Beyond - Legends Literary T(a)hiri - one-poster snippet, dark humour, SW meets literary analysis

Title: Literary T(a)hiri
Author: Tahi
Characters: Tahiri, OC

A/N: This is just me playing with a few ideas that came together in my head when writing notes for a poem. It's a bit of an experiment really. It just struck me as slightly amusing to imagine the EU characters getting literary "therapy" from a literary analyst, although I have no idea why I thought that. Maybe I've just done too many English papers!!

I must also give credit to Thrawn McEwok for the idea of his that I've borrowed - that Anakin was lucky to have been killed off early, before his character could be totally perverted like Tahiri's.

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[b]Literary T(a)hiri[/b]

He studied her as she entered, observing the feline prowl and the semi-pout, its potential for sexiness undermined by a tendency to chew rather obsessively on her bottom lip. Of course it was his job to notice such mannerisms, body language being as much a revelation of his patients' psyche as their, often nonsensical, articulations. And nonsensical seemed to have become a major trend of late, at least with a certain group of his patients, a group that, despite the loss of two of its members, appeared to be growing at an alarming rate.

In this case, he duly added the lip-chewing to the profile he'd derived from her various appearances in books, and made a quick annotation beside it: ?nervous, confused or covering hidden agenda? followed by a question mark.

He wasn't sure. He suspected she wasn't either, but there again that meant he also one-third suspected she was play-acting ? which left him still none the wiser.

Which also left him no other option but to acknowledge, with a duly professional smile, her presence in his room on the comform chair opposite his.

She dipped her head briefly in what he assumed was a nod, and her emerald eyes returned his scrutiny, although not as keenly as he'd expected The word lethargic drifted past lugubriously, followed by troubled.

?So, Miss Veila ? Tahiri - how are you?? A leading question, of course. But that was his job.

Her brow creased, accentuating the lines that he'd already noticed present. ?Okay, I guess.? The lip-chewing peaked for a moment and then she added: ?Actually, it hasn't been a very good week.?

?Oh, that's no good. Why? Tell me why it hasn't been good??

The creases deepened so much she had to stop and smooth them away with two fingers. ?Well, it's just been really weird. I dunno, hard to explain.? She massaged her forehead for a while longer, apparently looking for words in some point above the small occasional table set between them. Either there were none, or too many, or simply none that were suitable.

?Did something unpleasant happen to you??

At last she offered a response that he would have regarded as typical. ?Something unpleasant's always happening to me,? she retorted, eyes rolling. ?Haven't you noticed.?

He shrugged ? measured though, nothing too emphatic. ?Unpleasant is very much open to interpretation. Can you articulate it a little more? Give an example??

She exhaled, somewhere between a sigh and a growl. ?Why do you want examples? Can't we just talk generally??

?It's the way I work. I'm an analyst, and analyists analyse.?

She studied him for a moment, and then offered her version of the shrug ? sulky and accompanied by a huff. ?Whatever. Okay, you want examples, here's one. I tried to seduce a fourteen-year-old boy - Ben Skywalker, Luke and Mara's son, Luke being the uncle of the guy I probably would have married if he hadn't died. The guy, I mean, not Luke. I mean, it was the guy that died that I would have married ? not Luke. I mean . . .?

He could see this was only going to get worse, and placed a bold tick beside ?confused?. ?Ah, Anakin.?

?Don't say his name like that. It sounds so patronising, so [i]here-we-are-at-the-nub-of-it-all[/i].?

?That's a rather impressive coinage.?

She glanced down at her chest with great trepidation, and then visibly relaxed. ?Thank goodness,? she muttered in relief.

?I said [i]coinage[/i] ? as in coining a

 

Oh VERY nicely don!

And somewhere out there, Tahiri was beginning her life anew, free at last.

And somehow he could only interpret his failure as a victory.

 

Meta-fic is hard to write well, IMHO - but you've done a superb job here. It's wonderful that Tahiri's got a second chance somewhere in the multiverse ...

Thanks for sharing,
Onderon1

 

I too have done far too much literary analysis and I love what you did here! For some reason, I can imagine Tahiri saying all of this. Amazing idea!

 

That was a new one. He sank back in his chair so he could study it from all angles. The thing was that if she put that idea out into the open, she might start a revolution, because there were certainly plenty of similarly disgruntled characters who would join up. It would be chaos. The current system had its faults, but imagine a world where writers could be held to task by their characters?

