First off, it's Lurker Appreciation Week here on the boards: [image=http://www.rhonderoo.com/babyluke.jpg] That being said, I cordially invite any and all lurkers to post here. You can be nice, mean, write a lot, or just leave a smiley--I'll be glad to see and read any of it. Don't worry about being shy, the vast majority of his were in your place once. We just want you to make yourselves known so we can be friends. We promise not to bite, after all it's Hug a Lurker Day. And now to the story: Title: Overkill Author: BigFatty Timeframe: Post-NJO Characters: Mostly Jaina with a little Jag Summary: Jaina wondering what her life will end up being. Notes: I only own the laptop the story was typed on. Star Wars is all George Lucas. The song "Overkill" (in blue) is the acoustic version done by Colin Hay, again not at all mine. A huge thanks to my lovely beta people: Wynssa_Starflare, TKL, & NYCitygurl. I'm not too sure what my posting schedule will be (this is the first of four parts) due to tomorrow starting finals week, but I'll do the best I can. PS-dozen chocolate chip cookies to whoever can name which TV show used this song and its singer in an opening of an episode. I can't get to sleep I think about the implications Of diving in too deep And possibly the complications As usual, she was exhausted; as usual, sleep escaped her. If she wasn?t helping the Alliance cobble together fighter squadrons from what was left after the war, she was running around the galaxy on missions for the Council. Jaina Solo should be asleep, but her mind was not listening to her body. Part of her was glad she couldn?t sleep; with sleep comes dreams. These were the times when she despised her Jedi heritage. What she wouldn?t give for one night where she could simply sleep. Sleep and maybe remember what she dreamed, instead of reliving it throughout the day with her enhanced memory. And if she were able to remember her dreams, she wouldn?t have to worry whether or not they held significant meanings. She would know they were just dreams and not premonitions. Today was an anniversary, the anniversary of their first kiss. Inevitably she would dream of him tonight. Maybe she would be lucky and she would relive that kiss. But even that thought carried an amount of pain. Every day between twilight and dawn she was assaulted with ?what ifs?. What if she had gone with him to Csilla? What if they had kept in touch after the war? What if she hadn?t turned her back on him? Especially at night I worry over situations I know will be alright Perhaps it's just imagination She didn?t know where he was, somewhere in the Unknown Regions was the best she could do. He had been named Ambassador, then quietly pulled back into Chiss space without reason. Her pessimistic mind kept gnawing at her. What would be so important that would cause him to disappear so quickly? She tried to convince herself that it was just the Chiss overreacting, but part of her wondered if they weren?t. What if he was sent into battle and was killed? Would she know? What if he had been dead for months and she didn?t know? Were the dreams that haunted her nights with visions of them as a couple, decorating a home, raising children the Force taunting her and punishing her for her mistakes? She tried to convince herself that nothing had happened to him. Nothing bad anyway. Even if she didn?t feel, Wedge would know and would tell her. Or would he withhold information if he thought that she had broken his nephew?s heart? No, only enemy pilots saw that vicious side of Wedge Antilles. She was his hold daughter, he would tell her. She tossed and turned between the sheets begging sleep to come if only to quell the questions attacking her mind. Yet it never came.