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Story [Multi-Fandom] It's a Drabble! Olympic Edition: First sets, 9/12

Discussion in 'Non Star Wars Fan Fiction' started by Admiral Drabblar, Sep 12, 2015.

  1. Admiral Drabblar

    Admiral Drabblar Jedi Padawan star 2

    Registered:
    Jan 2, 2014
    Here are my drabbles for the Olympic drabble challenge. I had hoped to get more written for this, but it wasn't the best week for me. More than a few of these had to be handwritten (including on airplanes) and later transcribed.

    Anyway, I set myself the following criteria in addition to the posted rules:

    1. Each set of five prompts would be used for a set of five drabbles in one fandom (no crossovers).
    2. Each set would be in a different fandom from the others.
    3. Any set I don't get done in time for the challenge will be done afterward, so I will get through them all eventually.

    Here are the sets included so far:

    Batman*
    Buffy the Vampire Slayer*
    Dark Shadows*
    Firefly*
    Get Smart*
    Law & Order*
    The Man from U.N.C.L.E.*
    Phillip Fathom, Deep Sea Detective*
    The Pretender*
    30 Rock*
    World of Warcraft*

    *Finished in time for the challenge.
    ----------

    Title: The Sound of Laughter
    Fandom: Batman
    Prompt: Insanity


    The straitjacketed figure on the couch hadn't stopped laughing for almost seven minutes, a loud, high bray as regular as a siren. Too regular. How was the guy even breathing?

    It had been fun at first, the Joker thought, then just tedious, then funnier than before, but now it was downright infuriating. If he'd just gassed the guy, he'd have been dead and silent within three minutes. How was he still going?

    "Stop laughing!" he yelled. "Stop!" He tried to lunge at the laughing man, but his own straitjacket held him back. "Stop it! The joke wasn't even that funny!"

    ---

    Title: No Refuge
    Fandom: Batman
    Prompt: Asylum


    The boat had been stopped a few miles from Gotham Harbor, surrounded by Coast Guard and GCPD craft. The two hundred or so refugees aboard would be brought ashore and processed; a few would be allowed to stay, to perhaps one day become American citizens, but most would be detained until they could be sent back eventually.

    Batman understood the refugees' plight and respected their desperate courage, but he had a more immediate concern. He'd watched the tiny submersible drop away from the boat and escape right under the cordon. Now it was approaching a quiet dock, right below him.

    ---

    Title: Deranged
    Fandom: Batman
    Prompt: Deranged


    Floyd had hated the idea of returning to Gotham, but the money on offer for this job was enough to overcome his aversion. So here he was again, and everything was going wrong again. He'd been disappointed but not surprised to find the batarang jammed in his rifle's barrel. He'd been a little surprised when the batarang exploded.

    Batman was on Floyd less than a second later, and the fight was too close for Floyd to go for any of his other guns. So he used what was already in his hands and wielded the ruined rifle like a club.

    ---

    Title: Quality Television
    Fandom: Batman
    Prompt: Bonkers


    "Harley," asked Ivy, "aren't you a little old to be watching cartoons?"

    "Ha, lot you know, Red." Harley sat up on the sofa and crossed her legs beneath her. "There's no such thing as too old for quality television animation."

    "And is this quality television animation?"

    "It's all right," Harley said. "It's about this cat that becomes a cop, and-"

    Ivy shouted, "No! I'm okay with you watching cartoons, but why would you ever watch a show about the police?"

    Harley shrugged. "I dunno. Because it's funny, I guess? Why would you have all of Cagney and Lacey on DVD?"

    ---

    Title: The Shortest Yard
    Fandom: Batman
    Prompt: Sane


    Garfield watched the Arkham crew climbing off the bus and blanched. "Are you sure this was such a good idea, Oswald?"

    "As I explained to the warden," Oswald said, "a friendly athletic rivalry with our sister facility could be beneficial for the rehabilitation of his guests."

    "Yeah, but look at them! They're certifiably nutso! And is it just me, or does Arkham get all the criminals with actual superpowers?" As he spoke, Killer Croc tore the bus's doors off trying to get out.

    Oswald grinned. "Yes, funny how that happens."

    "Right. This is an escape plan, isn't it?"

    "Of course."

    -----

    Title: The End of Hope
    Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
    Prompt: Hope


    Katie poked her head up over the edge of the pit; none of the vampires she'd seen earlier remained. She pulled herself out and lay panting on the floor, then climbed to her feet and stumbled to the door.

    The hallway was also clear, and daylight streamed in through high windows. As she moved, her stagger became a walk and then a stride. She methodically made her way through the building, searching for an exit, always moving higher, her determination and confidence growing.

