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Saga - PT Not What She Imagined (Shmi Skywalker/Shaak Ti, AU)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by TheProphetOfSullust, Dec 4, 2022.

  1. TheProphetOfSullust

    TheProphetOfSullust Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 10, 2003
    Title: Not What She Imagined (Shmi Skywalker/Shaak Ti, AU)
    Author(s): TheProphetOfSullust
    Timeframe: Prequel Era
    Characters: Shmi Skywalker, Shaak Ti, Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala, OC
    Genre: Romance
    Summary: Set in an AU where there's no prohibition for Jedi to marry or have families, Shmi reflects on how her spouse is very different from what her imagination suggested when she dreamed about whom she might end up married to.
    Notes: Has been a while since I actually completed a fic, and this is something I've rarely tackled before. A few vignettes of Shmi's perspective on the love of her life, Shaak Ti.

    Shaak is a Jedi
    She'd heard the stories about Jedi, of course. And it's not that they're false, per se. There isn't really a "typical" Jedi, she learned quickly. And Shaak...

    It isn't that she can read Shmi's mind--she can't, not really. Not unless Shmi meditates and sends the words to her. It's more reliable between two Jedi, she is told. But she does know how Shmi feels. Hiding her anger, or her disappointment, or her fear simply doesn't work. It might work with a random Jedi who barely met her, or an inexperienced Padawan. But not with a master, not with someone who knows her well. Not with Shaak.

    So she doesn't hide it, even when she wants to. Even when it means putting Shaak through pain she wants to protect her from. She hates it, and doesn't believe Shaak when she tells her all truths come out anyway eventually. A person can take a secret to their grave--hard as it is. Being with a Jedi makes it harder.

    Even less important is that Shaak can do things Shmi can't. So what? Watto flew. Threepio spoke millions of languages. Gardulla shrugged off poisons that would kill Shmi a dozen times over. And Shaak lifted things with her mind and deflected blaster bolts with a lightsaber. None of that would faze Shmi--she has her own skills that Shaak doesn't share.

    What makes Shaak intense, what makes everything she does intense--including loving Shmi--is that she takes being a Jedi seriously. And because she's connected to that cosmic Force, the Force responds in kind. When Shmi meditates or prays, it doesn't change her except to the extent that she is convinced herself. But Shaak can come home bone-tired after a mission, spend five minutes in secluded quiet, and arise rejuvenated--and not just physically. The price is that sometimes, it goes the other way. Only taking, not giving is how the Dark Side takes hold. But in either direction, Shmi is an outsider--she can only be next to Shaak, not with her.

    Shaak laughs with her when Shmi speaks of this. "The Force still works through us, you know."

    "I don't understand."

    "Even if you could consciously touch the Force, our connection would be unique because you are unique. The Force is a conduit; it's what's on either end that matters. You're not an outsider--you're just less in control of the conduit. What goes across it is the same."

    "I'd have some idea of what you feel like with others."

    Shaak shrugs. "No, you'd have some idea of what others feel like with me. Probably the wrong one. Who knows how Master Yoda perceives things?"

    Shmi does try to imagine that, but fails. "I just worry. It's such a huge part of your life. If it breaks you, I will never stop thinking you'd have been better off with a partner who shared it with you."

    Shaak laughs again. "Hmm... let's see. We all should choose our loves based on how well they can protect us with the Force. Not that there's a way to know even that little--not always. Do we base it on experience? Talent? Raw power? Your son might find the last idea appealing, but I don't think it'll work for most of us."

    Shmi growls. "Always seeing the big picture."

    "Thanks."

    "You don't know if you're the right person for me--now, in the future, ever. It's something you take on faith."

    "But you don't have to take things on faith."

    A montral twitches. "Really?" Shaak drawls.

    Shmi raises her eyebrows. "The Force is real. You can--"

    "Oh, yeah--" Shaak flicks a switch with a wave of her hand and the ceiling fan activates. "Cause and effect. I can do this. Should I, though?"

    "Huh?"

