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  1. Welcome to the new boards! Details here!

Beyond - Legends Reflections of a Family: Bubble (This time Han's POV) Angst! **~*~UPDATE 9/23~*~**

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by mavjade , Aug 20, 2007.

  1. mavjade

    mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2005
    SPOILER WARNING FOR SACRIFICE!!! Just in case there is someone who hasn't read it!

    Title of Series: Reflections of a Family
    Title: Void
    Author: mavjade
    Characters: Luke
    Time frame: middle of Sacrifice
    Genre: angst
    Notes: Hello all! I don't know if anyone remembers me, I've been gone for a while. I would like to say that it's because I was so busy, or doing something important, but the truth is I've been battling major depression. But after quitting my job, leaving college, boomeranging (moving back in with my parents after living on my own for 4 years) getting a new job, starting a new major at a new school and better living through chemistry (ie. finding the right Rx)... I'm back (hopefully for good)! I tell you all this not to bore you or to make you feel sorry for me, but as somewhat of an excuse as to why this might not be very good and things might get a little spacey. I really lost my way and I'm trying to find it again, so please bear with me.

    I hope this to be a series of Vignettes (though this is more of a drabble) based around the family (but mostly Luke and Ben) dealing with Mara's death.

    5/10/15 - Truncation never an issue.

    __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Void

    Pain. Physical and emotional pain.

    Luke had felt both of these things over and over again in his life. He wasn't a stranger to these feelings, nor they to him. Finding out that his father was the most hated and feared man in the galaxy was at the top of his emotional ladder. Having his hand cut off by his father and being electrocuted by Force Lighting were at the top of the physical one. But now as he sits in a ravaged room, his breath coming in gasps from the exertion of tearing the room apart, tears roll down his face; he begins to understand pain.

    The places in his heart and mind that have always been occupied by his beloved Mara are now a void; dark as a black hole. Every time he tries to access those places, to try and feel her warmth beside him as they lay in their bed, to breath in her wonderful scent, or to recall the feeling of her entering his mind just to say hello , the void tries to pull him in.

    He has already fallen in the shallow depths a few times. He finds himself staring at a blank wall for hours. From somewhere he can hear his sister calling his name, trying to rouse him; his brother-in-law trying to make him laugh, but he continues to stare. There is some comfort in this because here he does not think, he does not feel, it is nothing.

    A part of him wants to fall in for good, wants to be nothing, for that is how he feels without her; but he knows this is something he can not do. Ben has also had a tremendous loss, and needs his father, whether he knows it or not. Luke can not, and will not let Ben lose another parent, be it to death or the void.

    So instead he must hope. He hopes that he can imagine hearing her laughing and calling him 'farmboy' or of hearing her frustrated growl of 'Skywalker!' and not feel pain or empty space.

    But for now he will settle for distraction, and though he knows no one expects him, he has a counsel meeting to attend.

    ~end
     
  2. Gabri_Jade

    Gabri_Jade Fan Fiction Archive Editor Emeritus star 5 VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2002
    Glad to see you back, mavjade, and that things are going better for you. [:D] This isn't spacy at all; I think you have Luke's reaction down pat. It feels very in character, and I enjoyed reading it. :D
     
  3. ZaraValinor

    ZaraValinor Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 31, 2002
    Yea, Mav your back. Wonderful entry.
     
  4. mavjade

    mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2005
    Hopefully there will be a new part to this up soon... just as soon as I take a nasty quiz today, the bunny in my head is going down on paper! :D

    Gabri_jade
    Glad to see you back, mavjade, and that things are going better for you
    Thanks! Things are looking up *crosses fingers that it stays that way* :)

    This isn't spacy at all; I think you have Luke's reaction down pat. It feels very in character, and I enjoyed reading it.
    Whew! I was really worried about Luke being in character, and of course the spacy thing that I mentioned in my notes! It having been so long since I have written I had no idea if I had lost the groove!
    Thank you so much for reading and commenting! [:D] [:D]

    Zara
    Yea, Mav your back. Wonderful entry.
    Yep! Here I am... now hopefull here I'll stay! I think now that I have school to procrastinate from again, it shouldn't be a problem! ;)
    [:D] Thanks for reading Zara! [:D]

     
  5. Kidan

    Kidan TFN EU Staff star 5 VIP

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2003
    Yeah! It's Mavjade!!

