Before - Legends Letters of Complaint (humor, first one up is Obi, updated 11/05/06, Yaddle's lament)

I missed so many letters!!!!!

*bangs head against nearest wall*

Man that hurt!
Probably not as much as getting shot in the head but oh well!!!

I loved Yoda's letter!!! Now Qui gets to blackmail him with it...LOL....

I swear Xani's got issues to work out LOL


Neon!! COngratulations on your nomination!!!!

Everyone go out and vote!

 

NEON!!! THESE ARE INCREDIBLE!!! KEEP THEM COMING!!! AND IF YOU EVER SAY THAT YOU CAN'T WRITE HUMOR AGAIN, I'M GOING TO SICK R'VEER ON YOU!!!

~Dot

 

Wow, these are just too funny! The first one with Obi, about the blood dripping, lol. And Qui-Gon blackmailing Yoda was great as well. Poor Xani, he's so confused! Great job, and I'm looking forward to more!

--later--

 

ROTFLMAO!!!

Poor Xani and Obi...

 

O.º?
?º*O
*?*
CONGRATULATIONS!!! ON THE SUMMER FANFIC AWARD!!!

. .. everyone has been telling you this is hilarious!

 

Congrats Neon!

 

Congratulations!

 

Congratulations!!! These letters are fabulous! I'm only sorry I didn't discover them sooner!

 

Very sorry for the very long delay, and that I can't reply to all of your wonderful comments because of my lack of time. But I would like to thank all of you for your most excellent comments, and for the congrades, LoC would never be as good as it is without all of your wonderful imputs. Hopefully I'll be able to respond later. Thanks again!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dear fanfiction writers,

I have decided to take up my sons? and daughters? (Which should be writing soon) cases for the sake of their sanity, and my own. You see, though I am the all-powerful Force and am not usually ruffled by the events taking place in my children?s lives, there is always a limit to certain things. Massive torture and destruction being among those that have their limits. Lets discuss my favorite?I mean, my loyal son, Obi-wan Kenobi, who has suffered long enough under your hands.

Couldn?t you give the boy a break? He already has enough suffering in the future, which might I add is not my fault, I?m sure he doesn?t enjoy being beaten, tortured, abused, killed, ect, every waking, and none, minute of his life. I swear, the boy spends more time either screaming, trying not to scream, or unconscious then he does awake and breathing. Now, as the ultimate force of the galaxy, I suggest you cease and desist all torturing for at least one day out of the week. And stop saying I have abandoned him!

Now moving on to his loveable? I mean, rebellious, Master, dear Qui-gon Jinn. Now, I know he isn?t that likeable all the time, but you see, it?s not his fault. He really is a teddy bear.. sorry?a gentle, caring Jedi, Lucas just thought he would make a more intense impression by being cold and aloft, and those books are not helping! He really is sweet, and doesn?t deserve the beatings, turnings, and deaths that you deal him!

As to Xanatos, do as you will, I?ve given up on the boy. You think, after I?ve given him looks to rival almost all others, a body that could kill any normal sentient, a mind sharper then a lightsaber?s blade, reflexes that could make a Wookiee faint, he would show some respect! And the way he switches from light to dark, it?s enough to give one a headache. I?m sure the last part is your faults, but he shouldn?t be that easy to turn!

As for Mace, he?s a baby, isn?t he? Well, as much as he is a wimp and likes to torture his fellow Jedi, I must say he doesn?t deserve the none attention he gets, so if you would be so kind, transfer such attention as you give to Qui-qui and Obi to him instead. Wicked grin (Though how a bodiless power does that, is beyond me?)

Finally to Yoda, I need not defend him; he can take care of himself. That is all I will say on that matter.

So, I hope you will take my words to heart, or else,

The all-powerful Force

Dear the most wonderfulest, excellent, worthy, loving, self-sacrificing Master in the whole order,

Your lower then dirt, despicable, cowardly Padawan who doesn?t even have the right to be named, wishes to ask you for forgiveness for shooting you in the head over the matter of your favorite, beautiful, distressed former Padawan, who shall probably always hold your heart. I only seek forgiveness for the injury that I caused, which was done with rash anger towards how you treated said wonderful former Padawan. I do not ask for your love, or even your approval, only that you would not cast me aside for said sin. I am groveling at your feet as I write this, hoping that you would at least let me finish my training before doing so. I do not blame you for hating me, nor would I blame you for treating me as I have treated you. For that, I am also offering my illegally obtained sharp shooting blaster TL76, who I affectionately call ?Siri?, because it reminds me of said evil blonde twit that is always trying to seduce me, or kill me.

Please considered my pleas,
Your slave,
Obi-wan Kenobi

Dear Obi-wan,

First off, get off the floor, you are making me nervous kissing my boots every other minute, and I have this overwhelming urge to kick you. Second, stop grov

 

For one moment I thought that was Obi-Wan's mom.


Poor Obi-Wan now the boy is a slave.


Mister Qui-Gon I think that you were talking about my story, or mister Force. Yes the Force speaks.

some weird

Oh! I am sorry dear Qui-Gon I did not know that you did not like Obi-Wan's mom.
Are your sure? I think that she likes you.

Your padawan is not going to like.


Oh, sith


dark side addict in my Temple,

cool letter.

Hey, Neon Star

I am out of breath. this post was so funny. I love your letters.

 

My, my I was really behind in reading my mail.

Letter from the Force, wonderful, who?d of thunk! Mace and Xanatos [hey, what was that, whoosh, over the head] aren?t its favorites either. So, Qui-Gon?s just a teddy bear? You know how some feel about ewoks.