    "One of the greatest dangers to a Jedi is the very trap you speak of. To see that the Force works for you, and that therefore, you do not need faith to perceive its will. So you try to do so objectively--and you can't, because it's too much. Then you lose faith altogether, and out comes madness and delusion. Jedi, even Jedi masters lost their connection to the Force, committed crimes, had to be isolated for the rest of their lives--all because they no longer took things on faith."

    "So you think you are doing the will of the Force, but don't know it."

    "That's right, love."

    "And if you're wrong?"

    "About what?"

    "Any of it."

    "If the Force actually wants me to be evil?" Shaak smirks.

    "I guess that's one way of putting it."

    "Then... I have defied it, I will continue to defy it, and it will be a good thing--for me, and for the galaxy."

    "For you? But--"

    "I don't serve the Jedi for a cosmic reward in the afterlife. That's not faith, that's business."

    "And that's how you see our love?"

    Shaak nods. "Exactly like it. I know you love me, and that I love you. Go to the med center and a brain scan on the two of us will prove it. That's the Force letting me do this." She stretches out on the floor and then lifts herself into the air on her hands. And then on one hand. And then on the index finger of one hand.

    "But are we right to love each other? not only won't be answered by a brain scan, it can't and shouldn't. We take it on faith that we are--or that we aren't, and then we go our separate ways. That's how following the will of the Force works. I believe loving you is the right thing. I believe following the Jedi creed is the right thing. I do not look for evidence for or against either--I just act accordingly."

    Shaak laughs and pulls Shmi down into her embrace. "You've been around Jedi too long to think it's all about lifting rocks."
     
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  2. TheProphetOfSullust

    TheProphetOfSullust Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 10, 2003
    Shaak is an alien
    Shmi is no stranger to other species. In fact, it's how different humans can be from one another that shocked her the most upon moving to Coruscant. Like herself, everyone she knew grew up on Tatooine, and the planet shapes the people. And other humans, from other worlds, have been shaped differently.

    But being around aliens doesn't mean she's ever imagined marrying one. Perhaps the ones she knew best--the Toydarian Watto and the Hutts--were too different. Shaak is the right size and shape--though the term 'humanoid' is thought impolite, particularly among Jedi. After all, there's no reason to make humans the standard.

    Yet there are differences that aren't immediately obvious, and Shmi is never sure she won't get a new surprise today. Like the first time she got a whiff of lust--which Shaak, naturally, felt in the Force and instantly pinpointed, causing Shmi to blush. It was a hot day, and Shmi was visiting Anakin at the Temple. They were relaxing in the swimming pool, when Master Obi-Wan and Anakin got called away to deal with some youngling trouble. Shmi stayed behind--and that's when Shaak leapt over her to flip in mid-air and plunge into the water, dressed in a white bikini.

    Shmi remembers two details from that day. The first is that had to push herself to talk; she really didn't want Shaak to only see her stare at her body. The second is the forever etched in her mind image of her first glimpse of Shaak's bare feet.

    Shaak's bare, red-skinned, six-toed feet.

    It's not like the number of toes is important. It's just that it's unexpected, and it's the first time for Shmi that Shaak's alienhood intrudes into their connection as individuals.

    It's not the last.

    Togrutas' body temperature runs a couple of degrees higher than humans'; sleeping together in the cold feels very nice. Shaak laughs when Shmi gets concerned about lack of reciprocity. "We share the bed in summer as well as winter, don't we?" But neither of them can just feel the other and know if they have a fever, and how severe it is. Shmi's sure a couple of colds got the worse for lack of timely prevention because of this.

    Togrutas' body coordination is handled by separate areas of the brain in the air and in the water. Shmi is a poor swimmer, having had no chance to learn until she left Tatooine. But even she, with that limitation and without the Force, can trounce Shaak in a game like water polo, where Shaak's coordination switch is flipping constantly, making her flounder in both.

    Togrutas' hearing limits on either end are at higher frequencies than humans. The two women are incapable of experiencing the others' favorite music at all--pieces one finds moving and beautiful the other only gets headaches and irritation from as instruments, vocals, and notes suddenly go unheard. They both like music, Shmi even makes a little of her own occasionally. And it is something they share, yet can't experience together.

    "I'm not fond of it, either," Shaak tells her. "But it'll be the lucky day indeed if ever that is the only thing left to fix in the galaxy."