    "Take a wrong turn, dearie?"

    Drusilla floated on the stairwell landing above her, and Katie's hope died.

    ---

    Title: Tennis, Anyone?
    Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
    Prompt: Love


    Cordelia came to the coffee shop directly from tennis practice, still wearing her whites. She knew men were staring and enjoyed the attention, but there was only one she cared about.

    Ten minutes later, she was less sure how much she cared. "My face is up here, Xander."

    "Yes, I know," he replied, still staring at her skirt. Shaking his head, he finally looked her in the eye. "Sorry, just a bit distracted."

    "Do you remember what we were talking about ten seconds ago?" she asked.

    "How you're going to wear this the next time we make out?"

    "Actually, yes."

    ---

    Title: And Tell Me That You Love Me
    Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
    Prompt: Faith


    The vampire landed hard on his back and Faith was on top of him immediately, sitting on his head as she brought the stake down and punctured his heart. Then she stood, wiping the dust off her jeans.

    She swore. "B, is there a hole in my pants? I think he snagged a tooth on them." She turned so Buffy could look.

    "When you sat on his face? And yeah, there's a big gash."

    Faith swore again. "How many more hours of patrol do we still have to do?"

    "Like all of them. We've only been at this fifteen minutes."

    ---

    Title: A Villain's Job
    Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
    Prompt: Joy


    "We're supposed to be supervillains," Jonathan groused as he set another clean plate in the rack. "Do you really think Lex Luthor and Dr. Doom do any of their own chores?"

    "Not them," Warren said, "because they're billionaires, so they have servants. But most supervillains, yeah, probably. Nobody's going to do Parasite's vacuuming for him." He threw another discarded food wrapper in the trash bag.

    From the bathroom, Andrew's voice shouted, "I bet Galactus makes his heralds do all his chores for him! Also, I think I'm getting kinda dizzy again."

    Jonathan and Warren both yelled, "Turn on the fan!"

    ---

    Title: Immoderation
    Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
    Prompt: Temperance


    Katie rose from her folding chair. "Hi, my name is Katie."

    Around the circle, the other members said, "Hi, Katie."

    She continued, "It's been five days since I've fed off the blood of a human. I almost caught one yesterday, but he was much faster than I expected for so big a guy."

    She sat down and listened to other vampires' stories of how long they'd gone hungry. One hadn't eaten in three weeks.

    The group's facilitator announced, "I've brought in treats for everyone." Three live humans were dragged into the room; Katie and the others pounced and began feasting.

    ---

    Title: Lying Down
    Fandom: 30 Rock
    Prompt: Sneeze


    Liz waited until after the dress rehearsal before she confronted Tracy. "You told us you could sneeze on cue!"

    He leaned close and replied, "I lied, Liz Lemon. Deal with it."

    "I will deal with it," she retorted. "I will."

    "Good!" he shouted.

    "Good!" she shouted right back.

    "I only lied," he said, "because I assumed I could do it!"

    She stopped. "What?"

    "I lied because I assumed I could do it!"

    "Tracy," she said, "that's not lying. It's only lying if you know you're not telling the truth."

    Tracy's eyes widened. "I gotta call my wife Angie right now!"


    ---

    Title: Clear Throat, Weak Heart
    Fandom: 30 Rock
    Prompt: Cough


    Pete knocked on Liz's door as he opened it and leaned through. "Liz, we're-"

    She sat at her desk, eyes closed and earbuds in, silently dancing, mostly just from the shoulders up.

    "Ahem," he said. She didn't react, so he repeated it, a bit louder. Still nothing. So he tried clearing his throat for real.

    In the ensuing coughing fit, Pete doubled over, then fell to the floor, a puddle of mucus forming under his head.

    The fit had subsided when he heard the earbuds come out. "Pete!" Liz gasped. "Are you okay?"

    He wheezed, "Liz, we're ready in studio."

    ---

    Title: Don't Blink
    Fandom: 30 Rock
    Prompt: Blink


    Jenna grabbed Kenneth by the shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes. "Listen to me, Kenny. Don't blink. Don't ever blink. Blink and you're dead!"

    "Ms. Maroney, I never knew staring contests were such a big deal," Kenneth said.

    Tracy grabbed Kenneth's shoulders and turned the page to face him. "My cousin LaSqueesha lost a staring contest once, and nobody ever saw her again!"

    Kenneth asked, "Didn't you just get a Christmas card from her?"

    Jenna slapped him. "Focus!"

    Tracy said, "You have to be staringest page at NBC, Ken, or we're out three hundred bucks!"

