main
side
curve

JCC itt we talk like spies in a techno thriller

Discussion in 'Community' started by JoinTheSchwarz , Dec 1, 2022.

  1. JoinTheSchwarz

    JoinTheSchwarz Former Head Admin star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 21, 2002
    Garfield? Jon? Dammit, Calamity has gone dark too. Can anyone—

    Garfield, I’m not alone. Someone has sold us out. Unmarked van. Three— no, four boogies. Professionals: I can recognize that Spetsnatz gait. Oh, and they are not alone. Three snipers on the roof, maybe two more, hard to tell with the glare. Garfield, are you getting this? We’ve been had. Our cover has been blown. I need evac and a clean carriage. I don't know how—

    …I see it now. The Old Man hates loose ends, right?
     
    EHT likes this.
  2. soitscometothis

    soitscometothis Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2003
    We were dead as soon as we signed up for the job.
     
    Kiki Jinn likes this.
  3. a star war

    a star war Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    May 4, 2016
    Looks like someone was using the flyswatter script to crush spiders...but why?
     
  4. tom

    tom Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Mar 14, 2004
    if you'd seen half of what i'd seen in my years of tracking dark web purchases, you'd welcome death. bugs bunny costumes. adult sized bugs bunny costumes. so many adult sized bugs bunny costumes. almost makes me wish i'd never learned how to hack a mainframe.
     
    EHT, Kiki Jinn and hudzu like this.
  5. JoinTheSchwarz

    JoinTheSchwarz Former Head Admin star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 21, 2002
    I’m not out of the game yet, but I will be flying under the radar for a while. You owe me for Barbados. I’m going to need a cleaner, a hiding hole, a skinjob, an empty zootrope, and ten grand in crypto. Don’t worry about tools: I’m covered.

    They are going to find out why they call us spooks.
     
    Kiki Jinn likes this.
  6. gezvader28

    gezvader28 Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 22, 2003
    The name's Bond, James Bond.
     
  7. Ramza

    Ramza Administrator Emeritus star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP

    Registered:
    Jul 13, 2008
    Wait a second. I recognize this encryption architecture. But that could only mean *gunshot*
     
    Point Given , Sarge, EHT and 3 others like this.
  8. JoinTheSchwarz

    JoinTheSchwarz Former Head Admin star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 21, 2002
    Calamity? It’s Odie. This line is secure, but just in case I’m behind seven proxies and using that new encryption algorithm from the Technowizards.

    As I’m sure you’ve heard, I’ve gone full specter. I’m staying with Natasha for the time being. You know, the Goth hacker with the body of a supermodel and the vocabulary of a Turkish sailor. We are on the move but I’m sure you can guess where we are headed.

    Listen. You need to listen. Okay? Just… just listen.

    It was all a lie. There’s no hand holding the flyswatter. There was never a Project CREEP. Gez is not a dumbass: he’s a Deep CIA asset. The Tehran facility? Empty. RamzaCorp? Just a dummy corporation directed from Langley or DC. It’s a charade wrapped in a conspiracy wrapped in a tall tale.

    Do you understand? We are the klutzos. We’ve died —and killed—for nothing. Nothing! Just to create some bait for our analogues in China and waste their times! Just mud in the water to cover up what the Old Man has been digging!

    But I’m going to show them. Two can play this game. And I wrote the rulebook.
     
  9. mnjedi

    mnjedi Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Nov 4, 2012
    Alright. I need you to listen once and listen well. There’s an old man, spends all his time down by the river with an old cane pole. Crazy, that’s what they all say, nothing alive in there since the radiation leak of 52 caused the Setzenfeather facility to start leaking brain juice. But, let me tell you sometimes when the weather is just right and the moon hangs in the sky just so that cane pole will bend and the bobber will drop beneath the current. Nobody knows what takes place on the other end of that line but when it’s over he’ll have a package for you. Do not open it, bring it to the red light district and put it in the unmarked PO Box, you haven’t seen it before, but you’ll know, trust me you’ll know. Do not open the package. We’re all counting on you rookie. DO NOT OPEN THE PACKAGE

    *static*
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2022
    EHT and JoinTheSchwarz like this.
  10. Jabba-wocky

    Jabba-wocky Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    May 4, 2003
    Ginseng didn't usually go this deep.

