Saga Journal of a free Woman (AU, Shmi Skywalker, Diary Challenge 2013) updated 5/10/2013

This takes place in my AU story, "The Bond" a day after Qui-Gon brought her to Naboo.

Primeday, Welona 6

I am Shmi Skywalker, and this journal (along with the pen I’m using to write this) is the first purchase I made as a free woman. This may seem like an odd thing to choose to buy first, but there is good reason behind it. First off, I need no money for food or lodging, as I’m an honored guest of no other than Queen Amidala of Naboo. She has agreed to let me reside at the Palace as her guest until I can get my act together... that is, find a job and settle somewhere I can afford on whatever wage I procure from said job. Right now, I’m not even sure if I wish to live on Naboo!

Something Qui-Gon had said before we left Tatooine has stuck in my mind. He told me that sometimes if we don’t know where to go, we should look to where we’ve been. He was referring to where I was born. Well, I don’t know where I was born, but I could do a little detective work. I long to know if there are any other Skywalkers out there. I can’t remember anything before being taken into slavery... it’s like it’s been erased from my mind. All I remember are vague impressions of my mother and father. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see another woman’s face and wonder if it’s me remembering my mom. If so, she has an uncanny resemblance to me, but her hair is lighter, almost an auburn color, and her face isn’t as careworn as mine.

I must say, I’m not used to such lavish surroundings. In fact, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Especially since as the Queen’s guest, I am waited on twenty-four/five. I had to get out of the palace alone today, and went sight seeing by myself. I’d already been shown about town by Padme (funny how I can refer to the same person with a different name and feel different things about her... when she’s the Queen, she is so formal... she must be... and must be the face of Naboo... as Padme, she shows how she truly is... a warm young lady who has a sense of humor, is very compassionate, and very duty-bound). Today it was nice to be able to see it not from anyone else’s perspective. I found this wonderful little shop called “Panival’s Pages” that sold old-fashioned books... yes, books with paper bound with hide. Some were novels, others were manuscripts, and yet other books whose pages were blank. I bought this journal there.

Well, it’s dinner now, so I’ll write more later.

 

I think I have to take a look at your AU. Spending time with Padmé? That's kind of cool but then where's Anakin? See -- I'll take a look at your AU later on.

Is she going to find her answers, I wonder? It'd be really cool if she could find out where she's from, who her parents are.
Lovely start.

 

Alexis! I'm stoked this has started. Tag me please.

 

This is off to a great start! Looking forward to seeing how Shmi adjusts to freedom.

 

I love this!

I've always wished Shmi could have been freed from slavery and Tatooine in some way like Anakin and it's great to see her, even though its a bit uncomfortable right now, experiencing a whole new, free life.

Looking forward to more

 

Oh I love Shmi! Please put me on your update list!

 

Ceillean Yes, it may help to read The Bond so some of the references will make sense. I'm glad you like the start.

Jade_eyes I'm stoked as well.

Tarsier I hope I do Shmi justice.

KELIA yeah, starting a whole different way of life can be a big adjustment, even if it's from a rough one to something much more pleasant.

AzureAngel2 Your wish is my command.

~~~​

​

Primeday Welona 6, part 2:

Dinner... or should I say the dessert... was absolutely the most exquisite thing I have tasted in my life! Well, the dinner was good, but the dessert... chocolate lava cake. Oh my, I can’t even describe how good it was. I couldn’t eat it all because it was so rich.

In spite of the wonderful food, I couldn’t help worrying about my son. I haven’t heard from Qui-Gon. He promised to contact me as soon as he got Ani out of harm’s way and helped Master Dooku. It’s been almost two whole days! I hope this doesn’t mean they’re dead. No, I know they aren’t! I can feel they are still okay.

I know it!

I can’t explain why. It’s so strange. Ever since Qui-Gon freed me and we spent so much time in the hospital together on Tatooine, I feel like there’s some connection between us. I can feel him. I know it sounds crazy. I mean really, there was the night we had a conversation where I told him that I want him and Ani to stay on the ship at night instead of sharing the same hospital room with me because I felt I needed a little privacy. The next night, even though he and Ani left after dinner, I felt like he was watching over me as I drifted off to sleep. Then, the next morning, as I was eating breakfast alone, I sensed him again, just before he turned the corner and came into my room. He had let Ani go play with his friends.

So, I know Qui-Gon is alive, and I... think Ani is okay, too. I hope.

Well, fretting about it isn’t going to help.

Good night.

~~~

Welona 7, 2am.

Oh Force!

