Beyond - Legends Kasrit Noyas: To Whom it Doesn't Concern (Dear Diary 2007) New Entry 8/25

This would never fit into Dare to be Oblivious, but I kept wanting to do some vigs. on Kasrit's past and why she's doing and will be doing what she will as practice for the next chapters.

--Edit: This is turning into a Dear Diary. This post is from Older Kasrit or at least older than the one I'll be starting with who will start out 13, and throughout this year become twenty something. I plan on doing her backstory this way, with Alderaan, Caamasi, Talon, The Alliance, Solo twins, Kyp, Mara, and even Ghent making Cameos. Whee!

1:

HOME:

Home is abstract. People think where you were born or raised is 'home'.

For me though, it's always the place I'll never get to see. Dad would exaggerate about the beauty, grandeur, and safety of 'home'. He looked so wistful that you couldn't imagine why he left.

"It's where you're never going back to." Mom would cross her arms, to keep us from asking.

Before the age of ten I hadn't even known where we'd been before being dumped on this mud hole, the folks said they couldn't say or 'higher powers' would dump them on Kessel. As if that could possibly be much worse. They stood in Ration lines all day, hoping that there would be some left by the time they got to the front. She couldn't go outside during the Wind seasons, as it brought in the diseases and radiation.

She knew that home had been nice but that they were now refugees in the slums, and could never go back. Or dad would be Used.

"No Child of mine will ever do as they're told!" Mom would say vehemently, without a trace of complaint. Mom was weird like that. The neighbors thought she was crazy. Again, I have no idea, yet, why she would say this whenever the topic of their past and home were concerned.

Dad was almost opposite. He would frown and disapproved of even the necessary trickery for survival.

"The laws are there for our protection."

My little brother and I never thought he'd be able to live without Mom watching his back. We were right. When daddy would make the floor of our lean-to glow I knew that someday somebody would take him away from us for it.

I don't know if they sent him to Kessel, or if the 'service to the Emperor' meant something else entirely.

Mom's eyes had burned as she'd held us back. "It's better if he dies this way, than returned home." She insisted through the tears.

At ten I hadn't known what could be worse than dying alone.

I'm still not certain. I vowed that day that would do whatever it took to thrive, to get off the Colony where pilots said you could make something of yourself. I loved my dad, but his trust made him weak. I would not be used like that.

Even when I saw the world for myself, if only in holos, I knew it too would never be home, it could never protect me like the children's stories promised to the naive. The world I grew up on taught me, trust no-one and you will never be surprized. You will never be hurt.

So you see, I'm homeless, but it's ok not knowing, for this way it'll always be safe, they can't ever take it away.

*

 

Wow, you put so much context into that short vignette. Everything from the way her mother kept them from asking for more details to the "No child of mine will ever do as they are told" being something other than a complaint was excellent.

 

This is well-done. Very different than Dare to Be, but I like it a lot. The emotion, the convictions... good work. I can't wait for more.

 

A tantalizing look into Kasrit's past. I'd really love to see more of who her parents were, and what happened to them.

Great job!

jcs

 

Yay! Someone read!

[hl=deeppink]DI:[/hl] Thanks. Do you mean the context of this vig or context of Kasrit's actions?

[hl=limegreen]
LostJedi26:[/hl]Thanks. Yeah, it's a lot more serious than Dare will probably ever be. Which is why these will never make it in there. I'm glad it's still enjoyable. I'm updating Dare to be Oblivious today, and with the revelations in there, I will be doing a few more of these. Dare to be Oblivious and this, will probably be the only fics I'll be updating in November because of NanoWriMo. (Many of the plot points will be similar and Kasrit will be morphed into non-star wars and added in to the Novel thing, so I can write for this)
[hl=skyblue]
Jaina_Clan_Solo:[/hl]Yeah. I hadn't thought about the details of her parents until I wrote this, and now they're being all loud to have their stories told. Her father, although force sensitive was not a Jedi.