    Too liable to wake up dehydrated, pissing yourself while the taste of stale Twizzlers lingers in your mouth. He knew the stories. Somewhere, a fragment of his consciousness knew his temples were starting to throb. He turned up his Papa Roach mp3 to drown it out. Today, he didn't have a choice.

    Even run through an XPSCM protocol, the signal here was like nothing he'd ever seen. The number of terragigs alone was mind-blowing. If he pushed a bit harder, he knew he could crack the six-way encryption code. No one makes a rainbow like this unless they have a real pot of gold to bury at the end. Just follow a little further down the rabbit hole and. . .


    It was too much. NOOOOOOO

    Initializing download. . .

    C-R-E-E





    system error
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2022
  11. Ramza

    Ramza Administrator Emeritus star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP

    Registered:
    Jul 13, 2008
    I always said you alphabet soup ***holes couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn. Hope your bosses enjoy the brain freeze the popsicles have got coming for them. *Shoots gun twice at something on the ground* And that’s for breaking my new monitor.
     
  12. Kiki Jinn

    Kiki Jinn Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2020
    Keep looking at your monitor, act like nothing unusual is happening and listen… that thumb drive on your desk has what everyone’s been looking for… what all those people died over.
     
  13. Coruscant

    Coruscant Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    Feb 15, 2004
    When was "Lock 'em up and throw away the key" ever actually a thing? Prison guards always kept the keys to the cells of their victims and zealously guarded access to them. Indeed, "throw away the key" was the kind of saying that had zero basis in any kind of reality, be it in the high spycraft of great-power play where nations collected "assets" like ultra-rare Magic the Gathering cards or in a merely criminological one where your common thug from the wrong side of the railroad tracks earned her first trip to juvie.

    Sure, a spook or a creepster might say, "Throw away the key," usually conveniently in the hearing of their charge, but two seconds after they left the room, they'd turn to Nicky Newbie, the lance corporal standing his very first black-site watch shift, and belay that order. You know, just in case, the new guy on the block was a complete ****in' idiot.

    "Throw away the key?" Oooooh... you see, it's bone-chilling, cuz we're dealing with one sick criminal mastermind, a being so completely devoid of any empathy, humanity, or even the merest rudimentary scruples of a code that obviously you'd throw away the key, right? Ok, I'll grant you, maybe once -- in all the span of human history -- there was a time when a gaoler knew his noble lord forgot about a few prisoners in the oubliette at the end of the hall, lifted the top hatch, peered down at these unlucky souls, and announced with the kind of grin that only sadomasochists are capable of mustering, "We're throwing the key, ha ha ha ha..." and actually followed through with said declaration.

    So, now that we've established "throwing away the key" is not actually a thing, it's time to back-pedal a bit. This whole spiel started precisely because there is at least one known instance where the key was thrown away and the prisoner happily forgotten. No, that's a lie. This prisoner was not happily forgotten. Yes, the key was thrown away, but that was no weight off the minds of no less than five leaders of G7 nations (the other two came into power recently and are blissfully unaware... for now).

    The unlit SHU corridor way down under the black-site of all black-sites, a place known on the maps as Buchschaft but usually apprehensively referred to as the Buttshaft, had long since fallen into neglected disrepair. There was only one entrance to the corridor, but the door had been removed and the doorway cemented up. A simple black X had been spray-painted on the concrete.

    At the end of the dark SHU corridor, all the way back on the left, was the last solitary cell. Inside that cell was a curiously well-shaven, well-groomed early-middle-aged man who was muttering nonsense to his best friend the Wall.

    Then he stopped. He rolled over. He sipped some tea, and who knows how the **** he got hot tea down here. Then he began to laugh. The laugh of a man who is free, the laugh of man deeply in love, the laugh of a man who is the richest man in the world, and not because has the most money, but because he has a beautiful lover, a beautiful family, a beautiful home, a beautiful country. There was something oddly duck-like about his laugh, a sort of quacky croack in his cackle.