    Shmi can only nod. "The Force doesn't care, you know," Shaak continues.

    "What?"

    "Species. To the Force, it doesn't matter."

    Shmi meets her eyes. "You can feel my presence, right? I feel different--"

    "Of course. I can tell it's you on the other side of that wall, and not Knight Secura, or Master Yoda. But I can also tell it's you rather than Master Windu or Knight Tachi--whom, last I checked, are human. There's no quantity of difference, either--the Force doesn't work like that."

    "And does that mean anything?"

    "Do you want it to mean something? Maybe it means we are all the same if you look deep enough, maybe it means individual differences are more important than species differences. And maybe it means that however the differences present themselves, we haven't developed a way to spot them."

    "How would that work?"

    "If you were blind, there'd be some differences between us you couldn't know unless told about. There could be lekku and montrals and red skin and hot blood hanging off my Force signature, and our Jedi training simply doesn't teach you how to notice them."

    "Sounds more like something the Sith would want."

    Shaak nods. "I don't think it would be forbidden--knowledge is never evil in itself. But it would be an odd research project for a Jedi Master to undertake. And it would probably not work."

    "Why not?"

    "Like you said--the Sith would employ it, if they could. They used species-specific weaknesses in the wars often enough. If no Jedi or Sith in millennia had done it, chances are, it's just the way the Force is."

    Shmi frowns. "Do you then--see me as I am in the Force? And that's why you don't care if I'm human?"

    "I don't care because you're you. Do you separate in your mind how you see me, how you hear me, how you touch me?"

    "No. You're just you--I experience it all together."

    "Well, so do I. What the Force tells me about you is just another facet--along with my eyes, my ears..."

    "But those things tell you I'm human."

    "Not directly. The differences were described, their cause determined, and allowed classification into 'humans' and 'Togruta'. And then we learned about that classification from others. It's not a meaningless distinction, and it's not arbitrary, but it is social. The Force, being above our society, doesn't tell us any of this anymore than there is a label 'Togruta' on me in some nonexistent universal script.

    "And what, and how much, meaning we ascribe to those differences is entirely up to us. Make any one difference too important, and you lose the balance. That... can have unpleasant consequences."

    "I know."

    "So can pretending they aren't there--or worse, trying to erase them."

    "Someone did that?"

    "Not successfully, or we wouldn't be here. But yes, they tried. Many times."

    Shmi leans into her. "You're really good at this."

    "What?"

    "Saying 'it could be worse', but in a manner that doesn't irritate."

    "I am not saying that. You are hearing it. But I'm glad you're taking it well. It could be better, too. I've devoted my life to making things better."

    "You make it better for me, certainly."

    "Thanks. And as far the differences..." she rubs her montral. "You are just as unexpected for me as I am for you."
     
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  3. TheProphetOfSullust

    TheProphetOfSullust Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 10, 2003
    Shaak is a woman
    When Shmi was young and dreamed of her future, it almost always included a husband. The appeal was always there--Shmi likes both men and women--but when you grow up a slave on Tatooine, practicality has to be foremost--and while even the Hutts have regulations forbidding separation of slave families, that only applies to "actual" parents and children, not adoptees. If Shmi married a man and then died, the children they had together would stay with the father. If she married a woman, Watto could sell her child to anyone he pleased, and her widow would have no say whatsoever.

    The romantic variety of Coruscant, like the rest of it, nearly overwhelms her. There are communities bigger than the entire population of Tatooine almost entirely of one sex. There are places with an elaborate legal structure designed to accommodate triads rather than couples as a basis for a family unit. And recently, with the Kamino Conspiracy being blown open, and the technology becoming more widely available, occasions sprung up when people opted to have "children" by cloning themselves. There's at least a decade of work for the Republic courts on this front ahead.

    Curiously, it is the Jedi with their strict self-discipline that offer Shmi an anchor in this new world. Attachment is a path to the dark side--and many forego romance on that ground. At times in the history of the Order, that has been an enforced rule, she learns, and those caught were expelled. But even those who want families bring in their training into relationships. Above all, the Jedi aren't careless. Well, neither is Shmi.

