Senate Mental Health Support Thread

The therapist's timing is more than a little unfortunate. Once again, I'm sorry you and your son are going through this crap, it obviously sucks.

 

That poor kid can't catch a break. I'm really sorry that things are so rough for you, Kristie. I have definitely been there. The only thing that ever helped much was taking life in tiny little increments . . . like, "I can make it through the next 5 minutes, or the next 1 minute, or the next 30 seconds . . ." Kind of like an agonizing climb up a rock face. Just focus on the next handhold and don't look down.

 

Hi @harpua I had eczema as a child and early teen,had it quite badly too.

Soles of my feet were the worst area for it.

As you may know it's a "cousin" to asthma.

As one who has had eczema previously I empathise strongly and as someone with anxiety disorder (for at least two decades diagnosed) I empathise equally as strongly on it too.

A real tough deal for your son for sure and for you to see your child have these as it's no parents (well the good fit and proper ones) wish to see their children have this happen.

My sincere thoughts and wishes go out to you and your son.

 

So after a very long 2 weeks and especially agonizing weekend. One in which I even had nausea and heartburn cause the stress was so bad. I got back to my doctor this AM. I will be having surgery on next Wednesday, Feb 13th.

I am relieved cause I want to know what it's like to wake up and not be in pain again. It's been nearly a year since I have known. I also have killer anxiety cause I'll be stuck in my house for weeks after the surgery. I won't be able to drive for 4-6 weeks.

Lots of people enjoy never leaving the house but I am the complete opposite. I go crazy in my house. I hate days spent in pajamas and I hate TV and video games.

Also I cook and clean here and I hate a messy living space. I need my husband and 10 year old son to step up. I have so much worry they won't help half as much as I need.

Good news, by baseball season for the boys I should be walking again. And I have been cleared to work from home.

 

Good luck with the surgery @Runjedirun

 

So, my son's therapist came over for a session today, and it kind of ended up being a session for me, because my son wasn't feeling talkative, at all. He asked me about my new therapist, and I shared that I'm concerned, because she's doing her residency right now, which means that she'll likely be moving on eventually (sooner, rather than later). I need somebody long term--somebody who will stick with me for a while. This is therapist number 8, for me, which is frustrating. He recommended a therapist who has her own private practice and accepts my insurance. She's well established and is somebody I can see, long term. Then he disclosed that she used to be his therapist... ****ing awesome. My very favorite (so far) therapist has PTSD and has been in therapy for 20 years, which really made me trust her. It's hard to explain, but psychological professionals who have "walked the walk," are appealing to me... a hell of a lot more appealing than somebody who simply recites stuff they memorized from a book. So, I'm going to contact this therapist and get the ball rolling. I'm now even more bummed that my son's therapist is moving on and wont be seeing him, long term.

Funny story... I was at the store this morning, and I was wearing my sandals. It was a little frigid, but not freezing. Those who know me, know that I pretty much rock sandals year-round, if I can get away with it. A woman approached me, and asked me where my socks were. I didn't know what to say... just kind of stood there, so she asked, "Don't you have any socks?" She then offered, three times, to give me the socks off her feet. Apparently, my depression has been so bad, that I now look like a homeless person. I would have been a little embarrassed, if I wasn't completely blown away and flattered by her kindness. It made me feel really good, actually. She eventually let me go on my way, without taking her socks. lol

@Runjedirun - I know it's frustrating to not be able to do the things you want to do, but don't exert yourself too much, trying to keep your house clean... let it go a little. I'm sure your family will pick up some of the slack. Sure, it might not be 100% the way it is when you do it yourself, but try to keep in mind, this is all temporary. Before you know it, you'll be able to do all the things you want to do... just give yourself time and space to heal.

 

Therapy was good today. She gave me a huge list of local places with resources for single parent families, etc…very cool. I’ve only been here since September, and am slowly acclimating to the place, so all that stuff is crazy useful.

I did talk to her about my thoughts about death, and about sleeping for the better part of 48 hours, this past weekend. She asked me what I do and what I think during those times. I told her that I let the thoughts come, and acknowledge them, instead of avoiding them, and I do understand that these thoughts come, but they also go away, if that makes any sense. Sometimes, the thoughts are brief, and sometimes I dwell on them. She asked me what I do when I dwell on them. When I do that, I really tear into the thought… like, I question where it’s coming from, and why it came at that specific moment. Then, there are times when I let the thought take me. What I mean by that is, I go to sleep… but in the process of going to sleep, the thought pretty much wraps itself around me, and I let in sink in. I eventually fall asleep and have really vivid and bizarre dreams. I talked a lot about things like that today.