    Jenna added, "Each!"

    ---

    Title: Seven-Second Delay
    Fandom: 30 Rock
    Prompt: Hiccup


    Jack motioned for Liz to sit down. "Nobody's blaming you for this, Liz, but we need to find a scapegoat, fast."

    "Blaming me for what? Was there a problem with last night's show I didn't know about?"

    "On the west coast transmission, the bleeps for Tracy's 'Profane Waiter' sketch were delayed seven seconds. Just the bleeps."

    "So all the profanities went out."

    "And random words were bleeped instead, yes," Jack finished. "The technician responsible is too protected by his union, so I think we should fire Frank Rossitano as a show of contrition."

    "But he didn't even write that sketch!"

    ---

    Title: Zoomie's Revenge
    Fandom: 30 Rock
    Prompt: Fart


    Nobody could remember who had suggested the new place on 53rd for lunch or who had first said they thought it was a pizza place. Of course, being in New York, they did offer a pizza on their menu, a Mexican pizza to go with the rest of their Mexican cuisine.

    By the time Liz came back from Jack's office and discovered the mistake, half the pizza was gone, and they were on air in minutes.

    -

    "And we lost Jenna to diarrhea for half the episode!" Liz screamed. "There's a reason we have a prohibited foods list on recording days!"

    -----

    Title: The Two Hundred
    Fandom: Firefly
    Prompt: Kindle


    "Maybe I'm just getting old," Book said, "but I always preferred the smell of real books."

    "I'm not getting old, and I agree with the Shepherd," Mal added.

    Simon slid his pad across the table for them to see. "This already has over two hundred books on it. Captain, do you know how much that would weigh? Shepherd, remember when River ripped the pages from your Bible? That's much harder with one of these."

    "Yeah," she agreed. "I'd have to do this." She grabbed the pad and smashed it against the wall, shattering it.

    Mal asked, "Two hundred books, Simon?"

    ---

    Title: A Mite Worse
    Fandom: Firefly
    Prompt: Spark


    "That," Mal wheezed, "could've gone a mite better." He limped forward a few more steps and collapsed.

    -

    It had been going better, so much better. Nikki Vega was offering them a great price for what they were selling. Frankly, it was more than they'd expected, but with none of the sense of impending betrayal they usually got when negotiating a transaction.

    Naturally, just as they were about to close the deal, some Alliance troops stumbled in, and the first to fall in the ensuing firefight was Vega herself.

    Worst of all, the crew had to abandon the merchandise to escape.

    ---

    Title: Man with a Past
    Fandom: Firefly
    Prompt: Flame


    Zoe sat up in the bed and patted her husband's bare chest. "There were times I've wondered." Seeing his lack of reaction, she spelled out, "That was a joke, dear."

    "Ha ha," Wash deadpanned.

    "It's not the idea that you've had girlfriends before me that was surprising. I just expected you to have more of a type."

    "I hadn't known that many powerful warrior women before you," he said. "Or any, really."

    "She was mousey." Zoe frowned.

    Now he sat up beside her. "I would never describe Nina as mousey," he said. "It'd be accurate, but I wouldn't say it."

    ---

    Title: Hungry
    Fandom: Firefly
    Setting: Very late in Serenity (spoilers)
    Prompt: Consume


    Simon slipped around Jayne and knocked more gently. "River, please open the door. The rest of us would like to eat, too."

    "Can't," she shouted from inside the room. "All gone."

    "What's that supposed to mean?" Jayne yelled. Inara almost laid a hand on his shoulder but stopped herself.

    "Food all gone. Ate it all."

    Jayne and Mal both swore. Kaylee asked, "Didn't we have like three weeks' provisions?"

    River replied, "Got hungry."

    "Guess slaughtering Reavers really builds the appetite, huh?" Simon offered, smiling weakly. Even Jayne stepped back.

    River added, "I may have eaten some of the cans, too."

    ---

    Title: A Grave World
    Fandom: Firefly
    Prompt: Ash


    Decades of terraforming on Mercutio had been undone in less than a day's fighting. In one battle, two Alliance capital ships had been disabled near enough to the planet to fall into its gravity well. Either impact would've caused an extinction event; the combination rendered it utterly lifeless. Even the hardiest of smugglers didn't dare use it. Until now.

    "The ash clouds have mostly settled," Mal said, "so it should be safe enough for a short visit."

    Wash raised a hand. "Define 'mostly' and 'safe enough.'"

    "Mostly and safe enough for your captain to make this decision. Any other questions?"

