Problem Child - ObiWan/Qui-Gon AU (Second Teaser )

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Just_Jill, Nov 15, 2002.

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  1. Just_Jill

    Just_Jill Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 17, 2002
    Disclaimer: Most of the characters in this fiction are not mine; they belong to either George Lucas or Jude Watson. And for the most part, I am only borrowing Jude Watson's world - the occurances are all mine. If there is a character you'd like to borrow that is mine, please ask first.

    Writer's Note: This started as a random idea, I don't even know where I got it. I realized at some point that another fic I was working on dovetailed nicely into it - that is book two. If I get it written, there might even be a book three.

    Writers's Note 2: I am going to try to post this probably twice a week. As school started October 28 and will be going for eight weeks, the schedule may change. I will be sure to let you know.

    Writer's Note 3: I can't believe I forgot! Many, many thanks to Jovieve for beta reading this, and for helping me to fix all the problems I didn't even know existed. You are awsome. Thanks.
  2. Just_Jill

    Just_Jill Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 17, 2002
    Ch 1: "My Eyes Had no More Tears to Cry" - 98 Degrees, My Everything

    Obi-Wan Kenobi stood before the Jedi Council, listening as his third Master in two years told them he could not be trained. Master Toman's voice was regretful, quiet, a tone Obi-Wan had not heard from him in a long time, and it echoed slightly in the round room. He was silent, his eyes on the floor but not even trying to find patterns in the tile below his feet, fighting the feelings that welled up in him. He couldn't give in, not yet, so he fought to keep the Force around him calm. He knew he failed. He seemed to fail at everything lately.

    He could tell when the Council stopped listening to Master Toman and turned their attention to him. Their eyes bored holes into his soul.

    "What have you to say?" Yoda asked, his voice carefully neutral.

    Obi-Wan shook his head without looking up and nearly lost his balance. It would make no difference if he said anything, and might well make it worse; it had the last two times. It was definitely better to remain quiet. Besides, the less he said, the sooner he could get the cold pack from his room to try to help his knee. He clamped down heavily on the ache to strengthen his stance at least a while longer.

    "Thank you, Master Toman," Mace Windu said. "Obi-Wan, that will be all."

    He bowed and turned to leave without looking up, trying to hide how relieved he was and knowing he'd failed in that too. He managed to get out of the room without limping, and as soon as the doors closed behind him he fled, ignoring the pain in his knee and the surprised and disapproving looks from the Knights as he ran past them. He wound up in a small, little-known garden spot in the temple, one that Bant had found and shared with him, nestled in a corner of the thirty-second floor. It consisted of a tree and a small pool just big enough for her to wade in. A bench sat next to the pool, and to one side was a small grassy spot perfect for meditation. He was nearly staggering by the time he reached the little garden, and limping heavily. He stopped, wavering, then leaned against the tree and slid down it to catch his breath and to try to get himself in control, one knee pulled up to his chest, his injured leg stretched out in front of him. Before long, he had fallen into a half doze that even the rumbling of his stomach did nothing to break.

    "I wondered where you'd gone."

    The voice was calm, even gentle, and unexpected. Obi-Wan raised his eyes only far enough to see that it was a Knight, at least, who addressed him. It took a minute for that to get through the haze in his mind, and as soon as it did, he started to get up. It was no good; he'd been worked hard that morning, then his Master - former Master, now - had told him that the Council was waiting to see him. There had been no time to cool down, no time to tend to his knee at all. He'd barely had time to change into a fresh tunic, noting in passing that his few belongings had been gone through again. He'd been glad he'd thought to hide his mother's bracelet better this time, and had tucked it into an inside pocket of his tunic. He didn't want to have to track it down again.

    He tried again to get to his feet, and this time a large hand closed on his elbow, giving him much needed support. "I'm sorry, sir," he said softly, once he was on his feet. "Usually I..." He stopped as he felt the Force whisper around his body. Trembling slightly, he closed his eyes and braced himself for the mental invasion.

    "When was the last time you visited the healers?"

    His eyes shot open in surprise and some panic to see someone he didn't know, catching a glimpse of long dark hair and a face with a broken nose before he dropped them immediately, even more sure of a mental invasion in spite of the kindness in the stranger's dark eyes. "I'm fine. Really."

    The hand on his arm let him go, and the Jedi Knight stepped back, out of his way. "Very well, then. Return to your quarters."

    Obi-Wan bowed slightly, gathered what composure and strengt
  3. Padawan_Travina

    Padawan_Travina Jedi Padawan star 4

    Aug 5, 2002
    **looks around**

    Story? Me see no STORY!!!

    **goes to sit and wait**

  4. Padawan_Travina

    Padawan_Travina Jedi Padawan star 4

    Aug 5, 2002
    WHOO Another Obi-Wan story....

