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Kyrie Eleison (a young Jag Fel short story)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Melyanna, Jan 3, 2002.

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  1. Mcily_Nochi

    Mcily_Nochi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 23, 2001
    levantate!
     
  2. Mcily_Nochi

    Mcily_Nochi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 23, 2001
  3. Marie_Jadewalker

    Marie_Jadewalker Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 14, 2000
    Very nice so far, Mely. I really enjoy the interaction between Jag and his family.

    Danyelle is... just what Jag needs in his background to make him appreciate Jaina later on. :)

    ~Marie
     
  4. Melyanna

    Melyanna Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 19, 2001
    I'll second that one, Marie. Thanks for reading!

    I'm currently writing the next post now. If Sticks shows up once it's written, I should have it up today. Otherwise, I'll have it up tomorrow.

    See you then!
    Mel
     
  5. JadeSaber

    JadeSaber Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jan 9, 2002
    I just found this... and I love the background on Jag, and Kyrie.

    Although I agree with Luney that the last post was a nicely written piece of mush... (why does that sound funny?) :)

    Ick! Eww! Yuck! Why'd the mush have to be with that... that... CREATURE!! She's not nice at all... She's just nasty!

    Whew! *swipes forehead with arm* I'm glad I got that out. :)

    Post more soon!!! :D

    Edit: Typo... grrr... :)
     
  6. Melyanna

    Melyanna Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 19, 2001
    Well, it's not like you were supposed to like her, JadeSaber...

    Okay, the next post is written, but it needs serious help from Sticks, so I'll have to wait till she gets herself online...

    :D
     
  7. Melyanna

    Melyanna Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 19, 2001
    Finally an update! Sorry about the delay, guys... I'll try to be more prompt with the next one. ;)

    *~*~*~*

    "Kyria, how much longer are you wanting to stay out here?"

    Up ahead, Kyria turned around and threw Jag a smirk. "Getting tired, big brother?"

    Jag stopped and stared at her. "I was tired already, Kyria."

    "Didn't sleep well?"

    "No, not really."

    "Ah, you went to the Radynas last night."

    Jag raised an eyebrow. "What gives you that idea?"

    Kyria kept her smile in place. "You tend to be moody and reflective after you visit Danyelle, but you're never this bad. What happened?"

    Jag sighed as he moved to join her. "Father and I had an argument last night about Danyelle. I walked out on dinner and went to Danyelle's."

    "That's not all," Kyria stated.

    Jag closed his eyes for a moment. "No," he sighed. "When I got there, she informed me that her parents were gone for the night, and, well, you can imagine what happened then."

    Kyria raised her eyebrows. "I hope you set her straight immediately."

    "Oh, don't worry. I did. But then when I got home, I realized that there's something missing from our relationship... It's all so physical. I can't talk with her about anything that interests me. But then I get into an argument like last night's-"

    "And you don't want to admit to Father that he's right," Kyria interrupted gently.

    "I never said that."

    "No, but you implied it. Jag, you're my brother and my best friend. I know you better than anyone else, I suspect. You're a lot like Father, and neither of you like to admit that you're wrong. But sometimes you are. You have to let yourself be human, Jag."

    He was a long time in answering. "Kyria, sometimes it seems like, if I don't stand up to him now about Danyelle, he'll just do the same thing with every other woman I ever seem interested in."

    Kyria smiled. "Jag, he can't do that. He's just trying to make sure that you don't waste your time with someone who isn't worth your time."

    She started to head down into the valley, but Jag headed the other way, along the ridge toward the northern cliffs. "Let's go this way."

    Kyria rolled her eyes. "You just don't what to climb back up after we get down there."

    "Perceptive, aren't you?" Jag replied.

    They continued in silence along the ridge of the mountain sloping into the Freal Valley. The ground was fragile and their footing was unsound. When they reached the cliffs, Kyria pointed to the valley floor below them. Large boulders had broken off the cliffs and piled below them. "Jag, isn't this a little unusual?"

    "I'd say so," he answered, looking down at the valley as he joined her. "That must have been the reason for the warnings. They knew that the cliff was breaking up."

    "I wonder if the danger is past," she replied, obviously a little nervous.

    Before Jag could answer, they heard a loud cracking noise below them. As the ground began to shake, Jag began to drag Kyria out of the way, backing away from the edge himself. Noticing a crack just behind him, he pushed his sister hard, sending her flying backward and out of danger.

    Jag vaguely heard Kyria scream as the rocks plummetted and he found himself groping for a handhold. He found none, and after a few seconds, he and the remainder of the cliff hit the valley floor. A blinding pain in his left leg told him that the bone was shattered. His vision began to blur and his head started spinning, and he realized that he had struck his head. After a few seconds, his breathing became more difficult, and the valley faded to black.

    *~*~*~*

    Ooh, I'm hurting Jag again..

    :D
     
  8. JaegerGhent

    JaegerGhent Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jan 5, 2002
    So now you wrote the part whre he breaks his leg. [face_devil] Good post!
     
  9. Marie_Jadewalker

    Marie_Jadewalker Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 14, 2000
    Great dialogue and nice twist there at the end.

    You're finally getting around to your Jag torture. ;) Well, unless you count giving him a horrible-but-beautiful girlfriend as torture...

