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Saga Nobody's Baby (UPC) ~ A Mos Eisley Cantina Story~*Complete*~ Author's thanks

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by divapilot, Jul 14, 2007.

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  1. divapilot

    divapilot Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    Title: Nobody?s Baby
    Author: Divapilot
    Characters: OCs for now, maybe some canon in a post or two?
    Time Frame: ANH
    Summary: A young woman does what she has to do to stay alive in crime-ridden Mos Eisley.
    Author?s Note: Written for the Poetry Challenge: ?You must then write a short fic based off of that poem. You can use any characters you want, cannon or OC in any forum and any genre. The only catch is, at least four lines of the poem must appear in the fic (if it's less than four lines, you must use the whole thing). Bold them, highlight them, whatever you want; just make them visible. (And they don't have to be all in a row, or all at once; they just have to be there.)?

    And this is the poem I got:

    Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man,
    Bake me a cake as fast as you can.
    Roll it, and prick it, and mark it with a "B"
    And put it in the oven for Baby and me!




    There are three things you don?t do in Mos Eisley: Go outside in a sandstorm, leave your water at home, and steal from Jabba the Hutt. Any of these three will get you killed in a hurry. My idiot boyfriend did all three.

    I guess I should probably back up and tell you a little about myself. I was born in Mos Eisley, in a second-floor, four-room apartment. Ma was a waitress, and whoever Da was, he was long gone. I grew up hiding under Ma?s skirts while she waited tables in the side alley cantina down the street, and my playground was the dirty back rooms and side alleys that crisscrossed the run-down spaceports. I learned how to read and write, of course. When I was 6, Ma put me in charity school where some nice, clean smelling missionary woman taught me aurek, besh, cresh and one, two, three, and then tried to save my pathetic heathen soul for the gods and goddesses of whatever homeworld she came from.

    I guess I learned as much as I was going to, because by the time I was twelve, I got myself thrown out of charity school. The new school teacher was this lady who came from Naboo, I think. She told us she was praying for our mortal souls and that if we were good little girls and boys who tried hard enough to follow the rules, we would be rewarded with heavenly blessings. She used to carry a pretty case to class with her everyday, and she kept it right close to her as if she were afraid someone was going to take it from her. I was so curious as to what she could have inside it; I mean, if the outside was so pretty, then whatever was inside had to be twice as nice, right? Besides, she was so careful of it, she must have something special to her inside. So when she was out of the room once, I opened it up and took out everything that was in it. I honestly had every intention of putting all the stuff back. I just couldn?t figure out what she had that was so valuable. There were some hair ornaments, a datapad, some keycards, the usual stuff that everyone had. I had just taken out her money purse when she came back in the room. Well, you guessed it. She called me a thief, and that was the end of my formal education. I guess I did learn something from charity school, though. I learned I should have stolen the case first and opened it later.

    Even though my formal education had ended, we did all right for a while, Ma and me. I hung around while she worked, and I learned how to pickpocket to bring home some extra credits. Some nights Ma would send me away when she had a man over the apartment, and I would wander through the spaceports until her guest left. I used to look at those ships and wonder where they were from. Maybe they were my ticket out of this place. For a few years, I scraped together whatever money I could get (legally or illegally) to save up for passage. Maybe I could even work my way onto something. I imagined the shudder of the ship as it blasted off this barren rock, the way space must look, blacker than any night. I had seen holos of other planets, and nobody in those holos ever looked dirty or hungry or poor. By this time I was fifteen and I could fend for myself. My dream seemed>
     
  2. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Game Host Who Loves Fanfics & RPGs star 7 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    This OC has a wry, sharp wit. I like her tone. She's a no-nonsense, tell it like it is type, which I also like. :D Your OC's always stand out in a crowd. :) They might look ordinary on the outside, but they're extraordinary on the inside, strong and full of self-respect. I'm gonna keep up with this for sure. :D
     
  3. Alexis_Wingstar

    Alexis_Wingstar Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 16, 2006
    I like this OC... I love how you kept from telling her name. [face_laugh] Gives a little mystery.

    I thought you were supposed to use all four lines to the poem if there were only four lines in it though.
     
  4. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Excellent! I love your OC! I really hope you'll do more stories with her. Hint...hint...

    I had been working at the cantina for four years when the door opened and in blew my future.

    I remember the first time I saw that idiot. He came into the cantina smelling like something a bantha threw up. I swear, I nearly tossed him then and there. Sometimes I wish I had. But he had a handsome face and this sad little expression and he flashed some credits, so I took pity on the idiot and showed him the washroom and a table in the back.


    Just wonderful! =D=
     
  5. ginchy

    ginchy Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 25, 2005
    Girl, I love it. But I'm about to fall asleep sitting here, so I'll be back tomorrow with a better reply!!