    But like most authors on this board...I dont have time to get hooked another great story..but you now have my attention..

    This is a really good opening and I cant wait to read more...

    Keep up the good work...

  5. Just_Jill

    Just_Jill Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 17, 2002
    At least I can practically guarantee that you won't have much in the way of commentary on this one... not too much to catch up if you fall behind.

    Just Jill
  6. dparis

    dparis Jedi Youngling star 3

    May 21, 2002
    Biiiig Smile!

  7. Just_Jill

    Just_Jill Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 17, 2002
    Hi, _dparis!


    Just Jill
  8. Nicky

    Nicky Jedi Youngling star 1

    Oct 25, 2002
    Intriguing beginning! Obi-Wan's always expecting a mind invasion doesn't bode well IMO.

    More please! :)

  9. Flashbacca

    Flashbacca Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jun 11, 2002
    OK here's the requisite "Poor Obi"

    Nice job Jill! Very intersting beginning. So was that Jinn he ran into in the garden? and why did the other masters repudiate him???????

    hmmmm, all these questions, no answers...guess I'll just have to start the POST campaign :D

    :D The Wookiee
  10. Isildur_42

    Isildur_42 Jedi Youngling star 2

    Sep 7, 2002
    this is looking good, I don't usually read obi stories, but this one looks promising. Can't wait for the next post.

  11. Cascadia

    Cascadia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Apr 15, 2002
    Looks great, Jill. :)

    Please post more.
  12. Jedi_Knight_Hunter

    Jedi_Knight_Hunter Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jun 6, 2002
    [hl=skyblue]good job so far.


    [hl=orange]More soon?[/hl]
  13. Jedi_Suzuran

    Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Knight star 5

    May 22, 2002
    Very good beginning, Jill. :)

    I hope you can post more soon. :)
  14. Lieutenant_Page

    Lieutenant_Page Jedi Padawan star 4

    Mar 17, 2001
    Ooo another Obi-Wan story! These are my favorites!

    3 masters in two years...there has to be a reason why they all "left" him...I wonder what it is...

    Excellent job! Post more soon!
  15. Nikita

    Nikita Jedi Youngling star 3

    Oct 14, 2001
    hey hey! this is great! So is the knight that helped him Qui? And if so... is he younger and has never taken a padawan? Ummm i think I definately need more as soon as possible!

  16. jacen200015

    jacen200015 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Jan 11, 2002
    This is very interesting. ;) Post soon please. :)
  17. CYNICAL21

    CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 8, 2001
    I really hate it when an intriguing fic begins with a cliffie. That's just plain rotten. :D

    So do NOT leave us dangling, please.

  18. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Dec 31, 2001
    A new Obi-Wan fic :)

    It's looking good, but it would look better if you posted more really soon !
  19. Just_Jill

    Just_Jill Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 17, 2002
    Wow - Thanks you guys!

    Padawan_Travina - thanks for your help in getting this set up. I really appreciate it. And I can't afford to get hooked either. Sad state of affairs.

    Nicky - Intriguing beginning!

    Thank you. I had hoped for that.

    Flashbacca - all these questions, no answers

    You should be used to it. ;) Especially as a reader of red_rose_knight.

    Isildur_42, Cascadia, Jedi_Knight_Hunter, Jedi_Suzuran, Jacen200015, PadawanKitara - Thanks.

    Nikita - he younger and has never taken a padawan?

    All will be clear. Eventually. Probably sooner than I would like.

    Cynical21 - an intriguing fic begins with a cliffie

    I'm sorry. Sort of. Okay, I'm not. But I've learned well, don't you think?

    I really wasn't going to post so soon, but I will after all - you guys are awsome!

    Just Jill
  20. Just_Jill

    Just_Jill Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 17, 2002
    Ch 2: "I Don't Think I've Ever Seen a Soul So in Despair" - , Roll to Me

    "I found him leaning against the tree in the Corner Garden," Qui-Gon reported calmly. The Council had summoned Obi-Wan to meet with them concerning his third repudiation. When he hadn't answered, and when it had been discovered he was not in his quarters, various Knights had been sent to find him. Those Knights stood around the perimeter of the room, behind the Council members. Behind Adi Gallia stood a female Foilani he didn't know. He noticed her because she looked angry, and yet he could not feel her anger in the Force. Maybe she always looked like that. "He did not notice me until I spoke." He paused a little before going on, pushing the Foilani Knight from his head. "All is not as it seems," he said finally.

    "What mean you?" Yoda asked.

    "The boy was so weak he couldn't get up." He paused, staring blankly out the large windows, reviewing the scene in his mind. "He is injured and wary. He looked like he'd been stepped on. Not literally, of course," he added. "He would not go to the Healers, although he needed to. And there was a feeling?"