    The man they knew and feared as the Duckling stood up and stretched as much as the confines of his cell would allow him. He was still laughing. He laughed and laughed and laughed, because, at last, it was all beginning.
     
  14. gezvader28

    gezvader28 Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 22, 2003
    Lissen very carefully, I shall zay zis only once.
     
    Sarge likes this.
  15. Jedi_Sith_Smuggler_Droid

    Jedi_Sith_Smuggler_Droid Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 13, 2014
    Rudder picked the lock, opened the door, and walked across the threshold.


    The room was a mess of crushed energy drink cans, clear plastics baggies with tiny white crystals all that remained of sour gummy worms, and dominos Pizza boxes. The couch was being used as a bed and the matching chair as the clothes closet or hamper. Rudder didn’t want to know were the bathroom was.


    And there he was sitting in a red and black gamers chair - Chad Hopper wiz kid. Even well into his 30s he was considered a visionary mind destined to change the world. What happened to him?


    As if he was listening to Rudder’s thoughts Hopper said without looking up from his Sega Nomad “I created the Control Alt Delete command. What did you ever do?”
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2022
  16. Jabba-wocky

    Jabba-wocky Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    May 4, 2003
    I just wanted to express my affection for this post. Also, I lost it at “Butt Shaft.”
     
  17. AutumnLight91

    AutumnLight91 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 17, 2018
    Waka Waka

    [​IMG]
     
  18. a star war

    a star war Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    May 4, 2016
    They're gonna tarmac the whole ****ing cyberdock. Everybody and their grandmother jacking on tomorrow is gonna have asphalt dripping out of their ears before you can say crypto, man.
     
  19. Count Yubnub

    Count Yubnub Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 1, 2012
  20. Darth Punk

    Darth Punk JCC Manager star 7 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Nov 25, 2013
    Squatter here, I think I’ve been burnt. The car’s outside, and the jet is fuelled - we can be in Paris in an hour. Do we still have that safe house co-located next to the exchange? Good, have The Ant meet us there, and bring the Malware. Finally, a war worth fighting.
     
    JoinTheSchwarz likes this.
  21. Jedi_Sith_Smuggler_Droid

    Jedi_Sith_Smuggler_Droid Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 13, 2014
    Damn it Bertrand. Who the **** gave you g.d. authority to monitor the Prime Minsiter’s email? And how did you get in? It’s impossible to access. I should know. I created the quadruple layer cypher when I was in defense ops. I couldn’t even get past the XTR encryptions let alone the adaptive y spike. That’s a very wide interpretation of the Tret Hoburd Law for this to be anything but treason. This department can not sanction your cavalier conduct

    Don’t ‘but chief’ me! Bertrand you are on suspension effective immediately pending internal review.

    Turn in your badge and gun. You’ll also lose network privileges. Thou I understand the IT department is swamped right now updating the mainframe after the attack. It’s going to take them at least a week to deactivate your login and expense account.

    Now get out of my sight.
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2022
  22. gezvader28

    gezvader28 Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 22, 2003
    I rather think spies would be a bit more succinct.
     
  23. Ramza

    Ramza Administrator Emeritus star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP

    Registered:
    Jul 13, 2008
    Garfield, Odie, Jon? It's Nermal. The lasagna is fresh, I got over the bad Mondays but I repeat: the lasagna is fresh. *Gunshots* I'm just smoking a pipe at the moment. Don't get yourselves thrown out of a window.
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2022
    JoinTheSchwarz likes this.
  24. a star war

    a star war Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    May 4, 2016
    Jon constructed the Garfield AI by bootstrapping the M.O.N.D.A.Y. algorithm to the LIZ server mainframe. If that cat gets the lasagna processor it'll be able to bypass the biomorphic turing layer...

    They're trying to initiate the Singularity!
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2022
    JoinTheSchwarz likes this.
  25. Sarge

    Sarge Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Oct 4, 1998
    It is I, LeClaire!