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Beyond - Legends My Brother, Myself **Legacy Child Challenge** Complete!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Jade_Pilot, Nov 11, 2006.

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  1. Jade_Pilot

    Jade_Pilot Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 10, 2005
    Title: My Brother, Myself
    Author: Jade Pilot
    Characters: Ben Skywalker, L/M, and Jaryn Skywalker(OC)
    Genre: Drama-AU
    Summary: Ben is the head of the Jedi High Council, his younger brother has been found convicted of Treason and crimes against humanity. He has been sentenced to be executed. While he's in prison, Ben comes to visit him. Write their confrontation.

    1. There can be no physical fighting. Sharp tongues, are okay.
    2. It must be clear that the brothers loved each other greatly, but that there was a deep rivalry, describe this rivalry.

    3. Required words:
    Conjunction
    Favor
    Restitution

    Notes: The bunny bit hard with this challenge. It will be longer than a vignette, but where it goes from there is unknown at this time.

    PM List

    Kidan
    ginchy
    Jade eyes
    Meredith Kenobi
    VaderLVR64
    Smiley Rancor
    JediTrace
    divapilot
    izzard
    barriss 31
    Lady Kethry



    ?Good morning, Grand Master.?

    ?Good morning, Mr. Reed,? said Ben, as he removed his lightsaber and placed it on the table. ?How was your evening??

    ?Fine, sir. He was very quiet last night?no singing or any of his usual banter.? The security guard picked up the lightsaber and placed it into the metal locker, closing the door, he engaged the voice locking system.

    ?Good, I?m glad to hear it,? said Ben taking three steps forward and raising his hands out to his side.

    The guard patted him down and then stepped back as he activated the room?s scanning device. [i]All necessary procedures, [/i] Ben thought with a sigh, allowing the guard to perform his duties. He had to admire Mr. Reed. Not many people were given the opportunity to search, let alone touch, the head of the Jedi High Council. But he always did it with a great amount of respect and professionalism. Not once had Ben ever felt degraded or abused. He estimated the guard's age to be around forty standard years, but noticed that he was the kind of man who appeared ageless.

    Ben reached out with the Force again to determine if there was any Force sensitivity in him. Again, he felt nothing. Just a gracious man doing his job to the best of his ability?no, it was more than that. Mr. Reed treated prisoners with the same respect that he treated everyone. Ben was grateful that his brother had been interned in Mr. Reed?s cell block?grateful that the head guard set the tone for the rest of his men in this high security area. [i]Thank the Force for small [color=blue]favors[/color]?[/i]

    ?Right this way, sir,? said the guard, unlocking the door and allowing Ben to walk through first.

    This was the hardest part. A few more steps and he would feel the bubble press against his temples. It always made him dizzy for a moment, sometimes even to the point where he?d have to stop and lean against the wall to get his bearings. Ben took a breath and stepped forward, feeling the walls close in on him as the air seemed to rip his senses from his body. He gasped and froze for a moment, fighting the panic that welled up. Unable to draw on the Force to calm himself, he tried to breathe deeply allowing his body to acclimate to the sudden loss. His father had once likened it to losing your sight, hearing and sense of touch all at the same time. Ben shuddered. To live like this would be punishment enough for him. He felt his knees begin to buckle and reached out hoping to find the wall. The vertigo sensation stopped, as he adapted to his sudden loss of the Force.

    He opened his eyes to see Mr. Reed holding him securely as if it was something he did every day. Ben swallowed. ?T-Thank you, Mr. Reed.?

    ?Of course, sir.? He removed his arms slowly and headed down the rest of the narrow hallway, his face pleasantly neutral as always.

    Ben followed, becoming more and more accustomed to his lack of sensation as he walked toward the door at the end of the hall. He knew it had to be this way, the place laden with ysalamiri. It was the only way to keep a Force sensitive individual from escaping. Still?it seemed to border on cruel. He kept his eyes focused ahead knowing that b>
     
  2. Kidan

    Kidan TFN EU Staff star 5 VIP

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2003
    This is a very interesting start....can I get on the PM list for the rest of the parts?
     