At one point, she asked me if I’ve ever considered inpatient treatment. I said no—with the right resources and the right therapist, I can do this, outpatient. She agreed with me. She wants me to call her on Friday morning at 10 to “check in.” She just wants to make sure I’m okay… I can respect that, so I’ll call. She then told me the thing she’s required to tell me—if things get out of hand, to call 911. Lol, I kind of rolled my eyes and told her the story about when I went to the emergency room with chests pains, which turned out to be a severe panic attack; once they determined that it wasn’t medical, they threw me out into a packed waiting room. I eventually ended up leaving. 911 is useful in a lot of circumstances, but not mine. I trust hospitals and emergency rooms in medical situations, but never in mental health situations. She basically said, “Fair enough,” and we left it at that. I see her again on Tuesday morning. I feel optimistic about working with her. We covered a lot of ground, for a first actual session. Last week, we just did the formal introduction evaluation, so this was my first real session, and it was pretty productive.

 

That's good to hear.

 

Harps, I'm really glad your session went well.

I saw my psychiatrist today. She talked to me for ten minutes then gave me a year of prescriptions...lol. Not very involved, that one.

Meanwhile my puppy, while a lot of work, is making me very happy.

 

I saw my ex at lunch today. He seemed much better. Happier, healthier and more like his old positive self. He even apologized for the way he was before and asked if we could be friends again and go for a drink sometime.

Part of me sees the good guy I once loved and liked being around. But the larger part of me wishes I hadn't seen him today.

Loving him took me to a very bad place at the end. I've only just moved in with my life. I've found happiness with someone else, more happiness than I ever had with him. I'm getting back to my old, positive, active self and I never want to go back to the person I was at the end with him.

I wish I hadn't seen him today. I have to be strong and keep him out of my life. I thought he was dead to me, but seeing this good side of him again stirred those old feelings up again.

But I have to stay strong. He's gone forever. The good man I loved is gone. I don't love him anymore and I refuse to let him back into my life. He's still dead to me.

I've found real love now, more than I ever had with him. I'm going to forget I even saw him today and keep embracing my new man.

It can be so difficult at times!

 

I’m glad the psyche appointments went well, harps & SJ! Well, I think that was well, SJ? I personally wouldn’t mind not having to make it in to the psychiatrist’s office for a year, but that probably wouldn’t be a good idea. Hang in there, Vialco! It sounds like your ex was toxic for you. It totally makes sense that you would want to avoid the negative memories he brings up when you see him.

I am about 36 hours away from surgery right now, and i’m super excited and super anxious. I hope everything goes smoothly!

 

Good luck @poor yorick !

 

Good luck! I'll keep you in my thoughts. I hope everything goes well.

 

Good Luck @poor yorick

I still have a week until my surgery. My anxiety is driving me nuts. I swing from being super nice and helping my kids to just wishing everyone to go away, but that's also cause sometimes the pain is just so bad I can't take being around anyone. I don't understand why this type of pain didn't get me to the front of the line faster. It also doesn't help that I'm super sensitive and I always think everyone is judging me. I have no idea why, it's just how my mind works. I try so hard to please everyone and at the same time I tell myself I'm letting everyone down. Telling people I am having surgery is hard too. Like this guy I see at the gym all the time. He's just a genuine nice guy, very friendly with me. So I wanted to let him know I'll be missing for a month so he doesn't wonder where I am and he's all "Surgery? But your so young. I stay healthy, I exercise." And it leaves me feeling like a total failure. I got hurt exercising but I should have known better and I'm also totally frustrated because I eat healthier than 90% of people I know and I do take rather good care of myself and what do I have to show for it??? Lots of pain, need of expensive surgery and no one to even help me out during recovery. And it's my fault I really don't have friends. A year ago I had several friends. We all ran together. And when I got hurt I just kinda stopped talking to everyone cause all they kept asking is when are you going to run with us again? And I wanted to say tomorrow, or next week, or next month, but that day never came. Plus we are all busy with kids of different ages and the only time we spent together was running time. Not like these ladies have time to come sit around with me, they run in their spare time. I don't want to feel sorry for myself or to let anyone think I gave up. I kept going to new dr's new physical therapist. But since I'm still not better and now who knows if I ever will be I've totally failed all the people I inspired to live a healthier lifestyle and I don't want them to know that I've failed. I'm just going to hope I get better and crawl out of this hole. It's all I have to live for.

 

Long-lasting pain takes its toll

For what it's worth, have a hug.

 

Hope I'm not overstepping here.

You're gonna get better, Runner. You're not going to fail. They're gonna fix your hamstring right, you're gonna rest and recover and do the right things, and you're gonna get better. I know you're gonna get better because you're gonna do what's necessary to get better. It's gonna take a while, but you'll make a successful comeback. Then you'll be able to inspire people because you came back from injury.

