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Kyle Katarn is so tough...

Discussion in 'Literature' started by Kenobi_Kid, Sep 9, 2006.

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  1. Kenobi_Kid

    Kenobi_Kid Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 5, 2005
    Hi. I'm trying to create a list of all the "Kyle Katarn is so tough" qoutes that have been used on this board.

    So far the list goes like this:

    There is no Sith Order. Just a list of Sith that Kyle Katarn allows to live.

    Kyle Katarn died in Dark Forces 1. The grim reaper is too scared to tell him.

    The Death Star was named after Kyle Katarn's right testicle

    The Second Death Star was named after his left testicle

    Kyle Katarn is referenced only once in the Star Wars Saga - this occurs when Palpatine fries Mace Windu with lightning.

    Why did Vegere cross the road? She didn't, Kyle Katarn killed her.

    Hyperspace exists because it's afraid to be in the same reality as Kyle Katarn

    The Death Star laser was based on a schematic of Kyle Katarn's lightsaber

    The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of Kyle Katarn

    Kyle Katarn is a higher level than G-Canon

    There is no chin behind Kyle Katarn's beard, just another Bryar Pistol.

    Kyle Katarn's so tough he could've taken on the Emperor and Vader himself, but he was to busy rebuilding Alderaan by hand.

    Mustafar looks like it does because it's people once ticked Kyle off.

    Utapau is full of holes for the same reason

    There is no Dark side. Only stuff that Kyle doesn't believe in.

    There are only two names with which you should address Kyle Katarn: Kyle, and Sir.

    When the Moff proclaimed that the Death Star was the ultimate power in the galazy, it was because he had never heard of Kyle Katarn.

    Kyle's so tough that when he climbs rocks he's not going up, he's pulling them down.

    Kyle's so tough that when he gives the evil eye he can breach the fabric of time and space.

    Palpatine built The Death Star because he couldn't get Kyle to work for him.

    Kyle?s so tough that when he does a push-up, he?s pushing the planet away from him.

    Anakin had so many Medi-chlorians because a time-travelling Kyle was his father.


    Does anybody know any more?

    Sorry, but if people want to abuse leniency everyone suffers.
     
  2. wild_karrde

    wild_karrde Jedi Grand Master star 7

    Registered:
    Oct 8, 1999
    Meh, the Jack Bauer & Chuck Norris ones are better.



    Jack Bauer wasn't addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

    Chuck Norris doesn't sleep - he waits.
     
  3. Jodus

    Jodus Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jan 21, 2005
    when Anakin Skywalker gets mad, he turns into Darth Vader. When Darth Vader gets mad, he turns into Kyle Katarn.
     
  4. Kenobi_Kid

    Kenobi_Kid Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 5, 2005
    Good one.

    There's only one thing that can stop Kyle Katarn: a clone of him armed with the freakin sweet hat.
     
  5. SuperSaiyaMan12

    SuperSaiyaMan12 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 30, 2005
    The reason why Revan was so powerful was because he was the son of Kyle Katarn
     
  6. Leto II

    Leto II Jedi Padawan star 6

    Registered:
    Jan 23, 2000
    "Chuck Norris is not a man; he is the culmination of hundreds of years of black oppression."

    "The Chuck Norris diet consists of nails, drug dealers, and children."

    "Google recieves 300 million hits a day. Chuck Norris can deliver that many hits in less than a second."

    "Booze *gains* alcohol content after passing through Chuck Norris."

    "Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked her into a glacier."
     
  7. Winged_Jedi

    Winged_Jedi Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 28, 2003
    To see tractor beam technology in action, put Kyle Katarn in a room full of women.

    Darth Malak once tried to copy Kyle's beard. We know what happened next.

     
  8. Kenobi_Kid

    Kenobi_Kid Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 5, 2005
    Oh yes! YES! Beautiful!

    The Hoth asteroid field is made up of rocks that Kyle found in his shoes.
     
  9. Corran_Fett

    Corran_Fett Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 17, 2005
    [doctorwho]Beautiful[/doctorwho], indeed! [face_laugh] [face_mischief]
     
  10. Mark686

    Mark686 Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 30, 2001
    Id do him.
     
