Title: More Than I Can Be
Author: Kestrel_Kenobi
Characters: Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan
Genre: Drama, tragedy, angst, songfic...
Summary: A mission goes horribly wrong.
Notes: I enlisted Fluffy?s (Thank You! ) help to try and combat DWB ? she sent me a whole bunch of ideas and I combined a couple of them, chucked in a song and came up with this.

Warning: Real life had been pretty tough lately which is reflected in this fic ? if you?re looking for happy endings you?ll need to go elsewhere!

Thank you also to my wonderful and ever encouraging beta, Nienna .

The song Qui & Obi sing is You Raise me Up ? written by Brendan Graham and recorded by various artists. I have the Josh Groban version, (if anyone wants the MP3 drop me a pm ).

06/27 - Thank you for nominating this fic for the Summer '06 awards!

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The rain fell hard on Qui-Gon?s back as he moved slowly through the courtyard; it had not yet soaked through his cloak, but his hair was already dripping and rivulets of water ran down his face and soaked into his beard. The only sounds were the soft crunch of his boots on the gravel path and his own measured breathing. Pausing for a moment, Qui-Gon held his lightsaber in front of him, its glow the only light he had to see by since the blackout. What he now knew had been a planned blackout. Once more he called along his bond to Obi-Wan. They had been separated when the lights went out and their ?hosts? attacked. The negotiations hadn?t been going well, but Qui-Gon had not expected this.

He lifted his face upward towards the moon, or where the moon would be if she weren?t hidden behind heavy rain clouds. He stopped and waited for his padawan to answer, ignoring the cold rain that battered against his face, and that was fast turning his hands into blocks of ice. No words came, but a feeling...a bad feeling.

Obi-Wan was hurt.

Qui-Gon lowered his lightsaber and wiped the rain from his face. Realising he had been holding his breath he slowly let it out and, hearing footsteps, hit the switch that deactivated his lightsaber. Stepping back into the shadows of the great building, he stood and waited for them to pass. Closing his eyes, a vision of his padawan came to him; he was no longer in the Palace but had somehow made his way outside and into the thick woods that surrounded this place.

Qui-Gon moved swiftly now; the footsteps had passed by and the Palace had fallen strangely silent as if all the occupiers had suddenly left. Qui-Gon doubted that they had seen a Jedi in action before and calculated that at least a dozen of the guards had been badly injured, if not killed.

Letting the Force guide him Qui-Gon quietly made his way out of the courtyard and, staying within the shadows, made his way through the long open corridors to the huge doors that led out of the Palace. They hung ajar and Qui-Gon slipped through and out into the rain once more, he was glad to feel that it was slowing to a light drizzle.
The clouds had begun to thin and the moon?s pale light was beginning to fall onto the world below her.

Standing just beyond the doorway Qui-Gon paused again and shivering he pulled his cloak tightly around him. It offered little in the way of warmth, heavy as it was with rain. The water dripped from it and fell to join the puddles on the ground.

Obi-Wan?

Master?

A small boy, a newly appointed padawan, appeared beside Qui-Gon. The Jedi looked down in surprise in at the young child who gazed up at him, his blue eyes lighting up the night. In one hand he proudly clutched his braid and with the other he pointed up a slight slope and towards a group of large trees, standing tall and silent as if guarding a precious treasure or hiding a sought-after secret.

?Obi-Wan?? Qui-Gon spoke out loud, his face creased with confusion, and leant towards the boy, reaching out a hand to touch him.

As he did a voice came from among the trees,

 

So darkly beautiful, Kestrel. I could see everything happen with a visceral kind of vividness. What was so shocking was when Qui-Gon realized Obi-Wan was not covered in rain, but blood. And the last lines...wow. Amazing, amazing.

 

When you said this wasn't going to have a happy ending, you weren't kidding!

This was beautifuly written and you did a great job captuing Qui-Gon's anguish.

I'm glad to see he was able to set it aside and sing to Obi-Wan.

Very nice job




PS - I hope things are going better for you

 

Oh Kes!!

The imagery in that was beautiful. Vivid and sad too.

I really like the song you used, but I must admit to never hearing with this conontation. It fit perfectly though.

Gently laying Obi-Wan down on to the damp grass he took one last look into those half open eyes, before closing them completely with the palm of his hand. The rain had started again and was slowly washing away the blood and tears from them both although Qui-Gon hardly noticed. Kneeling next to Obi-Wan, he pulled his lightsaber from his belt?a flash of green gleaming bright against the dark sky

Qui-Gon lived for the moment. Now he would die for it.

They would be together soon.

So sad!

jcs

 

oh my goodness!!! first obi dies- bit by angsty bit!- and then that ending! certainly wasn't expecting that!

tragic content aside, what a poignant fic sis! I adored all the vivid descriptions- really enthralling! and the memories of all the times they'd shared the song *sniff* i'll just say you hit that spot there


i'd say more, but i'm afraid puddles aren't particularly loquacious!