Think of yourself as a pro athlete, as Russell Westbrook, with a hamstring injury. Is a hamstring injury going to keep Russell Westbrook out forever? No way. He'll get back sooner or later, even if he needs surgery. What would Russell Westbrook do? Rest, eat right, rehab, etc. All the right things. You're gonna do the same thing. Eventually, you'll be able to put on your Thunder running pants and go running like you used to, it'll just take time. Fortunately, you'll be able to take your time, without having to rush back to make the playoffs or take on the NBA at all, so you won't keep getting injured like Chris Paul. No back to backs.

You've been pursuing solutions to your injury, and though good help was slow to come along, your persistence will eventually pay off. I feel pretty confident about that. You're gonna be Russell Westbrook.

 

Not overstepping at all @CT-867-5309 those are exactly the encouraging words I need to hear. Thank you!

 

All the best with surgery mate

I agree with @poor yorick about the toxic thing.

Looking backwards unless for a lesson rarely does anyone well.

If you have positive,good wholesome love in your life now then embrace the now not the yesterday!

 

Good luck on the surgery, @poor yorick !

 

Wow, I'm really glad I found this thread. To be honest, a SW forum was the last place I would have expected a mental health support discussion. I only feel comfortable posting here because the mods have made it clear that mocking and discrimination against people with mental health issues is strongly discouraged. The last thing we need is people telling us not to feel sorry for ourselves or that we are just talking ourselves into feeling bad or being lazy. I know that on this forum rules are strictly enforced, so I hope there will be no bashing here.
For me it's depression plus (sometimes) anxiety, though there are days when I feel almost OK, well, at least well enough to function, though never completely "fine". I have been struggling with this on and off for about 9 years. Of course I have tried the usual stuff like therapy and medication, when available. Especially therapy is either very difficult to get or non-existent where I live or have lived. Have been living in 3 different countries over the past 3 decades, one of them practically not having any mental health help system at all.
One thing that has not helped me at all is anti-depressants. I have tried 5 or 6 different types, but for all of them it's the same, you have to wait at least a month for the effects to show, if ever. I admit I never stayed on any of the meds that long (except for one), and know that you are supposed to be patient and keep taking them till you feel improvement. That's all great, but what if the meds make you even worse before the effect finally sets in? What if you are feeling suicidal (I am not right now but have been at times)? You need something that helps you really fast, not after weeks or months. So I have decided to stay away from any of that stuff in the future. Is there anyone at all who has actually benefited from them? Just asking, but I'm 99% sure that I won't dare take any again, and just too scared of the side-effects.
One thing is helping me - at least a little, though I have never seen it recommended as a treatment for depression. Not naming anything here, because I don't want to break any forum rules. But when I have a really serious low or anxiety attack then I do appreciate having medication that gives at least some relief within a few minutes (yes, for ME, and I speak only for myself, actually minutes, not hours), though only temporarily. I know this is not a long-term solution, but people who have been there or are still there probably understand what I'm talking about. In some situations you do anything at all to make you feel even slightly better, even when you know it won't help long-term. I will never recommend anything specific, especially medication, even privately, because I know depression is a very complex and delicate issue, and different for everyone. So advice can in same cases be horribly wrong.
Have been reading some posts here, but not all yet. Anyway, great to have this thread and I guess I will be a regular reader here from now on.

 

Welcome @Sith Lord 2015. I'm really sorry to hear that things have been so hard for you. Just out of curiosity, what country have you lived in that has no mental health assistance?

In response to your question about antidepressants, I finally found one that works for me after more than 20 years and probably 12-15 tries. I don't know if I can say it was "worth it," but I'm very glad I don't want to die all the time now. The drug that helps me is Trintellix, fwiw. I totally get what you're saying about how antidepressants work so slowly. If Tylenol took 4-6 weeks to work, it would have been thrown on the junk heap by now. But somehow, unbearable mental pain is acceptable while unbearable physical pain is not.

 

Welcome @Sith Lord 2015,this is a good thread with good people so indeed you can talk as freely as you are ok with.

 

Thanks a lot for the welcome and support. This is a great place to exchange experiences and share some thoughts. I came here of course, I guess just like everyone else, because of SW. For some reason I had thought I was the only depressed SW fan, which of course is nonsense. I just never checked the community area and stuck to the SW threads since I registered here. Anyway, it's possible to have health issues and still discuss movies.
For the time being I guess I will stick to other medication, which helps me control my condition. Maybe this is the most important thing. Maybe there will not be an actual cure, but sometimes it's good enough to just make it through the day, to keep the illness in check so it doesn't completely control you. Things are sometimes better sometimes worse. Let's all just try not to give up!
Oh, the country I mentioned earlier is China, which can be a great place and wonderful experience, well, as long as you are healthy.

 

They're doing some clinical trials of ketamine for acute depression. I tried to get into one before but I had multiple disqualifying traits. I wish they would hurry the **** up and legitimize that use for for ketamine. Then there would at least be one medication out there that would life depression in the short term.