    ETA:

    Ta-dah! I'm back! :D

    I really love how you manage to make your OCs so interesting, with an entire backstory that you feed out in manageable and interesting bits. They feel so rich and full of life, it's hard to remember that they are OCs! Excellent work there. And, to take that poem and come up with a story this full--gal, I've said it before, but you amaze me.

    Give me a nudge when you update this! =D=
     
  6. Jedi Trace

    Jedi Trace SouthEast RSA star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Dec 15, 1999
    This is awesome, diva! :D Your OCs just spring to life, sucking a gal right into the story. I really like the style of narrative ? it?s like being right there on Tatooine.


    I had been working at the cantina for four years when the door opened and in blew my future.


    LOVE that phrasing! Can?t wait to read more of this story. Can you PM me when you update? [face_batting]




     
  7. karebear214

    karebear214 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 7, 2002
    Your OCs are very well written and the story is intriguing. Well done. I'll be looking forward to more.
     
  8. ROTSFan

    ROTSFan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 25, 2006
    If you're doing more, please put me on your PM list :)
     
  9. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Nice OC you are having and nice to see where this is leading to.
     
  10. Rogue_Pilot_2347

    Rogue_Pilot_2347 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 16, 2005
    Awesome story. I like how you worked in the first line of the poem. do you have a PM list going? If so, put my on it!
     
  11. divapilot

    divapilot Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    Jade_Eyes: This OC has a wry, sharp wit. I like her tone. She's a no-nonsense, tell it like it is type, which I also like.

    Thanks! Glad you like her. She?s a tough cookie, but she has a heart, too.[:D]


    Alexis_Wingstar: I like this OC... I love how you kept from telling her name.
    Thanks! Her name is a bit of a mystery, isn?t it?:cool:

    I thought you were supposed to use all four lines to the poem if there were only four lines in it though.
    Very true. This story is multi-post, and all four lines will be in there.:)


    VaderLVR64: Excellent! I love your OC! I really hope you'll do more stories with her.
    Thank you! She?ll be back in a couple of days with the update!;)


    Ginchy: They feel so rich and full of life, it's hard to remember that they are OCs! Excellent work there. And, to take that poem and come up with a story this full--gal, I've said it before, but you amaze me.
    Aw, thanks, Ginchy! I admit that poem had me stumped for a while, but then the heavens opened and the muse descended. :D


    Jedi Trace: Your OCs just spring to life, sucking a gal right into the story. I really like the style of narrative ? it?s like being right there on Tatooine.
    Thanks so much! I wanted her to have a kind of tough-girl attitude. That?s the kind of girl who waits tables at 19 in a seedy bar. But she?s still hopeful for something more.[:D]


    Karebear214: Your OCs are very well written and the story is intriguing.
    Thanks! I appreciate that.:)

    ROTSfan: There are more posts to come, and I am happy to put you on the PM list. Thank you![face_dancing]

    Earlybird-Obi-Wan: Thanks so much! Next post will be here in a couple days, with any luck.:D

    Rogue_pilot_2347: I like how you worked in the first line of the poem.
    Thanks! It makes a weird sort of sense, though. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. And you are on the PM list.:)


    PM list
    Ginchy
    Jedi Trace
    ROTSfan
    Roguepilot_2347
     
  12. Jade_Pilot

    Jade_Pilot Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 10, 2005
    Awesome! Love your OCs, sister-pilot! Please add-a me to the PM list!

    Bravo! =D=
     
  13. divapilot

    divapilot Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    Jade_Pilot: Thank you! Glad you like her. I'll be happy to send you a PM! :D


    Chapter 2.

    Pretty quickly, Pat and I started to meet each other on a regular basis. When I got off work, he would be outside the cantina, leaning against the wall, waiting for me. Sometimes we would go out to a holodrama or wander around the market place. Most of the time, we hung out at the cantinas down by the spaceports.

    I know that we didn?t waste time getting together, but sometimes there?s this tingle in the air when you meet someone, you know? And when you look at him, well, there goes your common sense. Stars, that?s what happened to me. They say people can steal your heart, and Pat was a con man of the first degree. He stole everything else, and my heart went along for the ride.

    We usually went to Chalmun?s Cantina, where a lot of the spacers hung out. Unlike the cantina where I worked, eating and drinking was secondary here. It was your usual loud and smoky den, but it had been around so long that it was an unofficial meeting place for most of the illegal traffic that came through Mos Eisley. Each gang had certain areas that they liked to sit in, and the owners did what they could to keep things clean and as safe as possible. For example, there was a strict no-droid policy that kept things private ? no recordings could be made or conversations listened in on. A scanner in the door made sure nobody slipped in with any recording devices hidden on them. In fact, the cantina?s own holorecorders were the only ones allowed, and even they could be altered for a price: people were deleted from images all the time. Another thing that Chalmun?s had was a no-blaster policy, but that was a lot harder to enforce than the no-droid policy because so many people had hold-out weapons. Pat did most of his business transactions there.