I?m sure Kyle Katarn would sign up at he first insistence that the writer?s are held to task. (I'm looking at you, Allston! I'm looking at you!)

In hindsight he thought it was surprising that Mara Jade hadn't come up with the idea during her sessions ? although he doubted Mara would have limited her retribution to legal action. Obviously her distress at her new baby-soft gullibility had been more draining for her than he'd realized.

Just like Kyle didn?t and probably can?t be taken out by some pansy of a Sith Lord called Caedus. Even wounded, Kyle can still put of a good fight. He should have taken out his Bryar blaster pistol and shot that idiot in the face. That would have taught Caedus how ?powerful? he really was. Or he could have used Force-cocoon on Caedus; hell... he did it to Jerec so why not use it on another wannabe Sith Lord?

 

?Well, I suppose you could say it revitalises a famous line by another Sith, Darth Maul - 'at last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi' - and puts it in a brand new light.?



Is it horrible that I've had the thought that Maul was actually a flasher before?

In the end he'd had to send Pellaeon for a session with their tranquillity and acceptance therapist, Miss Characterisation.



?If it means not carrying on like I am, then yes. But if I'm a clone, wouldn't they have to call me Tahiiri or Taahiri or something. That would suck. I happen to like my name ? and I had to fight for it.?

lol!

She sighed. ?So ignorance really is bliss.?
?In so far as it allows us to make up explanations, yes. Remember you vanished for a while.?

Oh man, you're killing me today, Tahi.

In hindsight he thought it was surprising that Mara Jade hadn't come up with the idea during her sessions ? although he doubted Mara would have limited her retribution to legal action. Obviously her distress at her new baby-soft gullibility had been more draining for her than he'd realised.

Yeah, that was quite sudden. Maybe one day TPTB will write up a short story explaining her brain damage before LotF

She looked oddly amused. ?In a manner of speaking. It's obvious the only way to appear as me is to find writers who understand me. I'm just sorry I didn't figure this out sooner.? She shrugged. ?Sorry you failed ? but look on the good side.? And she leaned over and crossed out the words he'd noted about her at the start, and scrawled ?epiphany? in large letters on the flimsi.



He'd spent most of the last session dealing with Jacen's angst about how his five-year sojourn had been built into some mysterious mission to learn new Force techniques, when in actual fact it was a respite intended to cure Jacen's erectile dysfunction ? a problem he'd developed due to grief after his brother's death and his experiences with Vergere.

[image=http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y165/YodaKenobi/oh_snap.gif]

Dr X. Egesis

Oh, well done

Tahi? You've done it again! This is amazing You did such a great job of summing up fans' feelings on Tahiri's characterization, and did it in an incredibly creative way. I don't know how you come up with this stuff!

Nice job breaking down the fourth wall? I'm really surprised we don't see more of that in fanfic You captured Tahiri perfectly as always. I imagine this is how the character would be feeling by this point.

Anyway, thanks for posting this. It made my day

 

Very funny, Tahi! Love the dry humour of this, and the biting truth beneath it all!

 

That was hillarious, and brilliant, and beautiful! (and A/T ftw! ))

Thanks, Tahi!

- The Imperial Ewok

 

What a great concept! I love it. And there would certainly be no end of puzzles for the good Doctor X. Egesis to unravel in the EU. His theories are well-constructed, I must say, and he develops his critical analysis well. And I love Tahiri. So many lines here are perfect - I wouldn't know where to begin if I quoted them all. I have to mention, though, that the line about Mara's sudden outbreak of gullibility is particularly apt. I imagine it would be quite frustrating for her to try and work out where her years of training and experience vanished off to.

An altogether excellent piece of writing. Great work!

 

This was hilarious. I loved how Tahiri was blaming the authors for messing up her character and all the other characters, too, except for those who got killed off early.

Beautiful! Loved it. You have a real flair for dark humor.

 

Tahi, this was brilliant. From top to bottom, well done, well played. Just loved it

 

Hehehehe. I am in such a mood for dark humour and you deliver it in spades. I loved this so much -- brilliant piece, you don't miss a beat!

 

Vadie
Thanks. Glad you liked it.

Onderon
Hello again.

It's wonderful that Tahiri's got a second chance somewhere in the multiverse ...
Indeed. And thanks for the lovely comments.