    -----

    Title: Ocean's Something-Higher-Than-Thirteen
    Fandom: Phillip Fathom: Deep Sea Detective
    Prompt: Salt


    The elderly waitress shuffled over to the longshoreman's table and set down his food. "Thank you," he said gruffly.

    She pulled out a shaker. "Here's some salt if you need it, dearie."

    He yanked it from her hand. "This is sea salt!" he yelled, breaking cover. "MY PARENTS DIED AT SEA!"

    "Phillip Fathom!" The waitress laughed. She pulled off her mask, revealing a slightly older woman.

    "Granny Ocean!" Fathom threw off his longshoreman's coat.

    Henchmen swarmed in, surrounding them. "Now, Deep Sea Detective, let's see how you do against my-" She started counting, then gave up. "-Whole bunch of grandsons!"

    ---

    Title: Tide Me Up! Tide Me Down!
    Fandom: Phillip Fathom: Deep Sea Detective
    Prompt: Tide


    "It is no use struggling," declared the Prince of Tides. Water was already lapping at his feet. "You will not break those bonds."

    Phillip Fathom stopped and sat back against the wooden pier support to which he'd been chained.

    The Prince nodded. "Better. When this tide comes in fully, you shall be drowned!" He started to walk away.

    "I can breathe underwater," Fathom said.

    The Prince stopped. "I knew that! What about inverted, so your head's down?"

    "Yes. And you were wrong about one other thing," Fathom said as he launched himself at the Prince. "I'd already broken these bonds!"

    ---

    Title: Harboring a Grudge
    Fandom: Phillip Fathom: Deep Sea Detective
    Prompt: Harbor


    She ran a single painted fingernail along Phillip's fishy lips. "Whatever happened to us?" she whispered. "We used to work so well together."

    "You cheated on me," he replied. "Repeatedly. Then, after graduation, you turned to a life of evil and became the Harbor Harlot."

    She pouted. "Oh, you're not still bitter about that, are you?"

    "Which part? The cheating or the dozens of evil schemes?"

    "Either."

    He answered, "No, it was a long time ago, and we were in middle school. And yes, you're in the middle of one right now! Get off me, Harbor Harlot, and face justice!"

    ---

    Title: Drop Anchor!
    Fandom: Phillip Fathom: Deep Sea Detective
    Prompt: Anchor


    "Come on, Deep Sea Detective," the villain whimpered. "You wouldn't really hit a baby, would you?"

    "You're a grown man in a diaper!" yelled Fathom as he raced along the pier and lashed out with a fist against his foe's pudgy face. He immediately realized his mistake and fell back, cradling his injured hand.

    "A grown man fused with the power of an anchor!" crowed Anchor Baby.

    "Right." Fathom dropped flat against the pier and swept one of Anchor Baby's feet out from under him. The leaden villain tumbled back, crashed through the wood, and plummeted into the water below.

    ---

    Title: Under Chaos!
    Fandom: Phillip Fathom: Deep Sea Detective
    Prompt: Undertow

    Investigateen Janeice noticed other shoppers in the plaza apparently being pulled in the same direction before she felt the tug on her own bracelet. She let herself be dragged along until she discovered the cause.

    "The Undertowker!" she gasped.

    Someone asked, "You mean that villainous pothead funeral director?"

    "No, the aquatic criminal with the power to draw valuables to him!"

    The Undertowker stood in the plaza's fountain as cash, jewelry, and more flowed into the water around him. Janeice yelled, "I need to call Phillip Fathom!"

    "I'm already here, right below you! Stop gawking and get off the manhole cover!"

    -----

    Title: Fan Favorite
    Fandom World of Warcraft
    Prompt: Root


    "You cheer for the one you want to win," Brank explained. This was little Blonk's first time seeing gladiatorial combat, and Brank was proud at his son's interest.

    "Which one is that?" the young orc asked.

    "This is a preliminary match," Brank said, "so you can pick whichever fighter you want."

    Blonk stared intently at the arena. "I want the cute girl with pink hair to win."

    "That's a gnome, son. Nobody cheers for gnomes, trust me, not even other Alliance races."

    "I want the gnome girl to win!" Blonk shouted. "You said I could pick whichever one I wanted!"

    ---

    Title: We (Almost) Never Close
    Fandom: World of Warcraft
    Prompt: Branch


    The dwarf priestess tilted her head in disbelief. "I thought the bank was always open. It's practically your slogan."

    "Normally, yes," the manager explained. "And indeed, as far as I know, all the other branches, here in Stormwind and across the whole of Azeroth, plus a few locations beyond, are open right now. But this one isn't. Temporarily."

