Beyond - Legends Letters of Complaint to the NJO Authors: 7/21 Tenel Ka and Wes' Letters. Finally. :)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Kettch_the_Jedi, Mar 5, 2004.

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  1. Lank_Pavail

    Lank_Pavail Jedi Knight star 7

    Sep 26, 2002

    yet another person who notes the vast untapped resource that was the Ewoks in NJO! :p

    Not to mention the destruction of an interesting character into some hackneyed ...thing.

    Great job, Kettch :D
  2. puppyglo

    puppyglo Jedi Padawan star 4

    May 25, 2003
    ..and forced me to wear shoes. I hate you.

    That one line cracked me up.. [face_laugh]

    You are cowards who should be destroyed as the blasphemous machines you also depend on.

    Shut up, Riina, no one wants you here. Apparently, these authors do since even though I died I still live on in you. Dummy authors should have killed you more. It?s not like I am enjoying the ride. I hate you, Riina. We finally agree on something.

    I loved the banter back and forth between Tahiri and Riina! Excellent! :D And how Riina was so.. cold.. toward everything.

    I would have traveled back to Tatooine to talk to my dead, smelling bantha first. That?s one planet we the Yuzhan Vong have no interest in; you humans can keep it.


    You the authors should have just let me win and take over her body; it would have been fun to have Force powers all to myself.

    I know.. it would be.. [face_devil] 8-}

    to bad humans. u smell worse than roasting tree beetle. y u forget Ewoks in New Jedi Order. we great battlers. if not for us then Old Wrinkles still rool galaxie and many beings destroyed. we beet Big White Masks. we wood have beet Uglie Tatoos (u call them Vong) tooo but u not even mention us in all many many njo books. we beet Ugly Tatoos in one forest battle. then Ewoks have more skulls for musical instrooments and food for all tribe for many moons. u uglier than a shaved Gorax in heat. u make New Ewok Order or we beet u.


    Lmao! Oh, gosh! That was incredible, as usual. Cannot wait for next post. :)

  3. JediStarMoonstruck

    JediStarMoonstruck Jedi Master star 5

    Feb 19, 2002
    When's the next one????? :D :D :D
  4. Lady_WinterCelchu

    Lady_WinterCelchu Jedi Youngling star 3

    Dec 23, 2003
    That was brilliant.
  5. Marsa

    Marsa Jedi Youngling star 2

    Feb 23, 2004
    Hilarious as always!!

    I loved the way you let them both speak!

    I've got an Idea! After you finish the letters of complaint, you should do a thank you letter from Jag!!

    You could over-exaggerate his ego, have him make fun of Kyp, say thanks for him getting Jaina....

    Then, at the end, Han could come and kill him or somethin'....

    Anyhoo- I'm strange!!

    UP!! ~M
  6. Daughter_of_Yubyub

    Daughter_of_Yubyub Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Jul 8, 2002
    Have I told you lately that I love you? :p

    That rocked! My favorites had to be Mara (I was cheering her on) and the Ewoks. That last one probably doesn't surprise you. :p

    They had to leave Ewoks out though. They wanted to stretch this thing for five years, remember? :p
  7. Enelya_Sol

    Enelya_Sol Jedi Padawan star 4

    Feb 2, 2004
    Whoa. Just caught up on the last couple letters.

    First, Mara's letter. I can defiantely picture her writing it. And everything she said, true. Very, very well done. Anyway we can let loose Mara's rage on the NJO creative staff?

    Tahiri's. I loved the split personality thing. I never got far enough in the series to meet Riina, but this is really amusing to read. And the reminder about the shoes. LOL! And it definately sounded like Tahiri, very very talkative.

    Finally: EWOKS! Hehehehehehe. :D LOVED IT!

    Anakin's next? Can't wait! :)
  8. Jedi_Whispers

    Jedi_Whispers Jedi Youngling star 2

    Feb 22, 2004
    Loved Tahiri's letter. Can't wait to see Anakin's letter! Loved those always lovable Ewoks too!


  9. CodeName_Targeter

    CodeName_Targeter Jedi Master star 5

    Nov 7, 2003
    Up we go then! ^_^

    Is teh next letter coming soonishy?

  10. thecleric007

    thecleric007 Jedi Master star 4

    Oct 3, 2003
    Wow. This is just hilarious. Thanks Yubs for (finally) sending me the link!

    I can't wait to see what you do with Anakin. My poor favourite character :(

    The Cleric 007
  11. Bria

    Bria Manager Emeritus, -MNFF Council star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    May 15, 1999
    ROTFLOL. Those were great. I loved them. I can't wait to see what you do with Anakin's letter. [face_mischief]
  12. CodeName_Targeter

    CodeName_Targeter Jedi Master star 5

    Nov 7, 2003
    Up we go then!

