Saga Jedi Snapshots 2 (JA short stories - humor/serious)

Problems with part 5, so if you'll forgive my posting out of sequence, here is part 6.

Family Matters Part 6
Jemmiah?s Point of View


Well diary,

It?s been two days. Two whole days since I woke up.

They?re all waiting for me to crack up, breakdown or whatever. I can see them watching me, hovering nearby, always the worried expression. Always the sympathetic look.

I?m not an invalid. I just want to get up and get on with my life but they wont let me. An-Paj has ordered me to stay in bed for at least another couple of days whilst they run some more tests on me. Pulling me this way, prodding me that way, and ?oh, can we have some more of your blood please??

As if they haven?t had enough of it already.

They moved me to a room of my own because I?ve been disturbing the other patients with my nightmares. I don?t know why in the name of Sith they?ve chosen to come back now, but I?m telling you it?s damned inconvenient. Now everyone in here is treating me like I?m some kind of freak. They?re already walking around as if they?re on eggshells as it is. Personally, I?d settle for a normal conversation. One that doesn?t start with ?How are you feeling??

And how am I feeling?

I just don?t know, to tell the truth. Tired. Very tired. Not as tired as everyone else it would appear, who seem to have been pacing the floor whilst I was floating around oblivious to everything. I can read their expressions and emotions exactly the same way that they can?t see mine. What do they say to someone who?s lost a child? There?s only so many ways to say sorry. Nobody should be feeling guilty. But that doesn?t stop them from beating up on themselves, does it?

I?ve tried over and over again down the years to not feel guilt for the things that have gone on around me because at the end of the day it serves no practical purpose. Changing the past is impossible, however much you would wish to alter it. But you know, I understand how they feel because I do know what guilt is. I?m just not one for showing it. When I was young, emotions were weaknesses that could be exploited against you and you soon learned to keep your head down and your feelings locked away.

Not very healthy, on reflection.

Ben asked me if there was anything he could get me. I said my diary, my butterfly hair clasp and a bottle of Corellian Brandy. Now they think I want to drink myself into oblivion! I certainly needed my diary. I?m not sure why I asked for the clasp. Master Jinn gave it to me when I was ten and It?s been a bit of a favorite ever since. Well, if Ben can have a rock why can?t I have something of mine? And anyhow, I need something familiar at the moment. Just being able to pick it up and hold it in my hand is a big comfort for some strange reason. I think I?d be lost without it.

I didn?t want this child. Nobody wanted this child, let?s face it. I?m useless with kids. Never really knew any others when I was small, except for my brother and to be honest I can?t really remember him at all. I tried to recollect his face last night and here?s the funny thing; I couldn?t even remember what color of eyes he had. Amazing what the passage of time does. Not so much a healer of wound but it does paper over the cracks.

Strangely enough though, everyone sort of pulled together. Master Jinn has been extremely supportive. Ben, of course, has always been there. And Evla. It was nice, I don?t deny it. It felt like a proper family in a way. I must be getting soft in my old age! It never bothered me before. Still, it was nice while it lasted?

Am I sad over what?s happened?

Yes, I think maybe a little. There?s always going to be a bit of me that wonders what the kid might of turned out like. I mean it wasn?t just a part of myself but of Ben, too. That?s what hurts the most, I suppose. I?m sorry that his child never got the chance to grow up but I don?t think it was meant to happen. At the end of the day, the poor kid deserved better than to have me as a mother.

Of course, Ben is hurting. More than me, I think. Or maybe I?m fooling myself, I

 

Extremely good post sis! Typical Jemmiah, not even admitting to herself how she truly feels and only giving us glimpses of the truth. It also explains alot about how she's the way she is. The last bit, what a shame she feels everyone she gets close to dies or suffers.

Will this affect her in future threads? I think so.......

 

That was so ... I'm speechless!

Poor Jemmiah, why can't she see how wonderful she is! It's not her FAULT that bad stuff seems to follow her!

Great job! Can't wait for Part 5!

 

Great Post!!!

Do you think Ben had the diary with him on Tatooine? If he did would Luke have found it years later?

 

Whoa, I'm gone a week, and look what happens! I'm bombarded with wonderful posts! I think I'll leave again just kiddin'. I'll figure out something to post. . .soon. . .maybe.