    And no matter what, being a Jedi is a large duty. It takes only a few experiments for Shmi to know that group marriages, triads, communal childrearing isn't for her. She wants a permanent, exclusive life partner. And most Jedi agree with her.

    Shaak explains on their third (or fourth?) date. "Going to the dark side from grief is one thing--and grief is something we all must deal with. But doing it from jealousy? That's insulting. Plus, simple math. Two people is one relationship. Three people is three relationships. Four people is six, five, ten... So no matter what anyone says, it is more work. When you couple that with how we feel each other in the Force... casual is difficult to do--at least, for me. And serious means time. I make the time for my girlfriend, I make the time for Jedi work. If that means there's no time for a second girlfriend, so be it."

    "It would be a second girlfriend?"

    "For me--yeah. Always was. Just how the Force made me. You--?"

    "Both," Shmi admits. "Not at the same time." Blush. "Well, I don't want to do both at the same time--I learned that by trying."

    Shaak laughs. "So you have an answer if anyone tells says you don't know what it's like."

    "People say that to you?"

    "Sometimes. Usually when they can't see the lightsaber."

    "What do you do?"

    "Nothing."

    "Nothing?"

    Shaak nods. "I am a Jedi."

    "But this is unrelated!"

    Shaak considers. "Maybe, maybe not. Just the way I was raised--which was by the Jedi, so it's related in that sense. Most things are on a spectrum, but this is binary. There are people whose opinion I respect, and whose I don't. The latter can't harm me emotionally."

    "Really?"

    "It's a mental discipline, and it's not easy--but it's doable. We all know that people close to us can hurt us a lot more than strangers--so it's just an elevation of the principle to an absolute."

    "What happened to balance?"

    "This is how I deal with an aspect of life, not a universal decree. And it shouldn't matter to you. You are already one of the people who can hurt me. I'm willing to risk that you won't."

    "I can't--"

    Shaak raises her hand. "It's not an obligation--at least, not an external one."

    "You mean, I'm a considerate person who will place it upon herself."

    "Exactly. But you knew that already. I just put in words."

    "Got me there."

    "And neither of us will ever be perfect. I'm not a perfect Jedi, I'm not a perfect girlfriend. I won't hold anyone to that standard, either."

    "Then I very much hope I won't hurt you with this--but I need to know. It's a rather nasty rumor I've heard."

    "Oh? You know, Jedi debated whether curiosity was of the dark side for a long time. If it was, I'd have fallen long ago. Do tell."

    "Well... you know about the Chosen One prophecy?"

    "What of it?"

    "I really don't know how Anakin came to be. We've both gotten tested in a biolab, and no one there really knows either. Other than the Midichlorian level, Anakin is quite ordinary, biologically speaking. But... people are now talking about something that makes me special. And now that we're dating... they bring you in."

    "Saying what?"

    "That you want me because you think--because of Anakin--that it's possible for the two us to have children."

    Shaak snorts. "Assuming I wanted children--and assuming I cared that they were genetically mine--and also genetically my partner's--assuming all that, mostly incorrectly--getting that can be done by a geneslicing procedure. No need to involve Force miracles, no need for a mother of the Chosen One."

    Shmi stares. "It keeps hitting me how backwards Tatooine is when you say that."

    "Not backwards. Lacking. For many reasons, only some of which are addressable."

    Shmi frowns. "If the slaves were freed and the Hutts kicked out..."

    "Tatooine would still have less than fifty million people--settlers, Jawas, and Tuskens together. Coruscant has trillions. That won't change anytime soon."

    "I don't think I'd want the galaxy to become all like Coruscant."

    "Me neither. And it won't. If anything, the reverse is happening. The population here is going down."

    "Hard to believe."

    "Anyway, if that's how the 'born of no father' part of the prophecy gets resolved, there are many, many people who could be the Chosen One right now. Anakin is special--but just what means..."

    "... is up to Anakin himself."

    "See? Again, something you already knew, for which I just found the words."

    Shmi smiles. "Do you believe the prophecy?"

    "No."

    "That's it?"