    The Council watched him quietly as he gathered his thoughts. The look of hopelessness and pain in the boy's blue-grey eyes had certainly struck him as odd, especially if he were as rebellious as Toman had said. "He was too thin," he said finally.

    Yoda watched him narrowly. "More to say, you have," he said.

    "I don't think the boy is the only one at fault," Qui-Gon admitted. "But I have no proof right now that such is the case. His relief and other feelings hid his despair, and I have never felt that kind of despair from an Initiate. His control of the Force is no better than an eight-year-old's, but it must have been better once, or he would not have been chosen." The Foilani he'd noticed shifted slightly, and her frown deepened.

    "Notice this, we did," Yoda said softly.

    "We're not so sure the fault doesn't lie entirely with Obi-Wan," Mace continued after a short pause. "His friends have found him aloof, and even cold."

    Qui-Gon nodded. He didn't agree with them, which was nothing new, but he didn't have enough information to refute their judgment, and he could not have said why it mattered.

    "Since found him you have," Yoda said, "continue this investigation you must."

    It took him by surprise, but he nodded, wondering if he only imagined the gleam in the Master's eyes. "Yes, Master Yoda. Of course." The Foilani's frown deepened even further.

    He left the council room alone. He didn't go straight to Obi-Wan's quarters, didn't want the boy to feel like he was checking on him, so he went into the food hall to find out for himself who the boy's friends were, by observation. He felt he could not trust Obi-Wan's former Master, and although the feeling surprised him, he did not doubt the Force.

    To his surprise, however, he did not see the boy among the students at dinner. He wondered if he'd missed him, and began asking around to find out who Obi-Wan's friends had been. It took most of the meal, moving among the students, before he found Bant, a small, Mon Calamari girl who was only picking at her food. He sat down in the empty place across from her. Her eyes shot up, firm and almost angry, but they softened and she flushed slightly when she recognized him. "You were saving this seat," he said gently.

    "It's Obi-Wan's," she said. "He won't be down tonight, but I wanted to pretend he was there."

    Qui-Gon leaned forward. "Why won't he be down?" He was almost afraid of what she had to say, hoping that the boy hadn't taken his words to mean he should stay in his quarters until called for.

    "We were supposed to meet for dinner," she said, and that eased his mind a little. "But when he didn't meet me, I went to get him. He looked tired when we'd made those plans, and I thought maybe he'd fallen asleep." She swallowed, and a miserable look crossed her face. "When I got to his room, he didn't answer, so I went in. He was..." She hesita
  21. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    So many mysteries! I'm reading this over and over again, trying to find the clues that will point me to the answers. Who is the Foilani knight and why does she look so angry? Why does Yoda want Obi-Wan away from the Temple? And (going back a bit) why did Obi-Wan have to track down his mother's bracelet again? Why had Obi-Wan not heard that quiet tone of voice from Master Toman in a long time? Why is Obi-Wan hungry and hurt and afraid of both the Healers and mental invasions through the Force? It almost sounds like all three masters have been mistreating Obi-Wan, but why -- and why repudiate him again so quickly? Because he was chosen again so quickly each time ... well, it almost sounds like those three are part of a secret abusive society within the Temple ... or maybe I've just been reading too much Anne Perry and her Inner Circle. Probably. I'm just looking to see if there's a connection between the three masters. Sorry to bore you with my ramblings.

    Great writing, great set-up! I hope Qui-Gon can help him, and I'm eagerly looking forward to the next post!
  22. dparis

    dparis Jedi Youngling star 3

    May 21, 2002
    bigger grin
  23. kikeriki

    kikeriki Jedi Youngling star 1

    Oct 23, 2002
    Hmmm... I'm amazed at what a good writer you are!

    I'm also confused.

    I'm also hooked. :D And eagerly awaiting more!
  24. Cicci

    Cicci Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jul 16, 2002
    Oh, Jill. I cannot tell you how happy I am that you decided to go on a post this! When receiving your pm, and waiting for the page to load, I was literary jumping around in my room! :D It was a very nice surprise, since you'd mentioned earlier that you wouldn't post for quite some time.

    And I do apologize for not coming here earlier. Life's being a Sith at the moment.

    As for the story - extremely good! I love the idea of Obi-Wan having had all these Masters in a very short span of time. It makes me wonder if these Masters are in some kind of conspiracy against him. The Foilani Knight scares me. But that's what you want, isn't it?

    I love how you write images into my head, you have an extra-ordinary way with words, Jill. Once again, I'm so glad you decided to go on and post. This is far too good for you not to share it with us!

    Keep it up!
  25. Cascadia

    Cascadia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Apr 15, 2002
    Like Jane, I have so many questions.

    Please keep posting. This is very good. :)
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