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Problem Child - ObiWan/Qui-Gon AU (Second Teaser )

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Just_Jill, Nov 15, 2002.

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  1. Nicky

    Nicky Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2002
    I second all those questions posed in the reviews before mine. I can't shake the feeling that some kind of rape, perhaps not physical but mental violation, is involved in all this... the only thing that strikes me as a little odd is that all 3 of his masters seem to have been abusive. And perhaps in this Foilani knight another one is already searching Obi-Wan out to harm him - or hoping to be able to cover up the traces the others left behind. Maybe that's why Yoda wants him off the planet ASAP. I just hope Qui-Gon can still reach Obi-Wan in time before he becomes too desperate...

    This fic is for sure good stuff! Keep it going! :)

    Nicky
     
  2. Jedi_Suzuran

    Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 22, 2002
    Excellent post, Jill, but I'm far too confused. :_|

    You're doing a great job. :)
     
  3. Sheila

    Sheila Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 6, 2002
    Oh no, another addicting fic that I have no time for but will read religiously anyway! This is very well written and has completely sucked me in within the first two posts. You have set up a great mystery for both Qui-Gon and us readers to solve. I can't wait to see where you are going with this. :D
     
  4. turnthePAGE

    turnthePAGE Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Oct 26, 2001
    OOoo...I'm confused...I kinda like that!

    MOre soon I hope :)
     
  5. PadawanAmellia

    PadawanAmellia Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    May 19, 2002
    I really like this story. Really interesting and I am impatiently waiting for more of the story.

    On another note I visited your website and was shocked and surprised to find that I was already a fan of your writing. 'Grounds for Vengeance' was the first story that got me hooked on your writing. I had lost the link when our old computer crashed last year so I'm glad and pleasantly surprised to revisit some of your older stories I liked.

     
  6. Jedi_Knight_Hunter

    Jedi_Knight_Hunter Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 6, 2002
    Ditto to what everyone else said thus far!!!
     
  7. Kit'

    Kit' Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Oct 30, 1999
    I think I'm going to have to double ditto what everyone has said as well! This is excellant! I can't wait to find out the connections between Obi-wan and the strange, angry knight and Qui-gon!

    More?

    Kithera
     
  8. Ewanfan51

    Ewanfan51 Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    May 19, 2002
    Great story Just Jill. I really don't know where you could be going with this. Poor Obi, so thin and battered. Also nice to see an understanding Qui Gon. I like Qui Gon and enjoy all the authors many takes on this little known character but it is always nice to see Obi Wan with someone who cares about him.
    UP
     
  9. Just_Jill

    Just_Jill Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 17, 2002
    Wow, you guys! [face_blush] I'm shocked and flattered. This is amazing....

    Jane Jinn - So many mysteries!

    Oh, good. I'm horrid at those.

    kikeriki - I'm also confused.

    I love your name! And good. Keep reading.

    Cicci - The Foilani Knight scares me.

    She scares me, sometimes. And I'm glad to see you. Life was a Sith for me last week, too, at least the first part of it.

    Cascadia - Like Jane, I have so many questions.

    But questions are good, right?

    Nicky - Interesting observations. :p

    Jedi_Suzuran - but I'm far too confused.

    That doesn't mean you'll stop reading, does it?

    Sheila - another addicting fic that I have no time for but will read religiously anyway!

    Isn't that the truth? I've fallen into that trap myself.

    turnthePAGE - I'm confused...I kinda like that!

    That's a relief. I was afraid it was a bad thing.

    PadawanAmellia - Good to have you back, then! Some of those older stories are downright scary - but I love them.

    Jedi_Knight_Hunter, Kit' - Ditto

    Oh, the number of times I've said that in my own comments (or in my head). Thank you.

    Ewanfan51 - it is always nice to see Obi Wan with someone who cares about him.

    Isn't it?


    I seriously thought I could get away with not posting this every day - so I warn you that it's pretty short. But here's the next chapter.

    Just Jill
     
  10. Just_Jill

    Just_Jill Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 17, 2002
    Ch 3: "I Can't Run Away" - Amber, This is Your Night

    Obi-Wan woke slowly, feeling the Force that had slammed into his mind retreating, controlling how fast he woke up. It was irritating, but as no one seemed to be watching him, he took the time to look around.

