Beyond - Legends Renewal (post-TTT, Mara Jade, L/M, OCs)

@WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

Glad you're enjoying it!

@Bel505

Exactly. I kind of feel like that pressure would be particularly strong at about this point in time even if her family hadn't shown up - she no longer thinks of herself as the Emperor's Hand, she's actively rejected that part of her life, but she hasn't fully established herself in her new life yet, either, certainly not enough to overwrite the almost two decades of experience that go so deep as to be instinctual. She's still trying to work out a balance between it all, and I doubt that this is the first time she's had flashbacks like this. But of course, the reappearance of a family she never thought she'd know is really upsetting what balance she had been able to forge thus far...

Right? This poor girl, she knows that her professional instincts aren't right for this situation, but she has nothing at all besides that to fall back on. She is, in good faith, trying, but she's completely lost. And while that would be scary for anyone, for Mara it has to be almost existentially so. For pretty much her entire life, a lack of control could literally mean her death. Even though she knows, intellectually, that no one's going to shoot her if she's a bad conversationalist here or something, it has to be an emotional pressure that she can't entirely dismiss, either, like her danger sense going off. Honestly, her stress levels have to be off the charts right now.

Please please please please please have him give her a bantha

@ViariSkywalker

If only that communication had come in even a week later, she and Luke might have actually had a conversation about this and she wouldn't be dancing around this emotional uncertainty on top of everything

Well, you know, if you're going to fall in love with your own assassin, you can't expect a smooth courtship

Yeah, I'm a lot more like Mara than Luke myself in this respect

Thank you! So many conflicting thoughts and emotions for her to deal with...

I rather thought so too (obviously ). And it's definitely not helping to reassure her any

These are good questions! I can't claim to have the answers, but they're good questions. The ordinariness of her family is surely another obstacle for her just because Mara has so very little experience being ordinary. Even her missing five years post-Empire weren't exactly ordinary; after all, she was a wanted fugitive for as long as Isard was alive, we see in the handful of pro stories about that time that she still essentially considered herself Emperor's Hand and carried out at least a couple of Emperor's Hand-style missions, and when she met Karrde and asked for a job, there's more than a hint of desperation in her request. She literally tells him that she can learn anything, she'll take anything, she just wants to get back into mainstream society again. Karrde points out that smuggling hardly counts as mainstream society, and Mara says grimly, "Compared to some of what I've done, it is." That doesn't exactly imply that she's been leading a calm, ordinary, GFFA-style middle class life post-Empire. She's been at the very pinnacle of society, and she's been in the dregs, but very little in between so far. Luke, having had a very ordinary upbringing himself, can relate to her family on that level, but Mara really doesn't understand what a life like that is like.

Of course, Mara's strength and abilities didn't come out of nowhere, either. Even if her immediate family isn't Force-sensitive, surely she (and potentially Nico and Corissa) inherited some measure of intelligence, endurance, determination, etc - all the things that kept her alive and let her excel despite everything. After all, Ronan and Nadira endured an awful lot themselves after losing Mara, and managed to build another life for themselves and raise two more children. But the way they and Mara applied those traits were so very different that bridging the gap will still be tricky.

"This city should not exist. It is a monument to man's arrogance."

Why do you think I find it easy to describe Tatooine's climate

I really do too

She is the sassiest! I gotta write an AU of this AU where Mara stays with her family and they all grow up together, can you imagine that dynamic

I love the image of them doing so literally over Mara, since she's sitting between them Luke and Corissa are both cheerful outgoing extroverts, they were always going to get along well

Yeah, the more mundane sibling interpretation of this impulse is not something Mara is familiar with, and the more deadly interpretation definitely is...

ALL OF THE FANCY DRESSES, VI, ALL OF THEM

You know I have a whole wardrobe of fancy dresses lined up for enough stories to keep me busy for years

I don't know what you could mean

And you know that at the time, Mara held both the socialites and the leering officers in contempt, and could in fact have incapacitated if not killed any of them, but now, as an adult inching her way toward psychological and emotional health, she realizes that the whole situation was like the costume: she was only a child at the time, and should never have been put in such a position.

Thank you, I really like this part

You got it - she's never had these connections before, never given a thought to what she might have inherited from parents or grandparents, she (understandably) hasn't really gotten over the discovery that her whole life was a lie, and she hasn't yet figured out who she is outside of the context of that lie. So to see her eyes, her hair, her facial expressions, on other people, and to find out that a number of her talents were inherited as well - there's an edge of panic creeping in, because the question of who she is just keeps getting more complicated.