Thanks.

 

So, I'm turning this into a Dear Diary 2007, and making the last post the first entry. Although this one is supposed to pre-date it. It may jump a few years now and again as she forgets to post to it.



Dear Diary.

Dear Electronic Device Who Doesn't Care About My Life,

I know, I should probably have something more inspritational but I can't think of a name to write to. I should write my mom and brother sometime. However what am I going to tell them? I have so many secrets now.

Hmm... I wonder how much encryption I am going to need to put on this before I feel safe sharing 'my innermost thoughts' as the counselor suggested I do, after witnessing that guy get murdered next to school. That's how I got this thing in the first place. I don't have the money to be wasting on my 'innermost thoughts and feelings'. I mean, it's not even the first death I'd ever seen. The lady at the housing office must know that. I mean it's the Colony for crying out loud. Even the deaths you don't actually see, you often hear, or smell. I think I'd rather see it than smell it. It won't matter soon because I'm getting off this rock, today. Bye Bye.

Sure, the guy getting me off is a bit shady, but no more so than most of my old neighbors. He's a Caamasi, so I don't think he'd be likely to sell me off or 'nutin. Backcha says Caamasi means 'stranger to be trusted' in his home language. Here's hoping! I'm only 13, yet I'm about to leave planet-- Isn't that exciting? I have nothing to carry with me really. Junk mostly.

Speaking of Junk, Pherison won't be able to trying to touch me, if I'm a world away. I'm not stupid neither, I know where that kind of stuff leads. Too much junk. Too much baggage. I'm a girl with a plan.

I do hope mom doesn't worry. I left a note, and got her bank account, so I can send her money once I get settled. I was only being a financial drain. The schools here aren't teaching me nothing neither, besides being a good place for 'people practice'. Surrynic E'Kles, if that is his real name, promises me to teach me stuff. He says I have a great ability to learn which should not be wasted. He also claims to know my dad, but, hey, his ship is nice so who cares if he's crazy? The deal is solid.

Can you imagine this old dude is a refugee too? He seems to smart and monied for that. He looks like a weird furred rodent, Stang I hope he never reads this. I also think you're nice Mr. pyschic furred rodent. I'm going to start calling you Surry Nick. Or maybe Sir Enoch?

Nice Boss Man.

--I swear most sincerely,

Kaze Noyas.

(Kasrit, but ain't that stuffy?)

 

I like the adaptation of this into your Diary project. The observations that she had on death were very interesting and insightful and I like that she still has that Kasrit resilience.

 

DI: Thanks. I think that while she is resilient, she is pretending to be stronger than she is. A good deal of it is facade, and denial of reality.

Mira_Jade: Thanks Nah, it was short so it's kinda easy.First person ussaully is. I'm sure you can do it too.

 

Dear Stupid Machine Blessed without Emotions,

Overall I'd say that Alderaan's refugee camps are better than the Colony. Cleaner. Not a stormtrooper in sight either.

But. But I think I saw a girl get attacked. And I didn't do anything. Right across the street from our apartment. She kept screaming stuff like "Date rape!" And "How could you do this to me? I know you!" She was hysterical. She was also a second away from falling to the ground. Maybe she was drunk. Maybe he put something in her drink. But the two guys trying to drag her into the speeder, and their quiet demands that she shut up made it more confusing. I was walking home from the market, late at night, thinking isn't it nice that Alderaan is so much safer than the Colony? I don't think they looked at me. I didn't want them to. I tried to pretend that nothing was happening.

On the Colony you didn't bother the local police unless somebody was dead and they body needed to be moved. You didn't want them to know you on sight. You didn't want to rat on anybody because someday you might need them, or they might kill you. I hated that feeling. This feeling. I thought I'd escaped that terror and guilt at my own ability to do nothing to change things when I left home. I guess that shows what a kid I still am.

But maybe I did the right thing? I mean I'm less than five feet tall, tiny, and a girl. What could I have done but given them someone else to hurt? Maybe if I was a boy, or even just stronger. Or not a coward.