    A rogue popped up behind him. "What's wrong with this branch?"

    "There's a minor infestation at the moment." He held out a telescope, and the priestess grabbed it first. She peered through to see kobolds running around inside, destroying whatever they could.

    ---

    Title: In the Valley
    Fandom: World of Warcraft
    Prompt: Sapling


    The tiny tree, barely clinging to life for much of its short existence, was finally starting to blossom. It was one of thousands planted in the valley by the night elves after it had been reclaimed from the orcs and goblins that had stripped the land bare before abandoning it.

    Now, it had its first flower, with thin, light blue petals surrounding a black center. In the few hours since it had opened, no bees had visited yet, but it was still early.

    And then it was crushed under the back treads of a Horde chopper tearing through the valley.

    ---

    Title: The Ancient Game
    Fandom: World of Warcraft
    Prompt: Ancient


    The giant tree elicited almost no reaction from the night elves as it walked into the village from the woods to the north. Soon it reached the village green and found a clear spot in the northwest corner. It reached up into its branches and pulled out a small table, which it set down on the grass.

    A short while later, an elder druid crossed the green and stood across the table from the ancient. He set a game board on the table and arranged the pieces for their weekly match.

    Without a word, the old friends began to play.

    ---

    Title: Lore of Earning Surely
    Fandom: World of Warcraft
    Prompt: Circle


    Lorewalker Cho stepped slowly into the circle of stones and beckoned his new friend to join him. "Now, I will share with you a legend of two beloved figures from Pandaria's more recent past."

    He waved a hand over one of the stones, and mist swirled up around him. Soon, an image coalesced within that mist. Two Pandaren females skipped along, arm in arm.

    Soon the image changed. "As you see, they spent their days working at a brewery and their evenings helping in the family restaurant. And here come their wacky upstairs neighbors. These two guys are very funny."

    -----

    Title: Too Too Far
    Fandom: Dark Shadows
    Prompt: Time


    Julia hit the ground hard and rolled into some bushes. A moment later, Barnabas dropped beside her, his vampire reflexes allowing him to land safely on his feet. Right at that moment, she really envied him.

    He reached down to help her up. "Are you all right, Julia?"

    "Not remotely," she said, wincing. "Why are we in the woods? We should've come out at Collinwood."

    "I think we did. Rather, this is where Collinwood will stand," he suggested. "Or where it once had."

    She asked, "If we're past the lifetime of Collinwood, possibly centuries past, how will we get back?"

    ---

    Title: The Night Patient
    Fandom: Dark Shadows
    Prompt: Heal


    The sound at the door was more of a scratching than a knocking. Willy opened it just a few inches and warily asked, "Who's there?"

    The man in the long coat stepped back, away from the light and into the pouring rain. He held his umbrella low, hiding his face in further shadow. "I seek Dr. Julia Hoffman," he rasped. "She's my last hope for a cure."

    Lightning flashed, briefly illuminating the man's compound eyes and insectoid mandible.

    Willy resisted the urge to scream. "Dr. Julia, okay, yeah. Wait right there while I get her," he said, closing the door.

    ---

    Title: The Disbeliever
    Fandom: Dark Shadows
    Prompt: Companion


    David sat on the edge of the bed and asked, "Victoria, why does my dad refuse to believe me?"

    "Well, David, some people have trouble with things they can't see or touch for themselves."

    "That's stupid!" he snapped. "How many ghosts have we met by now? We've known vampires, werewolves, witches, snake gods, all kinds of monsters! My mom's a phoenix who tried to burn me alive! I think skepticism's another word for stubborn denial.

    "Why is my dad in denial, Victoria?" David demanded. "Why doesn't he believe you're real?"

    "Because he's right. I'm not real. And neither is he."

    ---

    Title: Quoth the Raven
    Fandom: Dark Shadows
    Prompt: Space


    The figure grew taller until it towered over Quentin, then spread its arms wide. Black feathers erupted from its skin, and its beak mask became an actual beak. "You, Quentin Collins," the giant raven squawked, "are no fun."

    Quentin chuckled. "Sorry friend. Native trickster gods don't exactly frighten me."

    "You've seen scarier than me?" asked the raven.

    "I've been scarier than you."

    The bird resumed one of its human forms, a young woman. "You intrigue me. I want to hear your story. All of it."

    "I came to the desert to get away from all that," Quentin said.

    "Pretty please?"

    ---

    Title: The Future Comes
    Fandom: Dark Shadows
    Prompt: Save


    "The secret, Mrs. Stoddard, to revitalizing not just the Collins family fortunes but Collinsport's is computers." The man started to reach for his paperwork, but Elizabeth stopped him.

