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Before - Legends Letters of Complaint (humor, first one up is Obi, updated 11/05/06, Yaddle's lament)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Neon Star, Apr 9, 2003.

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  1. ca_tron

    ca_tron Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 6, 2002
    Found this awhile ago but never had time to answer. This is so cute! I love how they love and hate us at the same time. Keep writing with different characters.
     
  2. Laine_Snowtrekker

    Laine_Snowtrekker Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2003
    I love this and I want more! This is so hilarious!
     
  3. Neon Star

    Neon Star Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 30, 2000
    PatttyB0123: Thanks, I'm glad I haven't lost touch with my humorous side. :D

    dianethx: Glad it was cute, and it looks like Qui-gon's headache isn't leaving. ;) Thanks for the suggestions, and I hope I didn't massacre Siri too much. :)

    Altaira: LOL, glad it was wonderfulest, and Xan is happy to mess with someone besides Qui as well, keeps his mind off things. ;) Thanks for the comments. :)

    Arwen-Jade_Kenobi: Thanks, glad you liked it. :D

    ca_tron: Glad you found time to post, and that you are enjoying this. :)

    Laine_Snowtrekker: I'm glad you do, thanks, and here is more. :D
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    I do not love Obi-wan. I do not love Obi-wan. I DO NOT LOVE OBI-WAN!

    I don?t want to kill him. I don?t want to kill him. I WILL NOT KILL OBI-WAN either?.

    Sith, what is with people?s fascination on our relationship? A third of you want us to fall in love, the other third wants me to kill him, and the last third doesn?t care a flip either way.

    Oh, and by the way, hello to all my tormentors out there. Its your favorite girl, Siri, who is developing one sithly headache, because some people can?t make up their minds on whether I should kill or kiss the freak. And yes, you heard me, I just called Obi-wan a freak, because its his fault I have to suffer. If he wasn?t so good looking and angsty suffering, I wouldn?t have to suffer. In fact, most of us wouldn?t suffer if Obi-wan had never existed, but then, you wouldn?t know about us either if he hadn?t? Dilemma here? And bad thoughts on killing him too?

    So lets discuss, what is your obsession on this matter? Why do I have to be his lover or his murderer? Why do I have to be in that position? I?m just his friend, we don?t even agree on much. He?s the strait lace Jedi, I tend to move a little out side the lines, we don?t fit together, we?ve both agreed on this. So why does everyone shove us together?

    Okay, okay, a little romance is good for everyone, but this much? Give us a break!

    And what?s with the wanting to kill him? Its just to produce angst, isn?t it? Because I said we had disagreements, not that I wanted to chop his head off with my lightsaber.

    In fact? That?s mostly all I ever do in the roles I am given? Or else I?m insulting him all the time. Come on, can?t I be nice for once?

    Guess not, as my hand is shaking, sure sign some author has begun his/her duty of tormenting me? Hope Obi has locked the door?

    Obi?! Ick!!

    I give up, why can?t I actually have a sane mind for once??

    Your favorite blonde,
    Siri
    _____________________
    Dear Padawan,

    You are going to have to come out eventually, as Siri won?t go away until you do, and she is giving my headache a new twist, so do your dearest Master a favor? Besides, it isn?t that bad, she doesn?t have her lightsaber, so she probably isn?t here to kill you again.

    So come out now.

    Your Master
    ____________________
    Dear Master,

    Not in this life, old man. As long as she is here, I?m staying in my room. Just because she doesn?t have her lightsaber doesn?t mean she can?t kill me. Believe me, she has other ways. I think I remember being Force chocked by her once. And even if she isn?t here to kill me, then she?s here to seduce me, and I don?t want to go through that again. So suffer by yourself, leave me in peace!

    Your Padawan
    ______________________
    Obi-wan,

    Old man? That is it, I?m letting her have you now. Besides, I can?t take her incessant pleading anymore, so I lent her my lightsaber. Hope you enjoy keeping her at bay by yourself, because I?m going to go take a shower. Oh, and no matter what happens, you are cleaning up the mess this time. Enjoy!

    Your Master
    __________________
    Master,

    You traitor.

    Obi-wan



     
  4. Xeana

    Xeana Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2003

    Master,

    You traitor.

    Obi-wan


    LOL! Killer! [face_laugh]

    I loved that! Keep up the great work, Neon.
     
