jedi-training for you. But we have to wait for Master Yoda to get his documents.”

“My sister will be a great Jedi. And I will be a leader.”

Pat asked “and you sensed all of that by just touching Master Yoda?”

“Yes and now we will wait.”

It didn't take long for Master Yoda to appear again with Jesin Er-Mun and Ghari Adin.

“Documents I have. First stop?”

“Haradan,” Muia walked up the ramp looking back for a moment to see the destroyed school, a place that had given him joy to be with his friends.

“Jasir come. Elois and Lindan are going with Jesin Er-Mun.”

Pat saw the ramp closing and with no more help needed he headed to his backpack. 'Jedi-knights, interesting. I will follow their adventures.'



FIN

 

Excellent rescues and start of changed destinies for the characters

 

Earlybird!!!!!!

Well done. Very, very well done.

Things I noticed (I'm me, I give concrit, because writing is a learning experience)...

Help had arrived and was arriving. A big red and white transport with hyperdrive engines was in a place that had been the village meadow. He put down his backpack and took out a first aid kit. He walked to a Zabrak in a brown cloak who was supporting a young boy “I can help you.”

This is a couple things: a missing word, a comma, and a period. (You have a run-on sentence that goes RIGHT into dialogue without ceasing, in other words.) Example: 'He walked up to a Zabrak in a brown cloak, who was supporting a young boy. "I can help you."'

“You can. I have to find out who his parents are. He has been silent since I found him.”

**HUGS** for the stunned, mute, traumatized kid!!!!

Pat saw the ramp closing and with no more help needed he headed to his backpack. 'Jedi-knights, interesting. I will follow their adventures.'

Glad he stopped to help. Again: Well done!!!!

 

I really liked how you used the quote to construct this story! The first paragraph describing what Pat sees/thinks was amazing! I could see it in my mind very clearly. Loved the interactions too!
Great job!