Before - Legends Question Not (Dear Diary Challenge 09) (Zephir, OCs, angst) Updated 4-15

Title: Question Not
Author: Neon Star
Characters: Ke'dran Zephir, other OCs
Author Notes: Minor companion piece to Jinngerbread's [link=http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/29654978/p1/?0]Miscellaneous[/link]. Obviously for the Diary Challenge.
Sum: Just a little look into Ke'dran's thoughts, in conjunction with Drex's. Same year. Not quite sure the first post makes enough sense, though may go back to improve it later. And look, he's not a she, hope it doesn't kill anyone.


Record start.

This is Ke?dran Zephir, Jedi Padawan of Master Sehan.

When I gave Drex his journal, Drex being my best friend, I had never thought to take up the habit myself. I?m not much for writing, or drawing, or what not. I much prefer to speak my mind and move forward, instead of dwelling on the past.

Yet, I feel the need to speak, to confess that I?m a little uneasy. Ris would laugh at me, stating Ice never gets uneasy, is never shaken. And really, I want him and Drex to believe that. Wouldn?t do to have others worry about me, when it?s my own problem.

So I?m recording this, to just get it out. I likely will never review what I said, I likely will still never look back. The future and the present matter, not the past.

When I became a Padawan, just a little while ago actually, a few weeks back, I believed that it was one step closer towards the goal I have set for my future. To become a Knight, and to help Saren.

I know, odd that a Jedi sets everything on helping one little planet that isn?t even a part of the Republic. But it?s always been like that, ever since I was a little girl. Knowing Drex has only engrained it deeper, because he is from that sad place, where only death and darkness exist.

It wasn?t always like that. I remember, so very distantly, my father telling me that it was once a place of bright light and winged people that were wiser than the people now. That could heal the worst of injuries, and could read the stars.

Some of what he told me, what I can remember, is likely a bit exaggerated, but I want to try to bring that back. If I can help resurrect a dying civilization, perhaps there?s hope for other things in this galaxy that seem hopeless.

Maybe like where I came from.

I don?t know much about it, except that it?s a place full of beautiful people. They don?t like the Jedi, they don?t like the Republic, they hide away in their own corner of the galaxy. My father said once that it was rotting from the inside out.

Of course, I haven?t seen my father since I was two, so perhaps I?m not remembering everything quite right.

Nevertheless, Saren has rotted from the outside in. If there?s a way to reverse that, surely there?s a way to reverse the other?

But as to why I?m doing this to begin with. I just got back from my first mission, and my Master, who I?m sure is a wise man, has started stressing that I cannot be too soft. I suppose I was, I hesitated in completing his orders of delivering his go ahead to the head director. It would have been sacrificing the minority for the majority. The majority would have gotten the better deal, while the lesser suffered, would have had to bear the burden that they all had under the rulership of the planet.

Hesitating gave time to rework it, to help more people, even if one can?t save them all. Pushing to the last minute, risking the deal, is better than not trying at all.

But Master wanted it over as soon as possible, so that we could get into our real mission. You see, we weren?t there for the working of that peace treaty between the people and the rulership, not really.

My Master is of the Special Operations force. He?s in the diplomatic section, which means he handles such missions as these, as well as far worse political messes. The Special Ops force is not well known within the Jedi. We?re unknown, our real missions are secret, are riskier than the normal duty of a Jedi. It's hard to explain really, unless one was in it to see for themselves the difference.

As it was, my Master was more set on getting leads o

 

Yet, I feel the need to speak, to confess that I?m a little uneasy. Ris would laugh at me, stating Ice never gets uneasy, is never shaken. And really, I want him and Drex to believe that. Wouldn?t do to have others worry about me, when it?s my own problem.

So I?m recording this, to just get it out. I likely will never review what I said, I likely will still never look back. The future and the present matter, not the past.


Awwwww, that is really kind of sad that she has to hide behind a mask to even her best friend.

Really felt for her, especially there.

Lovely work.

 

What a sweet piece...way to build the tension and intrigue! Good job.

 

Jinngerbread: Figures you'd be around. And don't you always feel for her?

Jedi_Perigrine: Thank you, hopefully I can keep at it.

**********


Record Start

Today, my Master let me choose my weapon. He told me it was best to start early to master on. I?ve never been that good with a lightsaber, I?m passable, but not the level I should be. Not the level he wants.