    So anyway, it was about two weeks after we met that Pat and I were sitting in Chalmun?s Cantina. (I told you we got together fast, didn?t I?) We were sitting in the booth in the back, under the window, and Pat was finally telling me a little about what he was doing for Baker. He said he was lucky that someone like me could help him out, because he could get things done a lot faster with help from someone who knew how to find shortcuts in a place like Mos Eisley. I told him that I was just a waitress, so don?t expect anything like a personal invitation to Jabba?s palace. Pat laughed and said that as long as I could identify Jabba?s men for him, that was close enough.

    Before, when I asked specifically what Pat?s game was, he had been a little cagey. Pat told me he worked in the exports trade. (Pat told me a lot of things. Some were even true.) When I asked him to explain what the scorch that meant, he told me, ?I get things exported off planets for people, Baby.?

    ?Like what things?? I asked.

    He stretched and slung his arm his arm around my shoulder. ?Baby, you don?t want to know. Let?s just say the people I work for like their products to move fast, and with as little government interference as possible.?

    I took his arm off me. ?Hey, you ain?t slaving, are you?? I asked, my expression darkening. ?Because if you?re slaving, then you can take a walk right now. I don?t want to have nothing to do with slaving.?

    Pat laughed. Stars, he was handsome when he laughed. ?Baby, trust me. I am not a slaver. What I export is strictly material.? And that was all he would say. Whatever he was selling, he had enough money to pay for our drinks and food and a little extra for whatever his fancy needed. It was nice to be able to sit and let someone else wait on me for a change.

    Right before that afternoon?s meeting, though, Pat finally let me in on what his merchandise was. Pat was trying to set up a deal for some stolen radian couplings with someone from Jabba?s palace. Now, I ain?t no engineer, but I know that a radian coupling is a pretty powerful piece of hardware. Those things are used to boost power equipment so that you can connect to subspace boosters. They cost more money tha>
     
  14. ginchy

    ginchy Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 25, 2005
    Oh, my. What is our narrator getting herself into? It's all fun, intrigue, and hawt kisses until someone gets hurt... [face_worried]

    hmm... Will we see Han here? :D

    Wonderful update, as always, lady!
     
  15. ROTSFan

    ROTSFan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 25, 2006
    That was good. Really good how you worked your lyrics into that!
     
  16. Rogue_Pilot_2347

    Rogue_Pilot_2347 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 16, 2005
    This is a really good idea. I really liked this line:

    They say people can steal your heart, and Pat was a con man of the first degree. He stole everything else, and my heart went along for the ride.

    It seems to really describe this relationship.

    Can't wait for the next bit!
     
  17. divapilot

    divapilot Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    Ginchy: It's all fun, intrigue, and hawt kisses until someone gets hurt...

    LOL! That?s true! But what a fun way to get there.:*

    hmm... Will we see Han here?

    Mebbe!!! Yes, Han is coming in soon. :cool:

    Wonderful update, as always, lady!

    Thanks, Ginchy! Glad you liked this. :D


    ROTSFan: Really good how you worked your lyrics into that!

    Thank you very much! It was a challenge, that?s for sure. [face_dancing]


    Rogue_Pilot_2347: I really liked this line: ?They say people can steal your heart, and Pat was a con man of the first degree. He stole everything else, and my heart went along for the ride.?
    It seems to really describe this relationship.


    Thank you! This is a wiser girl, relating the story. But the narrator is still a bit starry-eyed while the events take place. :)

    Can't wait for the next bit!

    Thanks! I?ll be posting soon. Glad you are enjoying this. [face_dancing]
     
  18. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Game Host Who Loves Fanfics & RPGs star 7 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Great update. Cool explanations for the "bake me a cake" line. :) Glad Han'll show up soon. :D The narrator needs to disentangle herself from Pat while she still can. Guilty by association and all that. [face_worried] If he gets on Jabba's or Baker's wrong side, they may think she's more involved than she is and try to take her out too. [face_thinking]
     
  19. divapilot

    divapilot Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    Jade_Eyes: Great update. Glad Han'll show up soon.

    Thank you! Han is not in this chapter, but he?s going to be important to the story. :cool:

    The narrator needs to disentangle herself from Pat while she still can. Guilty by association and all that.

    She?s a smart girl, and she has a lot of street smarts. But at this point, she?s too twitterpatted by the handsome stranger to think clearly. [face_love] Thank you for reading and replying!