    Welcome back.


    And this is as great as ever. You've really caught Luke's pain, more soon please :)
     
  6. mavjade

    mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2005
    Kidan
    Yeah! It's Mavjade!!
    Yep! Did ya miss me?? :p

    Welcome back.
    Thanks! Its nice to be back (though I do have ALOT of your fics to catch up on! And nice red color by the way! ;))

    And this is as great as ever. You've rally caught Luke's pain...
    Thank you! I really was worried (and still kinda am) that I comepletely lost my ability to write [face_worried])

    ... more soon please
    I've got the next part written, I just have to wait for my fiance to beta it... so blame him for the slowness! :)

    Thanks for reading, Han! ;)[:D]
     
  7. dancing_star

    dancing_star Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 24, 2007
    I really liked this! :) Great job!
    Poor Luke. :( He has been through too much pain in his life. :_| :_| :_| You described his feelings well!
    =D==D==D==D=

    P.S. I'm glad you're back and feeling better. [:D] I'll be praying for you. I kinda know how you feel because I battled depression for a couple of year too. It's no fun at all and I'm sorry that you had to go through it. [:D]
     
  8. mavjade

    mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2005
    dancing_star

    I really liked this! Great job!
    Thank you very much!!

    Poor Luke. He has been through too much pain in his life.
    He really has, hasn't he. I know I wouldn't want to go through all of that!

    You described his feelings well!
    Thanks! I've always felt that if Mara died it would throw his universe in to a chaotic spin!

    P.S. I'm glad you're back and feeling better. I'll be praying for you. I kinda know how you feel because I battled depression for a couple of year too. It's no fun at all and I'm sorry that you had to go through it.
    Thank you so much! [:D] It really is awful, but... what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger! :)
    I'm sorry that you had to go through it as well.
    Thanks again! [:D]
     
  9. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    :_|:_|:_|:_|

    Poor Luke. I hope his attendance at the Council meeting means he's finally found away to go on living.

    Great job on this

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
     
  10. mavjade

    mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2005
    There will be more soon! It is being beta'ed right now! :D

    Kelia:

    ":_|"
    *mav hands tissue to Kelia*

    Poor Luke. I hope his attendance at the Council meeting means he's finally found away to go on living.
    In a way, yes... he is moving on, but more that he is distracting himself from the pain. :(

    Great job on this
    Thanks! And thank you for reading!!
     
  11. mavjade

    mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2005
    Notes: Thank you all for reading and reviewing!! I love you guys!! [:D] You have no idea how wonderful it makes me feel to be back here! I'm having sooo much fun! :D

    This viggie is from Ben's POV. Thanks to my fiance for the beta! [:D] Now if we were only lucky enough for him to start writing!

    _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Saber

    I awake gasping for breath, sweat pouring down my face, and my heart feels as though it will beat out of my chest. I know that I must have awakened from a dream or vision that I cannot remember; I get the feeling that I don't want to remember. Most of the time when a Force sensitive--especially a Skywalker--is awakened in this manner, something awful is about to happen.

    I slow my breathing and heart rate down, and realize that my father hasn't come to check on me, which I find surprising. Although I have lived practically on my own for quite a while now, I have decided to move back into my parents place, not entirely sure if it is for my father's benefit or for my own.

    As I start to lay back down I see something that is out of place: my mother's lightsaber is missing from its resting place on my bedside table.

    A panicked feeling arises in me once again as I leap out of bed and begin casting about frantically. The lightsaber is more than a mere token possesion belonging to my mother, it is instead a significant anchor to my past. Not so long ago that was a link that I wanted nothing to do with, but now I realize how much it means to me. When I hold the saber I can feel all the hands that have held it and fought with it. I feel my grandfather. I feel my father. Most importantly, I can feel my mother.