I loved Obi-Wan?s groveling and asking for forgiveness and Qui-Gon?s response and worry over writer retaliation, Xani is on the balcony!

Yoda won?t go talk to them until Xan leaves. These four, five, and becoming more get along fabulously. And, more threats of exposing pet names, curiosity peaks.

Great Job!

 

The force wants fic writers to stop torturing Obi-Wan? Naah... It'll never happen.

 

if I catch the little midnight haired dark side addict in my Temple, I will throw him out. LMAO!!!!

 

Oh WoW! I needed this! bad day at work=good letters? O.K. go figure. But these have made me giggle until ppl @ work look at me like I have gone insane. Or else it's the windex fumes from polishing my bottle!

 

lol!! Well worth the wait, great to hear from the Force this time around!

 

Dear Force- NO!

ROTFLMAO Neon- great job!

 

I needed a laugh and you provided it. Thank you!

 

It was worth the wait. *must... breathe*

PS, Wonderfulest is not a word. If Qui hadn't pointed that out, I would have.

Great job, NS!

Nem

 

Just an idea, but we haven't heard from Bruck yet.
*Looks around hopefully w/ innocent smile*
Please?

 

Funniness!!!

 

*Groans* Alright, in spite of my horridly long absense, I've finally gotten the time to write off a pathetic piece of a post. *Grimaces at post*

And I know I've said this before, and I'm sorry, but I will get individual thanks out soon, possibly tomorrow, unless fate and school are cruel again.

Forgive my bad writing here, Bruck is one character I've never had the pleasure/displeasure of writing, and Xanatos kept trying to take over the post, so I finally let him. Also, forgive my long absence, hopefully it shouldn't happen again. Thank you all for your wonderous comments, you truely inspire a writer to keep writing, even past RL and DWB.

Bant possibly might be next. Anymore suggestions, or should I just turn this into an Obi/Xan/Qui/Yoda free for all?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Dear strange?. beings,

Bruck Chun here, and yes, the dead have come to make complaints too, especially since I expect to be yanked back into life again soon just to be killed or mocked, or both. I know you people hate me, even though you love the man who corrupted me, but who am I to judge? I just get the worse Master in the galaxy, and then die in some freak accident, thank you very much. I can?t believe I wanted to be Qui-gon ?I hate everything yet am still connected to the living force? Jinn?s Padawan, I?m almost glad to be dead by the end of it. Constantly, ?Bruck, you?re doing that wrong. Bruck, Master Yoda isn?t a troll, and no I don?t care if I call him that, you can?t. Bruck, throw yourself down a cliff.? Its so irritating being his apprentice!

And on the way, since you people hate me so much, why do you keep bringing me back? Is this just some sadistic way of getting back at me for torturing Kenobi? I think I?ve paid for that, and more, except you keep letting me torture him, which makes the previous argument false. Maybe the rumors are true, you torture the rest of us to torture Obi-wan! How dare you, we don?t deserve it because of him! Keep your dark side ambitions strictly focused on the blond boy, leave the dead to rest.

Why do I even bother? I know you won?t listen?

Xanatos: Bruck, just shut up. I?ve had to deal with your whining and groaning long enough. Get away from Obi-wan?s computer, and go back to being a blue ghosty.

Blue ghosty? Okay, now I know Xanatos has lost his mind. What you see in him in beyond my superior understanding. Really, the man has no common sense, constantly wavers between light and dark, and tortures Obi-wan more then I do. Yet you love him!

Xanatos: Possibly because I?m a sexy dark sider that has more personality then you.

Shut up.

Xanatos: You had better go before someone brings you back from the dead, and lets me give you a lesson in true dark side manner.

Like you can? Oh no, why now! Xanatos, please, come on, I was a loyal follower, please don?t!

Static




Dear Master,

Should I stop Xanatos from mauling Bruck? As much as I don?t like that guy, I do feel sorry for him. And besides, this can?t be good for Xanatos?s therapy.

On the side, thank you for forgiving me. I truly don?t deserve such a wonderfulest Master like you. Also, I wasn?t able to get Xanatos off the window, good thing Bruck showed up, huh?

Your loyal Padawan,
Obi-wan




Dear Padawan,

You are just doing that to annoy me, are you not? I shall say this for the last time, wonderfulest is not a word. Write or say it again, and no matter what the authors do to me, I will hang you out of the window.

As to it, no, let Xan have his fun. Its good for his therapy, believe it or not, and it keeps him occupied for the moment. So we don?t have to worry about him trying to fly from the windows and what not. And Bruck is annoying. I always get stuck with him, so Xanatos should take care of him this time.

Now where is my painkiller? Be a good Padawan and go get it this time?

I have a sithin headache?

Your Master,
Qui-gon

 

lol I was in tears but laughing.

The painkiller medicine. lol shut up oh oh. Great post.

 

That was very cute, especially the "wonderfulest" and poor Qui-Gon constantly having a headache from getting shot in the head over and over again.

You haven't done Garen, Bant, Siri or Yaddle yet. I really want to see what Siri has to say about Obi-Wan and if Yaddle has a thing for Yoda...

Oh, do me a favor. Put more space or a line between the letters so I know when they've changed. Thanks.

 

That was wonderfulest! I have been missing these. I?m glad Xan is off the window sill even though Obi thinks he might be on his way out again.

Qui is glad Xani has a new toy to torment instead of him. It must be hard to be Bruck. The midnight haired dark one is loved no matter if he is good or evil. I can imagine Xan points and laughs at Bruck Bruck is just someone to cheer defeat and wish for his next demise. The way it should be.

Obi/Xan/Qui/Yoda free for all or any of them. I?ve enjoyed any and all.

 

LOL!!!

Another one that was well worth the wait!