  13. Spike2002

    Spike2002 Former FF-UK RSA and Arena Manager star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Feb 4, 2002
    Just loved the dual-personality thing going on in that letter there.

    And [face_laugh] with the Ewok letter. Those poor lil teddy bears with their no New Ewok Order.
  14. Jaded_Girl

    Jaded_Girl Jedi Master star 4

    Aug 9, 2001
    Oh my gosh! That was brilliant!

    Favorite line(s): I would have traveled back to Tatooine to talk to my dead, smelling bantha first. ///That?s one planet we the Yuzhan Vong have no interest in; you humans can keep it.

    I thought I couldn't laugh any harder... then you give us the ewok letter! [face_laugh]

    Awesome! Can't wait for the next!
  15. Marai_Jade

    Marai_Jade Jedi Youngling star 2

    Feb 13, 2004
  16. PulsarSkate

    PulsarSkate Ex-Mod star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Nov 4, 2003
    [face_laugh] brilliant as always!

    Keep it up! :D
  17. Wes_Janson

    Wes_Janson Jedi Youngling star 5

    Mar 17, 2004
    I gotta up this.
  18. Solo_and_Fel

    Solo_and_Fel Jedi Master star 3

    Apr 19, 2004
    I'll admit. I did like parts of the NJO. [face_plain] BUT, these letters are hilarious. All the characters got jipped at some point.

    I liked the first letter the best so far, but that's not to say the other two weren't good as well. Tahiri complaining about having to wear shoes was great. It was weird for a constantly barefoot-no-matter-what-girl to do that.

    When's the next letter coming? I'll definitely read it. I especially hope you do a jaina one at some point because they made her seem more PMS-y than anything else at times. Oh there's so many other characters that could be done too. Like I always wondered why Winter never crosses paths with the Solo kids. She practically raised them (or at least helped).
  19. Elyra

    Elyra Jedi Youngling

    Feb 18, 2004
    i love it! please up! this is the best fic i have read in months!
  20. -Trickster-

    -Trickster- Jedi Padawan star 4

    Oct 12, 2003
    Hehehe, I sent Anakin's edited letter back to Kettch. ^_^ Have no worries, it's just as good- if not better- than most of the others. [I'm still liking Mara's. lol. I think Mara's and Anakin's tie for me.] Ahem. Anyway. Letter up today [we think]!
  21. Jedi_Jaina_Durron

    Jedi_Jaina_Durron Jedi Knight star 5

    Dec 1, 2001
    Have I mentioned how utterly perfect these letters are? How they capture each character perfectly, and how they sum up exactly how we all feel about the infuriating things the authors do? 8-} I love them all! Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!

    Is it too soon to ask for more?
  22. JediStarMoonstruck

    JediStarMoonstruck Jedi Master star 5

    Feb 19, 2002
    *looks around* Letter soon? *hopeful* ^_^
  23. Kettch_the_Jedi

    Kettch_the_Jedi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Nov 22, 2002
    I do wish they had given more page time to Danni and her time with the WK. :] And, I've never read Starfleet Academy but it does sound like they copied the idea from it. Ewoks with coral implants? Scary. :) BTW, what happened to Dathomir? That's one planet that I think the Vong would have had to destroy because somehow I don't see the witches submitting to anyone. :)

    I won't forget Han. :) He's one of my favorite characters although I will have to say that I am unusure what he would have done with Chewie's death. Would he have tried to drink himself into oblivion? Or would he had been obsessed with revenge? Or something else?

    Wes Janson
    Thanks for the official backing. :) And, I'm glad that you liked the Tahiri/Riina & Ewoks letters. I have started Tenel Ka's but her letter probably won't be humorous (at least it isn't so far) and short since I am trying to stay in character with the letters. We'll see. I am not sure who's letter will come after Anakin's. I think Luke's letter is the one wanted most, then Tenel Ka's but I also have to go by what comes to me (and since I have never written Luke before he may be especially hard for me). Thanks for the UP. :)

    No, you're right about her reconciling the personalities but I posted the letter that way for two reasons: 1) I don't agree that someone can just accept so quickly that a being from another species's personality and memories have been planted into that person, and 2) it made the letter more amusing. :) And, I did all the misspellings in the Ewok letter to get some of their simple, basic culture across. Letters are harder than stories because you don't have a narrator describing the situation.

    Thanks. :) I'm glad you liked the two letters so much.

    Marai Jade
    I'm glad the letters made you laugh. :) And, thanks for the UP.

    CodeName Targeter
    Thanks. :) I am glad that you laughed so much. And, thanks for the UPs. :) Anakin's letter will be posted as soon as I finish responding to the responses. :)

    RK Striker
    The bickering was fun to write. :0 And, I still can't believe the Ewoks weren't even mentioned in the series. That in itself is a reason the series should be redone. :)

    Wedge Antilles
    Good to see you! And, I'm happy you liked the letters. :)

    Yeah! Thanks for the title. :) :) And, morons is a good word for them. :)

    Thanks. :) I hope you like the Anakin letter even more than the others. :)

    Glad you love the letters. :) I'll post Anakin's soon.