    "How do you even define 'ultimate balance' and how do you know it has been achieved, and the extend to which the supposed Chosen One is supposed to participate? It's too vague to know even after the fact. Perhaps it happened centuries ago already."

    "But... aren't you supposed to take things on faith?"

    "Not everything. There's no evidence the prophecies are wrong, either. So it's faith either way. When we get genuine premonitions from the Force, they come in visions, voices and feelings, not crafted verse. The Force is beyond language, beyond wordplay."

    "Master Qui-Gon thought it was important."

    "I know. And he knew I disagree."

    "But... one of you has to be wrong."

    "That, we'd both disagree on."

    "I don't understand."

    "If the prophecies are blurry viewports--ones impossible to make out any useful details but still giving us a glimpse of what's to come--who's right? Qui-Gon thought they could be acted upon, brought about or averted. I think anything done along these lines is more about the actor than the prophecy. We could both be right--and wrong."

    "I don't know if that's reassuring."

    "Ahh. You worry about Anakin."

    "Of course I do!"

    Shaak chuckles. "You think you have more to worry about than other parents. Even than other Jedi--because of this."

    "Well... yes."

    "Do you worry less now than you did back on Tatooine?"

    Shmi thinks about it. "I should. Even with what the Jedi do, he will be prepared to face it."

    "None of us are ever really prepared. But yes, from what I heard--by all accounts, you should worry less. Do you, though?"

    "Not really," Shmi admits. Shaak's implication sinks in. "Right. I'm sorry."

    "For what?"

    "You didn't pick it up--?"

    "I can feel you're experiencing slight embarrassment--but that comes with neither the target nor the reason."

    "I assumed you wouldn't understand. Since you don't have children yourself."

    "I don't fully understand. But Jedi are trained to face the unknown--something all of us, Jedi or not, have to do every day. Motherhood is an unknown."

    "Well... it'll always be, even many years after you're in it."

    "I hope so. Everything worth it is."
     
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  4. TheProphetOfSullust

    TheProphetOfSullust Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 10, 2003
    Epilogue
    It's hard to imagine something as different from what Shmi expected out of life as Dialka Ti Skywalker.

    To any outsider, she is far more obviously Shaak's daughter than hers. She has the lekku and a skin color no pure human does, and she's clearly gifted with the Force.

    But Shmi has to contain her laughter when anyone says something along the lines, and Shaak, controlled as she is, guffaws every time.

    Because the first thing Dialka put her mind effort to was to reproduce an old lullaby from Tatooine that Shmi sang to her in her cradle.

    Because after Dialka's fourth birthday party, Shaak had to recluse herself from participating in her active playing. Dialka developed a fascination with tropical fish, so all the younglings came dressed as different species. And then Anakin gave his baby sister the thrill of her life by picking them all up with the Force at once and making the party hall an emulation of an aquarium. Except that put Shaak in the grips of a fear she was unable to control and keep Dialka from sensing it. Frustrated and ashamed, though nobody blamed her, for years after that, Shaak avoided joining her daughter's physical playtime, leaving that to Shmi.

    And Dialka, like Anakin, proved to be a very active child.

    Because when Mace Windu picks out Dialka as his Padawan, that relationship has a very rocky start. It is Shmi that Dialka seeks out, and it is Shmi, with the tough life experience she'd had, who reconciles them--for Shmi knows the difference between sternness and cruelty, between malice and ignorance, far better than either Shaak or Mace do--and also better than a teenage mind that exaggerates everything coming her way. And after her intervention, the Windu-Skywalker team ends up just famous--or infamous--as the Kenobi-Skywalker one.

    Shmi exits the turbolift and heads to her apartment door. A security droid hovers nearby, but after a quick scan, moves out of the way to let her pass.

    There's a special rack of hooks on their wall just next to front door. On Tatooine, most would assume it's for keys, though the hooks themselves are rather big for that. But on Coruscant, almost no one uses actual, physical keys and locks.

    The rack is for lightsabers. Shmi is an organized person, never prone to leaving things around--and while she can't do much about everyone else in her family routinely carrying deadly weapons, she draws the line at them doing so in the home. Both Anakin and Dialka wanted to when they made their first lightsabers, and Shaak laughed before firmly siding with her. "If a meal is dangerous enough to need a lightsaber, it's too dangerous to eat," she told the children.