    The room was bare, the furniture simple, wooden and well made. A dresser leaned against the wall across from the window, and a chair sat in the corner near the window. The walls were painted off-white, which meant he wasn't in the Healer's Wing, and a large window let in sunlight. It splashed across his bed, illuminating the homespun blanket that covered him. Carefully, he sat up, and then threw the blanket off and stood, wincing a little at the chill of the hard wood floor. He felt a little better, certainly, and wondered how long he'd slept and how long that feeling would last. Then he remembered with a shock he was no longer Master Toman's Padawan, and so he could not be on a mission. His hand reached up automatically, and he had to look - his braid was still there.

    An odor hit his nose and his stomach rumbled, reminding him that it had been a long time since he'd eaten. Cautiously, he padded barefoot to the door and slipped through, leaving it ajar so that there would be less noise. The short hallway was dim, opening into a cozy room with a pale cream couch, a small dark wood table, and a white rug that seemed to glow with the sunlight that hit it from what must have been a skylight. Beyond the couch, on the same wall as the window, was a solid door that seemed to lead outside. He ventured forward, noting large windows that revealed a groomed lawn bordered by a thick forest, and the fireplace in the wall next to the hallway he'd just left. He stepped onto the rug and smothered a gasp; it was inviting as it looked, thick and soft and warmed by the sun. He hadn't even noticed his feet were cold. He stood there for a minute, letting them warm up again, closing his eyes to enjoy the sunlight even more.

    "I was just coming to wake you."

    Obi-Wan had backed off the rug, nearly to the hall, almost before he realized he was moving. The voice was familiar, but he couldn't place it. He was just glad it wasn't Master Toman; he wouldn't have been so kind.

    "Come on in. It's dinner time."

    Obi-Wan watched the man walk away, wondering where he was going. He realized that the man was Jedi from his clothes just as he opened a door Obi-Wan hadn't seen in his initial overview of the room, in the opposite wall from the main door. Still a little hesitant, Obi-Wan followed, pausing in the doorway uncertainly. The kitchen was small, a table shoved against the wall opposite the stove, and another door led outside just beyond it. The table was set for two, and soon a large pot was set between the bowls. Obi-Wan's stomach rumbled again.

    "Please. Sit down."

    He jumped, startled, and then moved to sit at the table. A full bowl was set before him, a glass of milk at his right hand. The stew was hot and filling, all the better because he did not feel Master Toman's eyes on him, judging, weighing. His bowl was empty almost too soon.

    The Jedi laughed. "Theela said you'd be hungry," he said. "I hope there's enough." Obi-Wan's bowl was taken away, but before he could move, before the familiar despair could fill his mind, the bowl was set down again, full.

    He glanced up, startled, to see the Jedi he'd caught a glimpse of in the Corner Garden, the one who'd found him after the fiasco with his Master in front of the Council. "Thank you," he said softly.

    "You're welcome."

    It took a third bowl before he felt comfortably full. The dishes were whisked away to soak, and then he was invited to follow the Jedi to the main room. Obi-Wan settled on the rug; most of the sun was gone, but the warmth wasn't so he buried his chilled feet into the rug again. The Jedi sighed.

    "Obi-Wan, look at me."

    The request surprised him. Slowly, he raised his eyes to meet the other man's. "Thank you." He smiled gently. "I much prefer seeing
     
  11. Cicci

    Cicci Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jul 16, 2002
    Oh, I don't think you need to worry about the length, Jill. Short, that was not. But oh so sad! You made me cry.

    You portray Obi's insecurety very beautifully, Jill. This is really, really good!
     
  12. Padawan_Travina

    Padawan_Travina Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 5, 2002
    Wow Jill...Great last to chapters..

    Poor Obi...he was abused so much wasn't he? And why do I get the feeling that the more we read this the worse off for him it will be?

    I can't wait to read more..and I am glad you posted this...Keep up the good work...

    PT
     
  13. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jan 12, 2000
    Someone else to... What?

