Senate Mental Health Support Thread

Here when you say how are you people take it as pat, when I really mean it. And I will answer how I'm actually doing.

Everyone in my family tested negative for Covid so we're going home tomorrow. Can't wait to see the dogs, but I'm getting a little anxious about returning to work and if things will be ok

 

Why wouldn't things be okay?

 

It really helped me to read this, even though you wrote this in an inquisitive context. Thank you.

I've tried calling a 24/7 helpline several times over the last hour, tried to write here a couple of times but can't commit to anything. Just feels pointless listing out my problems just to not do anything about them like always.

I'm really burned out, and I don't even know where to start.

 

Those helplines help. I had a night a couple of years ago, when I called several times. I'm pretty sure the people I talked to helped save my life. Keep trying. As for not committing to posting here, you just did it. And as for listing problems, you don't have to if you don't want to (but you can). Sometimes listing "problems" helps, others it can be overwhelming. You know you best.

 

Yeah, they do. I've just been 'paralyzed' all night, I can't tell if its anxiety, maybe some aspect of my suspected-ADHD like executive dysfunction, both, or me just choosing to wallow in self-pity all night to procrastinate from outcome-based tasks...like doing my mountain of work. Everyone in my support network was sleeping so couldn't listen to me, I didn't necessarily want to chew their ear off for the billionth time, but I reached for every single one and they were all asleep. Finding it hard to call a Helpline, even though I've used them years ago and they helped.

I don't feel comfortable going into detail about some things at the moment. But I'm just very stressed out and feel extremely overwhelmed. My work-work load and uni workload combined is pretty massive. My dissertation supervisor read two messages sent at different times yesterday and ignored both of them. Not even a quick acknowledgement 'I'll get back to these later', nothing. I've been a pretty crap student, sure, but he's been vague and hard-to-reach all year. It's thrown me completely off-kilter. My sleep is *****d. I need to be spending time making money for somewhere to live August-onwards. I need to get an eye test, a haircut, a Doctor's appt, refer myself to counselling and actually do it, go to the dentist before my mouth falls apart.

There's just so much to do. I can't even wake up the right side of the day. I might actually fail uni, or not have anywhere to live. I'm almost-definitely an addict, I have no idea where to even start with that especially considering how stressed I'm feeling already vs how stressed I'd feel without it.

I need my pattern fixed. I can't believe I've done nothing tonight/ today but honestly I can't even face anything. I just want to pass time until it's time to go to sleep, wake up tomorrow morning fresh-faced and ready to work. But I can't really afford another day of doing the square root of sweet F.A, so I'm screwed on that too.

 

Sorry, I kind of left you hanging. I, too, fell asleep. It sounds like you've got a **** ton to worry about. I'm glad you shared. Feel free to do it anytime. Are you being treated for the adhd? Treating that could help with focus, ehicj would help eith sorting all the **** you have to do. Sorting has always been an issue for me.

 

It's cool.

No, I'm not being treated. Waiting times are 2-3 years through the Doctors. I can sign up to a 3rd party practitioner but their waiting time is close to a year now because people have become more aware of them and are using their service more, so they're getting swamped themselves. It's something I need to look at getting sorted after uni for my career. Luckily, I'm freelancing and I feel pretty confident I could find a full-time remote job for a pay increase when I'm freed up from uni. My girlfriend is fully supportive of me staying WFH for now to give me some breathing space to sort my mental health/ sleep issues before trying to take on a job I'd have to attend physically.

I went to bed at like half 7/8am intending to only have a nap because I'd slept from 1pm-8pm. Thought I'd only have a couple hours and wake up at midday with sleep relatively fixed. Nope, woke up at 5pm.

If I had the energy I'd scream.

 

You may as well get on the list. You know? In the grand scheme, 2-3 years isn't that long. I just started treatment for my adhd, finally. I waited a long time to do it. Not sure why. I've been in therapy and treatment for depression since 2011, and probably have a long time to go. It's worth it. You're worth it.

 

I've probably posted these before, but if you haven't read Allie Brosh's "Adventures in depression" parts one and two, I highly recommend doing so,. They're ****ing great.

Part one
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

Part 2
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

 

I dunno, I have never taken this much time off from a job before so I'm just a little worried and I have to do my annual review which always makes me anxious.

 

If the time off thing was an issue, you would have known by now. You know? Try not to worry too much. I'm sure things are fine.

 

I know but my anxiety is definitely not logical

 

I know, I get it.

I feel totally adjusted to the adhd med now. I had that bizarre experience for the first couple of days, but I feel things have evened out.

 

Thing is you had to apply for your leave and it was approved, yes? You didn't just leg it to Europe.

Taking leave is healthy, it is needed.

But I appreciate the picture sketched of US employment is very different to the perspective I'm posting from.

And, as you say, anxiety doesn't go with logic or reason. Even with a 'no surprises at review' rule, I think both me and my team still feel a bit edgy during performance review season.