Mara's just having existential crisis after existential crisis here. The GFFA should be positively awash in therapists, considering how many issues everyone has.

And being too obvious about it, as well

It's so great

You know that I love all my OC babies, but Corissa is just so sassy and adorable

It really is

A new and enthralled audience, Han will be so happy

As someone who also once felt a calling as a stuffed animal rescuer and who still has a small menagerie of them, once I had the idea of Mara's parents giving her any of her belongings back, it was a given that one of them had to be a stuffed animal

Me too And the image of little Mara stomping her foot when a parent accidentally referred to Banta as "he"

The strength that got her through her training will get her through the recovery from it, but it's not going to be easy

Of course Banta was sad! Now she can be happy again

Ronan loves his baby girl so much I look forward to your reaction to all the other "right in the feels" moments

Mara's trying so hard And she's (again, understandably) so bitter about everything she went through, now that she's beginning to realize how wrong it was. And yeah, although this story is from Mara's POV, I did try to make it clear just how hard this is for Ronan and Nadira, too, because can you imagine? Even setting aside the whole "lost her, thought they'd never find her, didn't know if she was even alive, find her but are strangers to her and she backs away from them" bit - which is excruciating beyond words all on its own - now at this point of the visit, they want so very badly to find out what her life has been like, but they're treading so, so carefully to avoid scaring or alienating her. And you know, they just might have started to think that however painful losing her was, at least she must have been treated reasonably well, right? Because they don't know about the whole Emperor's Hand thing, and clearly Mara is strong and self-assured and accomplished. But then there are these little things that imply that something was very, very wrong with her upbringing - no friends, the only toy she mentions is a falling star dome, the intensity of her question about what they did when she took things apart. And every time a hint like that gets dropped, Mara retreats emotionally and refuses to elaborate. As Mara herself realizes, they're sure she's hiding something terrible from them, and it must be breaking their hearts to think how she must have been treated, to be so confused by ordinary childhood things.

Sadly true

She'll get there Probably

 

Chapter Four



They had all finished their caf by the time the apartment door opened. Mara looked up from the album of flat-holos spread out on the low table before the couch to see Artoo trundling into the living area ahead of the others. Luke and Nico were discussing swoops again, while Corissa trailed behind them looking bored. Luke sent a smile over toward the rest of them, with a questioning look for Mara as he met her eyes, and she narrowed hers at him in return. I’m fine. But you’re still in trouble.

His smile became a grin at that. She liked it when he grinned, even when he was driving her crazy. It made him look like the impossibly young and jaunty fighter pilot he’d once been, before she’d even been aware he existed.

She kept that thought to herself.

“Did you have fun?” Nadira asked, smiling warmly at them all.

“We met actual Rogue Squadron pilots,” Nico said. His demeanor was still reserved, but excitement bubbled beneath the surface. “Other than Luke, I mean.”

“Ran into Hobbie and Wes,” Luke explained, in response to Mara’s raised eyebrows. Mara couldn’t quite stifle her groan at that, and Luke grinned again.

“Yes,” Corissa said emphatically, pointing at Mara. “That.”

“Janson hit on you, didn’t he?” Mara asked.

“If Janson’s the immature one, yes,” Corissa replied, coming over to flop down on the couch next to Ronan.

Mara nodded. “Janson’s the immature one.”

Ronan raised an eyebrow at Corissa, then looked over at Luke, who shook his head admiringly. “I’d have shut him down, but Corissa didn’t need my help.”

“He’s a war hero,” Nico said disapprovingly. “You could at least have been polite.”

“He’s practically Dad’s age,” Corissa shot back.

Luke winced, and Mara, who knew Janson to be only two years Luke’s senior, nearly laughed. “And with an emotional age of about twelve.”

“He’s a good guy, I promise,” Luke said. “An incorrigible flirt and addicted to practical jokes, but a good person. We flew together during the war.”

“In Rogue Squadron,” Nico said again, as though they might have missed it the first time. He sank into the empty chair at Corissa’s end of the couch.

Luke shrugged a little awkwardly. He always got awkward when people went all Rogue Squadron or Jedi fan club on him. Mara sympathized with his preference to stay out of the spotlight, but she still found the spectacle amusing. “Most of the squadron’s reputation was achieved after I retired and Wedge took command.”

“Because you definitely didn’t do anything impressive during the war,” Mara said with a smirk.