 

I don't know why but jemmiah and Healer Leona seem determined to make me cry. Well you two succeeded and now I'll be sniffling and be good for nothing for the rest of the day.

 

Leona, that was lovely. Will she ever tell Qui-Gon, I wonder?

Glad Is June, I think Obi would carry her diary with him and take it to Tattooine. That's a pretty nice thought, actually. Imagine all the secrets Luke might discover. Not only about the Jedi way of life and his teacher, but other things much closer to home...

 

Very touching and well done. The whole FM series has been sad, but you can see the strength in the characters. Good work!

 

That was beautiful and very touching, Healer Leona.

 

To The Top

 

Oh gosh. I haven't read this thread in suchb a long time. Oh that was so sad!!!!!!!!!


Kithera

 

I'll have another Snapshot soon. Meanwhile. . .finish up this Family Ties!!!

 

lets bump this up

 

Just following in your footsteps Morpheus!

 

I wasn't sure about posting this one for quite a few reasons. Firstly, it wasn't the post I had initially wanted to write for Qui-Gon. I really wanted to have that section slipped in between Evla's and Jemmy's but on reflection I think it works better as a part 7. Also, I feel it's becoming a mini-thread of it's own which I kinda like. But most of all I'm worried incase (to use JC terminology) it's a little bit on the "iffy" side. Oh well. Nothing ventured...

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Family Matters
Part 7
Qui-Gon's POV


Gods, I never hoped to find myself in such a state.

For a moment I had managed to convince myself that things were slowly beginning to get back to normal. Everyone is feeling the strain, of course they are, but I harboured a false hope that with everybody?s support we would cope with recent events and start to look to the future once more. I can see now how wrong I was.

Leona warned me. She told me repeatedly that she was worried about Jemmiah: anxious over her state of mind and her lack of communication regarding the trauma she has been through. Each time she brought the subject up I swept it aside, telling her that she would learn to cope in her own way as she had done time and time again on countless other occasions. How I wish I?d taken her advice! What does it cost to listen, after all? Why do I never listen?

On reflection I am not sure if my disregarding her professional opinion was due to my not believing it or not knowing how to cope with it. Depression is a serious matter. How could I sweep it to one side as if it were of no significance?

Jemmiah?s been missing for three days without a word or any sign of where she could have vanished. She?s covered her tracks really well and it?s quite obvious she doesn?t want to be found. My padawan and some of his friends have been trying to locate her. Trying to think where she might have gone or whom she might be staying with. Spider has been contacting her former school friends incase Jemmiah has approached one of them for help but so far there hasn?t been any word. Rela?s been searching too and has promised to keep in touch should she hear anything. She?s been spreading word round the cantinas that Jemmiah?s been known to frequent. Force, somebody has to know something?

The last few weeks have not been kind to anybody but especially so for Evla. I?ve tried to reassure her that she will turn up safe and well but with every passing day that hope seems to diminish even further. How do you find someone who doesn?t want to be found? Or worse still, can?t be found?

No, I won?t think like that.

She?s still on Coruscant, of that much I feel certain. When she left she took only the money she had on her which couldn?t have been very much, her diary and the hair clasp I gave her when she was ten. She?s certainly not going to get very far with that inventory. That?s the worrying thing. Maybe she doesn?t expect to. Captain Demodae?s been searching as well, putting the word around the smugglers and freighter haulers that do business, legitimate or otherwise, incase she tries to hitch a ride or stowaway.

My padawan is beside himself with worry. He and Mace are out searching the lower levels at the moment, working on the theory that if Jemmiah has little money then she will try to find somewhere inexpensive to hide away. Obi-Wan doesn?t seem too confidant of finding anything valuable to our search but he continues doggedly so that he can keep his mind occupied and busy himself in a productive way. That?s what we are all doing. He?s blaming himself for not spotting that something was amiss earlier on.

The first we knew of Jemmiah?s disappearance was on discovering a note written on flimsyplast. Evla had left to go on her night shift with the initiates and it wasn?t discovered until her return some four hours later. There was a note enclosed with her own addressed to my padawan which Obi-Wan guards doggedly and refuses to let either of us share. He says it is personal and won?t hand it over but he assures me that it does not g

 

Not iffy all. I'm already wondering where the heck she could have gone.

 

That wasn't "iffy" at all; it was wonderful. Qui-Gon's at his best when he's worring about his wards.

