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Saga - ST Not Ready for Recruitment (OC, Rey) Create a new OC challenge!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by brodiew, Jun 6, 2018.

  1. brodiew

    brodiew Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Oct 11, 2005
    Title: Not Ready For Recruitment
    Authors: brodiew
    Canonicity: Canon
    Genre: Drrr-ama
    Characters: Ansyn Turlock (OC), Rey
    Timeframe: 35 ABY
    A/N: I created this OC a couple of months back, but could not get all the elements together in one piece. So, I broke it down as I am like to do, in ficlet format. If there is more to come it will be more cohesive. I hope you enjoy!
    A/N2: This is for The create a new OC in 500-1500 words challenge.


    "Mr. Turlock," Ray said sharply. "I would appreciate your full attention. I have taken great pains to find you and even agreed to your terms for our meeting. If you are going to be rude-"

    "Yes, yes," he droned. "Rude, gruff, unsympathetic, and callous. The list goes on. I was wondering when you were going to get to the point. Skywalker this, Crait that, Resistance here, young students there. What have I got to do with any of it? I have a business interests to manage. I don't have time to 'seek the Force' or get in touch with my inner Jedi. Bottom line, no Skywalker, no dice!"

    Rey's demeanor changed. She had done her research and she knew that Turlock was a hard man. However, she wanted to use the humble approach first, before resorting to meeting fire with fire.

    "My, aren't you scary," she replied, unperturbed. "Lots of bluster to bully the young lady. Sorry it didn't work. Do you think we can forgo the posturing and talk about the reality of our situation?”

    Turlock appraised her, this time taking a closer look; liking what he saw, but not necessarily what she represented. He could use someone like her. However, he was pretty sure she was tired of being used and not interested in deviating from the Jedi path ahead. She was resolute and a true believer in what she was selling. She was well put together, but the arm wraps, high quality or not, needed to go. They definitely showed a more rural origin which wouldn’t win any friends here and could invite the wrong kinds of attention. He found himself momentarily fantasizing about the woman before him taking down a band ruffians who had misjudged her.

    “I just made the reality clear, Missy,” Turlock retorted.


    The ‘Jedi’ had gone, with his blessing, but, as Turlock sat at his desk and poured a shot of Biserian whiskey, he knew she would not stay gone. Though she accepted his initial rebuff, he could sense that she was already calculating her next approach. It was the kind of durasteel that made him want her on his team. But, that wasn’t going to happen nor was he joining the Jedi. He knocked back the shot and leaned back in his chair. The amber liquid burned sweetly as it went down. He stared at the chair on the other side of his desk. He attempted to conjure an image of the young woman and failed. As much has he despised the idea of joining the Jedi, Rey had gotten under his skin. She was naturally beautiful and wide-eyed, but idealistic and determined. Self-righteous, too. Jedi to a T.


    Turlock’s face hit the duracrete floor with a wet smack. His blood mixed with the dank water which littered the floor of the old warehouse in pools of different sizes. He rolled over on his back just in time to receive a jack boot to the ribs. Her heard and felt at least one crack. He curled into the fetal position to protect his soft bits, but he didn’t think he was coming out of this one alive.

    The artifact he had been asked to procure had been damaged in transit. Normally, he could simply offer to replace the item, but this item was not able to be replaced. This item had historical and emotional value to his client. This item would cost him his life.

    “You came highly recommended, Turlock,” said First Order Captain Ian Monce. “The man in medical supplies can ‘cure what ails you’, they said. Brilliant passcode, by the way. What’s ailing you at the moment, Ansyn? You don’t look so good. The Admiral hoped your reputation would prove reliable. It did not.”


    “Ah, your client,” Monce said, as if just remembering the name of the person who had referred him. “One Chrons Sleyker. Yes, well, Chrons ran out of time.”

    Tulock groaned as he moved into a sitting position. He hugged his chest with both arms and winced at the pain in his side. “You are…such a cartoon…villain, Monce. Bad jokes…and all.”

    “Your friend’s death is a joke to you, Turlock?” Monce inquired, cynically.

    “In light of my present situation, I’m not as concerned about his death.”

    “Touché,” Monce replied, menacingly.

    It was at that moment that four Stormtroopers behind Monce went down, one at a time, like staged chance tiles. There was a blur of activity, and as he squinted in the low light, he could see the movements of a woman with staff.


    The Jedi.

    To the rescue.


    When the final blow landed on the neck of Captain Monce, he never knew what hit him. He crumpled to the floor like a sack of refuse. The ceiling light illuminated Rey like a statue of old, locked in the stance that completed her disabling of the threat.