    ~*~*~

    Author's note: Credit goes to the fantastic Jade_Pilot for inventing the creative use of "scorching" as a mild oath.;)



    Chapter 3

    Very quickly, I sort of moved into Pat?s place. His rented rooms were nothing special; nothing ever is in Mos Eisley. But it wasn?t far from the cantina where I worked, and it was closer to the spaceport area, so it was convenient. And it was private. I?m not saying I?m a cheap girl, rushing in with just anybody. I never did anything like that before. But he was so handsome and he treated me so special that I fell in love hard and fast.

    We immediately slipped into a sort of routine. I would work my shift at the cantina, then come back to Pat?s rooms. Then we would grab something to eat and get some sleep. The next day we would hang out at the spaceports, usually Chalmun?s Cantina. I knew a lot of the people there.

    We talked for hours while Pat was working out his plans to help Greedo steal Jabba?s money while at the same time sell Jabba the radian couplings. I told Pat about my life, and he smiled and frowned and nodded sympathetically on cue, so I mistook that for paying attention. I told him about how much I wanted to get off Tatooine and make something of myself, to maybe finish school. He said, ?That?s nice, Baby,? then asked me about the layout of the cantinas and where the side alleys led to. I explained how badly I wanted start my own business in a place where a girl could get legal work that paid well. He said, ?That?s a great idea, Sweetheart,? and then he asked me how many stormies were stationed at the garrison and how often new ones arrived. I told him how I didn?t want to end up like every other woman over 30 did, either fat and married with a couple brats or dried out by the winds and sun, waiting on the same dirty tables until I dropped dead. He patted my knee and smiled, then asked which bartenders were on the take to the Imps and which ones could be trusted to let an honest smuggler run his business. Looking back, I think I should have paid more attention to his fat lying mouth than to his beautiful blue eyes.

    One night, we were sitting in our usual booth at the Cantina. Pat was in a crazy good mood, and he had been particularly attentive, and I was trying to at least finish my water before telling him that if he wanted to keep that kind of behavior up, we should leave and go back to his room. Then Pat laughed, put his arm across my shoulder, and smiled in satisfaction. ?What are you so scorching happy about, you idiot?? I asked.

    ?Our fortunes have been made, Baby,? he said.

    ?How many times do I have to tell you my name ain?t Baby?? I said, slapping him on the arm. ?And what fortune are you talking about??

    Pat kissed me. ?We have a meeting with Greedo tomorrow night. He?s got the cake. In a day or two we?re gonna be richer than you ever dreamed!?

    I realized what he was saying, and my jaw dropped. ?No. Don?t tell me you?re thinking of doing what I think you?re thinking of doing.?

    Pat laughed again. ?What, Baby? Are you afraid of making money??

    ?Sands, no. I?m afraid of getting killed!?

    ?I have it figured out. All I need to do is come up with a place to tell Greedo I?m hiding the money, and then when Greedo?s gone, I come back and get it. Then--? he made a gliding gesture with his hands ??we?re out of here!?

    I drew a deep breath. ?Pat, you?ll take me with you, right?? I was getting so attached to that idiot.

    ?Aw, Baby. You know I won?t leave you out of this. I?ll make sure you?re set.? He smiled and something in me melted.

    I began to>
     
  20. G__Anakin

    G__Anakin Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2006
    I read this story a little while ago! Great job! Can you add me to the PM list!:)
     
  21. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Game Host Who Loves Fanfics & RPGs star 7 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Hmmm. Seems like Pat was pumping her for info rather than really listening, the poopy head. [face_laugh] (That's another one of J_P's great expressions!!) :D I have a feeling he's gonna at least try to leave her high and dry. [face_worried]
     
  22. Jade_Pilot

    Jade_Pilot Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 10, 2005
    This is just too, too great! =D= I mean, you've taken a kid's rhyme and turned it into a wonderful smuggler's tale on Tatooine. Outstanding plot and characterizations, Sister-pilot!

    Bravo! =D= =D= =D=
     
  23. Rogue_Pilot_2347

    Rogue_Pilot_2347 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 16, 2005
    this is still really good. I'm sensing a heartbreak in the relatively near future for our narrator.
     
  24. ROTSFan

    ROTSFan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 25, 2006
    Awww, that Pat is really using her. Can't feel that bad about the fate that befalls him! :p

    Smugglers and their ships-funny. Immediately made me think of Han.

    ones could be trusted to let an honest smuggler run his business

    Honest smuggler? [face_laugh] Isn't that an oxymoron?

    Good at working in the next lyrics.
     
  25. furrylittlebantha

    furrylittlebantha Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 2, 2005
    There are three things you don?t do in Mos Eisley: Go outside in a sandstorm, leave your water at home, and steal from Jabba the Hutt. Any of these three will get you killed in a hurry. My idiot boyfriend did all three.

    ...And that, class, is an classic example of a device all authors attempt to use and not all succeed in acheiving: the eye-catching beginning. =D=

    More on this soon.

    edit: can I be on the PM list, pretty please? [face_batting]
     
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