    Thank you. The Tahiri/Riina letter actually just popped into my head while I was in the shower. :)

    Thank you. I am more proud of the T/R letter than Jacen's. But, I think my most "in character" letter might be Anakin's, which I will post very soon. Let me know what you think. :]

    :) I hope you like the next one also.

    I think, after a while, even the Ewoks got annoyed with C3PO. J/K. :)

    Thanks. :] Anakin's letter will be up tonight.

    I hope you like Anakin's, which I will post very shortly. It's quite different from the others but still humorous in the end. :)

    I love Sci Fi
    Glad you liked the Ewok part. And I understand about not finishing the series. After one certain book I started postponing reading the next books. Very sad since I used to be so excited about new SW books that I would buy them the morning they came out. :)

    Thank you, thank you. :) I'm actually planning to also write "responses from the editors and writers of the NJO series," supposedly from them after they read these complaint letters. :) It should be fun. What do you mean about a depression due to DR? And Anakin's letter is coming very soon. :)

    Thanks. I hope you like Anakin's. :)

  24. JediStarMoonstruck

    JediStarMoonstruck Jedi Master star 5

    Feb 19, 2002
    What do you mean about a depression due to DR?

    They 'killed' Chewie. I took it really, really hard. About a year later, when I was under some major stress, I fell into a depression. :(
  25. Kettch_the_Jedi

    Kettch_the_Jedi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Nov 22, 2002
    I'm sorry this took so long to post; DRW has been particularly evil these past two weeks. :)

    The following letter is Anakin's, although I will say up-front that it is a bit different from the other letters. The reason for this is that there are two underlying themes that I perceive make up Anakin Solo's character (since his conception in the EU). First, he is a problem solver. In his letter I do not believe he would focus on complaining. He would focus on solving the problem. Second, he has always been consumed with his heritage: who his grandfather was, etc.

    Also note that after the letter is a list that would be attached to the letter if it were truly mailed.

    Disclaimer Again: I'm writing the letter as Anakin (and the others) would write it. Their opinions may not necessarily be my own.

    And, finally, thanks to -Trickster- for beta-ing the letter for me. :)

    Now, on to Anakin's letter...


    To: The editorial staff of Del Rey, NJO department
    From: Anakin Solo
    Origination: The Force
    Document Attached

    My mother was not only a Senator in the Imperial Senate but the Chief of State of the New Republic; I understand politicians and their selfish greed that supersedes all thoughts of consideration of those they supposedly represent. My father was a scoundrel, a smuggler, even a smuggler of spice; I understand lawlessness. My aunt was one of the best assassins in the Empire; I understand murder and inflicting pain as a way of life. My uncle dethroned a vile Sith Lord and touched the dark side; I understand darkness. I was named after my grandfather to redeem his name; I understand burdens.

    What I do not understand is how one group of people can exhibit all the worse traits in the galaxy that I know and then exceed those characteristics. Are you confused about my last statement? Attached is a list of just a few of the things that the other one-with-the-Force-Jedi consider horrible about your series.

    I am not Mara; she could slice you into pieces with her sharp tongue, if she didn't just shoot you first. I am not my father, who would tell Chewie to rip your arms out, realize he was forever gone, feel the pain of his death over again, and then shoot you himself. I am not my mother, who would probably try to calmly convince you to recall all the books you published and rewrite them. I am not my uncle, who might wait you out, holed up in some cave. I am not my sister, who would probably fry you over and over with Force lightning, bringing you close to death and letting you heal just to have another session to fry you again (I do not condemn her for this but for me it would be wasting too much time on you). I am not my brother, who would probably try to befriend you and be satisfied with how everything turned out just so long as he did not have to fight you.

    I am Anakin Solo. I solve problems and this New Jedi Order of yours is the biggest problem in the galaxy. I will restore the damage you have done and insure it will never happen again. I have sent Mara, Tahiri, Alema and Jag on a journey to your galaxy. They will insure that you do not repeat your mistakes with another series like this one (Jag is going to record a holovid on how the three women most upset with the series deal with you so that the rest of us can have vids, besides Face?s, to watch for entertainment). Kyp is in charge of destroying every copy of every book in your series. My mom and dad are searching for new authors who are willing to read all the prior books in the series before contributing to it so that they might actually understand the characters they have to write about. Finally, a large number of the Jedi and myself, those of us who have become one with the Force, will be the new editors of the Newer Jedi Order which will complete the disappearance of your series.

    Your work will be destroyed, its memory a very faded nightmare, and a new series will be written which the dedicated star wars fans will enjoy.

    I am Anakin Sol
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