    Turlock started clapping weakly as the motion irritated his broken rib. However, being insolent was more important than comfort at the moment.

    “Oh good…” he groaned. “A…Jedi. Still meddling in my…business, are you?”

    He remained in the seated position and proceeded to hug himself again to stave off the shooting pain.

    “Don’t hurt yourself further with any thanks,” Rey quipped. “You’re no good to me dead.”

    Turlock shook his head. The cartoon humor from the Imp and now a wry wit from the Jedi. It was too kriffing much.

    “So, are you going to float me out of here or Force set my rib or kill me with comedy. Whichever it is, please get on with it.”
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2018
  2. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Nov 22, 1999
    [face_laugh] Oh, I like Ansyn! He's blunt and plain spoken (and rude, gruff, unsympathetic, and callous :D) and not impressed by a Jedi, but I like him all the same. He's got a lot of spirit, mouthing off to Captain Monce even when he's beating the poodoo out of him and even when Monce admits killing Ansyn's associate.And he just keeps the snark coming after Rey rescues him. There's a nice contrast between his been-there-done-that-wasn't-impressed attitude and Rey's wide-eyed Jedi idealism and innocence, but she has that bit of wry wit beneath it all and she's not easily put off be gruffness (heck, after dealing with Skywalker, the hermit of Ach-to, she's used it!). It'll be interesting to see if Ansyn will keep refusing to "get in touch with his inner Jedi" that turn of phrase!...or if he'll finally sign up and join the order. Also interesting to see what comes of him checking her out ;) because he's likely to have some competition in that regard--there's that pesky Force bond with Emo Kylo and maybe a pilot or two who might take exception.

    Nice introduction to a fun new character. I'll be looking forward to seeing how things work out for him.
    Findswoman, AzureAngel2 and brodiew like this.
  3. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Force Ghost star 6

    Jun 14, 2005
    Wow, you can really write callous and rude! :D

    And your Rey was a surprise, too. Funny meets pragmatic, mixed with Jedi dignity.
    Findswoman and brodiew like this.
  4. Cowgirl Jedi 1701

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Dec 21, 2016
    Now I need to know more about what happens to this guy.
    AzureAngel2, Findswoman and brodiew like this.
  5. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Game Host star 7 VIP - Game Host

    Aug 31, 2004
    =D= !!! Your Mr. Turlock has a "voice" that is already quite distinctive: snarky and undaunted! @};- =D= He will be the LAST one to admit it but he admires Rey and is grateful for her rescue [face_shhh] -- I do not know if he now feels indebted to her but she will doubtless insist that he is [face_laugh]
    AzureAngel2, Findswoman and brodiew like this.
  6. Findswoman

    Findswoman Force Ghost star 5

    Feb 27, 2014
    I enjoyed this! Ansyn Turlock sure is a tough customer, definitely rude, cantankerous, and callous, but it was fun to get to know him. He reminds me a bit of that one traveling salesman character in The Music Man, who comes to town to try to discredit Harold Hill (and who also lets the main woman character get under his skin, at least for a time). For all his gruffness I can tell that Ansyn is brave, the way he stood up to Monce and his goons even with bones breaking and blood flowing. And of course Rey certainly didn’t stay gone; in fact, she had to come back and save his bacon, and even though he’s snarky about it now, I have a feeling there is some gratitude lurking under there. I’ll be very curious to see what’s next for Ansyn; thanks so much for sharing, and for proposing this fantastic minichallenge to begin with! =D=
  7. Sith-I-5

    Sith-I-5 Force Ghost star 6

    Aug 14, 2002
    A very good OC.

    Easy to relate to, and reminiscent to someone on telly. Unable to pinpoint who.
  8. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The Fanfic Manager With The Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Jun 29, 2004
    After I saw that you were considering writing a half-diary for your OC I had to check this one off of my list sooner than I was planning, and I am glad I did! :D

    You've created a very interesting OC - gruff, rude, unsympathetic, and callous, all in his own words. (Yet, in my experience, anyone who self-admits to those things usually has a fair bit more going on inside.) He's not at all likable, and at first glance I do want Rey to move on to someone more worthy of her time and effort - but it seems like the Force is not quite done with them yet. I am equally intrigued by Ansyn's notes of wanting Rey on his side for his own purposes - there's certainly a lot more going on here, and I would not object to learning more about your delightful ogre of an OC if your muse cooperates. This has set the foundation of something very interesting, and I would love to see it grow from here. [face_thinking][face_batting]