    When it is in my hands I can still hear her voice scolding me for something I've done, a tone of voice I would never have thought I could miss. I can hear affection for those she loved, emotions and words of which many who did not truly know Mara Jade would think her incapable.

    This feeling is something I now treasure. I spent so long running away, trying to get out of my parents shadow, that I couldn't see all that they have done and sacrificed for me. But just when I truly started to understand my mother, even as she had started to understand me, she was taken. By whom, I do not know, though I do have my suspicions.

    Finally, after searching, I find the saber in a drawer. I have no idea how it got there. I always put it in the same place--should I need its use--and tonight was no exception.

    As I lift the hilt, I find its warmth strange. It is as though someone has been holding it, perhaps even only a few moments ago. I reach out with the Force, but I sense nothing out of place. Perhaps it was my father. I know a part of him wants the lightsaber for himself. He has taken Mom's things and placed them around the apartment, probably so that he can see a part of her wherever he is. But when I retrieved the saber from its resting place on the ground beside my mother's broken body, I knew it was something she would have wanted me to have.

    I return the saber to its rightful place and lay back down. As my head hits the pillow, a feeling of warmth surrounds me, and I drift back off to a peaceful slumber.


     
  12. Kidan

    Kidan TFN EU Staff star 5 VIP

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2003
    mavjade
    Yep! Did ya miss me?? :p
    aye - that I did...

    Thanks! Its nice to be back (though I do have ALOT of your fics to catch up on! And nice red color by the way! ;))
    heh - aye, there's a fic or two out there for you to read these days... and thanks!

    Thank you! I really was worried (and still kinda am) that I comepletely lost my ability to write [face_worried])
    a pleasure - and you've don't need to worry 'bout that...

    I've got the next part written, I just have to wait for my fiance to beta it... so blame him for the slowness! :)
    [face_laugh] sounds a bit like an excuse...

    Thanks for reading, Han! ;)[:D]
    Thanks for writing, Ri. :cool:[:D]

    the new bit is great as well... poor Ben, he so wants a peice of his mother, and this is the only way he has to do it. I loved this bit - especially the opening scene where he wakes up from the dream...great job - and we can expect more right? [face_praying] >
     
  13. mavjade

    mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2005
    Kidan(aka Han!):

    the new bit is great as well...
    Thank ya!

    poor Ben, he so wants a peice of his mother, and this is the only way he has to do it.
    *sniff* I know, isn't it sad? I hope he really does get it in the books, I think it would be appropriate!

    I loved this bit - especially the opening scene where he wakes up from the dream
    Thank you! :D That was probably my favorite part as well... I orignally started out that this viggie would be entirely about a dream/vision that he had, but then it took a life of its own (as fics usually do) and this is what I ended up with!

    great job - and we can expect more right?
    Yep! I have at least three more ideas in my head about what to write next! :D Next one should be up in a few days!


     
  14. ZaraValinor

    ZaraValinor Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 31, 2002
    I'm so glad, that we're going to see more of you. [face_dancing]


    Wonderful entry. I look forward to more.
     
  15. Irish_Jedi_Jade

    Irish_Jedi_Jade Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 19, 2007
    *snif* *sob* *WAHHHHHH!!!!!* Awww, mavjade, that was Beeee-utiful!!! You had me going...especially Ben's...no, Luke's....no...aw, hang it, they were both absolutely beautiful!!!! *applause!!!*

    So sorry about all that stuff going on in your life! A someone in my immidiate family is also struggling with severe depression, though they are in denial. I can empathze, in a way, for you, and want you to know I'm rooting for you!! Besides, with such wonderful stuff as this you're churning out...maybe we can even use that depression for the good!!

    More more more, please oh please!!

     
  16. mavjade

    mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2005
    Zara:

    I'm so glad, that we're going to see more of you.
    Yep! Now you can't get rid of me... mmmwwoooha ha ha ha! (Yeah, so the evil laugh never works for me!)