He sent her a mock glare, and came over to sit on her chair’s arm. “That’s a pretty nice model,” he said. Mara held up her star cruiser and he took it, turning it over and inspecting it. Artoo rolled up to Luke’s side, beeping insistently, and Luke held it lower so that Artoo could get a look as well. “Good detailing.”

Nadira smiled. “Did you have starship models and toys growing up, Luke?”

“Oh, for sure,” Luke said, handing the star cruiser back to Mara. “All I really wanted to do growing up was fly, so most of my toys were ships.” He caught sight of Banta, and blinked. “I think I had that exact bantha.”

“Do you still have it?” Corissa asked. “I still have my favorite plush nerf from when I was little.”

“No,” Luke said, his face falling a little. “My home was burned right before I left Tatooine. There wasn’t anything left.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Nadira said, and the others joined her in offering condolences. Luke smiled and reassured them all, but Mara knew the smile covered a deep and abiding sorrow. She suddenly wished with all her heart that she could somehow bring back some memento from Luke’s childhood to match the ones she’d just gained.

Sharing her own good fortune was, she thought, probably as close as she could come, and so she held up Banta. “Is she the same as yours?”

Luke’s eyes met hers, evaluating, and she knew in that moment that he understood how precious the little bantha somehow was to her. He took Banta from her very gently, smoothing down the long fur. “Really close,” he said. “But mine was a lighter brown. What’s her name?”

“Banta,” Mara said, feeling deeply self-conscious.

Luke smiled, handing Banta back. “Mine was named Sandy.” He shrugged self-deprecatingly. “What can you expect from a five-year-old?”

“Mara was two when she named hers,” Ronan murmured.

“I like it,” Luke said.


--------------


They spent another half hour on the album, with Ronan and Nadira explaining each holo all over again for Luke, while Corissa leaned forward to watch everyone’s reactions and Nico took his turn to look bored.

Eventually Corissa looked at her chrono and asked, “Shouldn’t we be getting back to the apartment for our fittings?”

“She’s right,” Luke said, rising to his feet. “Mara and I will walk you back. It’s easy to get lost in the Palace.”

“You guys need to get ready, too,” Corissa said. “What if your droid went with us? He’s cute, I like him.”

Artoo gave a happy-sounding trill, and Mara glared at him. Traitor.

“If you like,” Luke agreed. “He knows his way around. You may not be able to translate his comments, but as long as you follow him you won’t get lost.”

“Oh, that’s not a problem,” Corissa assured him. “Between Dad and Nico, they’d probably understand most binary.” She smiled brilliantly at Artoo. “And I’m sure Artoo won’t steer us wrong.”

“Sounds good,” Luke said. “Artoo, you know where they’re staying, right?”

Artoo favored him with a contemptuous blat, and Luke rolled his eyes. “I was just checking; don’t get all huffy. Okay, we’ll see you guys in a few hours.”

Her family followed Artoo into the hallway. Mara waited until the door closed to demand, “Why does he like her and not me?”

Luke laughed. “Your sister hasn’t threatened to blast him into scrap,” he pointed out. “You have. Anyway, he does like you now.”

“He’s got a funny way of showing it,” Mara muttered.

“Mara,” Luke said patiently, “Artoo’s been with me for a decade now, and you see how he treats me. It’s just how he is.”

“Mmph.” She sent a glare at him. “You set me up.”

Luke grinned. “Maybe a little.” He picked up her star cruiser and ran a finger along its spine. “But you survived just fine. And look what you got out of it.”

“A handful of toys,” Mara said, trying to sound indifferent.

“No,” Luke said softly, setting the cruiser down next to Banta. “Part of your life. This is who you were before he took you. Once you were a little girl who played with these toys and slept with this blanket.”

Mara tried hard to imagine herself as a toddler, happily clutching Banta close or swooping the star cruiser through the air, but it was like trying to launch herself into orbit by jumping. “I still don’t remember it.”

Luke looked at her with an open sympathy that would have infuriated her coming from almost anyone else. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I hope that you do eventually remember. But even if you don’t, this, all of it, is still yours. He had no right to take any of it from you. I’m glad to see you get some of it back.”

Mara lifted Banta up to hold her against her chest, as gently as if the soft toy was fine porcelain. “I think I am, too.”

“Good,” Luke said softly. He headed over to the table and started clearing the dishes, and Mara gave Banta a surreptitious squeeze before setting her down to join him, balancing plates along the length of her arm.

“I still don’t know how you manage that,” Luke observed, stacking bowls.

“I’ve showed you,” Mara said, carrying her load of plates to the kitchen and setting them down on the counter. “I don’t know how you can fly an X-wing the way you do and not be able to pick up fan carrying.”