  11. SuperSaiyaMan12

    SuperSaiyaMan12 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 30, 2005
    The rings around Geonosis were created when Kyle Katarn fought drunken Lobo, shattering Geonosis' moon. Kyle offered Lobo to buy a drink laterwards.
     
  12. ThrawnRocks

    ThrawnRocks Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 10, 2004
    The Yuuzhan Vong left their galaxy to escape Kyle Katarn...


    ...unfortunately for them, Kyle Katarn runs fast.





    Kyle Katarn cut off the Force from the Yuuzhan Vong so he could use it to repair the Moldy Crow.
     
  13. SuperSaiyaMan12

    SuperSaiyaMan12 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 30, 2005
    Hiten Mitsurugi-ryu was not invented by Hiko Seijiro the First, but Kyle Katarn on an off day.
     
  14. Jodus

    Jodus Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jan 21, 2005
    Kyle Katarn CAN rip the ears off a Gundark, and its arms, and its legs...

    Kyle Katarn can kiss a wookiee, and the wookiee will like it.

    Super Star Destroyers were designed to fight the Moldy Crow.

    Palpatines first sentence in his Dark Side Compendium is "Don't &$#@ with Kyle Katarn!"

     
  15. Kenobi_Kid

    Kenobi_Kid Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 5, 2005
    When Kyle Katarn fires a blaster, there's no recoil. The universe moves forward a little.
     
  16. Commander5052

    Commander5052 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 28, 2005
    Kyle Katarn doesn't walk: he pushes the planet away from him.
    Kyle Katarn doesn't feel pain, pain feels Kyle Katarn.
     
  17. Jaden-Skywalker

    Jaden-Skywalker Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 13, 2004
    Think of a beautiful woman.

    Kyle Katarn did her.
     
  18. SephyCloneNo15

    SephyCloneNo15 Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 9, 2005
    The Dark Side ending of Jedi Knight isn't non-canon because LFL has a policy of making Dark Side endings non-canon. It's non-canon because they realized the story was over because no other good guy is bad*** enough to take out Dark Side Kyle.

    ROTS is lying, the real reason Vader is in the suit is because he picked a fight with 3-year-old Kyle, and Kyle was feeling generous that day.

    Edit: Thought "picked a fight" sounded better than "got in a fight"
     
  19. DarthNidLoc

    DarthNidLoc Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Mar 19, 2005
    SOLD!!![face_laugh] [face_laugh]
     
  20. Darth_Erronus

    Darth_Erronus Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Sep 5, 2006
    Ewoks are just leftovers from when Kyle Katarn shaves his beard.
     
  21. SWBob

    SWBob Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 19, 2003
    Wonderful.[face_laugh]
     
  22. Mark686

    Mark686 Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 30, 2001
    Kyle Katarn is not referenced in the Star Wars film saga, but he is mentioned in Pulp Fiction by Sam Jackson?s wallet.
     
  23. quad_gun_jinn

    quad_gun_jinn Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 13, 2002
    You can just take the ones about Chuck and Bauer and tweak them a bit

    "Kyle isnt addicted to spice, spice is addicted to Kyle"

    "Centrepoint wasn't used to create the Maw. Kyle dragged the black holes ther"
     
  24. JaySkywalker01

    JaySkywalker01 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2005
    Nice.


    From any "certain point of view", Kyle Katarn will mess you up.

    Kyle Katarn once met Yoda. He put a collar on him and took him for a walk.

    Asteroids do not concern Kyle Katarn, Admiral, they're just his kidney stones.

    Chiss scientists created Alpha Red by synthesizing Kyle's urine.

    Kyle Katarn never writes in his datapads; the words assemble themselves out of fear.

    Some people whine and cry after slaughtering a camp of Tusken Raiders. Kyle Katarn calls it target practice.

    The account of Yun-Yuuzhan creating the universe by sacrificing parts of his body was just a day that Kyle decided to shave.



     
  25. jSarek

    jSarek VIP star 4 VIP

    Registered:
    Feb 18, 2005
    That takes on a whole different set of connotations when you realize [link=http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=starwars/article/sw20050407b]who hired the Chiss in the first place[/link].
     
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