Senate Mental Health Support Thread

Oh dear, "interesting times".

Great news about returning to studies!

 

Having a really tough day today. My parents left for a trip this morning then my brother just left to go back to CA until the holidays this afternoon. Almost had a panic attack when left alone. Need my puppy.

 

Diva being fabulous. Hope everybody is doing well. I'm hanging in there. I was approved for my education. It will be covered, which is really exciting for me. After my medication fiasco, I am doing much better.

 

That cat always knows where the camera is.

 

I just want to give her a chin rub in that shot.

 

Always keep looking forward like you do and you're doing great. Can't wait for you to start school.

 

Ugh. I had a wild day of parties yesterday--wedding vows renewals of friends, and then Oktoberfest at my aunt's. It was so much fun and I just dove in for both, and....didn't watch the time nor how much I drank. I feel *slightly* crappy, physically, but my brain jumped right into berating myself for having poor judgement/staying out late/overcommitting myself/biking too much...whatever. I'm trying to be accepting that hey, sometimes I make a mistake and will learn from it, but mostly I'm just angry at myself. Because I overindulged this one time, my self-talk says I should never drink or party again. I got a hangover in this one situation, so I must be an alcoholic. Anyone else have a mean little voice like that?

 

I think everybody has that mean voice. I also think everybody overindulges, at some point. Did you have fun? Was it a good night? If so, focus on that. Regret does nothing. Just try to accept and move forward. Getting drunk one night and having a hangover the next morning doesn't make you an alcoholic. It makes you human.

 

It was such a good night, I can't remember the last time I had that much fun. Friends & family, dancing, good food (& beer), biking home 5 miles at 2am, and then staying up even later talking with my spouse. I think it's tough to come down from that emotional high too.

 

Hey... things are going pretty well. I found a job that will work with my school schedule, when the time comes. The only drawback is I now have a 30 min commute, which isn't actually too bad. Hope everyone is doing well. Here's Diva being Diva.

 

Glad to hear things are working out.

 

Upping this and checking in. How's everyone doing?

One day at a time, that's where I'm at. Too busy, too stressed. Vacation at the end of the week. Job search after that.

 

I’m doing quite well actually! I’ve reorganized and upgraded my home gym, so I’ve started getting proper exercise again. We’ve continued to decorate our house and being in comfortable and warm surroundings are helping. I’m looking forward to finally going back to the office in January and being around other people every day.

 

I've had a rough few days after weeks of being fine... I too have some vacation time coming up soon and I'm just trying to hold on until then.

 

Hang in there. You’re almost home free!

 

Just learned that one of my older acquaintances committed suicide...

 

I'm so sorry to hear this. I honestly can't imagine. Please see your therapist soon.

 

I certainly will have to... This isn't the first time either...

What bites, however, is he was 87...

 

I'm very sorry you have to deal with this. Wish I could give you a hug.

 

The intention is already very, very welcome

 

Not really sure what to say, but I went off a pill to experiment with approval from my doctor and the "withdrawal" was something I definitely felt.

Guess I'll have to start retaking it.

I'm alright, don't get me wrong, but I feel that I'm not at 100%.

 

Very sorry to hear this. I'm here if you ever need a shoulder to cry on

 

Appreciated.

We're sending him off today.

 

Just went through this page.

I'm truly sorry to hear that.

 

So I know this is kind of out of nowhere and most of you here don't know me. I mainly post over in fanfic, but I'm a long-time lurker in the JCC and used to post here occasionally. I'm just having a really hard time and I just really need to vent and I honestly don't know where else to go right now.

I've never been diagnosed but I've struggled with depression and anxiety most of my life. I've been suicidal and I still think about it a lot. Not going to act on it at this point in time though because for now I have a couple of things I very much want to stay alive for.

I live at home with my family. My brother and I were always taken care of physically and financially, but our parents used to fight all the time and now years later I'm kind of coming to terms with how that's not okay, how that wasn't a healthy environment for us to grow up in. My dad's an emotionally abusive alcoholic who refuses to admit he has a problem. I'm pretty sure he has other physical and mental health issues that he won't deal with either. He quit his job to sit around the house and do nothing, and he's a right-wing antivaxxer conspiracy theorist who overeats and is generally just self-destructing in front of us. My mom's in denial too - she thinks he'll snap out of it, magically change his entire personality, and start taking care of himself. Nobody is happy but we don't talk about anything or deal with anything, we all just lie and pretend all the time. I want to move out but I'm scared to because anxiety and financial reasons. I'd also feel guilty about leaving my mom and brother, even though I know I can't make their decisions for them.

Then there's everything else - the big things like politics, inequality, the environment, so much pain and suffering everywhere and no hope for the future. The little things, like being burned out and stressed out from work. Someone always being home so I don't get any time or space to myself anymore. Because of the burnout and anxiety and depression I've isolated myself from all my friends, so I don't have any 'fun' social contact either. The trivial things, like having no attention span and no ability to concentrate anymore so I can't read or write or even focus long enough to watch TV or movies. Fanfiction and fandom, especially, has always been a happy place for me but that's gone now. I either have no energy and motivation to write and participate, or I get so anxious that whenever I do try I just cry and feel sick to my stomach and end up feeling like even more of a failure. I know that's a really stupid thing to be so upset about, but it just sucks not having any sort of fun, relaxing outlet anymore.

I do try to exercise and eat reasonably healthy and to practice self-care as much as I can. I talk to my work friends a little bit, although I don't want to burden them too much because they have their own **** to deal with. And I want to try therapy, I'm just scared to actually pick up the phone and make an appointment, especially since I've never seen a therapist before. My goal is to, before the end of January, make an appointment at least.

If you actually read through all that, I'm sorry for all the ranting and rambling walls of text. I just really needed to get it out of my head, and again, I didn't know where else to put it.

Wishing you all lots of love and good vibes. Please take care of yourselves. <3