Luke snorted. “Those skill sets do not necessarily overlap.” He began to scrape food remnants into the disposal, while Mara headed back to the table to gather glasses. He was loading the plates and bowls into the cleaner when Mara returned.

“Did you know that small children put toys in their mouths?” Mara asked, handing him the glasses one by one.

“I think I’d heard that somewhere,” Luke said, a smile tugging at his lips. “Why are you thinking about that?”

“Nadira said that my ship was too big for me to choke on.” Mara frowned. “Why would they put something in their mouth when it’s not food?”

Luke shrugged. “Babies and toddlers don’t know any better.”

“How do you know about these things?” Mara demanded. “Jaina and Jacen are hardly even crawling yet.”

“Aunt Beru loved children,” Luke said, closing the cleaner door and starting the cycle. “She had friends all over Anchorhead and the Mos Eisley area, but she especially loved to visit the ones with babies or small children. And until I was almost a teenager, I went with her on most of those visits.”

Mara raised an eyebrow. “So you did a lot of baby-sitting?”

“Hardly any,” Luke said with a grin. “Aunt Beru wasn’t about to give up her precious time with those kids on my account. But I was around for a lot of interaction with them.”

“Hm,” Mara murmured noncommittally, leaning against the counter. She’d known that there were many things about ordinary life that she was unfamiliar with, but it was another thing entirely to be confronted with her ignorance of something that apparently everyone knew.

“If you head home now,” Luke said, “you’ll have time to grab a quick nap before the ballet.”

Mara shot him a dirty look. “I’m not tired.”

“Uh-huh,” Luke said dryly. “Emotional exhaustion is a thing, too, Mara.”

“I’m fine,” she insisted. Uselessly, of course. Luke was much more empathetic than she was, and that was even without using the Force. Still, he didn’t have to go all mother nuna on her.

“If you say so,” he said, giving her an aggravatingly knowing look. “Anyway, I’ll get you a bag to carry your stuff home in.”

Mara decided that she was just grateful that the yawn she couldn’t entirely suppress didn’t arise until he’d left the kitchen.


----------------


Luke pressed the door chime, and in less than a minute the door opened and a blur of dark blue positively bounced through and into Mara’s startled arms.

“Mara, it’s the prettiest dress I’ve ever seen!” Corissa’s voice, close to Mara’s ear. Mara blinked over her sister’s shoulder at Luke, who lifted a hand to cover his smile. Before Mara could make a face at him, Corissa pulled back, bouncing again on her toes. “Look at it!” She lifted her skirt slightly and pirouetted.

In the apartment behind her, Nico walked past the door, dressed in a dark jacket and pants and eating a piece of fruit. “Corissa, take a tranquilizer or something. It’s just a dress.”

Corissa grabbed the doorframe and leaned back in. “Why are you eating something that can drip on those clothes? You just ate anyway, you sleemo!”

At that, Luke lost his battle for composure and laughed out loud.

“Corissa, language,” Ronan said, stepping from the hallway into the apartment’s main room.

“Well, if he wasn’t such a sleemo, we wouldn’t have these issues,” Corissa argued.

Definitely your sister, Luke mouthed silently at Mara. She glared at him.

“Corissa,” Ronan said wearily. His gaze swept past her to land on Mara, and his eyes brightened. “Mara, you look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Mara said, a little awkwardly.

Corissa looked back at her, assessing her dress for the first time. “Mara, that’s gorgeous.” She came back into the hallway and circled Mara, examining her dress while Luke grinned.

Ronan smiled at both Mara and Luke, then addressed himself to Corissa again. “Ask them in, for pity’s sake. They’ll think we never taught you any manners at all.”

“We’re almost ready anyway, Dad,” Corissa said, but she grabbed Mara’s hand and pulled her into the apartment. Luke followed them, still grinning. She stood Mara in the center of the main room, took her other hand, and held her arms out wide, looking her up and down. “This,” she pronounced firmly, “is a dress for royalty. How many gowns like this do you have?”

Mara looked toward Luke for help, but he had already turned to talk to Ronan. “Five, at the moment,” she said.

She’d had hundreds, once; all of the finest design and materials and perfectly tailored. It had taken an entire apartment suite to hold her wardrobe when she’d been Emperor’s Hand. Back then, she would have scorned the thought of having only five formal gowns to choose from.