SithGirl
Hi again to you, too.

I too have done far too much literary analysis
Ah - my sympathies. The pain, the pain of it all.

For some reason, I can imagine Tahiri saying all of this.
Cool - thanks for that.

Grand_Master
Hi di hi.

I?m sure Kyle Katarn would sign up at he first insistence that the writer?s are held to task.
Yep - he'd be in like Flynn. I like the Force cocoon idea.

Yoda
Is it horrible that I've had the thought that Maul was actually a flasher before?
Well - you're the therapist around here. But yes - as soon as I heard that line, my mind immediately came up with flasher, too. LOL

Maybe one day TPTB will write up a short story explaining her brain damage before LotF
It happened in that locker on the Givin space station. The writers lied - they were really in there for hours without oxygen. That's why Anakin had to give her mouth to mouth.

I love your Dr pic.

Thanks for the lovely feedback - and glad it made your day.

TSF
Thanks. Yes - there's a fine line between comedy and tragedy.

Thrawn
Hey there. Thank YOU.

K_A
And there would certainly be no end of puzzles for the good Doctor X. Egesis to unravel in the EU.
You can say that again!!

His theories are well-constructed, I must say, and he develops his critical analysis well.
Heh heh - thanks. And glad you like Tahiri.

that the line about Mara's sudden outbreak of gullibility is particularly apt. I imagine it would be quite frustrating for her to try and work out where her years of training and experience vanished off to
Indeed! I would say she'd be totally mystified. Grrrr.

Thanks for the lovely feedback.

Diane
I loved how Tahiri was blaming the authors for messing up her character and all the other characters, too, except for those who got killed off early
Glad you liked that idea. And thanks so much for reading and liking the humour.

TKeira_Lea
Hi there - thanks for reading and glad you liked it.

Astarel
Love the name. Good to see you again, and thanks so much for the kind comments.


Thanks so much everyone.

 

Quote=Tahi

In this case, he duly added the lip-chewing to the profile he'd derived from her various appearances in books, and made a quick annotation beside it: ?nervous, confused or covering hidden agenda? followed by a question mark.

Okay, that caught my attention. That is so the examination that my husband is going to be subject to every night when he walks in the door.

Thanks for the idea, Tahi.

At last she offered a response that he would have regarded as typical. ?Something unpleasant's always happening to me,? she retorted, eyes rolling. ?Haven't you noticed.?

So true... she has endured a lot of tragedy.

She studied him for a moment, and then offered her version of the shrug ? sulky and accompanied by a huff. ?Whatever. Okay, you want examples, here's one. I tried to seduce a fourteen-year-old boy - Ben Skywalker, Luke and Mara's son, Luke being the uncle of the guy I probably would have married if he hadn't died. The guy, I mean, not Luke. I mean, it was the guy that died that I would have married ? not Luke. I mean . . .?

No worries Tahiri darling. I'm sure he's seen the holo-drama. What the galaxy needs is a week long mini-series, "The Skywalkers of Tatooine."

Viewer descretion advised.

I'd watch it.


?Ah, Anakin.?




?Don't say his name like that. It sounds so patronising, so here-we-are-at-the-nub-of-it-all.?

?That's a rather impressive coinage.?

It's pretty normal for her.



?Oh please. I very much doubt he was thinking about boobs when he said that ? otherwise he would have said 'at last we will reveal our boobs to the Jedi', wouldn't he? And that would have ruined the whole scene.?







Obviously her distress at her new baby-soft gullibility had been more draining for her than he'd realised.





She smiled back, although it was the kind of smile that made him only too aware of how white and sharp her teeth were. ?Really, doctor, I'm very disappointed in you. That's a very shallow argument and you know it. But the funny thing is that your analysis has proved the opposite to be true. Oblivion would be bliss. And you know something ? I am so happy for Anakin and Chewie that they were allowed to escape early ? before anyone put them through the nightmare some of the rest of us have been through. When I think about what screwballs they might have been turned into, I cringe.?


*nods*


when in actual fact it was a respite intended to cure Jacen's erectile dysfunction ? a problem he'd developed due to grief after his brother's death and his experiences with Vergere.


Too. Many. Jokes.



And somewhere out there, Tahiri was beginning her life anew, free at last.

And somehow he could only interpret his failure as a victory.

Good for her!