    "I have no interest in buying some behemoth computer system," she explained.

    The man laughed. "I'm not here to see you one computer," he explained, "though that's probably a good idea. I'm here to sell you on computers as the future. We could make Collinsport the east coast hub of the coming tech revolution."

    "You remind me of a revivalist preacher," she said. "Or a snake oil salesman. Computers are a fad."

    -----

    Title: Long Arm of the Claw
    Fandom: Get Smart
    Prompt: Law


    Max watched in the mirror as the deputy moseyed up to his window. Something about the man seemed familiar, but what? "Boy," the deputy drawled around whatever he was chewing, "where's your license?"

    Max held the card, and the deputy took it with his metal hand. His very familiar metal hand. "The Craw!" Max gasped.

    "That's Claw, you moron! Claw!"

    "Really?" wondered Max. "That makes so much more sense! But, but how are you white now?"

    "Extensive plastic surgery and six months with a KAOS vocal coach!"

    "Well," Max said, "it's been great catching up, but-"

    "Forget it, Agent Smart."

    ---

    Title: Quando, Quando, Quandon't
    Fandom: Get Smart
    Prompt: Government


    General Quando put his feet up on the corner of what was now his presidential desk. "Do not think that I am being ungrateful, Senor Siegfried. The assistance that KAOS provided to the revolucion was invaluable. But now, if we are to be seen as legitimate by our neighbors, we must court more stable partners."

    Siegfried's eye started twitching. "More stable?" he asked. His lip also started twitching, and his shoulders. "More stable?" he squeaked. "More stable?! More STABLE?" He leaped to his feet, knocking over his chair, and screamed, "I'll have you know, General, zhat KAOS is perfectly stable!"

    ---

    Title: Fuzzy Girl
    Fandom: Get Smart
    Prompt: Scandal


    "I promise you, 99, I have no feelings for her whatsoever, nor will I ever." Max stood tall, his chin raised.

    "Not even a little bit?" she asked, walking her fingers up his arm.

    "Not even a little tiny, teeny bit!"

    "Max," she assured him, "it's all right if you have feelings. She's not Fang, but you can love more than one dog in a lifetime. Besides," she added, holding the puppy up to her face, "she's so cute and fluffy and squishy and huggable and lovable and-" Her voice got higher and less intelligible as she kept going.

    "Traitor."

    ---

    Title: Spilled MILK
    Fandom: Get Smart
    Prompt: Own


    The Chief looked around the table. Max, Larabee, 99, and agents 42 and 121 looked back at him. "Someone in this room has betrayed CONTROL," he said. "You five are the only ones who knew about the Mission to Infiltrate and Liquidate KAOS, and nobody's leaving this room until we learn who."

    The door opened, and a cleaning woman shuffled in. "Not now, Frieda," snapped the Chief.

    "Ja, fine," she said. "I love vorking for KAOS! CONTROL! I meant I love vorking for CONTROL!" She left, closing the door behind her.

    Max asked, "Does she remind you guys of anyone?"

    ---

    Title: Cutting Remarks
    Fandom: Get Smart
    Prompt: Control


    "Gentlemen, 99, after the latest round of governmental budget cuts," announced the Chief, "CONTROL can no longer afford to keep its headquarters operating."

    "Is that why you asked us to meet you in this parking lot?" asked 99.

    "Precisely. Until further notice, this van behind me is my new office." He patted the side of the battered gray van. "Any questions?"

    "I have one, Chief," Max said. "Does this van have a cone of silence? The rulebook clearly states your office must include a working cone of silence!"

    The Chief replied, "We can try turning the radio up really high."

    -----

    Title: Distinguished
    Fandom: Law & Order
    Prompt: Distinguishing


    Ed pulled a chair out for the witness. "Mrs. Ogilvie, this is our sketch artist," he explained. "Please try to remember. Did your attacker have any distinguishing characteristics?"

    "He was wearing a light gray tuxedo," she answered. "Top hat, tie, tails, cummerbund, the whole thing."

    "That's great, but what about the man himself? Short? Tall? Any scars or-"

    "I want to say it was fawn," she said. "Is that a light gray or light brown?"

    "Beats me. Think about the man, not what he was wearing. How about his eyes? What color were they?"

    "Oh right! He had a monocle!"

    ---

    Title: Provoked
    Fandom: Law & Order
    Prompt: Hate


    "Ma'am," said Rey, "that still doesn't qualify as a hate crime."

    "Have you read this week's column?" the woman screamed. "It's nothing but rampant misogyny masquerading as journalism!"