  3. ginchy

    ginchy Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 25, 2005
    Oooooh, this is looking good, lady! Place me on that PM list, please. :D

    Love the description of the cell... this is a place for no ordinary criminal.

    Can't wait for more!
     
  4. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Game Host Who Loves Fanfics & RPGs star 7 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    This looks really good. Please PM me with updates. :D It promises to be very moving and perhaps full of intrigue later if his brother is innocent? :) Will L/M make an appearance? & who else? :) [face_dancing]
    I don't know where this is going either but I know I'll be richly entertained. :D :D
     
  5. SilSolo

    SilSolo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2004
    Please post more soon.
     
  6. Meredith_Kenobi

    Meredith_Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    fascinating! I was also very intrigued by the description of the cell [face_thinking]

    please put me on your PM list!
     
  7. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Wow! This is great.

    This was the hardest part. A few more steps and he would feel the bubble press against his temples. It always made him dizzy for a moment, sometimes even to the point where he?d have to stop and lean against the wall to get his bearings. Ben took a breath and stepped forward, feeling the walls close in on him as the air seemed to rip his senses from his body. He gasped and froze for a moment, fighting the panic that welled up. Unable to draw on the Force to calm himself, he tried to breathe deeply allowing his body to acclimate to the sudden loss. His father had once likened it to losing your sight, hearing and sense of touch all at the same time. Ben shuddered. To live like this would be punishment enough for him. He felt his knees begin to buckle and reached out hoping to find the wall. The vertigo sensation stopped, as he adapted to his sudden loss of the Force.

    Please put me on your PM list! [face_praying]

    =D=
     
  8. Jade_Pilot

    Jade_Pilot Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 10, 2005
    A/N: Thanks for your interest in this new ff. Those who have asked to be on the PM list have been added. :)


    [b]Kidan[/b]: Thanks you!

    [b]ginchy[/b]: Thanks! Yeah...he's in the place where the reeeeeally bad guys go.

    [b]Jade eyes[/b]: Thank you for reading. You'll just have to wait and see... ;)

    [b]SilSolo[/b]: Thanks for stopping in. I'll try!

    [b]Meredith Kenobi[/b]: Yea, the cell really sets the stage for this whole drama. Thanks for reading.

    [b]VaderLVR64[/b]: Thank you! [face_hugs]




    >
     
  9. Jedi Trace

    Jedi Trace SouthEast RSA star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Dec 15, 1999
    Oh wow! This looks fascinating J_P! I love Grand Master Ben! I can't wait to see where this goes. Please add me to your PM list. :D

     
  10. divapilot

    divapilot Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    Very intriguing! I like how Ben feels literally unsteady without the Force beside him, quite unlike how he felt as a child when he wasn't sure if he wanted the Force in his life. The cell reminds me of Hannibal Lecter's cell in Silence of the Lambs. I suppose that's not a good sign, huh.

    Would you please send me a PM?
     
  11. brodiew

    brodiew Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 11, 2005
    Great post, Jade. I'm impressed with the world weariness of this Grand Master. It reminds me of his father. I also really loved your description of Ben losing the Force as he enters the cell block. Its obvious that ysalimiri(sp?) are there. You have created a tense anticipation of the forthcoming conversation. Excellent job.

    Edit: Oh yeah, PM me please! :-B
     
  12. smiley_rancor

    smiley_rancor Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jan 18, 2006
    You've created a real sense of suspense leading up to the convosation between Ben and sibling, i particularly liked your descirption of the removal of the force by the ysalamiri and the kindness of the prison guard, Mr. Reed. he almost seems to be there to make the place a little more human. Could i also be added to your PM list too, please?

    Thanks, can't wait to read more...


    s_r.
     
  13. WyoJedi

    WyoJedi Jedi Youngling star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 7, 2005
    Great job with this. I love the descriptions of the facility. I could really picture the place and myself in it. You really grab hold of us with this opening... I can't wait to see what happens!