You know you're a genius - nothing else can be said. You're imagination beats anything I've seen in my life... this was fantastic.

Kick

 

I think all my favorite parts have been quoted already, so I will leave it at this is a really smart story.

 

Kick Hey there

Okay, that caught my attention. That is so the examination that my husband is going to be subject to every night when he walks in the door.
Thanks for the idea, Tahi.
Oh dear - he'll hate me now.

Yes, poor little Tahiri has been through the mill.

What the galaxy needs is a week long mini-series, "The Skywalkers of Tatooine."
What a brilliant idea.

I'd watch it.
Me, too, three - that makes four of us.

Thanks for the lovely feedback. Always means a lot coming from you. Just glad that the story hit a spot.

Aroha

carr3107
Wow - that's a lot of carrs.

Thanks so much for reading and for your kind feedback. It was kind of fun to write - so happy it went dowm okay.

Thanks, both of you.

 

Enjoyed that. And I want more.... The whole idea of a literary therapist rocks. I thought that bit about Jacen was priceless and strangely plausible.

 

Hey Zara - long time, no see. Thanks for dropping in with some feedback. Glad you felt the Jacen bit was plausible. In actual fact, when I thought about his experiences, it seemed quite likely he might suffer from a bit of the old soggy doggy syndrome. So I'm glad the idea didn't seem to be too out there.

Not sure about writing more in this ilk - although there would be plenty of scope with unhappy characters.

 

You pretty much summed up the mess they've made of Tahiri here and I really enjoyed the dry humor even though the truth behind it makes me sad and The bits about Mara and jacen were great too. Really original too thanks. What poem were you writing....is it posted yet?

 

Hello again Mousie. Well, I guess that sometimes the separation between tears and laughter is a mere whisper. Glad you enjoyed the humour though. And I agree about the fact that Tahiri's character has been messed with horribly.

I haven't posted the poem yet, no. In fact it's still in the "random scribblings on paper" stage. But I hope to make some sense of the scribblings this weekend - that's if the Muse complies. LOL My poetry Muse is a bit fickle.

 

Well - you're the therapist around here.

Well... I'm not licensed.

It happened in that locker on the Givin space station. The writers lied - they were really in there for hours without oxygen. That's why Anakin had to give her mouth to mouth.



Ah, the perfect retcon!

You know, they actually did retcon Daala's story to give her some brain damage in the Death Star novel

 

Tahi, my friend!

That is the best thing I've read here in years. I loved the attention to little mannerisms that, given the way Tahiri was written as a child, and up until her 'shaping', are plausible if not factual, and how you sequed that quickly into how she was written in later years, then broke that behavior down by subsequently mocking the subsequent bad (and totally unnecessary)characterization of her in as Jacen's apprentice, all while using a mask of pun and subtlety. Finely crafted.

If Tahiri is going to slide into oblivion in profic, as I personally suspect she will, at least I can come here and read your (an a few others') renditions of her to keep me somewhat satisfied.

PP

edit: OH! and I loved the thing about her name if she were a clone!

 

Yoda
Well... I'm not licensed.
Bah - licence? Humbug. Just bits of useless paper.

You know, they actually did retcon Daala's story to give her some brain damage in the Death Star novel
Fair dinkum? How cool. Which novel was that - I'm not familiar with it.

Ooh - and thanks for the response.


Preggers
Yay! So good to see you - and thanks for that cool feedback, especially the note about the use of Tahiri's mannerisms. I'm so glad the continuity (or should I say discontinuity) there came through.

Yes, I agree that this whole Sith apprentice thing was totally silly and also unnecessary. What did it achieve? It seemed to me more of a case of - oops we've forgotten Tahiri.
I know, let's pop her in as the next Sith apprentice.
Cool.
Okay - that's her taken care of then.
Hey, uh, who is this Tahiri anyway?


I suspect your prediction about her future in canon is correct sadly. But at least we have fanfic.

Glad you liked the clone names.

Thanks for reading - and again.

 

Well done. A pity some of the writers haven't experienced an epiphany. Maybe Dr X. Egesis could do something to help out there. Great concept here, you never disappoint. I have to say that stuff about Jacen cracked me up.

 

Hey there DDR - thanks so much for looking in here. Glad you liked the Jacen bit - it was a last minute addition actually.

Epiphanies, it seems, are hard to come by in certain sectors.

Thanks again for the feedback. Always appreciate it.