I don't know if she saw me.

But I still hear her words, only directed at me "How could you do this to me?" I didn't even know her. I don't think I ever will. She's just another nameless face. I know this will sound crazy but last night I swear I felt betrayed and scared, and I don't think it was me. Forget that. It was just a crazy night.

I told Sir Enoch and he was disapointed in me. He said I should have told the police yesterday. Last night. When I called them as he made me, they told me the same thing. "Maybe then we could have done something." They wanted my name, how I wish I hadn't given it. I'm a horrid person. But I didn't know what to do! Or even who to call. Go away useless guilt!

Sir Enoch says I still have much to learn.

Someday I'm going to learn, I'm gonna become strong and I'll know what to do and I won't let this ever happen again!

Truly an Idiot,

Kasrit Noyas

 

::Hubs to Kasrit.:: I hate that sort of helplessness and you wrote it so well. Interesting perspective on that justice system.

 

Yeah, thanks Ish I'd write happier Kasrit posts, but well, that sorta was me last night, seeing that junk. Yay police. Luckily they're investigating at least. This kind of crap, I've been hearing from friends and now witnessing in the last few weeks. Yeah, in crappier communities you don't call the police. Very much helplessness. Very much in the background of Kasrit and the fear she has with Ghent latter on.

I promise that next post will be happier! And funny! Before I go back to serious.

 

Dear 'Aren't You Happy You Aren't a Protocol Droid Right Now',

School is going well- since it's taught in basic I've caught up with the Alderaanians. Alderaani? Alderaanish, Alderanese? I don't know what the technical term is yet. Bet ya that's going to be added to my list of near-useless trivia I'm downloading. These people are obessesed with proper protocol. They aren't all that practical though. Pretty buildings, less common sense in general. It must come from having relative peace. You get gulliable. Not an entirely bad thing for me though.

I get nice 'proper' clothing from my...benefactor? Employer? I don't know. He's really nice to me. He said in a few months I have to get shipped to 'his friends' who have been looking for someone like me. Sounds shady doesn't it? hills. No. Sounds like hills or kills, anyhoo, he says they know about everything there is to know and that they'd set me up. But I'm not supposed to tell people I'm going to them.

ANYWHO. What I was tryiing to post about is this--the royalty are visiting our camps. Sir Enoch is going to some meeting with them and I have to tag along. Her royal highnessness Leia is going to be there. She's probably going to be stuffy and full of herself like most rich people are. Not only are the Organa's rich but they have the power that often goes along with it. I bet she's going to want me to bow and be awed to be in her prescene. Gonna have to lay on the compliments thick.

And I bet she thinks she's going to be able to solve all our problems with a wave of her hand.

"Oh you poor dear! Your family is in abject poverty, you've watched people killed and other crimes against the galaxy at such a young age! Oh! Servant" snap of fingers. " Please bring this poor girl some rich people's hot cocoa, that will cure all her problems! Yes! That and being in the presence of such fake beauty and health as myself will make her wee- no Year! She'll run home and tell her friends of my greatness and to vote for my daddy for senator next year too! Oh, I am sooo brillant."

I'll tell you about that tommorrow. Today I must learn how to curtsey, point my pinky, and do everything else I'm supposed to do to keep the royals from knowing what the rest of us go through.

"Oh, I think I'll faint! She used the wrong fork! I've never seen something so shocking." Boo hoo hoo.

Gotta keep the royals in their happy little bubbles. While the rest of us worry what insane new law the emperor's senate will come up with.

See I've been around a politician or two and I've never been near one who didn't say what he thought you wanted to hear, while all the time being so two faced that a homeless guy looks innocent.

All he wants is his alcohol and drugs and maybe some food and a roof. Or an easy girl.

Politicians want all that, sorry all the best of that, for free and your respect to boot. They expect you to like them and don't ever thank you for it.

