Kyle Katarn is so tough...

No, connotations are still the same for me. Kyle Katarn...urine...kills Vong. Seriously, that's an odd coincidence. JS01, you have inadvertently explained the truth of Alpha Red!

The Death Star was not supposed to have any weakness. They were planning to have Kyle Katarn stand inside the exhaust shaft.

 

An original . . .

That green flash you see when Kyle is shot isn't a shield, it's just the blaster bolts becoming envious when they realize who they're about to hit.

And a distillation of my list of Chuck Norris facts, with the relevant facts replaced with the truth . . .

Kyle Katarn visited the baby Obi-Wan Kenobi and gave him the gift of beard.

Kyle Katarn once shot a Star Destroyer down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

In the cancelled LucasArts game "Dark Forces: Oregon Trail," Kyle's family doesn't die from cholera or dysentery, but rather from Bryar Pistol blasts and lightsaber blows. The programmers also didn't include a wagon, since he carried the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. They cancelled development when they realized that Kyle always made it to Oregon before the player.

Kyle gave his soul to Darth Sidious for his rugged good looks and unparalleled combat skills. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Kyle shot Sidious in the face with his Bryar Pistol and took his soul back. Palpatine, who every so often appreciated irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. Kyle and Palpatine had a steady Sabacc game every second Wednesday of the month until Kyle let some other guy kill him.

If you can see Kyle Katarn, he can see you. If you can't see Kyle Katarn, you may be only seconds away from death.

Kyle Katarn once lightsabered someone so hard that his blade broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Darth Bane while he was training Darth Zannah.

If you ask Kyle Katarn what time it is, he always looks at his chrono and says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he shoots you in the face with his Bryar Pistol.

Kyle Katarn lost his virginity before Morgan Katarn did.

Since around 22 BBY, when Kyle Katarn is believed to have been born, Bryar Pistol-related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

There are no disabled beings. Only beings who have met Kyle Katarn.

Kyle Katarn is currently suing Del Rey, claiming "Legacy" and "The Force" are trademarked names for his lightsaber and Bryar Pistol.

It was once believed that Kyle Katarn actually lost a fight to a Yuuzhan Vong, but that is a lie, created by Kyle Katarn himself to lure more Yuuzhan Vong to him. Yuuzhan Vong never were very smart.

Kyle Katarn won at Dejarik without ever moving a piece. He simply ripped the arm off of the Wookiee that was playing against him.

Well, the connotations of *how* the Chiss got Mr. Katarn's urine become a lot more interesting, at any rate. ;-)

There was originally only one woman in the Star Wars galaxy, but Kyle decided there needed to be more so that they could pale in comparison to Jan.

 

This . . . is so not funny. *shakes head*

Katarn's so tough . . . no shaver can handle his jaw.
Katarn's so tough, his pixel hair doesn't breeze and inch.
Katarn's so tough, he falls off a ledge side and just reloads.
Why doesn't Jan have kids? Katarn's waiting for her sadow panties to lose a blasted a fortitude save.

Why have you corrupted me with this lapdance? I'm nortoning myself before I jiggle any further.

 

This... is so not funny, either!

 

Kyle is Zonama Sekot's father.

In Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast players may see a screen that says "Game Over Kyle Katarn Has Died" This however is a typo. It was supposed to say "Game Over Kyle Katarn Is Bored"

The Yuuzhan Vong took Coruscant and won the first half of the war because Kyle was sleeping. No one was brave enough to wake him up.

God won't let you touch Kyle Katarn

Kyle Katarn doesn't need to Flow Walk, he just scares space/time.

 

If there's a bright centre to the universe then it is Kyle Katarn.

Kyle Katarn isn't named ofter the Bull Katarn, Bull Katarns are named after Kyle. Kyle killed them all for improper use of his name.

Kyle Katarn was about to fly across the galaxy when he relised it would be quicker to run.

When Anakin said he was the only human who could podrace... he lied.

No one has seen Kyle Katarn more then once. The reason, he kills them the first time.

Kyle Katarn has a differen't colour lightsaber for every day of the week.

 

The Death Star superlaser really was just one of Kyle's old Bryar Pistols that he threw away for being to low-powered.

When Ben said "You can't win Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine." he did not mean coming back as a force ghost but as one of Kyle's beard stubble.

 

Kyle Katarn is so tough that when he goes fishing he puts space slugs on his hooks.

The real reason the Naboo blockade was lifted was because the Republic threatened to send Kyle Katarn after them. And that was before he was born!

 

Kyle Katarn is the father of every kid on this board!

His poop is considered currency on Endor.

I once saw him scissor-kick Mon Mothma.

Did I ever tell you about the time Kyle Katarn took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Kyle takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half ? until sure enough, someone constructs a bar around us. Well, the day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Kyle yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found 'em!'

He once punched a hole in a Nerf just to see who was coming up the road.

He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Did I ever tell you about the time Kyle Katarn went hunting? Kyle decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives...except Fleegle.

I remember one time, Kyle Katarn took his family to SeaWorld...They were watching Shamu the whale and Kyle got splashed. So Kyle yells, 'I'm Kyle Katarn and no one gets me wet!' So he climbs into the tank, grabs Shamu and throws the whale into the audience, splashes him and yells, 'Now how do you like it?' And then damn if Katarn didn't step in there and finish the show.

We once had a bachelor party for Katarn. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Kyle Katarn's family crest is a picture of a Gundark eating Mace Windu.

Kyle Katarn named the group The Modal Nodes. They did not want to be called that.

Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Boonta Eve Podrace. The kid wrecked and died. Katarn said it would've happened sometime.

He killed Lak Sivrak with a trident.