 

oh, kes. i'm so glad you warned us at the beginning. this was exquisitely painful to read.

such beautiful, heartfelt writing. i loved every word.

 

Darn, I knew I should have taken your warning and avoided this - pass the tissues, someone, please.

Beautifully written...oh my, my heart hurt...

He saw Obi-Wan?s foot first.

Panic had overtaken him in his rush to reach the boy and he almost fell on top of his padawan who was half laying half sitting amongst the gnarled roots of a huge tree.

?Obi-Wan.? He kneeled beside the boy whose breathing was coming much too fast.

?M..Master,? Obi-Wan replied; his eyes were puffy and little more then slits. He stumbled over the words obviously in some pain. ?I...I was waiting...for you.?

Qui-Gon pushed his anxiety to the back of his mind as he reached for Obi-Wan. The last thing the boy needed now was a Master who was about to fall to pieces.

Oh, my...Obi-Wan holding onto life long enough to say goodbye.




But don't ever kill them again.

 

you warned me earlier that this was gonna be a tear jerker.. you were quite right m'dear.. and even knowing that i still have the song you sent me the link to and i listened to it as i read. that was quite an emotional read!
even though i know what a fantastic writer you are you still manage to suprise me when i read something like this with how incredibly well done every aspect of it is. i've told you before, but i know i really loved a piece when i read it and wish i would've written it. and i feel that pretty much with everything i read of yours and most certainly with this!
amazing job!

 

You know I think this is beautiful, Kes, but I'll tell you again.

Vivid imagery, heartfelt emotion, and a powerfully tragic ending. When I first read the part at the end where Qui-Gon pulls out his saber, I gasped, spellbound by the intensity of that moment. I also loved the inclusion of the phantom boy. It added to the ethereal quality of the whole thing. And you handled the tragic content with grace.

Very well done!

for you.

 

LuvEwan- Aw, thank you ...

Kelia- Thanks, I'm glad you liked it...even if I did kill Obi AND Qui! and thanks for the hug!

jaina- Thank you... *passes tissues*...

stella- thanks m'dear!

JL- Thanks ...I learnt from the best!

valairy - Thank you... But don't ever kill them again. lol - I don't think I could!

obi- ...thanks so much - you always say the nicest things!

Nienna- thanks...for everything! and for you

 

The really weird thing is...all of those prompts were humor-geared. At least, I thought they were.

Well done, Kes. Happy endings are nice, but they're a little overrated. If we didn't have angst we wouldn't know when to be happy.

Bravo!

*Hums You Raise Me Up for the rest of the night*

 

Obi-Wan was so very brave at the end! I'm so glad that this is AU and Qui-Gon didn't have to go through that....though it's just a reminder of what Obi-Wan goes through.

 

Fluffy- aw, thanks - um, lol, guess my muse was in a angsty mood when you sent those ideas over! Glad you liked it anyway!

ardavenport - Yes, I thought it would be interesting to turn the tables. Sorry I made you though...

 

Finally found this and . . . tissue stocks are going up. You really got me with this one.

BTW smack DWB for me too!

 

Obi-wan hurt!!!

Obi-wan dying!!!


Qui-Gon Dying!!!

Awww they love each other and are together!!

 

Aw, sorry real life has been tough lately... But writing is a great way to deal with stress!

Lovely opening, I can really picture it... Oh no, Obi-Wan is hurt! (You are good, now I'm all teary over poor little Obi-Wan...) Aww, that is sweet they have their special song...

But... Meep!!! You weren't kidding about the sad ending... sniff... But wow, I loved it...

Amazing writing... This is the first of your stories I've read, I'm really looking forward to reading more!

 

Whoops ...just ignore me!

 

Ahem...where was I...

jodi - aw, thanks for reading...*kicks DWB as he strays too close* ...

Leona - ...yeah *sniff*...sorry about that ... Thanks for stopping by though!

Gkilkenny - Awww they love each other and are together!! Exactly! Yay - somebody who thinks like me! lol...thank you!

Wawooot - Welcome! Thank you for the lovely review...I'm glad you liked it!

 

I just wanted to say a big thank you for nominating this for the Summer '06 awards ... Even if it did depress you all! lol

Many, many thanks - I appreciate it so very much!

 

Oh, I loved this. Simply gorgeous, and so perfectly written! You made me cry, I hope you're happy, Kes!

This definately deserves a nomination, and I'm sending one off...now.

And now my final thought: Awesome!

-DS

 

Darksaber - Thank you for reading! Glad you enjoyed it!

****

A/N

A huge big thank you to everyone who voted for this fic in the Before awards. I'm so proud to have won Best Songfic...



I wrote and struggled with this piece in the middle of a bit of a dark time (as you might be able to tell from the contents lol) topped with writers block, so for it to win an award is awesome. Depression can be useful!

Thanks again!

Kes
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