But that's just me. Don't worry Sir Enoch I won't let you down. Won't embarress you. I know how to play my part in this play. I know my lines, where to stand, and what faces to make.

Oh, I'll smile at you, but I'm going to laugh inside at what a hypocrit I know you to be. Hah.

"No, sir, I would never dream to steal bread to feed my family. That would be wrong!" ::insert pitiful picture here::

Maybe I'll even get them to like me. There is a card I can always use.

Properly,

~Kasrit Noyas

 

Dear I bet you're Not as Interested in This As Me,


I could bore you about how proper and sorta nice Princess Leia Organa was, or I could write about something that interests me. Alright- So she's a decent sort. Maybe her dad actually cares about folk. He still doesn't get what it's like to be down here.


The Curiosity. The Interesting tidbit I overheard that has grabbed my curiousity and will no doubt be modivating me for the remainder of my time on Alderaan.

See, I overheard a conversation between Daddy and daughter. A private conversation. It went something like this.

"You can't be too careful!"

"But daaad."

"This is why we have Winter- you can never allow the Empire to get a sample of your blood- no matter what."

"I don't like living a lie. " Silence, a teenager daughter sound of frustration and curiosity. "What's wrong with my blood?"

"Nothing! Everything!" Daddy gets all emotional. "There are some things they can never know about you. You're so special to me..."

"But not even our own supporters?"

Pregnant pause. "Somethings they shouldn't know either."

"Dad- what aren't you telling me? Don't I even have the right to know?"

"Someday, someday soon I'll tell you, but right now you're safer not knowing. You're going to be scutenized by Sith when you serve as Senator."

Another frustrated teenager sound.

Unfortunately I had to flee then, I couldn't find a good reason to be in eavesdropping distance of the room any longer.

The Organas have a secret. ::insert curious eyebrow raising and a grin:: And I want to know what it is.

My current guess? Leia isn't a legitimate princess. Blood disease? Breha cheating on her husband? Naw-He's waaay too hot. How could you cheat on someone that ::whistling sound:: He's hot for an old man. Naw, this Queen seems smarter than that. Then what is this deep dark secret in the House Organa?

Yes, I'm going have to casual conversations with my teachers now. How innocious will it be to ask about the history of the royal family when they've just visited? I just want to know more about our rulers that I am sooo impressed by. ::bat bat::

Sneakily,

Kasrit Noyas.

 

Dear Rarely Used for Good Diary,

Well I've been asking around. But I haven't learned anything about the Organas that isn't in the textbooks or public media. So I've been using guesses. I hate having to guess. I know some kids don't look much like their parents but there is something about the princess's features that don't look right. I used an imaging program to combine each of the Royals with people they had been known to have associated with oh, 18 or 19 years ago. I found a few faces that could work. One is a holovid actress that Organa barely saw, and a senator he was on the same committee as. The more I hear about Bail though, the less inclined I am to think he'd cheat on his wife--even if the rumors are true that the Queen couldn't give him a child. If those rumors are true, it's more likely that she(the princess) is adopted. That would be something you would keep hush hush.

I think there is more to it than that, but after a month of deligent effort I'm reaching the end of my resources in this position. It's frustrating. Maybe when I'm older I'll be able to get in to see the right people to ask the right questions. And I'd need the money to travel to a few planets to get more info. Sir Enoch says you used to be able to get more reliable information off the Holo-net before the Empire. He also said it's a mark of maturity to come to terms with what we can't change, and to know that we can't know everything, and that we certainly don't right now.

::sticks out tongue:: yeah yeah. Take all the fun out of life.

I guess it's useless now, as Sir Enoch says 'it's time for us to leave and for you to truly begin your training.'

I should be thrilled at the oppourtunity to leave this planet and see more of the galaxy, but it's true that Alderaan is a beautiful planet. A place where a smart talented girl could marry well and get some standing. I think I could make some connections and friends if I stayed here long enough.