    This is excellent so far; you've displayed Obi-Wan's emotions perfectly, his fear, his hesitancy, his expectations of bad things to happen to him, and the way that they are not fulfilled. And you've planted more tantalizing clues! I'm looking forward to more.
     
  14. Lieutenant_Page

    Lieutenant_Page Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 17, 2001
    They sold his bracelet?? What kinda Jedi are they?

    WEll, I'm not confused anymore :) I can't wait for more of the story!
     
  15. Cascadia

    Cascadia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 15, 2002
    Great post!

    Obi-Wan has suffered physical and mental abuse by his former Masters. It's good to see Qui-Gon showing him that not all masters are that way. Obi-Wan's insecurities are portrayed excellently. Wonderful story!

    Please post more! :)
     
  16. Nicky

    Nicky Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2002
    This almost made me cry. Poor, messed up Obi-Wan, not used to any kindness... :_|

    More please!

    Nicky
     
  17. Padawan_Travina

    Padawan_Travina Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 5, 2002
  18. Jedi_Knight150

    Jedi_Knight150 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2002
    I like this story already! Why were all of his previous masters so mean to Obi?

    More soon please!
     
  19. Jedi_Knight_Hunter

    Jedi_Knight_Hunter Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 6, 2002
    oh poor poor Obi...


    i just dont know what else to say.

    :_| :_| :_|
     
  20. Jedi_Suzuran

    Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 22, 2002
    Don't worry, I won't stop reading. :) This is too fascinating. Although I almost missed this chapter, I didn't think you'd updated. :p

    Poor Obi. One of his past masters tried to yank his braid off? No wonder he's in so much pain!

     
  21. Sheila

    Sheila Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 6, 2002
    Great chapter, but so sad. :(

    Poor Obi-Wan. Why do I get the feeling there is actually a plot behind all of this cruelty. It was mentioned that he was picked up by other masters almost as soon as he was dismissed previously. I get the feeling that the angry master back at the temple was about to pick him up as a padawan until the Council stepped in with other plans. I think it would be too much of a coincidence for him to just happen to end up with 3 cruel masters.

    More soon please. I love the mystery you have going here. :D
     
  22. kikeriki

    kikeriki Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Oct 23, 2002
    And the plot thickens...

    Well, it's apparent now that Obi's been abused both mentally and, it seems, physically, and I lean toward the theory that there is a conspiracy against Obi... All these Masters repudiating him, and Qui-Gon says that another bond would have destroyed his ravaged mind... is that what they wanted, I wonder? Hmmm...

    Fascinating story you've got here, Jill. Have no doubt that I will read religiously... even though I have absolutely no time to get addicted to another story.

    Heh. I like my name too. :D I found it an amusing word and decided, 'Hey, that could be my pen name!' Yes, I'm odd. We all knew that.
     
  23. Just_Jill

    Just_Jill Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 17, 2002
    Heyla -

    Cicci - You portray Obi's insecurety very beautifully, Jill.

    Thank you. It was something I worried about.

    Padawan_Travina - And why do I get the feeling that the more we read this the worse off for him it will be?

    Because I have studied at the feet of the great red_rose_knight?
    And thanks for the Up.

    Jane Jinn - And you've planted more tantalizing clues!

    Hopefully enough of them....

    Lieutenant_Page - They sold his bracelet?? What kinda Jedi are they?

    That's a very good question.

    And what is up with your signature? The one about a true friend? That's hysterial.

    Cascadia - It's good to see Qui-Gon showing him that not all masters are that way.

    Someone had to, right?

    Nicky - Poor, messed up Obi-Wan

    Yep, poor kid. Aren't we terrible to him? :eek:

    Jedi_Knight150 - Why were all of his previous masters so mean to Obi?

    That is the $64 question, right there.

    Jedi_Suzuran - Although I almost missed this chapter, I didn't think you'd updated.

    I love your name. And I wasn't expecting to post this often. I think I'm addicted to feed back, and just now realized how heady it could be.

    Sheila - Why do I get the feeling there is actually a plot behind all of this cruelty.

    Good point.

    kikeriki - And the plot thickens...

    Why, yes, yes it does. And did you know that your name is a rooster crow in German? It took me the longest time to figure it out.