  5. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    Another stellar post. I loved what you did with Siri and the letters back and forth were wonderful. I loved that Qui-Gon got tired of the whole thing, lent Siri his saber and went to take a shower.
    And what is it with Obi-Wan and Siri's love/hate fest? Maybe someone should write one about Siri and Qui-Gon. Hey, they're both rebels and give as good as they get!! So it's a May/December thing, lots of people have those!

    Great job. Hope to see more and often.
     
  6. Altaira

    Altaira Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 11, 2002
    Siri is in a rough place. It?s hard to be just a supporting character, things can go either way to her dismay. After considering all she goes through, Siri?s own indecision to kill Obi was great. :D

    Loved Obi cowering in his room. It doesn?t take much to get these people to turn on each other. [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] ...gotta love it!
     
  7. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi

    Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 9, 2002
    You traitor [face_laugh]

    Nice job! Poor poor Siri, another helpless victim of the writer's mind. lol

    more soon!!
     
  8. Angel_Jedi_Master

    Angel_Jedi_Master Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 18, 2002
  9. PatttyB0123

    PatttyB0123 Former RSA star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2003
    traitor [face_laugh]

    He have to clean the mess [face_shocked] 8-} [face_laugh]
     
  10. Xeana

    Xeana Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2003

    *Giggles*

    UP!
     
  11. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Still hilarious [face_laugh]

    You traitor.

    [face_laugh]

    Love Xani . . . love Siri. . . keep it up :)

    Nem :D
     
  12. ca_tron

    ca_tron Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 6, 2002
    [face_laugh]
    More Obi torture please? [face_beg]
     
  13. Laine_Snowtrekker

    Laine_Snowtrekker Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2003
    Wow! These always make my day! So, do you have any more?
     
  14. Neon Star

    Neon Star Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 30, 2000
    Due to comp problems, I can't reply to everyone tonight, but I promise to do so as soon as I can. I do thank you all for your wonderful reviews. :) Here's more! :D
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Dear ladies and gentle beings,

    It has come to my attention, through my former Padawan?s ranting, that you are the people that are responsible for our rather blatant suffering. Especially for my former Padawan and his apprentice?s. Yet, I won?t get into that, because I know they have both expressed the injustice done by you to you, many times. So I shall inform you of my own sufferings, which are few at the moment.

    First off, as much as you all want to believe, I was not a miniature Sith lord when I was little. I was devoted to the light side, and only the light side. I will always be devoted to the light side, so if you would kindly mind, please don?t go saying I am a closet Sith.

    Qui-gon: But Master?

    Qui-gon, what did I tell you about interrupting?

    Qui-gon: Fine, don?t listen to me.

    Thank you, I won?t,

    At any rate, I would also like to say I am not cruel to my apprentice. I did not torture him, either mentally, physically, or spiritually. I love him as my own son, I would not do such things as that, but constantly you force me to abuse him, all to feed your angst addiction. That will be put to a stop right now. On the other hand, I did not coddle the boy, not when he was young, or when he was older. I taught him to tell with his actions, and his problems, I did not protect him from every little thing, which is how some of you on the other side of the spectrum seem to think. I disciplined him when necessary, comforted him when the time called for it, and I taught him, that is what a Master does, and I want you to understand that.

    Qui-gon: Even though some Masters do tend to be a bit on the sadistic side?

    Must I remind you who is letting you hide in his apartment until your apprentice gives up trying to kill you for giving him up to an insane blonde? And what did I tell you about betraying people, especially your own apprentice? Must I also remind you of why Xanatos is as messed up as he is?


    Qui-gon: No, Master, I?m sorry, Master. I think you are very generous for letting me hide, Master. And yes, I know, Master, it really wasn?t my fault, Master. And please don?t tell them that, Master!

    Stop calling me Master all the time!

    Qui-gon: Yes, Master, sorry, Master.

    Qui-gon?.

    Qui-gon: Yes, Master?

    That?s it, out! I?m turning you over to Obi-wan, right now!

    Qui-gon: Nooo! Please, Master, you know I love you like a Father!

    That won?t work this time, Qui-gon Edith Jinn. Now out!

    Qui-gon: Fine, I?ll see if Yoda will hide me.

    Right, my old Master hates your old apprentice. Do you seriously think he?s going to offer you protection after you let Xan back in the Temple?