    Lennie rolled his eyes and explained, "Unless Luntz did something that's already a crime, all the misogyny in the world isn't going to make it one. Can you show that he made threats or incited others to commit illegal acts?"

    -

    Lennie waited until after she'd left, muttering about patriarchy, before he uttered a misogynistic term of his own.

    Rey asked, "Do you ever read Luntz's column?"

    "Not if I can help it."

    ---

    Title: Anomalous
    Fandom: Law & Order
    Prompt: Anomaly


    Jack leaned back in his chair. "You got accountants, put 'em to work! Search those records until you find some anomaly you can hang these shysters on!"

    -

    "Somehow, I don't think that's what he meant," said Michael. He knelt in the corner of the filing room, as close as he dared to the... whatever.

    "'Spatiotemporal inversion zone,'" Connie read. "The police were here serving another warrant when a junior clerk found this. What's left of him doesn't look human."

    Power snapped and crackled along the rim of the inversion zone, completely visible yet utterly indiscernible. Michael backed up another foot.

    ---

    Title: Say Something
    Fandom: Law & Order
    Prompt: Suspicious


    "If you see a suspicious activity on the platform or train, do not keep it to yourself. Tell a police officer or an MTA employee."

    Cyrus grinned as the announcement played over the train's PA system. He glanced at the pair of uniformed officers standing by the doors a few feet away. He flashed his badge and asked, "Has anyone ever reported anything suspicious to you?"

    One of the cops answered, "Suspicious like a terrorist plot, maybe? Nah, never."

    The other finished, "Suspicious like a homeless guy peeing at the end of the platform? Every single day." They both laughed.

    ---

    Title: Insanity
    Fandom: Law & Order
    Prompt: Plea


    Jack threw his coat on the table and went straight for the bar. "I need a drink. It's like Gilmore's trying to build an insanity defense without calling it an insanity defense."

    "Too bad for him Judge Waltham got there first. Gilmore's plea hearing is already the talk of Centre Street," Arthur told him. "I wish I could've been there to see the judge ordering his bailiffs to shoot Gilmore if he didn't shut up."

    Jack started making himself a second drink and a third just in case. "Trust me, Arthur, it wasn't nearly as much fun as it sounds."

    -----

    Title: A Change of Habit
    Fandom: The Pretender
    Prompt: Warden


    "But why would you take such an insane risk?"

    Jarod smiled, "Because, Mr. Talbot, I've already pretended to be a prison inmate, a few times. I've also been a guard, a warden, a counselor, and yes, even a prison chaplain. And then I saw part of this movie on TV starring Susan Sarandon."

    "So you became a nun," Talbot said. "You've only gotten away with it so far because the old nun, Sister Mary, was even more masculine than you are. Also, doesn't Sean Penn die at the end of that?"

    "I didn't actually see that part of the movie."

    ---

    Title: A Bruce Deferred
    Fandom: The Pretender
    Prompt: Boss


    Broots finally dislodged his foot from the thick, squelchy mud, but the effort overbalanced him, and he fell forward into the muck. Once he'd stood up again and spat out some of the fetid water, he muttered, "Springsteen."

    "Yes, so sorry your job got in the way of going to a concert," Miss Parker replied sarcastically. Having taken the store's last set of hip waders, she was having a much easier time walking through the swamp.

    "A concert by the Boss," he added.

    "If he ever becomes your actual boss, then you can plan your life around his concert schedule."

    ---

    Title: Very Interesting
    Fandom: The Pretender
    Prompt: Principal


    "I've run the numbers on all the loans you've made at this bank, Mr. Santangelo. You're charging three times the amount of interest you're supposed to!" Jarod's voice echoed inside the vault. "Your customers never stood a chance of paying them off!"

    "It was an accounting error! We can fix it! Now let me out!"

    Jarod's voice growled, "Every time?"

    "Yes! The error was in the software! They fixed it in the last patch! Now, please, I'm claustrophobic!"

    "And what about the extra interest from the six months before the patch?" asked Jarod.

    "Wait! I had an excuse for that!"

    ---

    Title: Of All Trades
    Fandom: The Pretender
    Prompt: Master


    Mrs. Arbothnot's face lit up as her little Schatzie hopped up into her lap and started licking her face. "You're a miracle worker, Jarod!"

    "Thank you, but I wouldn't call it a miracle," he said. "It's just a trick I read somewhere."

    "Well, it's a miracle to me. First my toaster, then that dratted computer, and now my dog. How does one man become so good at fixing everything?" she asked.

    He knelt in front of her and scratched Schatzie's head. "Mrs. Arbothnot, you know the expression 'Jack of all trades and master of none'? It's kind of like that."