    "Good to see that some things are universal," she tells Shmi later that night.

    "You wanted to bring your lightsaber everywhere?"

    "When I first got it, yes. Every youngling I know did. Master Yaddle set me straight."

    There are three lightsabers hanging on the rack now. The smooth silvery metal handle belonging to her wife, Anakin's with a ribbed black hind grip, and Dialka's thin cylinder made of alternating plates of wood and gold. The wood comes from Shili, the gold a portion of a Hutt's treasure Anakin and Obi-Wan seized when taking down a crime cartel. The rest had been used to free slaves on Tatooine and other Hutt-controlled worlds. Unlike on the other two, the switch is concealed, leaving the design uninterrupted.

    So the entire family is here. She puts away her outer clothes and heads inside. In addition to her wife and children, there's a fifth person sitting at the table. Senator Amidala. That explains the security droid outside.

    Shaak rises and gives Shmi a kiss. "Hi, Mom," Anakin says. Dialka simply waves.

    "I can guess what this is about," she tells them as she sits down and scans the table. "Uh-huh. Roasted skreeb, really? Did Dex finally part with the recipe, or are we foregoing the entertainment budget for the next two months?"

    Dialka grins. "Neither. It's from Dex, but I paid him in an unconventional way."

    Anakin sighs. "She's been refusing to tell us what she did."

    "You first," Dialka retorts.

    "Yes, Mom--sis, Master Ti. I asked Padmé to marry me."

    "And I said yes," Amidala follows up.

    A round of congratulatory exchange follows. "I guessed when you asked us all to be here," Dialka says. "So I went to Dex's and arranged for this to celebrate," she points at the table. "I think I haggled him down pretty well. Paid only for the ingredients, so we can keep the Holonet, mom."

    "And what else?" Shaak says curiously.

    "Dex is going to officiate the wedding."

    "Seriously?"

    "Most of the skreeb cost is the ingredients," Padmé says. "Specifically, the skreeb itself."

    "Yeah, well, Master Mace and I had a mission a few weeks back that took us to the Corporate Sector. Lots of smuggled stuff--including skreebs frozen in carbonite. We had to hide that from the Espos."

    "Why?" Shmi asks.

    "You know skreebs are only raised on Sovaxi," Dialka informs.

    "'Raised' is stretching," Shaak corrects. "They don't do well in captivity. Sovaxians simply preserve the wetlands and sell hunting permits."

    "And punish anyone who hunts without a permit, or attempts to take them away live, with death. Smuggling in the CS isn't a capital sentence, but if the opportunity arises to execute someone on another world's behalf, the Espos usually take it. Master Windu and I weren't going to hand the smugglers over to be killed. So, we used mind-tricks when the stash was inspected, and took the skreebs back with us. There's a couple more left over for special occasions. I thought this warranted it."

    "So you decided Dex would be the officiant--solely to avoid paying him the labor cost?" Anakin says incredulously.

    "You know both he and Obi-Wan will be heartbroken if you renege now."

    Anakin meets Padmé's eyes. "Well... as long as you didn't offer to make his diner the venue."

    A few hours later, Anakin and Padmé have departed back to the much more spacious loft at 500 Republica. Dialka is still in the living room, going back and forth between two datapads, someting Artoo is explaining, and a hologram of Masters Windu and Yoda. They all quiet down as she walks by on her way to the bedroom.

    "Goodnight, sweetheart."

    "Night, mom."

    Shaak is already in bed. No hair does make for a somewhat easier hygenic routine, though with Dialka, that's more than compensated for with the moltings her montrals go through regularly. "My last one was at twenty-eight," Shaak says absentmindedly.

    "Sometimes things go the way you expect."

    "What do you mean?"

    "Anakin and Padmé. We all thought it would happen eventually."

    "Or rather, it happened the day you all met."

    "Maybe. Just... you, the Jedi, Dialka... not much in my life went the way I expected."

    "Would you switch places to where it had?"

    Shmi pulls Shaak in for a kiss. "Never."
     
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