    ~Marie
     
  10. Melyanna

    Melyanna Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 19, 2001
    Oh, I definitely count Danyelle as Jag torture... Just think of how Jaina would react if she found our about her. ;)
     
  11. JaegerGhent

    JaegerGhent Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jan 5, 2002
    LOL! That's be fun. :D
     
  12. womp_rat208

    womp_rat208 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 8, 1999
    Ow. That must've hurt... Hehe, understatement? ;)

    Good post.
     
  13. Freyja

    Freyja Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2000
    You are becoming a lot like Sticks in your like of hurting characters Mely. ;)
     
  14. Amidala_Skywalker

    Amidala_Skywalker Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 4, 2001
    You love hurting poor Jag, don't you? Oh well, at least we know he doesn't die. However, you are likely to kill off other characters. Lovely post! :D

    Am [face_love]
     
  15. padawan lunetta

    padawan lunetta Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    May 15, 1999
    Noooo I have a BAD feeling about this post! :*****( Jag was hurt...but what of Kyrie???
     
  16. JadeSaber

    JadeSaber Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jan 9, 2002
    Well Mel, I know I wasn't supposed to like her, but... the reaction was just something I had to get out. :D

    I like the dialoge, and the very easy relationship that Jag and Kyrie have.

    Please don't hurt Jag too horribly. I don't know that I'll be able to handle seeing that... well you know... her all sympathetic... Hee hee hee! :)
     
  17. Mcily_Nochi

    Mcily_Nochi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 23, 2001
    Oooops, sorry it took me so long to read that! *hugs Mely* It was wonderful! I loved the Kyria/Jag interraction, it was beautiful. I hope Kyria is okay. I know Jag's still alive because he's the protagonist. ;)
     
  18. JadedofMara

    JadedofMara Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 16, 2001
    OH no....to quote...er...a lot of people...i have a REALLY bad feeling about this...knowing how the story is going to turn out...sniff sniff sniff!


    but nice to see a post on this, mely!
     
  19. Mcily_Nochi

    Mcily_Nochi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 23, 2001
  20. Melyanna

    Melyanna Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 19, 2001
    Well, over the weekend I managed to finish the entire story, so any delays can be chalked up to reader torture...

    :D

    *~*~*~*

    "I think he's waking up."

    "It's about time. How many days has he been unconscious?"

    Jag moaned softly as life filtered back and voices drifted around him lazily. Days? he asked himself.

    He blinked groggily, letting blinding light assail his eyes. When he was able to open them again, he saw his parents standing over him. "Welcome back, Jag," his father said. "We were worried that you weren't coming back."

    Jag forced his eyes to stay open. "I wasn't so sure of it myself," he replied. "Where's Kyria?"

    His mother smiled. "She's fine, Jag. She was a little bruised up, but otherwise she's fine. You, on the other hand, are going to be laid up for a while."

    Jag blinked in response, and his father continued, "Your leg was rather badly broken. They actually had to set the bone in the field because they were afraid to move you."

    He looked down at his leg, which was set in a heavy bacta cast, and looked at his father again. "You're lucky," the older man continued. "You probably would have died in the cold if Kyria hadn't been out there with you. She saved your life."

    Jag nodded, trying to take it all in. "Can I see her?"

    His mother shook her head. "There's fighting going on just outside the system. Kyria wanted to stay here till you regained consciousness, but she was called up to fill one of the vacant spots in Spike Squadron."

    Letting out a long breath, Jag replied, "When she gets back, can you send her here? I want to thank her."

    His mother smiled. "Of course. We could hardly get her to leave when she was here."

    He suddenly remembered what he had heard as he regained consciousness. "How long was I out?" he asked.

    "Two weeks," his father answered. "You came close to dying several times."

    Jag let his head sink a little deeper into his pillow, suddenly feeling very tired. His mother picked up on it immediately. "We should go now, dear," she said. "You need to rest."

    They turned to go, but before they left, a Chiss officer in full dress uniform arrived at the door. He saluted the general, who returned it. "At ease."

    Jag propped himself up on his elbows with great difficulty and watched as his mother's face blanched. What is it, Mother?

    As the Chiss opened his mouth to speak, Jag realized why his mother was so pale. She had been visited once like this before.

    "General, madam, I have the regretful duty of informing you that your daughter, Lieutenant Kyria Fel, was killed in action yesterday. Her remains were not found."

    His father lowered his head, while his mother buried her face in her hands. Jag's head hit the pillow again, and he fought to keep his face stoic, like his father's. But he couldn't stop the tears from streaking his face.

    I didn't get to say goodbye...

    *~*~*~*

    I cried as I wrote this.

     
  21. JaegerGhent

    JaegerGhent Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jan 5, 2002
    :( You almost made me cry! *sniff* Oh, wait. I think it's still coming...WAHHHHH!!!!!!!!! :_| Poor Kyria! Poor Jag!
     
  22. padawan lunetta

    padawan lunetta Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    May 15, 1999
    :*( I cried the first time through :( Poor Jag! I think I need to go comfort him... ;)
     
  23. Marie_Jadewalker

    Marie_Jadewalker Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 14, 2000
    *lip quivering* wow *lip quivering*

    That was powerfully done. Jag's emotions are close to overwhelming. The timing and emotions were handled very well.

    ~Marie
     
  24. Mcily_Nochi

    Mcily_Nochi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 23, 2001
    Ohhhh. *sniffle* *SNEEZE* My cold's not the only reason my eyes are watery, I promise . . .

    That was beautiful! Now he's practically in shock!
     
  25. Melyanna

    Melyanna Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 19, 2001
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