So he told me to choose another. There were a variety of them, from vibro blades , blasters, light spears, shorter lightsabers. He had me test each of them, handle them, weigh and practice. He then made sure I felt each one.

My right arm hurts, he used the skin there to do it. A glancing blow from each blade, a few nears shots from each blaster.

?You need to know the pain you inflict,? is what he told me. I see his point, even if it did hurt terribly.

He told me to never show that it did hurt, to keep it in. I barely managed, but I did. I even chose my weapon.

It?s the only one he put to somewhere other than my arm. Likely he ran out of room, and he doesn?t want to cause scars there. He didn?t say it, but I know he doesn?t want anyone to know about this little lesson.

As is. He instead hit me across the lower back with it. It was on low power, enough to sting, and there wasn?t enough force to do more than turn the skin red, or so it looked in the mirror. It still hurts a little, but that?s expected of a lightwhip.

As to why I chose it? Because it hurt the worst. I know that?s cruel to say, to know that I will one day be able to rip others apart with the one thing that burned me. But the thing about lightwhips, they can kill as much as they can maim as much as they can stun. That is their settings. I want that option.

And I want the grace that weapon gives. None of the others have it.

And somehow, it feels right.

I have to go, I?m meeting Drex, and unfortunately that pitten that?s always around him. It?s not that I don?t like Ris?.He just seems to grate especially on my nerves. Always has, always will, and I?m going to have to be very careful when with him. He?s got a sense for pain, it?s likely his healing abilities. I don?t need him finding out.

I don?t need Drex worried either.

Record End

 

My right arm hurts, he used the skin there to do it. A glancing blow from each blade, a few nears shots from each blaster.

?You need to know the pain you inflict,? is what he told me. I see his point, even if it did hurt terribly.



Wow that's just harsh, even if I can see the point too, in some ways, but I doubt the Order would approve of his methods.


As to why I chose it? Because it hurt the worst. I know that?s cruel to say, to know that I will one day be able to rip others apart with the one thing that burned me.

Very dark thoughts there, she ought to be careful of where that could lead her.

Great job, looking forward to more!

 

Jinngerbread: Too bad no one seems to know about Sehan's methods, huh? And we all know where those thoughts lead eventually.

***********


Record Start

My back is still sore, its been nearly a week. I guess the constant weapons? mastering is not helping. Master has hit me more than once, though the whip is always off. Today is the first day that I have not been struck.

I am getting better.

On other news, we are leaving again soon. My Master is constantly busy, constantly looking for assignments, especially ones related to criminal activities possibly related to the Organization. It is his obsession, and he will use any method he can to destroy it. He has said so many a times since I have become his apprentice, and while I agree, his obsession, is not mine.

My own is stretched to one world so far, it may as well be on the edge of the Republic. It is not apart of the Republic, has never been, though its beginnings gave birth to so much that we know, even after we have forgotten their origins.

Once, there was a wise, gentle race, that forgot themselves, and destroyed themselves. In their wreckage, their descendants wage war, and repeat the cycle of slaughter.

It is a sad thought. It is a world that is nothing but blood and ash.

It?s Drex?s homeworld, Saren seven.

My Father used to speak of it, on those rare occasions that I saw him while we were home. And more so after he took myself and my brother away to live with him in space. I never knew why he knew so much about a world like that, but what he told me, fascinated me so as a youngling.

It has followed me through all this time.

I will see that world. I will see the glory buried in it.

And maybe, maybe I?ll help stop the blood shed. Not for glory or power or fame. I want none of that.

I want to resurrect the beauty lost, to see what my Father so wistfully whispered at my bedside when I was a little girl.

It?s likely a fantasy, crystal cities and beings that fly.

But it is half true. Drex is one of those, and I?ve never been more silently awed by such a being. Not that I would ever let him know.

My twin would love to see him, but Ki? is a long way away, and he?ll never be a Jedi.

I miss him. Even when I don?t miss our father.

Record Stop

 

It?s likely a fantasy, crystal cities and beings that fly.

But it is half true. Drex is one of those, and I?ve never been more silently awed by such a being. Not that I would ever let him know.

You know, I never really considered Saren like that, but she's right, it is. At least in it's past. And aw she should tell him.

Why doesn't she miss her father? He wasn't that bad. Better than her master at least.

Nice job!