Saga - ST Out of the Shadows, Into the Light (Rey first person journal) drama, angst, grief, hope

Spoilers for The Rise of Skywalker!

Author's Note: This is a section from Rey's journal, but it is not a DDC. I have been trying to get down Rey thoughts on Ben's return to the light as well as her emotions about his fate. This piece will get me there. I expect it to be two or three chapters.

Out of the Shadows, Into the Light - Part 1

From the Journal of Jedi Rey Skywalker...

Don't expect this to make sense. I am writing it as soon as I could after it happened. I've been celebrating the victory at Exegol, the defeat of the Final Order, and the unimaginable return of Emperor Palpatine. I will talk about him later. He is my grandfather. WAS my grandfather. Thank the Force he is gone. Again. But there is someone else who deserves thanks; someone no one would expect. Someone nobody else believed could be saved. Someone else that they all wanted dead as much as Palpatine. Kylo Ren. However, it is not Ren who deserves any thanks. Ren was rightfully reviled for unfathomable atrocities. He was evil. He was selfish in the worst possible way. He was so corrupted by the Dark Side that he thought killing his own father would make him more powerful. If there is anything good that came from Han Solo's death, it was the haunting of Kylo Ren. I don't want to dwell on evil, though. That's not why I am writing this. I want tell you about a miracle...

That was all well and good, but it's not what I want to tell you. I want to tell you that Ben Solo came back to to the light in the end. And that is what it was. His end. We fought on Kef Bir. He had me. I was exhausted. He was simply stronger, more filled with hate or lust for power. He knew that if I wouldn't join his fantasy of a Sith Queen, he would have to kill me. As I said, he had me. I was down on the deck. He only needed to strike the killing blow. He raised his jagged red lightsaber and for no reason I can imagine, just stopped. He turned and looked out to the ocean. I felt the slightest moment of pause as well. It was Leia's touch. But, I could not let the opening pass. I thumbed on my saber and ran it through his midsection. He looked down and saw my blue blade perforating his side. He didn't speak. He just stared as he had at the relentless waves. He sat down, suddenly, against a portion of deck plating. He was dying. His eyes were open, an expressionless look at...nothing.

My relief at surviving, of killing the evil Sith Apprentice, was over as soon as it began. I had felt Leia's touch. I knew that she had, by some Force miracle, stayed his hand. But why? Why would she want her son to die? Why did she choose me to live. Did she think he could still be saved? She could only hope. She shared that hope with me many times during my training. I told her of how we defeated Snoke; how each one of us was begging the other to join us. Each of our hearts yearning to be together, but knowing, in that moment, that it would not happen. Could it happen now? Was there still time? What if I was wrong? What if I brought the tyrant back? What if more star systems and countless trillions died because I believed he could change. Leia believed it. She knew it was possible. I would trust her.

Kneeling beside Ren, I placed my hand over his wound. I had healed the serpent, but could I heal this broken man? I felt the Life Force flow out of me; a warm and tingling feeling. I could feel his wound closing, the organs regenerating, the mechanism of life starting up again. He took an unexpected breath which startled me. He looked in my direction, eyes now focused and alive. I did not wait. I could not. I dashed for his Tie-Fighter, yelling over my shoulder: "I did want to take your hand. Ben's hand."

He was still sitting against the deck when I took off for Ach-To. I was ready to be done with being a Jedi. Ben had told me about Palpatine. About my parents. I had faced my Sith side and it scared the hells out of me. I thought I had killed Chewbacca. There was too much to lose if I went to the Dark Side. Exile, like Luke had chosen, seemed like a safe bet. It did not take long for me to discover that safe was not what the Force had in mind.

To be continued...

 

Oh this is good! I like her thought here, seeing what’s going on in her head.

 

Only a brilliant fanfiction author could untangle the huh?ness of Reylo and make it poignant. Thanks for that. I still cannot wrap my mind around Rey being connected to Palpatine. ... She will ALWAYS BE the daughter of Luke and Mara -- even if Mara hasn't appeared officially yet.

 

I love seeing this from Rey's perspective. Can't wait to read more!

