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Saga - PT Lost Soul in Tatters (first person, nameless OC) Monster challenge entry

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by brodiew, Oct 12, 2020.

  1. brodiew

    brodiew Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Oct 11, 2005
    It is in the deepest, darkest parts of the Eastern Sector that The Tatters flap.It is well below the gleaming spires where the wealthy and well regarded walk on the clouds. It is where the poor, the desperate, and the savage walk. It is not an unholy sound, but like a banner beaten in a heavy wind. However, if that sound comes to your ears, it is the unholiest of omens. I have heard it. I have been judged by it. And, I thank the Force that it passed me over. Others have not been as lucky. I have seen the evidence; the hollow, emaciated bodies lying in the street. If one gets deep enough, low enough, dark enough, the authorities, civil or investigative, won't come running even when the bodies start to pile up.

    The Tatters is not a species per se. It is a sound without form; a disembodied terror which only takes a nebulous shape as it siphons the Force energy from its victim. When I first heard it, the sound was low, a flap, flap, flapping. It got louder as I ran. The harder I ran, the louder it got. Until it was beating in my ears, but less a flapping, that a ripping. It was a horrible ripping as one could only imagine the rending of flesh from bone. It was deafening. I finally stopped. I stood on a catwalk, above an open pipeline of sewage flowing below. The sound and the smell were driving me to mad. That was when the Tatters showed itself.

    It held no form that I could discern. It was misty red and gaseous. I could see small sparks like lightening that seemed deep inside it and far away from me. It hovered before me and then lurched forward to engulf me. My entire body seized and and I was lifted up, though the tips of my toes still touched the ground. I could feel every cell in my body invaded, as if plundered by ancient barbarians. Whatever The Tatters was looking for, it did not appear to find it in me. Suddenly, the cacophonous noise ceased and I was released and fell against the railing of the catwalk, nearly going over. I fell hard to the grated floor completely exhausted. Why had the Tatters spared me? Was my Force energy sour? Was it somehow more tainted that those I had seen decomposing in the dark doorways above? I could not understand why...

    Later, I supposed, that my Force energy may have been more pure than the level the Tatters sought. To my knowledge, I am the only one to walk away from such and encounter. However, if I did, there would have to be others. Wouldn't there?
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2020
  2. Kit'

    Kit' Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP - Game Winner

    Oct 30, 1999
    Oooo! That's actually a really cool start for a whole bunch of stories. You could have other people's encounters with the Tatters and how it changed them or destroyed them. This was really cool. So many plot bunnies!
    Findswoman , Kahara and brodiew like this.
  3. mavjade

    mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Sep 10, 2005
    Woah... that was AWESOME!!
    I love the idea of the Tatters here, it's so creepy but really an interesting concept. I really felt the anxiety of the person and the wonder of why they were spared. I really liked that you kept it a nameless OC and we just got their POV because it made us focus on the feelings we get from the story.

    Excellent job!! I really loved it! =D=
    Findswoman , Kahara and brodiew like this.
  4. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The Fanfic Manager With The Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Jun 29, 2004
    Oh wow but this was such an interesting, chilling piece of sci-fi horror! It makes sense that there are creatures - entities, more like - out there who feed on Force energy. What a terrifying experience to be judged by the Tatters, even to escape from them. Your imagery was chock full of intensity here, and I agree with the above commenters who said that intensity was only compounded by keeping to the POV of a nameless OC. What an excellent response to a most excellent challenge. =D=
    Kahara, brodiew and Findswoman like this.
  5. ViariSkywalker

    ViariSkywalker Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Aug 9, 2002
    I really loved the sensory details in this, especially the tell-tale flapping sound of the Tatters. Maybe it's because it's been really windy where I live lately, but I found the description of the banner beaten by heavy wind to be very evocative and spooky. I don't know why, that just really stuck out to me, how you kept coming back to the sound of it. Well done! I agree with Kit', it would be interesting to see if any other characters have ever encountered the Tatters. [face_thinking]
    brodiew likes this.