Kyle Katarn is so tough...

I threw down some sweat song about Katarn. You into the link?

 

Kyle Katarn used to ride upon a steed, perchance to spy a lady..

Did you know Kyle Katarn is the godfather of my son? He shows up at the Temple in his golf pants, caked in mud. Well, ol' Kyle Katarn pushes the priest aside and says, "I'll baptize that piece of calamari!" Then he pours Scotch all over my baby son and says, "There! You're baptized!"

Did I ever tell you about the time Kyle Katarn sold me into slavery? Oh, yeah! He puts me on a ship to the second Death Star, right? And I'm chained to a pipe. Meanwhile, ol' Katarn, he's back on Coruscant siring three beautiful children with my wife!

Did I ever tell you about the time I went Bantha riding with Katarn, but there weren't any banthas around? Well, Katarn throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Tattooine for three days. Well wouldn't you know it my stamina increases with each day and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Katarn decides to enter me in a bantha race, right? Under the name Naboo Delight. And I'm running in second place, and I'm running and I BREAK MY ANKLE. So anyway they're about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, don't shoot him he's a human.

So anyway, Katarn would put on a white tie and tails and would walk his dianoga through the park on a leash. He named the dianoga Beverly, and he taught it how to fetch and use a comlink. But then one day it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes Katarn had to shoot the maid.

Katarn would use his own thigh as an anvil.

Are you aware that Kyle Katarn has 6 toes? Someone tried to cut them off but the toe rose up and killed him. I went to the funeral. Man, even Kyle felt sort of bad about that one.

Kyle Katarn flies a vehicle that was built from the bones of
men he's killed and is fueled by scotch.

I punched Katarn in the face, and he cried and begged me to stop bullying him. When I woke up - this was obviously a dream, because nothing so ludicrous could ever happen in real life - Katarn was already standing there, because he can read dreams, and he beat me senseless for the next three days. I have to say I deserved it.

 

I know I would

 

Katarn has huge muscles. But is his metabolism in good condition? <>

 

The Hat gets its power because it's woven from Kyle Katarn's back hair.

 

Waru is a gob of Kyle's snot gifted with sentience

 

Blasphamer(sp). Praise Waru! (thats it, I had to do that just once.Im done.)

 

Passed out, surrounded by Yuuzhan Vong and voxyn, and pinned down by blorash jelly, Kyle Katarn laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."

 

Kyle Katarn once breast-fed a tauntaun back to life.

It was the sight of Kyle Katarn's naked body that drove Joruus C'baoth insane.

 

Yeah, I know Kyle Katarn! He's a 10-foot-tall beast man, who showers in Lomin Ale and feeds his baby bruallki!

 

Inheritance of acquired characters was too scared of Kyle to remember that it doesn't exist.

 

Kyle wasn't passed out...he was taking a nap.

 

More like punished with significantly less sentience. I don't care how smart Waru is, he can't be as smart as anything that's smart enough to be remain part of Kyle's body.

 

Kyle Katarn once fell into a pit of molten lava during a duel. The lava required extensive surgery to recover.

 

All galactic governments automatically consider a planet to be a warzone if Kyle Katarn is currently on it.

 

Kyle Katarn is so tough, he uses his lightsaber as a toothpick.

Kyle Katarn is so tough, he blew up Alderaan, just by glaring at it.

Kyle Katarn is so tough, he also blew up Coruscant. Fortunately, Kyle was in a good mood that day, and glared at the remains, thereby putting the planet back together again.

 

When a criminal is sentenced to face Kyle Katarn in combat, he immediately appeals for his sentence to be reduced to death.

 

Kyle Katarn beat the Emperor with Darth Vader.

Kyle Katarn was so bored with white milk, he told the cows he wanted to see it turn blue. The Cows listened.

The uber shoulder pad is better than the sweet hat, because under it is the galaxy's deadliest weapon, Kyle Katarn.

Waru is here because Kyle Katarn cleaned out his ear.

Kyle Katarns urine can weld mandalorian iron.

Stormtrooper helmets have that frown on them, because they all know they will be killed by Kyle Katarn.

If Kyle Katarn and Boba Fett walked into a cantina, it would collapse. No building in the galaxy can contain that much awesomeness.

C-3PO knows that in 600 million forms of communication, Kyle Katarn means you're dead.

Kyle Katarn built the star forge to shave.

When the Emperor goes to bed at night, he checks his closet for Kyle Katarn.

 

Stormtrooper helmets have that frown on them, because they all know they will be killed by Kyle Katarn.


I like it.

 

The Executor's bridge wasn't taken out by Arvel Crynyd's kamikaze run. Kyle Katarn spat at it.

The real reason the Vong war dragged on for 5 years? Kyle was on a 4 1/2 year vacation.

Jan Ors: Sexiest woman in the GFFA. Why? 'Cuz Kyle Katarn said so.

Jacen went on his five year journey learning Force tricks in the hope that he might have an iota of a chance facing Kyle Katarn. That hope is in vain.

 

Kyle Katarn doesn't just embrace the pain - he takes it out for a steak dinner then makes sweet love to it by candlelight.

 

The real reason IG-88 was created was because Katarn wanted to fight a challenging enemy for once. Alas, he never got the chance.

 

Anyone else wondering about that bionic leg of Rav's? Hmm...let's see. 137-137+c.22=Kyle is c.159 in Legacy. At that age, although he's just as bad***, Kyle's got a Durasteel hip, and a walker so those that cross him get away slightly less scathed.

Compare that to the damage he did when he was 3 (see my joke on p. 1)

 

The Sun Crusher wasnt destoryed by the Maw. It was destroyed by Kyle Katarn who used its plateing for wraping nerf steakes.

 

Kyle Katarn could take Luke in a fight...

...and Jacen, and Anakin Skywalker, and also Palpatine...

...all at the same time...

...while also beating up Waru with his other hand.