 

@divapilot: I am so to see you here, divapilot. I am also glad that my fic has caught your interest. Thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment.
@WarmNyota_SweetAyesha: You are too kind, Nyota. Thank you for those comments. Reylo is complicated enough in the FF world, but in the world of film cannon, we only get a glimpse. I hope I can do it justice. We have Jaina and Ben now where is Anakin?
@amidalachick: hello again, Amidala! I'm glad happy that you enjoyed this. I hope continues to feed the need.

A/N: I have added some of my own dialogue to Luke and Rey's interaction on Ach-To.

Out of the Shadows, Into the Light Part 2

I must have been crazy, out of my mind to burn Kylo's Tie-Fighter after I arrived on Ach-To. I was so tired. Mentally and physically exhausted. Angry, frustrated, sad, uncertain, anxious, and scared. I did not feel like a Sith Queen. I would not be a Sith Queen. If a life of pious seclusion was what it took to keep the galaxy safe, then that is what it be. But what about Kylo? What was he doing? I feared that he might get back to Finn and Poe and the other deserters. I feared they might all fall to his blade. I did not feel it however. I would know if they were in danger. Wouldn't I?

As I looked at the ball of fire that was my only transport off the island, my fear and resolution grew in tandem. I took the lightsaber from my belt and, without hesitation, threw it into the fire. To my utter amazement the lightsaber froze in mid-air and Master Skywalker stepped from the wreckage holding the lightsaber.

“A Jedi's weapon deserves more respect,” the pale blue phantom said, admonishingly. "What are you doing here?"

I was surprised to see Master Skywalker. I was certain he had died shortly after facing Ren on Crait. But, I remembered what he had told me about his masters, Yoda, and Obi-Wan Kenobi. He was a Force apparition. A present manifestation of Luke, if not her flesh and blood master.

“I'm doing what is best for the galaxy,” I said, defiantly defending a position that had so many faults. “I'm saving it from another potential tyrant.”

Luke snorted, humorously. “Tyrant? You? I don't think so.”

“I am a Palpatine,” I declared as if throwing it in his face. “The dark side is in my blood.”

“And, I am a Skywalker,” he retorted. “Every bloodline has some bad apples.”

“Bad apples?” I sputtered in in disbelief.

“Before you get all riled up, my point is that were are not defined by the actions of our parents...or grandparents. In every being there is the potential for light or darkness. It is how we choose to act that defines us.”

“I am scared, Master Skywalker,” I confessed. “I am afraid of what I could become.”

“Good!” Luke exclaimed. “Let that fear keep you accountable to the light. Rey, it is the destiny of all Jedi to confront fear. If you are beholden to it, it will rob you of your true destiny.

That made sense to me. It made me stop and think, to reach out to Force, rather act on emotion, reckless emotions. I confessed my impulsiveness at coming to the Temple and also in destroying the ship.

“I have had my own bouts of recklessness,” he said, raising his hand toward the waters below. “I wanted to go when I should have stayed and completed my training. For you, it is the other way around. You want to stay, when you really need to go.”

I watched in awe as an X-Wing fighter rose from the depths and settled on dry ground. “Your old X-Wing?” I asked. He nodded silently.

“I you don't face Palpatine, it will mean the end of the Jedi and the war will be lost,” he added ominously.

After preparing the waterlogged ship for flight, I said my goodbyes to Master Skywalker. As I climbed the ladder to enter the cockpit, it occurred to me that Luke would know they answer to a very important question.

“What about Ben, Master?” I asked, soberly.

He did not smile or frown, but his eyes glistened that sky blue. “Always in motion, the future is. You will know soon enough.”

I climbed into the X-Wing and fired it up. It was old and corroded, but it came to life on the third try. I was time to face my destiny. I would not run from it. I would not desert my friends or the many beings fighting for the survival of the galaxy. The survival of freedom.

To be continued...

 

Fear keeping one accountable to the light .... a very profound insight.

 

What Nyota said... That is a great insight. Love this whole conversation between Rey and Luke. Great work!

 

@WarmNyota_SweetAyesha: Confronting fear fear is one thing, but mastering it is another. I'm sure that Rey will do just fine. Thank you for reviewing, Nyota.
@amidalachick: I am thrilled that you are loving it, amidala. I just had to add a few lines. I'm glad they worked. Thank you for reading and reviewing.