--This may be a boring entry, I may go back and delete it, and a few others later on.--

:Sigh: Goodbye Alderaan, we barely knew each other.

Frustrated by Stuff I don't know,

Kaz

 

Dear Diary(aka my thoughts),

Sorry for taking so long to write. I haven't had time since leaving Alderaan.

I've been learning a lot here. When I'm writing to a diary aren't I really writing to myself, or a part of myself? Wouldn't this be a more effective way to decide what my behavioral structure is? The[Edited Out by Server 58942.1]__________________________________________________ , and I've learned a lot. Who would have thought, me especially that [edited by Server 58942.2]________________________________________. These guys know so much. Sir Enoch was right. I never would have guessed six months ago when I got here that... that anyone, any group could know so much about everyone else! This only points out my own naivette that I thought I didn't have because of the Colony. Maybe it was just a lack of faith in any higher power? That there could be any order?

What's weirder for me, and less satisfying, is that if I join the monks serving them in exchange for access to this network, I could never tell anyone about it. NOONE. Not Mom, not my brother. Not even if I someday have a lover- a husband. I can't even leave any classified information about, a record. I would report what they wanted to know, could use the information but could never disclose my sources. I'd have to hide the Acesspoints. And I'd have to follow their orders, no matter who else I ever get employed by. Would it be worth it?

I don't have much of a choice though. I won't survive on my own. I don't...agree with all of it, but there is always fine print, yes? Most major Corporations in the galaxy have 'you betray us, you die clauses'. And if they wanted to I'm sure they could. They know everything. They know where dad came from. They could hunt me down and there would be no place to hide. I don't doubt that they're reading this too.

I don't have a lot of time to decide. I don't feel 14 1/2.


~Kasrit Noyas of the [edited out by Server 58942.3]_______________?

 

Dear Diary,


I don't know what to write. strike that. I don't know what I'm allowed to write. Nothing that has to do with my current situation. Nothing about me, or what I've been doing.

I can tell you about recent galactic events, which you probably know about.I've missed out on a lot while I've been studying.

Alderaan is gone. Poof! (Alderaan, was where I spent some time with Sir Enoch before coming here) Not enslaved, just gone. The Empire it seems has decided to eliminate the peaceful world. I'm not going to read the Empire's Spin department garbage about why they did it. Most of the Holo-net is filled with it. Like most atrocities it really came down to Someone With Power's Ego, and proving themself. Like some whiney kid saying "I'll show you!!" One up man ship. Look what I can do!

And who pays? They defenseless sheep! You KNOW they never would have tried that on the Correilian system. No, the entire system would have literally been up in arms at their mere invasion. The pirates would have probably joined them. Now that would have been something nice to see!

But, no. The ignorant sheep who believe if they love people enough, show compassion enough that the Big Bad won't hurt them. Flowers can't stop Blasters. Get some reality!

I'm not saying they deserved it by any means. There were nice people there, but their arts and high ideals got them and their planet killed!

Humans, aren't we ussually the problem anyway?, in general and the rest of the galaxy will do whatever it thinks it can get away with.

The only good thing I can say for it, is that maybe now some complacent sheep across the galaxy have woken up to the Technological Terror they are supporting by their neutrality. You can't depend on the goodness of others to keep the galaxy the way it's been or make it better. Either you're fighting for it, or you're doing nothing and supporting evil. There isn't a gray area.

~Kasrit Noyas

 

Just stumbled upon this diary and it's nice . Well written and that part about Alderaan

I'm not saying they deserved it by any means. There were nice people there, but their arts and high ideals got them and their planet killed!

Humans, aren't we ussually the problem anyway?, in general and the rest of the galaxy will do whatever it thinks it can get away with.

taken from real life.

 

Whew, Kasrit is one tough cookie. I can see why ideas like relationship and commitment are danced around with great care in your other story featuring Kasrit. She's really had to take care of herself her whole life.

Looking forward to finding out what she was up to during the Rebellion.