    Cheers,
    Wyo
     
  14. SilSolo

    SilSolo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2004
    I'm back and there' sstill no new post?
     
  15. Jade_Pilot

    Jade_Pilot Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 10, 2005
    A/N: update now being beta'd.

    Jedi Trace: Thanks! I've added you to the list, girlfriend.

    divapilot: Yep, those 'Hannibal' cells are NOT a good sign. You're listed, too, sister pilot.

    brodiew: Thank you! I've added you to the list, too.

    smileyrancor: Muchos gracios, smiley! Consider yourself listed!

    WyoJedi:Thank you, thank you. We'll see how it goes. ;)

    SilSolo: It's awaiting a beta even as we...type!
     
  16. ginchy

    ginchy Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 25, 2005
    Oh, yay! I was just thinking about this fic. Can't wait! :D
     
  17. Jade_Pilot

    Jade_Pilot Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 10, 2005
    Part #2

    ?Well, look who?s here. If it isn?t the Grand Master himself??

    Ben padded to the chair in front of his brother?s cell and sat down. ?Hello, Jaryn. How are you doing??

    Jaryn remained seated on his mattress with his back against the far tranisparisteel wall. ?I?m just wonderful, Ben?and you? I?d offer you some form of refreshment, but my man Reed hasn?t had a chance to get to the market today. Good help is so hard to find.?

    Ben felt his heart beating in his throat and swallowed. ?Mr. Reed is about the only good thing you?ve got going for you right now, brother.?

    ?Oh come now,? said Jaryn, smirking. ?I have plenty of good things going for me, brother. Not everyone can say they have the great Ben Skywalker as a visitor.?

    Ben looked away finding it hard not to see the quirk of his mother?s lips on Jaryn?s face. In so many ways he was like her. Although he had the Skywalker complexion and hair color, his face and eyes were pure Jade. ?I had thought that after today?s verdict you would?ve put aside this inane banter of yours.?

    ?But I live for the inane, Bennie boy. It?s what keeps me going. Well, that and your visits, of course.?

    Ben longed to reach out to his brother, to sense what he was really feeling, but could only grimace with frustration. ?I suppose the judge came by earlier and read the sentencing??

    ?You suppose correctly.? Jaryn turned his head away for a moment. ?He seemed most pleased. I believe I have made his year.?

    ?And you?? asked Ben. ?How did you feel when...? he found himself unable to complete his sentence, his throat constricting tightly.

    ?How did it feel to be sentenced to death??

    Ben nodded, blinking rapidly.

    ?Well?it was no surprise,? said Jaryn rubbing his chin. ?I guess it just made it all more?final. Yes, that?s the word.?

    Ben thrust upwards from the chair, he hands flat against the cell. ?How can you just sit there like that? Like it?s all some tedious affair that had as much gravity as a traffic ticket?? He began pacing the short distance in front to the transparisteel wall. ?They are going to try to kill you Jaryn! Do you understand that? They?ll allow time for an appeal, but after that they plan to execute you.?

    ?There will be no appeal?? whispered his brother.

    ?WHAT??

    Jaryn looked up. ?I will not be appealing the sentence, Ben.?

    ?B-But we still have the opportunity to get your sentence reduced, your attorney has already said that there is a good chance considering your service in the Jedi Order. She?s sure the appellate court will take all that into consideration. You?ll never see the outside of Kessel walls, but you?ll be alive,? said Ben, pleading. ?Jaryn you have to do this. If not for yourself then for Mom and Dad.?

    ?No.?

    Ben stared, completely at a loss for words. His brother?s relationship with his parents had been strained for several years now. Ever since?Ben sighed and ran a hand over his eyes?ever since their father had named Ben the new head of the Jedi Order. Of course he and Jaryn had always been in a fierce competition of sorts. But that was normal for brothers, especially brothers so close in age.

    In spite of the sibling squabbles and rivalry there had been a fierce bond between them. Until the announcement?it was shortly thereafter that things between he and Jaryn became strained. Ben remembered the day his brother and father had had it out about the whole thing. Both had said things they surely regretted now.