    Wonderful entry. I look forward to more.
    Thank Ya! [:D] It should be soon!

    Irish_Jedi_Jade:
    *snif* *sob* *WAHHHHHH!!!!!*
    *Hands IJJ a tissue*

    Awww, mavjade, that was Beeee-utiful!!!
    Thank you so much!!

    You had me going...especially Ben's...no, Luke's....no...aw, hang it, they were both absolutely beautiful!!!! *applause!!!*
    Thanks! I know I really felt Mara's death (*sniff, sniff* :_| ) and I thought I would take it out on the family! I just couldn't help it!

    So sorry about all that stuff going on in your life! A someone in my immidiate family is also struggling with severe depression, though they are in denial. I can empathze, in a way, for you, and want you to know I'm rooting for you!!
    Thank you so much! [:D] I was in denial for a long time, everyone in my family was trying to convince me of it, but I just had to wait till I figured it out myself, and let me tell you that was a brutal awakening!! I hope your family member realises it soon and gets help!

    Besides, with such wonderful stuff as this you're churning out...maybe we can even use that depression for the good!!
    Ya know, I didn't think about that, but you are right!! (And you just gave me a bunny! :D )

    More more more, please oh please!!
    Don't worry there will be, soon!

    Thank you for reading and reviewing IJJ!! (Do you mind if I call you that?)




     
  17. mavjade

    mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2005
    [hl=yellow]WARNING! Inferno Spoilers![/hl]

    Really short this time... sorry! I have a hard time writing Jania, but I really wanted to write her reaction to Mara's death.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~

    Sword


    She was more than just someone who had married my uncle; more than merely... aunt. She was more like a guiding light: an infinite source of wisdom. To me she was more of a second mother, or sometimes the sister I never had and of course--always--my Master.


    Today is the day of Mara's funeral and I'm on a mission. While it is an important one--something I know I must do--I'm bitter. I knew, even while I was growing up, that being a Jedi would require sacrifice, and that I would frequently find myself in unsavory situations. But this sacrifice, to me, feels too large.


    Here I am, alone, though the two men who vie for my affection are right beside me. They know nothing of love.


    Right at this moment I should be standing by my uncle, doing all I can; for he needs us all. When I first saw him on Hapes--right after aunt Mara died--he looked completely broken, like the shell of a man shattered by fate. For the first time in my life I wished I was not Force-sensitive, for the sight of him alone was devastating. His Force aura felt... empty.


    When Anakin died, I took comfort in being around others that loved him, for we were all there together and could help in supporting one another. This time, however, it is only Uncle Luke and myself; while his pain threatens to take over me and almost literally bring me to my knees. In this moment, those parts remaining within me of the young girl I once was are extinguished and replaced completely with the Sword of the Jedi. Determination to do that which needed to be done takes over and petty spats over my affection become meaningless.


    So here I am, on Ossus, a long way from Coruscant; where I would prefer to be, for if I can do anything, it is to honor the memory of my Master and protect part of what she was fighting for.

     
  18. Trickster-Lead

    Trickster-Lead Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 23, 2007
    Wow! You got Jaina right on... I Imagine she feels terrible about missing Mara's funeral, but I'm sure Mara would have wanted her to carry on. Well written, keep it up!
     
  19. jace84z

    jace84z Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2007
    It may not mean as much coming from a part-time beta, but you know I always love your ideas. Keep up the good work honey! ;)

     
  20. Irish_Jedi_Jade

    Irish_Jedi_Jade Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 19, 2007
    THIRD!!!!!

    Woot, that was awesome mavjade!!!!! Wow...that's TOTALLY how I can see Jaina reacting...so clinical, so brutally introspective...so like the mechanic she is...*applause* You did an awesome job balancing her grief, acknowledgement of what she needed to do, and her recognition that protecting ossus was something Mara would have wanted her to do. At least, that's what I'm guessing...I'm vicariously reading LOTF through you all, I REFUSE to read them! But that was beautiful...great great job girl!!!!

