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Saga Rendezvous Point - Winter OC Challenge, ESB, tauntauns, one-post, 2/23

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Thumper09, Feb 23, 2009.

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  1. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Title: Rendezvous Point
    Author: Thumper09
    Timeframe: Battle of Hoth
    Characters: OCs (mostly tauntauns)
    Summary: A tauntaun?s life is changed by the Battle of Hoth.
    Notes: This is my weird little entry to the Winter Challenge for the [link=http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25562370]Essential Guide to OCs thread[/link]. The challenge: "SNOW WARS: The Bitter Cold of Battle; Inspired by Thorny?s love for The Empire Strikes Back. Have an OC participate in the Battle of Hoth, or some other similar snowy battlefield, it can be canon or one of your own creations. FYI: Thorn didn't specify if your OC had to be a combatant, or that they belonged to either side; so let's leave that one open to interpretation."
    Constructive criticism is most welcome.
    This particular story morphed into more of a character study than anything else. You're warned. It's a bit on the long side, but it's a one-post.
    Disclaimer: Here I announce my eternal thanks to George Lucas and Lucasfilm for everything Star Wars. 'Tis theirs.

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    "Rendezvous Point"

    I finished eating every last bit of my fungus food from the hollowed-out place in the ice where the humans put it, but I was still hungry. As I straightened up, I looked around.

    My herdmates were all more or less finishing up their own piles of food. I lashed my tail and sauntered over to the youngest member of the herd. She was small and weak, and I could usually get some extra food from her.

    I flared my nostrils and tossed my head to call attention to my horns as I approached. She flattened her ears and gurgled at me, but she quickly retreated when I curled back my upper lip in preparation for spitting into her eyes. I now had unobstructed access to what was left of her fungus food, and I quickly began eating it.

    No sooner had I done so than a human started yelling from outside the ice cave enclosure where they kept us. He opened the door, came inside the enclosure and then immediately closed the door behind him. He wove between the other tauntauns and walked right up to me, angrily yelled again, then grabbed the headstall straps they always left on me and yanked my head back away from the food.

    The action surprised me and hurt. I shook my head, but he held on, so I went a different route. I squealed in anger and began to curl my lip back.

    The human let go of my headstall, immediately smacked me hard on the nose with his hand, and yelled my name, Buckles, and the word ?no?. I jerked back and contemplated turning around and hitting the human with my tail instead, but the human advanced another couple of steps toward me, and I backed up. I had thought the humans would be pleased with my actions; after all, I was proving myself to be a strong member of the herd by getting the extra food. The other tauntauns didn?t protect the younger one. If the younger one didn?t learn to fight and protect what was hers, then she was a weak, inferior member who would not survive long and who could also endanger the herd. So why was this stupid human standing between us and protecting the younger one while she timidly went back to eating her food?

    I flattened my ears and twitched my tail in warning. The human took another step toward me, and I backed up so he couldn?t hit me again. When the younger tauntaun was finished eating, the human left the enclosure. Good riddance.

    I growled low in my throat and began to pace restlessly. My herdmates were agitated on some level as well, and it wasn?t just because of my little interaction with the youngest. Something wasn?t right: we could all smell it from the humans. It didn?t help that recently two of our herdmates had gone missing. One had been taken outside by the humans during the daytime, and the other had been ridden out just before night had fallen that same day. Neither had come back since.

    Around that time was when the tension level from the humans began to get very high, higher than normal, and today was the most tense I had ever seen them. I could hea
     
  2. Darth Muis

    Darth Muis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 11, 2000
    =D=

    Wonderful Thumps! That's an incredible story. I loved reading the tauntaun's perspective. And Super Wampas...[face_laugh]

    A great, original story and I hope it does well in the voting!
     
  3. snowspeeder_gunner

    snowspeeder_gunner Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 10, 2007
    Whoa, Thumps! This was so cool!

    It would have been neato enough to just have this from a taun-taun's point of view; the fact that it is about the developing character of a taun-taun makes it completely awesome.

    Buckles the taun-taun learned a valuable lesson today, kids!
     
  4. Rau_Fang

    Rau_Fang Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 28, 2005
    Good Gracious, Thump! That was heart-wrenching... the naivety of the Tauntaun contrasted against the harsh and bloody battle of Hoth.

    Wow... :eek:

    You are brilliant! =D=
     
  5. Trika_Kenobi

    Trika_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Nov 4, 1999
    Muis, snowy! Big. Trouble. [face_shame_on_you] Y'all never let me in on the glory that is a good work! :p

    Thumps! Wowzah! What a tale! There were simply too many parts to list as clever, inventive, or amazingly original. I love the creative way you put us in the mind of the creature with such striking, hilarious descriptions! This is a great work! Thanks for the adventure! :)

     
  6. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Muis: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. I'm having to re-train myself to think of them as AT-ATs and not Super Wampas. :p Thanks for reading!

    snowy: Thanks! The development was the hardest part--I hadn't expected how tricky it would be to change a character that acts mostly on instinct. ;) But yes, Buckles is a much wiser taun-taun now, heh heh. Thanks for replying!

    Rau: Aww, thanks! [face_blush] I think contrasts are fascinating, and I've always thought that animals have a particular kind of innocence and objectivity that I like exploring in relation to human activities. Thanks for reading!

    Trikes: Thank you! This particular perspective led to some...unusual ways of seeing things, and I grew up reading and rereading and rerereading Black Beauty so that was a heavy influence here with the animal's outlook. I'm happy you enjoyed it. Thanks for replying!

    Everyone, thanks bunches for reading and replying! :)
     
  7. yodas_waiter

    yodas_waiter Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Oct 31, 2006
    This was great Thumper! :) Very original and clever. I especially liked how the naivety of the tauntaun contrasted with the language of this piece. Nicely done! =D=
     
  8. Corellian_Ale

    Corellian_Ale Manager Emeritus star 4 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Mar 3, 2008
    Definately original Thumper! (but I should expect no less)


    Excellent! =D=
     
  9. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Sorry, I realized I neglected to give some replies here. [face_blush]

    y_w: Thanks! One of the hardest things was finding the right balance of letting the tauntaun be naive but allowing the reader to understand, and I'm glad to hear it came out okay. Thanks for reading and replying!

    Ale: Thanks, I appreciate it! Glad you stopped by, and thanks for the R&R!
     
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