Of course, back then she wasn’t buying them with her own money, either. It was slower going now, trying to build up the sort of wardrobe one tended to need within the social circles she once again found herself in. But five was at least enough to rotate through the number of formal events she was expected to attend without repeating a gown too quickly. In the years since the Empire’s fall, Mara had nearly forgotten how much things like that mattered in the more elite circles.

Well, they couldn’t all have wardrobes like Leia and Winter. She liked the gowns she had so far, and they would get her through the next year. By then she’d be able to afford a couple more if she needed them.

“Five,” Corissa breathed. Across the room, Nico raised a sardonic eyebrow. Mara ignored him. “Are they all as fancy as this one?”

Mara looked down at her own dress. She’d actually worn this one only two weeks ago to some event or other, but no one outside of their little group would see her tonight, and—well, she knew that Luke liked it. And he’d been so supportive throughout all of this. And if it gave her a little emotional boost to sense his appreciation when he saw her, so what? She was having a stressful week.

The gown was perhaps her simplest one: sleeveless, with a V-neck, a floor-length full skirt, and no extra embellishments at all, but it was entirely covered in gold sequins. Refined and elegant, it was a little too heavy and stiff to be an ideal dancing dress, but was excellent for more reserved occasions like the ballet.

“A couple are a little flashier,” Mara answered, shrugging slightly. She hesitated, then added, “I like the one you picked out.”

Corissa dropped Mara’s hands to beam and twirl around again, the sequins on her own dress catching the light as she did so. The gown was midnight blue silk with a matching tulle overlay, with an all-over pattern of narrow diagonal stripes of silver and lighter blue sequins, and a wide contrasting waist of sparkling embroidery, also in silver and shades of blue. Unsurprisingly, Mara thought, Corissa had chosen a gown that would be perfect for dancing.

“I never thought I’d own something like this,” Corissa confided, her eyes shining. “Did you really mean it, about our keeping the clothes?”

“Of course,” Mara said, remembering the first time she’d worn a formal gown for a mission. Her own enjoyment hadn’t even been a consideration, yet she’d still smiled at her reflection before leaving her apartment. “They’re a gift.”

Corissa flung her arms around Mara for another impulsive hug, and Mara carefully lifted her own arms to return the squeeze, just for a moment.

“Mara.” Nadira’s voice came from off to the side, full of an emotion that Mara couldn’t name.

Corissa stepped back to beam brightly at their mother. “Isn’t she gorgeous, Mom?”

Mara looked over toward the voice. Nadira was standing beside Ronan, her eyes as full of emotion as her voice, smiling at them both. “Gorgeous,” Nadira agreed. She blinked away brimming tears. “Both of you. To see you together like this…”

“Our girls will definitely be the most beautiful ones at this ballet,” Ronan said, putting his arm around Nadira’s waist. “They take after their mother.”

A loud thunk behind Mara implied that Nico had tossed his fruit pit toward the trash with unnecessary force. Corissa ignored the sound with an ease that Mara envied.

“We both have your hair, Dad,” Corissa pointed out.

Ronan smiled at her. “It’s your mother’s beauty that makes it shine on you two.”

Corissa rolled her eyes, then turned to Mara again. “Don’t you think Mom should have picked something with more glamour?”

Mara lost her battle to not squirm, then belatedly turned it into a shrug. “It’s a very elegant dress.”

It was, in fact: Nadira had chosen a black silk dress with cap sleeves and a floor-length skirt embroidered with a brocade pattern in shimmering black thread, its subtle sheen beautifully understated against the more matte silk. Its only adornment was a narrow crystal belt. Unlike Mara and Corissa, who’d both chosen updos, Nadira had left her long wavy blonde hair loose and casual. She wore no makeup, and her bare arms were as covered with freckles as her face. Mara thought she looked lovely beyond words.

“Don’t start that again, Corissa,” Nadira said, smiling as she wiped away a tear. “I’ll leave the sparkle to you two.”

Luke pushed himself off the wall he’d been leaning against to watch them all and flashed a grin at Mara before turning a slightly more sedate smile at her parents. “If everyone’s ready, we should get going.”

Corissa clapped gleefully, then lifted her skirt enough to actually dance toward the door and into the hall in a modified but graceful pas de chat. Nadira laughed, then took Ronan’s offered arm and smiled at Mara as they followed her out of the apartment. Nico followed, just slowly enough for his pace to be noticed, offering Mara an inscrutable look as he did.

Mara watched them all, a tumult of unfamiliar thoughts and emotions swelling within her. Luke lifted a sympathetic eyebrow and offered his arm, and she inhaled deeply before taking it.