He slept with all of our wives, punched us in the face, and we loved him for it.

 

There's gotta be one out there about Death Star Plans. Someone figure it out.

 

There may have been as many as a dozen different parts of the Death Star plans lying around when Kyle stole them, all incomplete. However, the piece Kyle stole was so scared of Kyle that it completed itself. By the time the Rebellion got the other pieces, Artoo already had Kyle's complete technical readout stored in him.

 

The Sun Crusher's missiles were so powerful because they contained a glob of Kyle's spit.

Tattooine wasn't always a desert. But one day Kyle got thirsty...

Grand Admiral Thrawn was one of Kyle Katarn's greatest students.

 

The Sun Crusher was originally concieved as a humane alternative to Kyle Katarn.

 

The real reason why Freeza destroyed Planet Vegeta wasn't because he feared that a Super Saiya'jin would arise, it was because Kyle was there at the time. Freeza was afraid of him.

 

• When playing as Kyle Katarn, keep in mind that F9 is quicksave. Every other key leads to armageddon.


• Kyle Katarn stole the Death Star plans because destroying the Death Star would be far too easy.


• Men are from Corellia. Women are from Hapes. Kyle Katarn is from the Maw.


• Kyle Katarn's shoulder pad is greater than The Hat.


• Kyle Katarn's killed five of the Emperor's clones with his sharp wit alone.

 

Kyle Katarn once holorecorded himself making sweet love to my wife, and then made me watch it! I cried my eyes out, it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Nine months later, my wife gave birth to a delicious 20 ounce steak.

 

Vader may have been powerful as he was conceived by the force but the force was conceived by Kyle.

 

Careful there, RF. [Family Guy]There's Edgy, and then there's just plain offensive.[/Family Guy]

 

Contrary to popular belief, Kyle Katarn did not steal the Death Star plans. They turned themselves in out of fear.

Kyle Katarn takes his baths in a carbon-freezing chamber.

Kyle Katarn once tried to use a lightsaber to trim his beard. Naturally, the lightsaber couldn't cut his beard. He then mined his stubble and cortosis was born.

When the Emperor died on DS2, Katarn travelled to Naboo to let the Gungans know that "Theysa free no more". After that, there was another parade.

Kyle roundhouse kicked the statue of Palpatine down on Coruscant because it blocked Kyle's view of the Jedi Temple.

Kyle Katarn enjoys reading Popular Gardening magazine. Many Bothans died to bring us this information.

Kyle Katarn once made the Kessel run in less than ten parsecs. When someone mentioned that parsecs had nothing to do with speed, Katarn sabered them for their ignorance. After all, he's Katarn.

Katarn only needs a ship to carry his multitude of Twi-lek dancers.

Kyle Katarn is fluent in over 8 million forms of communication.

Dark Forces was released in the GFFA as an historic account of events. Players complained there was a glitch that anytime they pressed a button, Katarn would slag away anything on the screen. When Katarn was informed of the mistake he said, "That's no glitch..."

Kyle's got a lightsaber when he was born; it was his first rattle.

Ganner and Kol Skywalker stole the line "None shall pass" from Kyle Katarn when an aqualish thug tried to butt in front of him in line.

Kyle Katarn's favorite snacks are jawas.

When Obi-wan told Luke that "Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise...." Kyle got so mad that he reduced aunt Beru and uncle Owen to skeletons with a pocket shiv, just to prove the point.

 

I like!

E_S

 

When Obi-wan told Luke that "Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise...." Kyle got so mad that he reduced aunt Beru and uncle Owen to skeletons with a pocket shiv, just to prove the point.

Awesome!!

 

Jerec wasn't born blind. He was blinded by the unbearably beautiful sight of Kyle Katarn taking off his shirt.

The real reason Centerpoint ceased to function after the Fondor shot in NJO? Kyle glared at it.

 

So many funny quotes!!

Let me try:

The reason why the Eclipse Star Destroyer crashed into the Galaxy Gun and why the Galaxy Gun misfired and destroyed itself and Byss? It's not R2-D2, but it was Kyle that just burped!

Galaxy Gun was made from Kyle Katarn's beard hair after he shaved.

The Dark Troopers were modelled after Kyle without his permission. In a fit of rage and anger, Kyle destroyed all of the Dark Troopers and all the Dark Trooper research and production factories. That's why "Dark Forces" happen.

The creators of the World Devastors based the design off Kyle Katarn's stomach and his appetite.

Why the Emperor built the Galaxy Gun? He is envious of Kyle Katarn's "sizeness".

Kyle Katarn is Darth Krayt from the Legacy comics! He got bored with the Jedi Order and thought it would be fun to dresses up as a Vong and becomes a "Sith".

 

Amphistaffs are just Kyle's toenail clippings.

Kyle once stuck his tounge out at someone and they were so terrified that they named this after it.[image=http://starwars.wikia.com/images/0/08/Imperatorstardestroyer.jpg]

Kyle once punch a Yuuzhan Vong and it stripped the force from all of them. Sekot lied.

Nal Hutta is what happens when Kyle gets an upset stomach.

 

Kyle Katarn's smile once brought an Ewok back to life.

Kyle Katarn floats like a butterfly and stings like a C4-CZN ion field gun. In the face.

Kyle Katarn lost both legs in a speeder crash, and still managed to walk it off.

Kyle Katarn can blow bubbles with nerf jerkey.

When Kyle Katarn goes out to eat he orders a whole bantha, but he only eats its soul.

Tenel Ka only has one arm. Kyle Katarn needed a back scratcher.

Edit

The words "Jedi Kyle Katarn" can be rearranged to form "Jade reality kink". In unrelated news, Ben Skywalker was born with a beard.