    =D= =D= =D= =D= =D=

    And yes, IJJ or Irish is just fine. I can't wait to read more!! You're doing such an amazingly accurate job with all these little viggies, I'm sooo totally impressed!! hmmm...maybe you could do one from Han's perspective, cause she was kinda a "fringe" person like him...Oooh and you could do one of Mara...like her perspective...from the netherworld...THAT would rock!!!

    Thanks too, for the encouragement, yes, I hope that my family member realizes soon too...and yah, I can totally see it being hard. Its just can we all survive until she sees....:confused:

    HUGS!!!
     
  21. shahid_chestro

    shahid_chestro Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 28, 2005
    Great work.... how about more from Leia, Han and specially Jacen's POV??????
     
  22. mavjade

    mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2005
    Trickster-Lead
    Wow! You got Jaina right on... I Imagine she feels terrible about missing Mara's funeral, but I'm sure Mara would have wanted her to carry on. Well written, keep it up!
    Thank you so much! This was the first time I wrote Jania and I was worried about it! I do think Mara would want everyone to carry on!
    Thanks for reading!!


    Jace
    It may not mean as much coming from a part-time beta, but you know I always love your ideas. Keep up the good work honey!
    I don't think there is anything part time about it! Thank you darlin'! [:D]

    IJJ
    THIRD!!!!!
    LOL! But no less important! [:D]

    Woot, that was awesome mavjade!!!!! Wow...that's TOTALLY how I can see Jaina reacting...so clinical, so brutally introspective...so like the mechanic she is...*applause*
    Thank you! I was worried about it coming across as too clinical and not in character!

    You did an awesome job balancing her grief, acknowledgement of what she needed to do, and her recognition that protecting ossus was something Mara would have wanted her to do
    Thanks! I do think that Mara would want everyone to move on quickly and do what needs to be done!

    At least, that's what I'm guessing...I'm vicariously reading LOTF through you all, I REFUSE to read them!
    LOL! I've really enjoyed them.. well except for my favorite character dying and all... but other than that, I'd recomend them!

    But that was beautiful...great great job girl!!!! I can't wait to read more!! You're doing such an amazingly accurate job with all these little viggies, I'm sooo totally impressed!!
    [face_blush] Thank you so much!! Your reviews are very incouraging! :)

    hmmm...maybe you could do one from Han's perspective, cause she was kinda a "fringe" person like him...Oooh and you could do one of Mara...like her perspective...from the netherworld...THAT would rock!!!
    I want to do the whole Skywalker/Solo family, but we shall see what the muse allows me to write! ;)
    I do have an idea for Mara, but she probably won't come till later!

    Its just can we all survive until she sees....
    Just support her and try not to get to upset... there really isn't much else you can do but be there for her! :)

    Thanks for reading! [:D]


    shahid_chestro
    Great work.... how about more from Leia, Han and specially Jacen's POV??????
    Thank you! I'm hoping to do Han and Leia but we shall see if the muse cooperates! :)
    I have an idea for Jacen, but he won't be till close to last! :)
    Thanks for reading! [:D]

     
  23. Furyan_Jedi_13

    Furyan_Jedi_13 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 6, 2007
    I have only really read Jaina's POV, but I have to say that what you wrote seems pretty dead on. Mara was a true inspiration for Jaina, and she would have been sad of the fact that she was unable to attend her funeral. I myself was rather sad at this development (if it could be called that). And her opinions of Zekk and Jag's behaviour seemed right on the mark too. Canonically, it really does seem like she won't be with either of them, now or any time in the future.

    You did a very good job here.
     
  24. Jedi-Roxy

    Jedi-Roxy Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 13, 2002
    Wow... all three were... are... beautifully written, great job capturing the emotions.
     
  25. ZaraValinor

    ZaraValinor Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 31, 2002
    I thought you did wonderfully with Jaina. There such a sense of worrow in it. Which seems missingin like every profic I've read since NJO (And even then). I haven't read LOTF yet either. But I hope to get to it soon.