ITT Souderwan answers questions about Submarine Waffles and Pancakes

Is there perhaps a special submarine waffle iron which could be attached to the outside of the submarine to harness the greater available pressure in order to press a waffle more firmly than otherwise possible by conventional means?

 

I would wonder why a perfectly delicious-looking pancake was ruined by being in salt-water, as opposed to enjoying a nice bath in thick maple. I would come to the conclusion that this whole affair must have been a tragic and horrible nightmare. I'd then go to the galley and make myself some pancakes, shaking my head and chuckling as I thought about that dude Andalite_Bandit on the JCC and his zany ways.

This is a fantastic idea. Alas, the long-standing anti-waffle bias has kept the development of new waffle-making technologies in the Navy a rare event.

It's a long, tragic tale that begins early on the birth of the submarine community. I can't get into too much detail, events still being somewhat classified and all, but suffice it to say that the German U-boat captains in WWII were big fans of waffles--Belgian Waffles in particular and that those Waffles seemed to have no problem making regular reports of the goings ons that they picked up during routine breakfast conversation to their favored overlord masters.

Some people will never forget the betrayal of the battle for Pancake Mound.

 

Soudebrian - Is it possible to make sweet sweet love to a pancake for hours on end without once thinking of that sexy waffle you met in Amsterdam?

 

It's hard. Very, very hard.

 

I bet. I bet.

 

It's hard just thinking about it now...

 

Souzaphone - How many pancakes would you need to survive a journey 20,000 leagues under the sea?

 

At least 1 per league. So 20,000 or so. But we're the military so we do everything with built-in redundancy. As such, we go with 40,000 every time. Good question.

 

Sudzerwon, do you think one day there will ever be a submarine that's actually made entirely out of waffles and/or pancakes?

 

This was a trick question to see if you would inadvertantly release classified information regarding the storage hold capacity of your underwater vehicles. You fell into my trap.

 

In the ironic twist of the century, the only physical way to make a submarine completely out of batter is to use the superior construction of the waffle. Of course, given our long history of anti-waffle bias, this potentially revolutionary technological leap my never happen.

You're working under the assumption that I wasn't referring to specialized pancakes that have been miniaturized for storage to the size of a pinhead, only to be later brought to normal size in a microwave. You failed again, Mr. Sticky. You failed again.

 

Have you ever eaten a soggy waffle?

 

Did you even notice that my latest comic was about submarines and waffles?

 

In the same way that some planes can be refuelled in midair, can some submarines receive new supplis of pancakes and waffles mid-underwater adventure?

 

Eeeew! God, No!!

I missed it! So many threads! I'll go look post-haste!

That could result in soggy waffles and pancakes. Are you mad, sir?

 

I'm afraid so.

 

Clearly! That's ok, though. They have medication for that.

 

Brian.

Could you PLEASE explain to me why you are ONLY answering questions about Submarine Waffles, but NOT about Submarine Pancakes?!?!

Why just the plain pancake questions?!?

Plainly pancakist.


-JR

 

Are pancakes made on a submarine more or less delicious than those made on land? Also, does the depth at which they're made affect the deliciousness at all?

 

Jay-Jay. I am an equal-opportunist! If there are questions about pancakes to be answered--submarine pancakes or otherwise, I'll do my best!

See below!

1. Everything made on a submarine is more delicious than when made on land. This is especially true of pancakes. I believe this has something to do with the distinct smell of amine in the air.

2. Depth has little effect on most things, but pancakes are susceptible to small variations in pressure due to the air pockets that reside within. As such, no pancakes are ever prepared at or near test depth.

 

What do you do when you confront enemy Pancakes and Waffles?

Is the WOPW (War on Pancakes and Waffles) ever going to end?

When is the US going to find massive pancakes and waffles of destruction in Istaq?

Does a submarine come with an anti-pancake and anti-waffle defense mechanism?

 

There are no enemy Pancakes and Waffles--only enemies of our way of life!

Again. There is no war on Pancakes and Waffles and I think your characterization of our struggle against syrup extremism only muddies the struggle we're in. We're not talking about Pancakes and Waffles here. We're not even talking about syrup. Most syrups believes in our enjoyment of waffles and pancakes. Most syrups are willing to integrate into our way of life and makes us better than we would be without them.

But not Sugar-free Boysenberry! This extremist syrup is an enemy to everything we hold dear! It seeks nothing but the complete destruction of our way of life and it must be destroyed at all costs!

I think it's time we all admit that there never were massive pancakes and waffles of destruction in Istaq. Clearly Istaqi President, FryingPan Insane, could have avoided this whole situation by simply allowing us to go in their and inspect their syrup factories for the Sugar-Free Boysenberry Extremists and their destructive products!

At this point, we have to look forward. Innocent Pancakes and Waffles are struggling to put themselves back together in the hopes of making themselves palatable to the rest of us. We owe it to them to do the best job we can and that means staying the full course breakfast, no matter how long it takes. We simply won't cut and run. Cutting and running just leaves a lot of dismembered pancakes and waffles, with no one full.

I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.