 

READERS!! I had all but given up hope of anyone reading this!


[hl=orange]Earlybird-Obi-wan:[/hl] Thanks Yeah. A lot of this journal is taken from real life, political books I read, stuff I see happen. Only I've never been taken in by the Whills. (a fun little star wars group I wanted to add to a story- look up at Wookiepedia for details on why you might be scared that Kasrit spent time with them)

[hl=royalblue]Blue Milkshake:[/hl] Yeah, she 's tough and generally lacks in trust. Although a lot of her toughness in her diary and elsewhere is a front. She thinks if she acts like nothing bugs her and writes it enough times it will suddenly be true. Emotions? I don't need emotions.

Oh, yes. Well I can say at least that she will find herself unfortunately on Hoth for a little bit. She's about to head out on her own for the first time, trial and error.



Random slightly related News: Dare to be Oblivious's next post has 4 pages written. A page or two from done.

 

(Sorry about the typos but I don't have a computer to type and save this on, so I'm typing directly into the message box)



Dear Keeper of Memories,

I've been learning a lot about Jedi lately, and other force users. Caamasi like Sir Enoch, I've gained an appreciation for. If you have any talent with mystical energy fields you can just about forget leading a nice boring life.

My teachers have brought up the question "Do you control the power or does it control you?" At the end of which they explained why it's often a good idea to run the other way from anyone good or bad who has 'special powers'. If you don't have power and you're with them, history says you're expendable. Unless of course you're already caught in their web of grave peril, in which case it is best to guilt trip them into protecting you. Jedi especially have this Hero-complex which is useful to play off of. If in peril, in my case being a damsel in distress, or indespensible allie in a must. If they think you have the only map of the way out, or vital to the survivial of the galaxy, they'll die for you. Refer to Destiny and Prophesies.

I've especially appreciated their class on how to tell if you're in a place, or with a group of people who are Doomed. It's not necessarily bad if you're with people who will in the long term be killed or worse. But if you know the signs of history of what is a 'Soon to be doomed' planet, it is wise to use any means to escape.

Anyway In six weeks I'll be termed 'outside safe' and sent out on my own. I'm 15. This will be 'interesting'. They're going to consider it a 'practical exam' to see if I can get back from 1 planet to a predetermined one from some random place in the galaxy with 40 credits to my name. I'm not afraid to say that that scares me.

But you know? I think it's about time I started making some real money so I can send it back to mom. She should get more from her Eldest child than just a few transmissions confirming that I'm alive.

If I pass this test, they'll give me the name of an information brocker I can work for without blowing any covers.

I can do this--because I have to.


~Kasrit

 

Dear Diary,

Good News: They sent me to a human-friendly world, where food and lodgings are cheap.

Bad News: No Hutts. No easy jobs. Well Ok, easy jobs but none of them specialized. I could be a farm worker, even though I don't have the build for it. It's a dirt-ball that's 25 years behind on everything.

The natives say the planet is called Averam, in the Seswenna system? (I couldn't understand their accent when they told me that word) and that we're on the outer rim.

So...

Current location: Averam

Planet to meet them on: Naboo.

(Inner rim? For all intents and purposes this planet has fallen off of the information bandwagon, so I'll have to get off-world to get a Holo net connection to know more)

Did I mention that this planet has crap for tech? No Holo-net! And they say I'm too young to get into the bars, to meet people in crime rings. Kriff.

Also I only have a year to get to Naboo.


Hmm. I've been here a week and met a nice boy who's told me he's part of an Empire-hating group. How conviently chaotic. It might be nice/useful to create a rucuss. He says he supports the Alliance. (The Alliance are these people who are determined to bring the Old Republic back, and not just because taxes were lower then. Ultra Idealists. They're a Power in this galaxy that it would be wise to gain connections to anyway.)

I think I'll spend more time with his group. If we get big enough here, they might export us to a better planet. I normally wouldn't be attracted to such a group, but I think they are good. That is, unlikely to be the type to doublecross, betray or use me too much. SO Idealistic. Isn't that kinda cute?