I just had a dream... no, it was a nightmare! It reminds me of the nightmare I had about a week after the first time Anakin left Tatooine with Qui-Gon. This time, though, it was so much more intense.

It was as though I were seeing through Qui-Gon’s eyes just like that other dream. This time I could hear his thoughts though as he fought his Master... Dooku. He was anguished that he had to battle, but there was no choice. Dooku was attacking him.

The fight seemed to go on forever. Dooku had revealed that some Sith Lord was somehow making him fight Qui-Gon. I’m not sure I understand it, but, Qui-Gon had no choice to defend himself.

Then Dooku said that if Qui-Gon didn’t kill him, he’d kill Qui-Gon and Ani would be taken to the Sith Lord.

This enraged Qui-Gon, and Qui-Gon stopped trying to only defend himself, but was going to kill Dooku.

My heart is beating so fast as I write this.

Anakin suddenly came between them as Qui-Gon was about to deliver the killing blow.

Force, it was so close. Qui-Gon almost killed Ani!

He deactivated his lightsaber just in time, then pushed Ani out of the way.

As Qui-Gon reactivated his weapon, Dooku turned his own lightsaber hilt towards himself! He was going to commit suicide!

Thank the Force Qui-Gon stopped him. He sliced part of Dooku’s fingers off in doing so, but at least Dooku is alive.

In this dream, I told Dooku to let Qui-Gon and Anakin help him. For the first time in the dream, he was looking at me, not at Qui-Gon.

It was so strange, yet it felt so real!

That’s when I woke up. I was sweating so much, I had to go take a shower. By the time I got out of the shower and dried... so strange it is to use water and not the sonic shower that I always used on Tatooine... the communication icon was beeping. I answered, and, there was Qui-Gon and Ani standing as small holograms above the table next to my journal.

I wish I could have hugged them both!

What’s important though, they are both okay. Dooku is another matter. He’s in what Qui-Gon said was a Jedi healing trance. I pray he will be alright as well.

I’m glad I bought this journal. It helped to write this all down. I think I can sleep now.

Good night... again.​

 

Cool tie in to the Bond update and super introspections.

 

Love this connecting to your story the Bond and pm or tag please

 

Tarsier, KELIA, AzureAngel2

Jade_eyes yeah, I kind of figured it would have been strange if she didn't mention what happened there.

earlybird-obi-wan Here you go, friend.

Note: This post ties in the January mini-challenge for the Diary Challenge 2013, Cold.

~~~

Welona 7, 10am.

When I woke up this morning, it was so cold in my room I didn’t want to crawl out of bed. It turned out that I’d somehow turned the heating unit off by mistake... it’s mid winter here in Theed, and the temperature dropped to a negative number outside as well as in my room! Though I rectified that, and after breakfast the room was supposedly a comfortable 25 degree celsius, I was still shivering, my nose was dripping, and I was sneezing my loud enough to make my ears ring. What’s worse is now I’ve started coughing. My chest feels like I’ve been stabbed (yes, I do know what it feels like to be stabbed... a slave’s life is rough), and when I breath in or out there’s a bubbly rasping sound.

I was planning to go out shopping for clothes today and make a trip to the library to begin my genealogy search, but I think I’ll huddle under the blankets make some of the medicinal tea Yané, one of Padmé’s handmaidens, was so kind to bring me, then go back to sleep.

 

Eeek!! Nasty bout of flu!

 

Midwinter on Naboo! I wonder if there are any celebrations.

And sorry that I forgot to read the update before that. Having three teaching jobs keeps me so busy at times.

 

Uh-oh, I hope Shmi doesn't have pneumonia! It must be tough, coming from a place it's never cold.

 

A cold or something more serious?

 

Sounds like a great plan.

I hope Shmi isn't too sick.....

Great update

 

I'm enjoying this story a lot. Shmi's an interesting character, and it's neat to see her get the limelight.

I really liked how it was a notable occasion for her to buy her first item as a free woman, and also that she chose to buy the journal.

You've got lots of great details in here, like her adjustment to luxury, the cold, and having easily available water, plus mentioning things like Primeday, Welona, and 24/5.

The dream was intense, and I hope Shmi recovers from her illness soon.

Looking forward to more!

 

Jade_eyes yes, and that's not all.

AzureAngel2 Yes, but that will be in a later post. BTW, you never have to apologize for not responding. I know RL takes precedence.

Tarsier Well, I think the nights on Tatooine are cold... like on a dessert here on Earth, but probably not like a winter in a humid continental climate.

earlybird-obi-wan yes, something more serious, as Shmi's autoimmunity is still not very strong.

KELIA she'll be fine within a week.

Thumper09 I'm glad you're enjoying this story. Shmi, as I've said before, is the character I identify with the most. I try to pay attention to details, and I'm glad to see someone appreciating that.