A night out with the family, Han would have called this. He’d adapted to a family life far removed from anything he’d grown up with. She could, too, out of sheer stubbornness, if nothing else.

The door slid shut after her as she exited the apartment, and followed her family down the hall.


--------------


Luke walked her to her own apartment later that night, after they’d dropped her family off at theirs. “You were great today,” he told her.

Mara bit her lip. “Maybe.”

“No, you were,” he insisted. “They obviously love you to pieces already, and you took that next step even though you were scared. I told you that you could do it.”

Love you to pieces. Well, she was pretty sure that Nico still didn’t, but Ronan and Nadira and Corissa—she was starting to think that maybe they did. And that was a nicer feeling than she would have expected.

“Thanks to you,” she replied, as they stopped in front of her door. She sighed. “I feel like some green recruit who needs her hand held to get through the first day of basic training.”

“Everyone needs help sometimes,” Luke said, leaning sideways against the wall. “It’s not a weakness. It’s just reality.”

The juxtaposition of his casual pose and formal suit was rather startlingly attractive, and Mara smiled a little at him. “I don’t think that most people need help dealing with their own family.”

Luke laughed. “Yes, they do, Mara. And that’s people who’ve spent their whole lives with those families, not people who are meeting them for the first time at nearly thirty.”

“Hey, now,” Mara said, raising an eyebrow. “You’re closer to thirty than I am.”

“So we’re both old,” Luke said with a grin. “Tell me seriously that you don’t feel ancient next to Corissa’s energy.”

Mara tried not to return the grin, and failed. “I was never that young, I’ll tell you that.”

“I was,” Luke said, tilting his head in an almost-shrug. “But it feels like a lifetime ago.”

Mara leaned sideways against the wall herself, facing him. “Everything feels like a lifetime ago now. A dozen lifetimes ago.”

Luke leaned forward enough to reach out and take her hand in his. “That’s not a bad thing. You’ve been through so much, Mara. Now you get a chance to reclaim the life that should have been yours all along. A new start.”

His hand was distractingly warm. “I suppose.”

He squeezed her hand, then let it go. “So I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“You’re sure it’s not a bother?” Mara’s stomach did another nauseated little flip at the thought of trying to manage her family on her own all day, but she felt obligated to give him an out if he wanted it. It wasn’t, after all, his family to entertain and make conversation with all week.

“Of course it’s not,” Luke said. “I meant it when I said I like them. And it'll be nice to spend the whole day with you, too. We don’t get the chance to do that very often.”

Mara’s stomach fluttered again. She didn’t mind it so much this time. “We don’t,” she agreed. “And you’re more at ease with them than I am.”

“They do love you, though,” Luke said quietly.

“I know,” Mara admitted.

“Do you like them, at least?”

Mara thought about that for a moment. “I think so.”

Luke smiled. “So the ice is broken, then. Tomorrow you can start really getting to know each other.”

“Always the optimist.” Mara smothered a yawn and reluctantly pushed herself away from the wall to stand upright and unlock her door.

Luke raised an eyebrow and followed suit. “Did you take that nap earlier?”

“Don’t start,” Mara said as the door opened.

“You might be the most stubborn person I know,” Luke said, shaking his head.

“More than Leia? I’ll take that as a compliment.” Mara took a step inside, then paused. “Seriously, Luke, thanks for everything.”

He smiled. “It’s nothing.”

It wasn’t nothing, it wasn’t even close, but she knew he meant it. For the thousandth time, Mara wondered how someone like Darth Vader could have fathered someone like Luke. “See you tomorrow, then.”

“Tomorrow,” Luke said, and tossed her a ridiculously casual Rebel-style salute before continuing down the hallway toward his own apartment. Mara shook her head, but smiled as she closed the door and headed toward her bedroom.

It hadn’t been an easy day, she thought as she hung up her gown and unpinned her hair and donned pajamas, but it hadn’t been as awful as she’d been afraid of, either. Ronan and Nadira were kind, and while they weren’t capable of hiding the depth of their emotion from a Force-sensitive, on an ordinary level it was obvious that they were trying to restrain themselves so as to not overwhelm her. She appreciated the effort.

Corissa could be exhausting and occasionally obnoxious, but she was sweet, almost, for all that. Mara wondered if that was really what ordinary eighteen-year-olds were like. Luke seemed to think so, and he would probably know. Mara couldn’t even imagine being that carefree and effervescent. Her very earliest memories were of strict discipline and high expectations. Playfulness of any kind had never been an option. Would she have been more like Corissa, if she had been allowed to stay with her parents? A thought flashed across her mind, of a young Corissa enduring Mara’s own upbringing, and her breath caught. She shook her head violently to banish the image, and sat down on the edge of her bed to determinedly braid her hair.