I had a feeling that Jemmiah was taking everything harder than she let on, but I didn't see this coming!

By the way, would it be possible to see what she wrote to Obi-Wan?
I know, curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought him back!

 

Well written sis! It sounds like the Jedi Master we all know and love!

More soon I hope!

 

Good! I'm ALMOST done with a new snapshot. . unlucky me, I get to follow all these great ones. ..but hey, someone has to do it

 

Goody! More snapshots! (sits down, eagerly awaiting them........)

 

Wow Jemmiah! I knew you could do it.

Now I want to know is where is Jemmiah and what did she write to Obi-Wan?

 

OK. Last post but one in the series. It answers the question of what was in Obi's letter. For the little matter of where Jemmiah's gone you are going to have to wait for the next post!

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Family Matters part... (actually, I've lost count!)

Obi-Wan re-read the letter for what might have been the hundredth time, for all he knew.



Dear Ben,

I am so sorry, but I have to do this. I?m slowly being driven mad by everyone staring at me like I?m some sort of rare exhibit in a cage. People don?t speak to me; they just point. And even if they did speak I wouldn?t know what to say back.

Do yourself a big favor and don?t try and find me. Just forget I was ever here. You?ll find someone better than me one day. I need to be by myself. I?m sick of everyone knowing what?s best for me and treating me like I?m some kind of neurotic mess.

Actually, I?m beginning to wonder if they mightn?t be right.

I?ve only ever wanted what was best for you and I?m convinced beyond doubt that I don?t fall into that category.

I still would like you to know that I have always loved you. Even when I haven?t shown it or haven?t behaved as I should?and I know there have been many of those occasions. The fact that you have had the patience to overlook all the horrible things that I?ve done only goes to prove that I don?t deserve you in the first place. I will keep thinking of you.

Even when I?m no longer with you.

Be happy, be well, and be safe,

Love always,

Jemmy.



He?d looked at the words so often that they had long ceased to have any real meaning. They were only shapes written in a somewhat hurried and slanting hand. Just scratches on a piece of flimsy plast. And above all else they failed to inform him of the one thing he needed to know.

Where the hell was she?

It was the end of day number three, and there had been no word at all regarding her whereabouts. Jemmiah had simply vanished. He couldn?t even sense her faint presence in the force.

He didn?t want to think what that might mean.

Obi-Wan rested his back against the wall, eyes looking up at the ceiling. It was twilight, his favorite time of the day usually. Difficult as it could sometimes be to relax on such a thriving, sleepless planet as Coruscant, Obi-Wan found meditation so much easier when the sun began to set.

Switch off, it seemed to say.

But he couldn?t. Not now.

He hadn?t heard his master enter the apartment; he was so wrapped up in his thoughts.

?Padawan?? The voice caused him to jump despite its gentleness.

Obi-Wan said nothing.

Qui-Gon regarded his apprentice for a few moments and then seated himself beside the young man. He was twenty-one years of age but had already experienced so much heartache? and it hurt Qui-Gon to see the sorrow that had etched itself on his youthful features over the last few weeks.

?Talk to me.? He said simply.

Kenobi shrugged, looking down at the folded flimsy plast in his hand. For the first couple of days he would not have let anybody see this letter at the cost of his own life. It was deeply personal and to share its contents with even his master had been unthinkable?

Now he needed to talk.

Reluctant to pass the letter over he hesitated for a moment, and Qui-Gon watched as the need to discuss battled and won over his desire to keep his thoughts private.

?Are you sure you want me to read this?? Jinn asked, again seeing the wavering uncertainty on his padawan?s features. Obi-Wan nodded.

Qui-Gon read the letter in silence for a moment and waited for Obi-Wan to speak.

?How can she just leave like that?? He felt his anguish turn rapidly to annoyance. ?Doesn?t she know how everyone is feeling? I mean, she must have guessed what this would do to Evla but it still didn?t stop her from going.?

A muscle in his cheek twitched. ?How can she say those things? Forget her? Find someone better??
?She also says she loves you.? Qui-Gon replied. ?Doesn?t that mean something??

Obi-Wan blinked as he considered his master?s words.

?She can?t mean it

 

Sob, poor Obi!!!! Of couse Jemmy loves you!

All I can say is I hope the last part is going to appear SOON!!!!!