~~~

Benunday, Welona 10

I didn’t write the last couple days because I was too sick. Soon after my last entry on Centaxday, I went to lay down. As soon as I lay back, I became very nauseous. I hurriedly got up, but couldn’t reach the refresher in time. The force of vomiting brought me to my knees. All I remember after that was getting up to go to the refresher in search of something to clean the plush carpet with, then vomiting some more in the refresher. Next thing I knew, I woke up in a hospital room. A med droid told me I was found passed out with my head resting on the commode seat. It turns out I had the flu which quickly turned into pneumonia. I should be out of the hospital in a couple days. Once out, I hope never to return to one again!

Padme came to visit me as soon as the doctor determined I could have visitors. When I immediately apologized for ruining the carpet in the bedroom, she shook her head and took my hand.

She said, “Don’t worry about that. We were able to get it cleaned. Your health is my only concern.”

She is such a caring person. I remember back on Tatooine when she argued with Qui-Gon about using Anakin. They had come back from talking to Watto after the sandstorm had abated, and apparently, she’d been ranting at him all the way back. She didn’t realize I was here listening (I wasn’t eavesdropping, I was sitting out there in the open, darning Anakin’s socks). I remember the conversation vividly. Padme was standing with her back to me as she declared loudly:

“The queen won’t allow you to put this youngling at risk! There has to be another way!”

Qui-Gon looked like his patience was wearing thin, yet he kept his voice lowered. “As I pointed out before, the queen isn’t here. I’m in charge of getting her to safety.”

“Not at the expense of an innocent child! I will not let you put that boy’s life in danger!” Padme crossed her arms in front of her chest.

Qui-Gon sighed. “Look, I don’t like it either, but there really is no other way... unless...” The look on his face made my eyebrows rise even as I wondered what he was going to say next.

“What? If there is any other way, we must take it!”

“You could sell your virtue.” My, how that handsome Jedi has an excellent sabacc face. I have no doubt that he never intended to let Padme prostitute herself.

She slapped him pretty hard, and there were red marks where her fingers landed on his cheeks. I warrant her hands stung rather smartly. “How dare you!”

“So, you see we have no other choice?” His voice was softer now, as was his expression. “I don’t like it either.”

I saw Padme’s shoulders slump before she turned and saw me. She looked surprised then a look of guilt crossed her features as she walked toward me. “I... I’m sorry, I... I can’t...” Her cheeks turned a bright crimson as she stammered, “I’m sorry!”

I had already stood up when she saw me, and I went to her and placed a hand on her cheek. “I wouldn’t expect you to. No one...” and I glanced over at Qui-Gon briefly then looked her in the eyes, “is asking you to do that.” She looked so vulnerable as tears started down her cheeks. At that moment, she was just a little girl... not much older than Ani... and my mother instincts took over. I hugged her tight and whispered, “It’s okay. Everything will be okay.”

She soon composed herself then went inside. Qui-Gon was just standing there watching us. With Padme gone, I asked him if that was necessary to shake her up like that. He was very contrite.

That night, after everyone else was asleep, I lay awake and heard someone walking around. First they went to the refresher, then I heard their footsteps go up the steps to the back courtyard. I got up and went out to see Padme staring out toward the podracer Ani had made and would drive in the Boonta Eve Classic the next morning.

“You couldn’t sleep,” I asked.

She turned to me and shook her head.

“If the couch is too uncomfortable, you can use my bed,” I offered.

“Oh, no! It’s not that. I just...” She looked down at the ground then turned from me as she wrapped her arms in front of her. “I... can’t stop thinking that I could stop this... your son doesn’t have to be in danger. I was going to go out to one of the bars to...” She stopped and then whispered, “I’m sorry, I’m not brave enough to do that.”

I knew exactly what she was talking about. I grabbed her elbow and pulled her around to face me... I fear I was a bit rough doing it. I shook her shoulders as I said urgently but tried to keep my voice down so as not to wake anyone, “You put those thoughts out of your head right now! I will not allow you to prostitute yourself. I’ll tie you up if I have to!” At the shocked look on her face, I let go of her shoulders. “I’m sorry, but you have no idea what would really happen. If you went to a bar and tried to solicit yourself, you may just get a mark that will kill you for their pleasure. More likely, a pimp would kill you for trying to hone in on their territory. Either way, you’ll end up dead!”