    ---

    Title: Parent of the Year
    Fandom: The Pretender
    Prompt: Parent


    Broots set the trophy down on his desk and stared at it. "I don't know if I should be proud or horrified."

    Miss Parker said, "I know which one I am."

    "It's fair to be both, Broots," Sydney told him. "'Centre Parent of the Year' is an honor that recognizes that you have done very well raising Debbie."

    "I know, but it's scary to think that, of all the parents at the Centre," said Broots, "I'm just about the only one whose kid wasn't kidnapped, brainwashed, experimented on, or otherwise abused. Guys, this is a really terrible place to work."
     
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  2. Admiral Drabblar

    Admiral Drabblar Jedi Padawan star 2

    Registered:
    Jan 2, 2014
    Okay, I got one more set done before the deadline.

    Title: The Brontide Affair
    Fandom: The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
    Prompt: Brontide


    Illya knelt low to the ground. "The earth is rumbling here." After a moment, he added, "I don't believe it's natural; it's too regular."

    "Could THRUSH have hidden their facility underground?" asked Napoleon.

    "That would be the logical conclusion," Illya agreed. "This region of the United Kingdom is riddled with natural cave networks, plenty of room to hide whatever THRUSH may be doing here."

    Napoleon grinned. "Good thing for us, then, that Miss Brookfield at the inn knows those caves like the back of her hand, eh?"

    "And a better thing for us that she likes you so much, Napoleon."

    ---

    Title: The Diacritical Affair
    Fandom: The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
    Prompt: Cacoethes


    Ambassador Runevald waved Napoleon and the young lady into the corner. "Once the Prime Minister and his cabinet are eliminated," he explained, "I will step into the power vacuum and seize control."

    "While THRUSH controls you?" taunted Napoleon.

    "No, Mr. Solo," the ambassador said. "As it happens, my goals and THRUSH's coincide for now. While they do, we will have a glorious partnership."

    "And when those goals stop coinciding, THRUSH will eliminate you."

    "By then, my own elimination will be complete, and the language of my homeland will be free of all those stifling diacritical marks!" he crowed, laughing wildly.

    ---

    Title: The Lacunae Affair
    Fandom: The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
    Prompt: Lacuna


    Illya tossed another book onto the bed. "This one is also missing several pages."

    "Everything in this room is missing something," said Napoleon, checking his reflection in a mirror with one corner removed. No book or decoration or piece of furniture in the room was complete.

    Illya said, "If we could discern the pattern in what's missing from everything, that may give us a clue about where Professor Knopfler has gone with his formula."

    "Or there may be no pattern to all this, and it only tells us that Knopfler isn't all there himself," replied Napoleon.

    "That part was obvious."

    ---

    Title: The Mouthful Affair
    Fandom: The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
    Prompt: Halitus


    A last, watery gasp escaped Tongu's lips, and he fell still. Illya bent down and sniffed his mouth. "Cyanide," he confirmed. He was starting to stand when something caught his eye. "Miss Krell, do you have tweezers in that handbag?"

    "I think so." She dug into her cavernous purse and found some, which she handed over.

    Illya used the tweezers to pull a small roll of paper from Tongu's mouth. It was damaged by saliva, but he carried it to a table and carefully unfurled it.

    "These are coordinates," he told her. "I need a map. Find me a map!"

    ---

    Title: The Tacenda Affair
    Fandom: The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
    Prompt: Tacenda


    "There are things in this country that are not to be discussed ever," the president explained. "Not with strangers, not with colleagues, not even with family. To borrow a term from across the globe, they are taboo."

    "That is idiotic," Illya muttered.

    Napoleon interjected, "What my colleague means, Your Excellency, is that this taboo could get you and everyone else in this country killed."

    "Yes," Illya confirmed. "Idiotic."

    "Gentlemen, I don't expect you to understand, but our people would happily accept death rather than see this tradition tossed aside."

    From outside the room, a dozen voices shouted, "No, we wouldn't!"
     
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  3. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The Fanfic Manager With The Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jun 29, 2004
    Ahh, these were awesome! But I knew they would be.

    The Firefly and the Pretender ones were my favourites, though Scandal was probably favourites one of the entire post. You always do a great job using these prompts for inspiration, and this set is no exception so far. =D=
     
  4. NYCitygurl

    NYCitygurl Manager Emeritus star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2002
    Catching up on these! So far:

    Batman

    "There's no such thing as too old for quality television animation."

    [face_laugh] TRUTH :D

    Buffy

    I especially like the Xander and Cordelia one :p