Fun ITT we post random TV show quotes out of context

Oh do I wish I was somebody else right now. Somebody not... married, not... madly in love with a beautiful woman who can kill me with her pinkie!

 

Never mind.

 

Belay that order.

 

Trioxin is used in emergency situations as a stop-gap measure. Your lungs have suffered serious damage. They need to be treated properly. Doctor's orders.
Captain's orders. Trioxin. Now.
Aye, aye. It's your body. Who am I to judge? I'm only the Chief Medical Officer. What do I know?

 

Is this Vulcan chivalry? The air's too hot and thin for Kirk. He's not used to it.
The air is the air. What can be done?
I can compensate for the atmosphere and the temperature with this. At least it'll give Kirk a fighting chance.

 

You've been so concerned about his Vulcan eyes, Doctor, you forgot about his Vulcan ears.

 

"Oh, I heard you."
"He simply could not believe his ears."

 

"George, my boy, outraged to read in dispatches of how that ass Melchett made such a pigs-ear of your chum Blackadder's court-martial. Have reversed the decision forthwith. Surprised you didn't ask me to do it yourself, actually." Now this is interesting, isn't it?
Uh, uh, yes, well, you see, sir, the thing is...
You two got whammed last night, didn't you?
Well, well, no, not "whammed" exactly. A little tiddly, perhaps.
And you forgot the telegram to your uncle!
Well, n-n-n-no, not, not, completely, I mean, um, partially... Umm well... Yes, yes, entirely.
I think I can explain, sir.
Can you, Baldrick?
No.
As I suspected. Now, I'm not a religious man, as you know, but henceforth, I shall nightly pray to the God that killed Cain and squashed Samson, that he comes out of retirement and gets back into practice on the pair of you!

 

The Lotus Tile was in my sleeve the whole time!

 

Where did you get those four bloody aces from?
Same place you got them kings. I knew you was cheating, Boycie.
Oh yeah? How?
Because that wasn't the hand that I dealt you.

 

Oh, look at that. You've got another jack. How lucky you are! How wonderful for you. If you didn't get another jack, if you'd gotten a king, why then you'd get another card, except when it's dark, you'd give it back.

 

First sign of youngsters going wrong, you got to nip it in the bud.

 

SIGN: "I am suffering from post traumatic stress disorder."
SIGN: "I may never speak again."
SIGN: "The Hole. Twelve months."
SIGN: "Where the hell are you going?"
The Hole, sir...
SIGN: "You're not going to the Hole - I am."
SIGN: "See you in twelve months."

 

"Consider yourself on report, ensign!"

 

Kirk may have been a lowly human, but at least he had pizzazz. That report made him sound about as exciting as a Vulcan funeral dirge.

 

And don't tell me Vulcans don't have a sense of humor, because I know better.

 

Take my Worf, please.

 

I wouldn't take it personally, Worf.
I rather like the way you smell.
Yeah, sort of earthy, peaty aroma.
With a touch of lilac.

 

I have my own ways of torturing Worf.

 

There are four lights!

 

I’m hell-bent on catching a cyber criminal, not the common cold.

 

He ... got his head caught ... in a ... mechanical rice picker.

 

Is mayonnaise an instrument?

 

I have three fallen Madonnas, with six big boobies. Only one of them is real.
Only one big booby?
One painting is the original, the other two are forgeries.

 

Good moaning.