“H-how do you know?”

“I’m a slave, remember? I’ve had other masters before Watto who had less savory uses for their slaves. I know how they operate.”

She looked mortified. “I’m sorry! I didn’t know... I... I’m so sorry!”

I took a hold of one of her hands. “Padme, I appreciate your concern for Ani, but he was destined to help you. I have faith things will turn out alright.” Truth to tell, I was terrified for my son, but I could not let Padme do what she was thinking of doing. I knew Anakin was destined to help them, but it still scared me. This young lady was just as scared for him and was considering putting her own life on the line for him. But she was so naive. I squeezed her fingers and said, “Now, go back to sleep. Things will work out, you’ll see.”

She thanked me as she gave me a hug, then went back inside. I didn’t sleep very well that night.

Anyway, I don’t think I have to say I love Padme like she was my daughter. Her mother should be very proud of her.

 

Wonderful wonderful post and flashback Shmi is so loving.

 

Like the flashback and Padme caring for Shmi

 

I'm enjoying it so far. It's nice to see through the eyes of side-characters. There's tons of characters in the SW universe that don't get the attention they deserved. I'm glad someone has realized that Shmi is a good character that could be developed into something marvelous. You're a very creative writer, exploring those places that haven't been fully explored. Thank you and I look forward to seeing more.

 

Shmi's caring side really comes out in this entry, from her concern about the carpet to her thoughts about Padme's safety and money-earning conflict on Tatooine. I liked seeing Shmi's loving and protective maternal instincts when she was telling Padme not to go to the bar. Shmi has always seemed to be a very motherly character, actually the most maternal character in the entire movie saga IMHO now that I'm thinking about it, and it was spot-on here.

Padme has to be such a strong leader in the midst of the invasion of Naboo and everything happening in TPM. It's fascinating to see her (understandably) be rattled enough to show the part of her that is still a young girl, and seeing how Shmi responds to that and helps Padme through it. If I was Padme, I probably wouldn't mind a bit of motherly support in a situation like that.

Great job!

 

Jade_eyes, earlybird-obi-wan, JaceV, Thumper09

Sorry, I'm too busy at the moment to reply to all your comments, but I do appreciate all of your feedback.

This post shows Shmi does have a dark side as well.

~~~

Primeday, Welona 11

Sometimes timing can be funny. Just last night I’d mentioned Padme’s mother, and this morning she came to visit me. I had just finished eating breakfast when Jobal Naberrie (Padme’s mother... apparently Amidala is a ‘royal’ name, not a family name) came and knocked at the door.

She came to thank me for looking after her daughter when she was on Tatooine. “Padme told what had happened, and what she considered doing and how you talked her out of it.”

I told her if our situations were reversed, she’d do the same. She said that she hoped that were the case. I’m sure it would be. I sense in her a kindred spirit... one that puts the lives of her children above her own, and wishes only the best for them. I think we could become friends... if only I hadn't turned her away so rudely...

At one point in the visit, she happened to see my old raggedy dress folded up and lying on a table, and mentioned she had some dresses that she was going to get rid of. She asked if I might want to take a look at them, and if I liked them I could have them.

It was a kind gesture. I’m afraid I didn’t take it well. I’m not sure why I reacted the way I did. It’s as if the frigid temperature outside took a hold of my insides. “I’m not in need of charity, Mrs. Naberrie. I have the credits to buy my own clothes and have skills to get a job to make more.”

She quickly apologized for offending me, then politely took her leave.

I’m not sure why I reacted that way. She was just being kind. It’s what I would have done if I’d had the chance to give the way she could. I’m so ashamed at how I treated her. I hope she will forgive me.

 

Shmi is reacting to being a slave, maybe that's her dark side?

 

Shmi has innate compassion and kindness, and can see it in others, but when it takes certain forms & because of her past, she takes genuine generosity as something to defend against. She isn't accustomed to herself in her new status yet. If she were always free and had fallen on hard times, such a gesture would have been instantly taken up even if she added the offer to return the gesture somehow, later.

 

It was really interesting to see Shmi's response here, and it's the layers like this that really make the characters seem real. Shmi has always struck me as someone who knew she had to and could rely on herself, plus Anakin had to rely on her too, so I can understand her independent streak. Maybe now that she's free she also could be feeling it a little more strongly, almost like a heightened expectation of herself. But even if I'm completely off base (which I fully admit is totally likely), her reaction was well-written and made me ponder things about Shmi I'd never considered before.

I hope she's able to mend things with Jobal and develop a friendship with her.

Great work!