Nico was a puzzle still, and a borderline hostile puzzle, at that. He very clearly didn’t like her, but she had no idea why, and didn’t know where to start trying to figure it out. Did he resent her for not being there when he was growing up? Did he resent her for being here now? Did he just dislike her personally? Had she even said enough for him to know her well enough to dislike?

Maybe Luke was right, and it was just a matter of everyone getting used to each other. Mara wondered how exactly they were supposed to go about that, and how long it would take.

She finished her braid and fastened the end, then stood and pulled her blankets back. As she did so, the small pile of belongings she’d acquired from Ronan and Nadira caught her eye. She’d set them on the chair on the other side of the room, the starship and Banta sitting side by side on top of the folded blanket. It almost looked like Banta was watching her.

“You slept with it every night. I worried for years about how you were sleeping without it.”

Her, Mara couldn’t help correcting, even in the privacy of her own thoughts. Banta’s a girl.

Maybe it did help a small child to sleep, to clutch a bit of stuffed fabric crafted in the shape of an animal. Adults didn’t need such things. Did they? She certainly didn’t. The thought was absurd.

But Banta was still looking at her.

Mara walked over to the chair and picked her up, then held her tight against her own chest.

“She always seemed—sad, after you were gone.”

For some inexplicable reason, Mara couldn’t bear to think of Banta being sad.

Still carrying Banta in one arm, she carefully set the starship on her bedside table, then spread the intricate baby blanket over the foot of her bed. Then she turned off the light and climbed into bed, pulling up the covers and nestling in.

She closed her eyes and held Banta close, and drifted off to sleep.

 

I totally, actually had to laugh. I could imagine this!

“Janson hit on you, didn’t he?” Mara asked.

“If Janson’s the immature one, yes,” Corissa replied, coming over to flop down on the couch next to Ronan.

Mara nodded. “Janson’s the immature one.”

Ronan raised an eyebrow at Corissa, then looked over at Luke, who shook his head admiringly. “I’d have shut him down, but Corissa didn’t need my help.”





This is such great banter and so true about Artoo!

Her family followed Artoo into the hallway. Mara waited until the door closed to demand, “Why does he like her and not me?”

Luke laughed. “Your sister hasn’t threatened to blast him into scrap,” he pointed out. “You have. Anyway, he does like you now.”

“He’s got a funny way of showing it,” Mara muttered.

“Mara,” Luke said patiently, “Artoo’s been with me for a decade now, and you see how he treats me. It’s just how he is.”

Sure 'nuff is.

I have those same questions about Nicco. It could be as complex as a combination of both, she wasn't there when he was growing up, and she's there now.



But it does seem that Mara is getting along very wonderfully with Nadira, Ronan, and Corissa. It would be very hard not to like Corissa.

LOL at the discussion about "were we ever that young, with that much energy?"

I adored how Mara enjoyed Luke's empathy and got tummy flips at his touch and assurances that her feelings are natural.

I absolutely MELTED at how she has 'taken to' Banta.

 

This is married Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade, and they're going to be doing this wonderful, romantic little dance for decades!

Oh, Corissa's so young and Luke's not that old! He's like not even thirty!

*glances at Bel505's registration date and sighs heavily*

Here's something about Mara, and it's probably the reason she's a good guy and not a bad guy (like so many of the Emperor's other minions): she's actually deeply empathetic. We don't see it too much, because Mara does her best to keep herself away from people. But in Allegiance and Choices of One, in the short story where she gets the Jade's Fire, during that conversation with Leia in The Last Command followed, the short story where she met Ghent, and during her whole sojourn at the bar after Palpatine's death, Mara is shown to be sensitive to and aware of the emotions of others—even if she doesn't get emotional about them herself. She's got very good emotional awareness (for everyone other than herself). It would be a necessary tool for a manipulator, which she absolutely was, but she's not a sociopath—she cares how others feel.

This is a problem for her, though, because while the Emperor didn't want a Dark Sider, he did need someone... ruthless. And so Mara compartmentalized, where she dealt with her empathy largely by staying isolated. And in Legends canon, she stayed locked away for ten long years after The Last Command, with business relationships and friendships but little that went deeper than surface level. Here though, (like in Interregnum), there's no Dark Empire to toss Luke and Mara around and sever them from one another. Mara is letting Luke get close, the way he almost certainly gradually would have, but before she's fully accepted that and embraced it, or even learned to fully understand it, here comes her long-lost family looking for emotional connections that she has left deliberately stunted for basically her entire life...

