Entry 11 Today was one of the longest of this version of my life. The numbers of hours did not change. I kept my same shift, awoke at the same time, and ate out of habit. Luke went on escort duty outside the system. I only heard after he entered hyperspace and Wedge mentioned that the patrol rotation was changed for the day. Han made a crack about him needing to see more of the empire we are fighting. I know that he said something flippant after that—it’s his way of saying hello—but I could not have reported if he even said it in Basic. I wasn’t fully conscious for most of the because I knew that someone I have now grown to care for was beyond my ability to protect and today, that didn’t sit well with me. The list of friends and colleagues who are confirmed as having survived Alderaan is not growing longer and it’s difficult to worry that the list of friends lost in the war might have new names on the roster before I’m prepared. What an absurd thought. Prepared to lose someone. Yet I accepted that burden when I became part of this rebellion. With less than two weeks since I lost almost everyone, I have a difficult time thinking that I’ll be capable of processing another loss, another formal funeral. Perhaps this is why no one told me Luke was heading out on a more dangerous mission. Luke wasn’t back by the time I left my station and Willard commanded me to refrain from hovering. Because Wedge knows something of my anxiety, he commed the moment Luke touched down. It was difficult to welcome him back as a routine courtesy instead of with the desperate relief that I remember feeling after he came back from the Death Star.