My Script is completed.

Actually, when formated, it's 201 pages.

And if you want my address to mail me stuff, PM me, I ain't posting here.

 

too late already printed it hehe i was like when i saw it kept printing and i couldn't stop it hehe and yes i am sending you a pm now.

 

Well, I hope it's easier to read printed up, I really wish MS Word would have done a better job with that document.

 

Nathan, 160+ pages is nothing! My printer is rated to do 65,000 a month AND BLACK IS FREE!!!

Gotta love Xerox Phasers!

John

 

Just a thought: If you are still worried about it, why don'tyou copyright it? Go to the post office and send it certified mail to yourself, and when you recieve it, don't open it. If the issue ever comes up, the fact that it is in a post office sealed, dated envelope will be all the proof you need. It is how I have copyrighted all of my stuff thus far.

-tm

 

John: It wasn't the printing costs, it was the time.

Either way, it turns out that I didn't have the time at the session to deal with it anyway. Had other issues to deal with.

 

tumble that is a very good idea and i think will always win a case like that

 

Hey. That's a really good idea TM. I think I'll do that.

EDIT: Has anyone else actually finished reading my script?

 

Its called "the poor mans copyright" and is fully binding, and considered a legal copyright.

-tm

 

I've gone to the post office and done just that! (There, now I'm done with my legal worries)

Back to the Script, has anyone else read it? I seriously want some feed back.

 

so corrin honestly am i close to suited for the role i picked? i hope so just to put some extra pressure on you hehe (joking)

 

Yes you are. The part of Akbahr has been cast.

 

WHEH! well thanks i'll stay in touch. i'll do all the things you said in the email and maybe try to grow a beard hehe

 

or
or
or
or
or
or
or
or
or
or
or
or
or
? or
or [face_shocked]
or
LALA waiting two years is boring hehe

 

Ok, what was that all about?

 

I'm in the prossess of reading it and it is GREAT! I would love to help. I'm learning computer animation now and in 2.5 years, I will be over 18 and should almost be attending USC film school. But any way, I would love to do some animation for you.

 

Ok I haven't read it all, just the first scene & 2nd scene, and here is how I would change it if it was my film: (these aren't criticism's just points to ponder)

1) The start is very similar to Return of the Jedi, but in all honesty there's not much you can do about that as a royal welcome is always going to be carried out this way, no emperor is going to jump out of an escape pod and say "Look at my entrance ... how's that for Originality!".

So why does point 1) exist? This scene is going to involve LOTS of costumes, even if it's all against a blue screen, this isn't a criticism, just a thought that you may wish to devise another 'backup' entrance in case resources are low for the grand entrance.

2) There's a slight problem. Palpatine was a Sith, his apprentice Vader was a Sith too. Always two there are, no more, no less. The Sith wars proved that if more than two Sith existed their own greed nd lust for power forced them to wipe each other out.

If more than two Sith could not survive being in the same galaxy, how could they survive being part of the same empire?

Now I know the crawl says "a mysterious man rises to take place" and I haven't read the rest of the script, but he needs to either be young and in the guise of being an emperor OR was hidden someone like Yoda and not part of the Galactic Empire ... yet the latter option is hard to explain how he can just waltz into the Empire and say "Hey I'm here, your new emperor, bow to me".

3) When We'sel questions Calmir, Calmir responds like he is a frustrated teen from the film Clueless (example: "Like ... Do I NEED a reason? Whatever!). If it were my film I would make Calmir say something more sinister like:

"It is unwise to question my motives Admiral"
or
"I ask the questions Admiral, you answer and obey".
or
"Since when does an officer question an Emperor"

In my opinion all these give a far more sinister powertrip motif to Calmir, if that's what you are looking for.

4) After We'sel says "our facilities are at your disposal" Calmir should say as he turns something like this:

"My control Admiral, as of this moment the galaxy and everything in it is mine (or "under my rule" or "at my disposal"), and I am personally taking control of this outpost from which I shall oversee the rebirth of the Empire (or "Restructuring of the Imperial Alliance" or something like that).

5) Calmir call We'sel "my dear Admiral". The problem I have with this is that if he truly is dark and in that position of power, he wouldn't refer to a simple admiral like that, it shows some small sign of 'good' in him, wheras to control adequately and completely it must be 101% fear motivated.

Vader never called anyone "dear", and Palpatine only complimented as part of a sinister motive.

6) For that speech I would change it to:

"On the contrary Admiral, it is your loyalty that has prompted this move (or "your loyalty which has warranted this decision") ... Grand Moff We'Sel"

See with the above it basically says everything you had, except I shifted the rebirth of the empire to point 4, earlier in their conversation, this implies that Calmir isn't pulling any punches, he firmly fixated with all his hate on what he is intended to achieve and he has no time to explain it to anyone less than his apprentice or advisors (in the tradition of Palpatine).

7) The words "inform your men" is redundant because that is going to happen no matter what, if We'sel doesn't inform his men, it's his head if a trooper bumps into Calmir in a halway and says "hey what are you ... oh sorry sir".

Incompitence is not treated with patience in the dark side. + In Empire when Vader chokes that guy and makes the other guy Admiral, he doesn't give a speech, it is just done and people know it, word gets around when the men of Fear utter words.

8) Grand Moff We'sel should thank Calmir before the wipe. I know a thankyou isn't really needed amongst SW fans, but if the film was ever exposed to outsiders they may mistake We'Sel's speechlessness as something bad.

Yet this point is u

 

Your opinion is appreciated, but several points you made are covered in the rest of the script.

Calmir is NOT a Sith. He is a Calmirian. He developed his own religion where he could decide how many apprentices he wants. He is also a more elequent villian than Palpatine. He is more likely to lure people into his fold than to intimidate them outright.

The opening scene may be very complex, but very doable. The royal entrance is to show that he is the real deal, that he has come to save the Empire as a new Emperor.

All the dialog as been gone over extensively, and you would be absolutely right if he was a Sith. But he's not. (See above)

Please read on.

-Corrin

 

Ah ok, not a Sith, interesting.

 

sorry to say this, but do you really think [considering that the SW universe is completely though up by GL] that you could sue someone.

 

Corrin, your feelings toward this film will be different after your mission, things that you didn't care about will become a priority. I am far from trying to flame you, try to talk you out of it, etc., in fact I enjoy your passsion for your film, but it would make more sense to conentrate on your reasons for going on a mission before you start casting your friends as actors for a film that will not be filmed untill after your service. I know you will not believe me right now, but after your mission, you will know exactly what I mean. I should know, I have been there.

 

Cunard, excuse my intrusion, but are you saying after your mission you felt filming a fan film was not a good idea? (No flames here I promise)

 

Not exactly, in fact I went in 96, and Fan Filmmaking wasn't a national pastime. I only said what I did because I have been reading about Lee's fanfilm for quite a while and, though I admire his excitement and preparedness, I think he is loading himself up with too much at the moment. I do not mean to disrespect him or anyone else, but planning something, like a film, before your mission is not very productive. If 3% of my projects went through that had been planned before and on my mission, I would be a happy person Again, I am just giving advice, not demands.
Just thought I would chime in, I rarely speak my mind on this forum.

 

I for one appreciate your imput and am confident others would too.

So I suppose your motto for Lee would be sort of summed up like this?:

"But master Yoda told me to be mindful of the future" - Obi Wan Kenobi
"But not at the expense of the moment" - Qui Gon Jinn
(Misquoted, I know).

 

Wow, good quote I couldn't have said it better myself (Obviously)