Title: Buzz Radomeer & the One Thousand Miles Author: Vek Talis Genre: Humor/songfic/musical? Timeframe: 1,333 years ABY Characters: OC: Buzz Radomeer, Bremad Carlker Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars and never will. Notes: This is for the One Hit Wonder challenge. Maybe I took it a bit too far???? Thanks @Raissa Baiard for the challenge. It was very... uh, challenging. The song I received is the Proclaimers' 500 Miles. Following are the lyrics, then the story. Also, thanks to Buddy Holly, Billy Joel and Player for more inspiration for this song. When I wake up, well, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you When I go out, yeah, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you If I get drunk, well, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you And if I haver, hey, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you But I would walk five hundred miles And I would walk five hundred more Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles To fall down at your door When I'm working, yes, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you And when the money comes in for the work I do I'll pass almost every penny on to you When I come home (When I come home), oh, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you And if I grow old, well, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you But I would walk five hundred miles And I would walk five hundred more Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles To fall down at your door Da lat da (Da lat da), da lat da (Da lat da) Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da Da lat da (Da lat da), da lat da (Da lat da) Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da When I'm lonely, well, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you And when I'm dreaming, well, I know I'm gonna dream I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you When I go out (When I go out), well, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you And when I come home (When I come home), yes, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who comes back home with you I'm gonna be the man who's coming home with you But I would walk five hundred miles And I would walk five hundred more Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles To fall down at your door Da lat da (Da lat da), da lat da (Da lat da) Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da Da lat da (Da lat da), da lat da (Da lat da) Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da Da lat da (Da lat da), da lat da (Da lat da) Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da Da lat da (Da lat da), da lat da (Da lat da) Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da And I would walk five hundred miles And I would walk five hundred more Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles To fall down at your door ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ Metal sheared from metal. A screech, then bump, distracted the other driver. Buzz slammed the accelerator, bouncing off the still confused gran who'd tried to run him off the track and into a canyon. "Take that, slemo!" Buzz yelled as he crossed the finish line, a respectable second. Immediately, he hopped from his pod. The helmet he wore dropped to the stony ground. With this finish, it would be anyone's guess how he'd look in the seasonal standings. "Great race, boss," A9 said, its mechanical voice raised in adulation. "Not now, A9." Buzz buzzed with excitement as the top five racers' names on Dando, seventh moon of the gas giant Titan, appeared on the scoreboard. His was third from the top, but that didn't mean anything at first. "Congratulations, Buzz." The female voice hardly distracted him anymore than the droid's. "Yeah, yeah," he said to Bremad Carlker, his long time girlfriend. Last year, he'd promised her that as soon as he won the annual championship, he would get her an emerald to wear around her neck: the Dando engagement ceremony. Not all engagements used emerald, of course: each lady required her mother's birthstone as the gem, but it was always worn in a gilded silver necklace around the neck. The sigh that escaped Bremad's lips was anything but content. "You gonna watch that damn thing instead of me?" she demanded. "Oh, the numbers are starting to flash," Buzz said. Numbers ticked through long sequences as the tally's began to appear. Buzz Radomeer's name vanished from the third spot, appearing in second. He clapped his hands together wildly and hooted: he'd gained a place, as he'd hoped. But it was only one. He was second for the seasonal totals, right behind Grikous, the dug who won last year. And the year before. And the year before that. When he turned around, expecting a hug from his best girl, Bremad was nowhere to be seen. "Good job, boss," A9 said. "You're only thirty-four points behind Grikous. If you win next week's race, you can overtake him." "Yeah," Buzz said, still glancing around for Bremad. "I guess I shouldn't have ignored her." Then, he shrugged. She knew he didn't ignore her on purpose. It was only in the heat of the race and the aftermath that stole his mind away from her. He and his crew took his pod back to its hangar. The toydarian who owned it demanded his rent money, which came out of Buzz's earnings for the race. When he got home, there was no sign of Bremad. The closet was empty, except for his jumpsuits. On the kitchen table was a note. "'Gone to my mother's. Good look with the races. Don't comm me. Bremad.'" She'd gone away before when she was upset, but never all the way across the moon. Absently, he dropped to the sofa, clicking on the holos. There he was, standing on the platform, receiving his second place trophy and earnings. The announcer droned on while he stewed in his thoughts. "And with one race left, the one hundred mile Swivin's Day Race is set to be a true contest. Buzz Radomeer and Grikous are separated by only thirty-four points." Silently, he rose from the sofa. Some ad with a lively tune came on the holo. Buzz began to sing. Though it sounded light and happy, the song's lyrics weren't so joyous. "There you go and baby, here am I. Well you, left me here so I could sit and cry. "Well, golly gee what have you, done to me. Well, I guess it doesn't matter anymore. "Do you remember, baby, last Grotember how you held me tight, each and, every night. "Well, whoops, a daisy, how you drove me crazy. But I guess it doesn't matter anymore." When the ad ended, and the music faded, Buzz switched off the holo and trudged into the kitchen to make himself something to eat. "If she wants to go to her mother and leave me, well, let her," he said, sounding like a spoiled brat. "I don't need her, anyhow." ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ It was Swivin's Day. Buzz hadn't shaved. He was groggy, having fallen out of bed in the middle of the night several times. Usually, Bremad complained that he rolled over onto her often. Her words complained, but she always said them with a smile. Without her to buffer him, he'd rolled out over a dozen times in a week. "Teams, get your pods to their starting positions," the announcer said. "That's us, boss," A9 said. When Buzz ignored the droid, it got the others in the team going. "She was too good for me, anyway," Buzz said absently as he wandered after his pod. "She was from uptown, while I was just a downtown bum." As he followed his pod, out of the inner stadium, into the light, the fans went wild. The noise snapped him, at least partially, from his malaise. Many of them were here to see him. Some, he wagered, were here to see him fail to defeat Grikous, but others wanted him to succeed. The betting money was on the dug, but he was certain other people put their money on the long shot. With the crowd behind him, Buzz's head raised. He watched as men, women, various non-identifiable creatures roared. "They like me," he said, a smile at last creasing his features. "They really like me." He donned his helmet and the crowd roared again. "She'd be mad not to want me back," he said. "Especially if I treat her like a queen. No more ignoring her for a race. These people are great, to love me, but they're not the ones who really love me. I should devote more time to my girl." "What's that, boss?" A9 asked. It and the other two in his team lined up behind him. "Uptown girl," Buzz began to sing. "Uptown girl," A9 and the others harmonized. The crowd erupted even more. "She's been living in her white bred world," Buzz sang. His droids began choruses of 'ooos' and 'ahhhs' "As long as anyone with hot blood can, and now she's looking for a downtown man. "That's what I am," Buzz climbed into his pod after the last line. "Wait for the signal," the announcer said. The red light turned yellow, then green. Buzz slammed forward the accelerator, launching himself back in his seat. The other racers did as well, with Grikous a little faster with his dug reflexes. Buzz rounded the first turn, passing a trandoshan who tried to run him off the track. Instead, he pulled back on the throttle, allowing the trandoshan to slam into a gamorrean, who then proceeded to take both racers out. Buzz smirked as he pushed the accelerator forward again, glancing back to see the gamorrean turn the hapless trandoshan into a pile of goo. Only twenty miles remained in the race. On Dando, they used kilometers like anywhere else in the galaxy, except in the ancient practice of racing. Eons ago, they used to measure distance in miles. And so, they continued with tradition. Buzz gained on Grikous, who'd used up his bag of tricks and had taken out anyone who could have challenged him, except the plucky human. Now, the dug was furiously jabbing at the controls of his pod, trying to eek out a little more speed. Now that most of the other competitors had been driven out of the race, the only two who mattered from a points perspective were Buzz and Grikous. If he played it just right, he could tail the dug until the last half mile, then pounce. "If Bremad was here, she'd be cheering me on," Buzz said. In his mind's eye, he pictured her in the stands, rooting for him. Then, his smile dropped. Instead, she was over sixteen hundred kilometers away, listening to her mother drone on about what a jerk that Buzz Radomeer was. Just then, he slammed on the brakes and veered off the track. "She's right," he said. The crowd had dropped to a hush, wondering what was going on. "I have been a jerk," he said as he hopped out of his pod. With a crack, his helmet hit the ground, sending a cloud of dust into the air. Moisture vaporator in hand – from the emergency kit in his pod – he set off. "Baby come back." Buzz felt a tear sting the corner of his eye. His datapad showed him the route to Bremad's mother's house. Sixteen hundred, nine kilometers. With enough water, and credits in his account for food along the way, he'd make it in about forty days. "Boss, boss," A9 and the team rolled up. "What happened?" "It doesn't matter, boys," Buzz said. They rolled up behind him and matched his tone, octave for octave as he began to sing. "Baby come back. Any kind of fool could see. "There was something, in everything about you. "Baby come back. You can blame it all on me. "I was wrong. And I just can't live without you." His faithful droids got to work, taking the pod back to its berth. His landlord would take the rent credits from his account; he had plenty of winnings saved up from previous races. ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ As Buzz Radomeer walked, people flew past. Some shouted curses at him; they'd wagered money on his winning the Swivin's Day race. Others simply didn't understand what he was doing. He bought food along the way, used his vaporator and slept under the stars. His only dreams were of Bremad. The holos talked about his departure from the race. He still took second place in the overall standings at the end of the season. A major player in the races, he would have no trouble getting back into it, provided he wanted to. "Maybe I'll set up shop and fix pods," he mused as he walked. At last, he knocked on a door. Surprise and joy filled Bremad's eyes when she opened it. "Buzz! I was so worried when I heard what happened at the race! Come in." "And what is this bum doing here?" Buzz could hear Bremad's mother in the kitchen. She'd used so many death sticks in her long, unnatural life, that her voice was raspy. "Quiet, Mother," Bremad said. Then, she turned to Buzz. "What are you doing here?" "I had to apologize," Buzz said. "You're the best victory I've ever had in life. I need you back with me. I'll open a pod repair shop and never race again if you'll come back. I'm done ignoring you." He dug into his pocket. "I picked this up on the way here." He gave her the smirk that used to melt her heart. An object he'd bought along the way was wrapped in opaque tissue paper. "Oh, Buzz." Bremad sighed as she held the sparkling emerald up to the light. "You walked over sixteen hundred kilometers to ask me to marry you." "I walked a thousand miles," he said and smirked again. "Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door. Or your feet. Or whatever it takes." Bremad hugged the stuffing out of him. Her lips were warm against his cheek. "I don't want you to give up racing," she whispered in his ear. "I just want to be a little more important than it. I see now that I am. Yes, Buzz, I'll marry you." Buzz Radomeer felt fifty meters tall. Actually, he felt like he'd worn off his feet, after such a long journey. But it was all worth it.