~Kazzy

[hl=white]A cell broken by Imperial Intelligence and Mara was somehow involved[/hl]

 

Dear Diary,

Things were going my way until the stang-tastic Imperials decided to be all control obsessive and interfere. I'm wondering if maybe someone in this cell is/was force sensitive. If they were why didn't I see the signs? Force sensitives always seem to bring down Imperial trouble. I said was, as should be evident most of our group is dead, captured or MIA. I stayed with the cutie Jaboc, and we're trying to get off planet as I type. Not the obvious good way to spend my time, but looking aloof and not drawing attention to myself at this spaceport may be all I'm good for at the moment.

I'm not going to tell you how they died, I don't want to remember and record that. I don't think it was my training that's kept me alive. It felt so random, who death chose this time around. I don't pity the dead, the way I do the captured though. Quick death is kinder than many things the Empire can do. At least if you get shot to death, you remain yourself, un reprogrammed and you don't have to worry about what the Empire will make you do. Yes, existing is not always something to be envied.

I know this may sound sick, but in a way I sorta admire the group that took us down. They were professionals. I didn't have as much warning as I thought I would have. Arrogance on my part. Jaboc and I would be dead now, if I hadn't of had a craving for frozen moaballs, if I hadn't of felt restless, bored with our work. Was that my warning? We arrived back and Jaboc stopped me a few stores down from the entrance. You couldn't hear the shots, nor the screams. Just muffled cries and the sound of a silencer. It sounded like someone spitting. I doubt many people in our neighborhood even noticed.

This time around I wasn't good enough. I can't justify myself. I should have gone in and tried to save them, as dumb as it would have been, so outnumbered.

Instead of running. I hate running.

But I am no fighter.

One of them, the leader is scanning the spaceport. She's trying to hide her status, but no one on this planet walks like that. No one is that self confident that they're invincable. Unless they have the Government Big Guns behind them. No one is that interested in looking at the people here, in their plain unimportant clothes. Only a preditor, looking casually for it's proper victim.

I will never forget that red hair, stained with innocent blood, nor the green sludge of her eyes. Admire the ability to take us down, and the power-- yet still hate her for it.

Curse you!


~Kasrit

(age 16)

 

Dear Diary,

Since last I wrote:

Jaboc and I had to switch transports a few times before we got on an Alliance one. He's a pretty funny guy. Ok, that sounds inappropriate considering my last entry but he's not one to let horrible macabe killings keep him down.

"They knew what they were dying for." He said.

He always gets my food for me first and stands up when I enter a room. It's really odd--but I think I like it. This trip would have been alot more boring, and ok nobody better read this but Lonely too. I'm not saying that I'm depending on him because people let you down, but I think, and this could be because he's pretty Nuclear hot, that he would never intentionally let me down.

(He's kinda tall, deep green eyes and exotic silver hair, and lanky strong) I know he's hot because even the twi-lek woman leer at him.


I don't know. Maybe he's nice to all girls. Have I said yet that he doesn't push a physical relationship? Not to say that we haven't been close, and maybe I've been a bit impatient lately for him to try and kiss me. Maybe he's just being close because I'm the only one of his cell left?

He said that once we reach the current home base that they could find a transport to Naboo for me. Which used to thrill me and make me feel triumphant-

Which of course means that now it sort of doesn't. I have to prove that I can do this. What am I thinking? Gah! Girl get it together! Jaboc is just a guy!

Emotions are dumb and let you down, and what are you doing thinking with them for even a moment? We've got a mission to complete so we can take care of ourself! No distractions!

I can pretend to be taken in by him and play with him when it's fun but attachment=hurt= distracted=dumb. Not to mention I am not ready to be a mom so no frufru, no risk.

I've gotta get to thinking about him as my servant, helpful sure, but not essential.


<3

Kaz

(age 16)