 

Yeah again it's not logical. I just want my review done so I can stop worrying. I think part of the issue is we don't do weekly or even quarterly 1:1 meetings so I remain totally unprepared for whatever will be said.

 

You are always nervous about these things, and you're always fine. I'm sure this is no exception.

Punky and Diggy. I like this one, bevause you can see how much they've grown.

 

Got in touch with the Drs about a mental health appt. Had a phone appt, got a F2F tomorrow. They already are fobbing me off RE: ADHD diagnosis, even though I'm all asking them to do is refer me to a practitioner who literally only focus on ADHD, and are accredited through the NHS as a 3rd party. She rushed to get me off the phone, and brought up that I was on Sertraline years back for like 3 weeks.

Just like online said they're going to try and lump me in with mood disorder when my mood disorder is because of untreated ADHD.

Not doing antidepressants. I'll be open minded and chat to them but that's my hard limit, I am not just being pushed onto antidepressants and expected to go away.

 

I've heard a lot from people who have to deal with the NHS. Judging by everything I've heard, Medicaid is better. It feels weird for me to say that, but it's true. I am all for free medical,but not when it is so hard to navigate and get the care you need.

 

The NHS does what it can but you have to get to a point where you are bad enough to need it. Our politicians are still of the "pull yourself together" school of mental bad health.

 

It's weird, to me, that you can't pick your own doctor and need a referral for everything. That would drive me bonkers.

 

Well, you can go private - just make with the cash.

Though I really don't know how active the private sector is in mental health in the UK - they tend to go for the easier stuff.

 

In California on MediCal my brother was simply assigned a doctor 45 minutes away who couldn't get him in for a year. He never used it and hasn't been to a doctor in forever. You must have been lucky to have good state run medicaid.

 

See, that's nuts to me. I've always chosen my doctors and mental health providers. I find Medicaid pretty easy to navigate. I've been on it forever though.

 

I don't profess to be too knowledgeable with this kind of stuff, but from what I know the NHS does a good job sorta 60-70 % of the time but it's been absolutely gutted by the government for years leading to complete underfunding, then Brexit led to many doctors leaving the country, and COVID pushed them to the limit.

@harpua Yep, the referral thing is driving me bonkers too. From the very brief conversation I had yesterday, it seems like the mental health care practitioner can only refer me to their mental health team, the GP would have to refer me to the 3rd party I want to be referred to (under my NHS Right to Choose) but only when they're comfortable that I need to have a referral. If I can't convince any of them that I need that referral, I'm kinda screwed. I don't have a spare 2 grand to get assessed out of my own pocket, so I'm at the mercy of doctors who, from what I read online, aren't clued up on ADHD because much of the research comes from the last 10 years where doctors had already passed med-school and moved into practicing. I'm waiting for the inevitable 'you can't be ADHD, look how well you're doing at uni'

Which yeah, true, I'm pulling 70s/ 80s every single assignment, I'm actually on track to come out with a 1st overall, but that doesn't really reflect how I've actually been as a student; with my 20 % attendance, only starting an assignment within 48 hrs of the deadline every. Single. Time. The only reason I do so well in academia is that I literally write for a living, and just sorta seem to instinctually 'get' what the markers are looking for - but only when I'm faced with immense pressure and my brain can finally focus.

I managed to sleep, it's 7:15am. First time I've gotten up before 5pm in like 3 weeks. It was also payday last night so I'm going to take today as a win. Get myself some new clothes, a haircut, go to this appt at 1:30 and just really stand my ground. I'll go in open-minded, do my best to give them as much info as I can and try to work with them, but the second I feel like the conversation is edging towards 'well, you're probably just depressed, here's Sertraline' I'm going to respectfully put forward that if they're not qualified to diagnose me, they are not qualified to tell me I don't have ADHD, per the NICE guidelines.

Don't get me wrong, I've nothing against antidepressants for people who need them and whom they help. But my point of view is that antidepressants are handed out like sweets, I want to address the cause of my problems not the symptoms. I'm not saying never to them, but it is not going to be my first port of call. For me, antidepressants are a 'therapy isn't really doing enough, your body is never going to reflect the work you're doing mentally to get better'.

I got in touch with the principal of my old school who has forwarded my email to my old Student Support Manager. Hopefully she comes in clutch and helps provide a testimonial when I need it of what my behaviour was like in school. It's the same as uni - I was bright, I'd write rings around the assignment and be done with the classwork within 20-25 minutes, then I'd spend the next 30 minutes disrupting everybody and ramping up.

We'll see what happens, I'm going to try and stop hyperfixating on it.

 

Ugh once again I have so many things I want to do but I have no energy (just feeling really down today) and my mind is too scattered to concentrate on anything. I think it's mostly the weather, it's cooler and cloudy again, but I just hate feeling like this.

I think I'll try and make myself clean for five minutes, just so it's not a total waste of a day.