    ?Why Jaryn? Could you at least tell me why you won?t appeal??

    His younger brother flashed a small smile. ?Because I?m guilty, Ben. I murdered Chief of State Cal Omas.?

    ?But you must have had a reason!? cried Ben. ?My brother is not a cold hearted killer. Why do you refuse to tell anyone??

    ?You mean why do I refuse to tell you? Isn?t that it??

    Ben pounded on the walls. ?It?s a thousand things! Why won?t you fight this? Why did you walk right up to the authorities afterwards and turn yourself in? Why am I the only one you allow to visit you? Mom and Dad are sick with grief an
     
  18. Kidan

    Kidan TFN EU Staff star 5 VIP

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2003
    soo many questions.....but a great post!
     
  19. WyoJedi

    WyoJedi Jedi Youngling star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 7, 2005
    Amazing post sis! Very intense dialogue between the brothers and a lot of drama and build-up... I like it! You really have me intrigued with what Jaryn's reasons are for his actions. I can't wait to read more! =D=

    Cheers,
    Wyo
     
  20. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Game Host Who Loves Fanfics & RPGs star 7 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Wonderfully intense and emotional dialogue, JP. :)
    Wonder what Jaryn's not saying? o_O Does he think his situation is hopeless or is he covering for someone? [face_thinking]
    Thanks for the PM, and for the mystery and drama. :) :)
     
  21. Meredith_Kenobi

    Meredith_Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    InTENSE! :eek: wow wowee wow.

    and I love how you closed this update:

    Ben hesitated for a moment, but realized they?d get nothing more accomplished today. ?Fine, Jaryn. Have it your way for now. I?ve an appointment with your attorney anyway.? He wrapped his robe around him and headed for the open door. ?But this is far from over.?

    It reminded me of Obi-Wan. :D [face_blush]

    Incredible update =D=


     
  22. ginchy

    ginchy Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 25, 2005
    hmmm...

    GREAT update!! I was all set to be mad at the brother, but now I find that I'm wondering if Jaryn's actions were caused by something bigger than himself. Course, we only have one tiny piece of the story, and I know you... I remember 'Reconciliation'. I'll be waiting for the other shoe to drop. ;)

    Great job with Ben, and it breaks my heart to know that Luke and Mara are so distraught but can't even get in to see their son. And with the bad blood between Luke and Jaryn...

    Need more!! Thanks for the PM! [:D]



     
  23. divapilot

    divapilot Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    OOH! Good job! Great dialogue here. Loved the sniping: "Bennie boy" was a nice touch.

    So that's what he did. I believe that there is more to the events of what Jaryn did than he is letting on. Perhaps he is taking the blame for someone else? Maybe there is a secondary "crime" that has taken place, and this one is so news-making that no one has noticed the other?

    I'm sure you have something up your sleeve. Nice description of this character, too: Ben looked away finding it hard not to see the quirk of his mother?s lips on Jaryn?s face. In so many ways he was like her. Although he had the Skywalker complexion and hair color, his face and eyes were pure Jade.How difficult it must be for Ben to dael with such a loss to his family.

    Looking forward to the next post! :D
     
  24. Jade_Pilot

    Jade_Pilot Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 10, 2005
    A/N: Thanks, y'all for stopping in!

    Kidan: Thank you. I do love a good mystery.

    WyoJedi: Hey, if I can get you intrigued then my work here is done! Thanks.

    Jade eyes: You do pick up on just the right things, girl. Very clever.

    Meredith Kenobi: Thank you! I do like dialouge, especially if it's intense. :)

    ginchy: Now I wasn't too bad with Reconciliation...was I? ;) Thank you!

    divapilot: Thanks sister pilot! Yes, you are getting warmer and that's ALL I'm saying! [face_not_talking]
     
  25. SilSolo

    SilSolo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2004
    Wow. It looks like poor Jaryn just gave up. Good luck to Ben.
     
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