    Yes, I'm odd.

    Aren't we all? Welcome to the club. [face_mischief]


    And on we go.

    Just Jill
     
  24. Just_Jill

    Just_Jill Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 17, 2002
    Ch 4: "This Shattered Dream You Cannot Justify" - Pat Benetar, Invincible

    Qui-Gon returned to the main room and sank down on the couch, trying to breathe his way through his fury. Slowly, far too slowly, it ebbed, leaving him exhausted. The boy was terrified. Terrified of him and of everything he represented as a Jedi Master. That awful feeling that the Jedi had failed this boy filled him again, and he had to concentrate to let it go.

    He relaxed, his eyes slipping closed as he documented every flash of fear he'd gotten from Obi-Wan through the day. It was staggering, the number of things that could set the boy off in panic or fear, and there were a few he didn't understand. The boy's pain when he'd touched the braid and his definite relief when he found out Qui-Gon was not his Master were both perplexing. The bracelet had evoked strong feelings as well, none of them good. Qui-Gon scowled faintly. He'd have to move slower than he'd originally thought. He retired to his room to report to the Council, and then went to bed.

    The morning dawned into his eyes. That was one reason he'd given Obi-Wan the other room; he hoped the boy would sleep as long as he needed to. Qui-Gon got up and knelt in the middle of the floor to meditate on what the Council had said. "Your heart you must follow," Yoda had said. Well, his heart was so twisted up at what had been done to the boy, he was a little wary of it. So, with a deep breath, he set about calming himself.

    When he emerged from his room to start breakfast, he found Obi-Wan stretched out on his back on the rug in the main room. He was asleep, the haunted expression on his face eased, showing just how young he really was. He couldn't be more than twelve or thirteen, which meant he'd been apprenticed quite young. Qui-Gon stepped past him to the kitchen, but something caught his eye and he turned back to get a closer look. The boy's under-tunic had ridden up some, exposing a burn across his stomach just above his pants. It was old, maybe two or three weeks, not bad enough to scar. Still, he wondered how a burn - a lightsaber burn, by the shape of it - had caught him there. He turned away to start breakfast with one more question weighing on his mind.

    Obi-Wan limped in before it was quite done, a grimace of pain on his face. "May I have a cold pack again?" he asked timidly.

    "Of course. Sit down."

    As soon as he was seated, Qui-Gon gave him the cold pack then fed him. The boy ate ravenously, like a starving animal, but Qui-Gon said nothing. Theela had said Obi-Wan had been malnourished.

    When they finished, Qui-Gon helped his student into the main room, sitting him on the couch and propping up his leg. He sat on the chair to his side, and his hand brushed his own lightsaber. It gave him an idea. "Obi- Wan," he said. "May I see your lightsaber?"

    The boy handed it over far too quickly, his expression blank. It was not hard, with the Force, to see that he didn't like it. It was serviceable, but uncomfortable in his hand. Qui-Gon tried various holds, growing more and more frustrated before he'd even activated it. He wouldn't want to use this. Hadn't the boy's Master helped him make it comfortable?

    "Do you like it?" he asked after a few pointless moments of trying to make it comfortable.

    Obi-Wan hesitated. He didn't look up, but he eventually spoke. "No."

    "What do you dislike most?"

    "It hurts my hands," he said in a low voice. "And I had to make it to Master Toman's specifications."

    Qui-Gon set the lightsaber down. "How so?" he asked quietly, hiding how much more frustrating this was. The picture he was getting from his student was not one he really wanted to see. It only increased the feeling that the Jedi had somehow failed him.

    "He told me how it should be made." His voice was flat, unemotional.

    Qui-Gon fought to keep his voice steady. He would find out what had been done to this boy and why. "Would you like to start over?"

    Obi-Wan was startled, glancing at him in surprise. "Why?"

    "It's you
     
  25. Jedi_Knight150

    Jedi_Knight150 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2002
    That's it! Now I'm mad.

    *unclips her lightsaber, igniting the briliant emerald blade, giving it a few twirls before moving into an offensive stance*

    Would you be so kind as to point in the direction of Obi-Wan's former Masters?
     
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