    Anyways, now that my former apprentice is finally gone, (and I seriously thought he would go away after he was knighted) I have only a few suggestions. One, treat me as I demand to be treated. I am a light sider, I shall never fall to the dark, *cough*unlessQui-gonandObi-wandrivemethere*cough*. Also, I do not treat my Padawan cruelly, I treat him as he asks to be treated, no matter how old he gets *cough*eventhoughIthinkI?mtooeasyonhim*cough*. And finally, can you please do something to keep him away from me? Do you know how it is to have you fully-grown, adult, former Padawan come to you over every little thing? Please, let me have time to myself, send me where ever, but don?t let him follow!

    Hmm, sorry, a little emotional there. Anyways, that is all I have to say, and so I shall take my leave. May the Force be with you all.

    Jedi Master Dooku

    Dear Obi-wan,

    So how did it feel to wake up again, after Siri killed you with her kiss of death? Who knew the girl could use poison like that?! Gotta hire her, I know some people who I need to get rid of, and I haven?t been able to yet. Think she will, or will she kill me like she did you? I?m not too keen on being killed, but what a way to go! Now, if only she was a few years ol
     
  15. ca_tron

    ca_tron Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 6, 2002
    Poor Obi. More letters please!
    *sits to await next letter*
     
  16. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    Edith???? Oh, dear.

    Great that we see Dooku and Qui's relationship... Sadistic masters...LOL. And Dooku better do something about that cough. Needs medicine, he does!

    And then there's Xan and Obi-Wan and going to the Dark side. Great job. Keep it up!
     
  17. Les_Wanderer

    Les_Wanderer Jedi Master star 1

    Registered:
    Oct 28, 2003
    These are hilarious!! I wonder who's next?
     
  18. PatttyB0123

    PatttyB0123 Former RSA star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2003
    Hmm heheee [face_laugh] I have tell somebody else I know to read the next sentence. :D

    Do you know how it is to have you fully-grown, adult, former Padawan come to you over every little thing? I see why you are getting gray hair.

    Oh oh [face_shocked] I did not meant it.... *runs away from him* "Help!!!" 8-}
     
  19. Layren

    Layren Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 28, 2003
    Neon,
    those were great! I especially loved the bickering between Qui-Gon and Dooku.. Perfectly done *giggles insanely* I agree with Diane.. EDITH? No wonder Qui-Gon never tells anybody his middle name....
     
  20. Altaira

    Altaira Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 11, 2002
    Dooku has been neglected in the beginning. Maybe now that he has brought attention to himself, isn?t everything his fault come to think about it? He is good about pointing out Qui?s flaws with his apprentices. With a name like ?Edith? we don?t need to know a pet name for him. [face_laugh]

    Siri is not going to like being talked about again. It will be wonderfulest to see her get them both back but I think Qui is first on the list again. :D

    Neon Star, I understand about comp problems. Just got mine back from the shop myself. And, I added ?wonderfulest? to my exception Dictionary.
     
  21. Calandria

    Calandria Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 12, 2003
    I cannot believe I missed so many letters.. you had my holding my side laughing my head off. Those are soooooooo hilarious. :D
     
  22. amidalachick

    amidalachick FFoF Hostess Extraordinaire star 5 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2003
    Oh my gosh! [face_laugh] These are hilarious! Great job, Neon Star!

    Dear Dooku,
    you ain't seen nothing yet! Read my fic, Anakin's Life Day Adventure, and then you'll have something to complain about. Mwahahaha! [face_devil]

    Sincerely,
    amichick. [face_love]
     
  23. Layren

    Layren Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 28, 2003
    Neon,

    I know who you should do next....Tahl! Come on think about it she was blinded then pledged her love to Qui-Gon? heheheheheheheh .............
     
  24. Angel_Jedi_Master

    Angel_Jedi_Master Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 18, 2002
    LOL!!!!!!! Read my fan-fic (if you want) The Real Folk Blues (link in siggy).

    I loves these!!!! Keep it up!!!


    Stop stealing my words! LOL!!


    And could the insane blonde be Tahl??
     
  25. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi

    Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 9, 2002
    LOL!

    Qui-Gon Edith Jinn ! Priceless!

    Xan better tell Obi and Qui had better find a better place to hide and soon.

    LOL don't stop!
     
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