Out of the Shadows, Into the Light. Part 3

When I reached Exegol, I was astonished at the size of the fleet. It was massive. It seemed unimaginable that this could have happened under our noses. Starkiller was one thing. This fleet would make the galaxy kneel before Palpatine and Kylo Ren. As much as I wanted to reach out to Poe and Finn, even check my bond with Ren, I needed to stay focused. If the war was to be won, The Emperor had to die. Again. Luke had also told her about how his father had returned to light at the last minute and cast the Emperor down what seemed a bottomless pit. I didn't need to know how he lived. I just needed to face him, reject him, and kill him.

The structure at Exegol was massive and, at least from the outside, a nondescript block of black rock. But the inside was breathtaking in the form of large, ornate statues, presumably Sith masters. The oppressive darkness was not only due to the low light, but more specifically to the Dark Side of the Force. It was stifling. It felt like the fingers and claws of the Dark pulling at my arms and scratching at my neck. I reached out and drew the Force to me. To guard myself. I asked them to 'be with me'. I could feel the tendrils of darkness recede. But, it was a constant vigilance to kept them at bay.

As I made my way through the temple, I discovered an area filled with cloning tubes containing stunted versions of Snoke. I made my skin crawl. Moving through that area, I entered a well lit chamber which had a giant throne at the far end. The Dark Side radiated from it like a stoked furnace. It called to me. Empress!

It was then that Palpatine appeared. To my right he spoke about his granddaughter returning home. About how he never wanted me dead, he just wanted me with him as the Sith Empress. I told him that was not why I had come. I did not want to join the Sith. I had said so to Ren many times. Now, I was saying it again. He went on about my anger and hate and how I wanted to kill him. He wasn't wrong, but I would not give in to him on his terms. I would not kill him in cold blood. A Jedi would never do such a thing. But, then he said something I knew I could never allow. He said when I struck him down, that his spirit would pass into me. That we would be one. We would rule as one person. Was that unnatural combination what I saw when I fought my Sith counterpart? I don't know.

He was goading me. Still going on about my hatred. The irony there is that I did not hate him. I did not even know him. I knew his deeds. I knew history. I knew that he needed to die. But I did not hate him. I told him so and he laughed, called me weak, like my parents. I thought that way for so long. I thought they were weak. That they didn't love me. Even Ren said they had sold me for drinking money. He had preyed on those fears just as Palpatine was doing now. The truth, however, is that my parents wanted to me to live and they did not want me in the hands The Emperor. My father, Palpatine's son, knew that it would be disastrous. It will take some time to come to terms with that decision, that Unkar Plutt and a life of solitary destitution was the best option. I will, though; because my parents were not weak. They were strong enough to stand up again the ultimate evil..and win.

He sees that hatred will not win and he changes tactics. The ceiling above us opens and the battle in the sky is revealed. So many Star destroyers. Palpatine drove his dagger home explaining that the Resistance did not have much time, the no one was coming to save them. That it would be a massacre. The only way for me to save me new family was to become the Sith Empress and stop the battle above. I was conflicted. I could not let me friends die. But neither could I give in to the darkness. My mind was muddled, confused and unsure what to do. Unwittingly, I nodded giving the shriveled Sith what he wanted.

I wonder if Luke ever got tired of Palpatine's speechifying. The situation was deadly serious and I was momentarily dazed, but that craggy, high pitched, grating voice, had the opposing affect, of clearing the haze in my mind. There was something else...someone else...BEN! He was here on Exegol. It as not Kylo Ren. It was Ben Solo. He must be coming to help me.

I lit both blades, Anakin's and Leia's, as he instructed, and approached him still unsure what I would do.

“She will take her revenge. And with a stroke of her saber, the Sith are reborn. The Jedi are dead!”

I can't say what might have been, but I am certain that Palpatine did not expect...maybe he did...what happened next.

 

Riveting and Rey's strength to withstand the inner and outer pulls is admirable.

 

Great combination of introspection and action. I really like how you get into her emotions - first angry, then resentful, then kicking herself for wasting time being angry and resentful. That's our Rey!

Her thoughts about her heritage are interesting. I liked this part:

She has a whole new, mature perspective. Sometimes decent people are caught in evil webs. They have to do what is the best thing out of a series of awful choices. And at the same time it shows how powerful Rey is, how determined and strong she is mentally.

Looking forward to find out what that cliffie will reveal!