Aww, Mara. Sheer stubbornness doesn't begin to describe you.

 

This is married Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade, and they're going to be doing this wonderful, romantic little dance for decades!

*purrs, melts*

 

Chapter 3 review:
That was a lovely lunch scene!
I loved how Luke kept conversation going smoothly between everyone. So smooth!
You could really feel Mara's internal struggle throughout the meal. It's a lot to process still and you captured her inner voice/thoughts very well.
I liked how different her siblings were. Corissa was chatty and fun to read. It was nice to see Nico perk up and get along with Luke.
I'm glad Mara got some time with her parents at the end. It was cute they brought along some of her old toys and holos to share with her.
Fantastic update, look forward to the next one!

Update:
Catching up up the latest Ch 4 right now!

 

Alright caught up on Ch 4!
Great to see the gang get all dressed up for a night out, Corissa was super cute with her excitement, shame Nico was a bit indifferent about it all though.

What else is new!

I found it hilarious that Mara was annoyed at how fast Artoo immediately took to her sister and family.

She chose the dress with Luke in mind... I love it!

Aww this end scene with Luke and Mara was perfect, the banter, friendship and appreciation was all on show.

Thanks for the update! Look forward to see how happens next.

 

I do love fight pilot Luke.

lolol at this whole exchange. Corissa being able to handle herself and thinking Wes is SO OLD, and Nico's horror at how she treated a war hero, my gosh, how could she? Great bit of humor, as well as a great way to flesh out Corissa and Nico's characters.

I mean, come on, it had to be Sandy.

lol I love Mara's indignation here.

This is simultaneously heartwarming and heartbreaking. Now I'm picturing bebeh!Mara swooping her star cruiser around the room while Ronan and Nadira watch her play, and how dare you, Gabri.

I love the softness of this whole scene between Luke and Mara, even with the heartache underneath. And then Mara cradling her precious Banta...

Aw, yay for Beru backstory! I love it all!

Omigosh, I could feel Corissa's energy practically leaping off the screen here. She's so excited about her first super fancy dress,

lol I love this part, idk it just makes me laugh. And I could hear Nico's voice so clearly here, and feel the depth of history between him and Corissa. Plus he's so casual with the fruit, and Corissa is so offended that he would dare eat something that drips while he's wearing their very expensive and fancy new clothes.

I really like how you used this scene to subtly highlight the difference in social status between Mara and her family. Even though Mara was once the very elite, with hundreds of dresses - and numerous other resources - at her disposal, her social status now is pretty modest, relatively speaking. Five dresses is nothing compared to what she once had, and it's nothing compared to what women like Leia and Winter have and are expected to keep, plus she has to work to pay for those dresses... but to Corissa, five dresses is unthinkable. So even though Mara isn't operating at the level she once was, she's still part of a social circle that is so many levels removed from the one her family occupies. And what's interesting here is that she's not quite aware of that disparity, or rather, she doesn't really consider it an important factor in their interactions because Luke and Leia and many of their family and friends are practical, down-to-earth people and it's no big deal, really. And I'm starting to ramble, but I liked that aspect of this scene.

That's right, Mara, you wear that dress that Luke likes.

Corissa is adorable, and that dress is amazing. (And I love Mara's reactions to her sister's enthusiasm.)

Aw, Ronan and Nadira love their beautiful girls.

Oh, Nico.

I do love Mara thinking her mother is lovely beyond words.

(And this dress, too! Seriously, your picks were perfect.)

Love that pose. I could see it.

I feel you, Luke. Oy.

These two, Gabri. They're so close. And I love how happy he is for her to have this chance, and how supportive he is, and gaaah, just be married already! They basically are anyway.

I love this scene so much. Obviously Banta is looking at her because she missed her and won't she please pick her up and cuddle her now?

Atta girl, Mara, go comfort Banta, she needs you.

THIS IS THE MOST ADORABLE THING, FIGHT ME.

*ahem*

Another excellent installment, dearest, and I'm very much looking forward to the next one.

 

@WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

Corissa's my boo

@Bel505

They really are adorable together. Luke's never the least bit intimidated by her, and yet so proud of how intimidating she can be, while Mara might tease about the whole farm boy thing, but she secretly so admires his earnest wholeheartedness

I'm older But you know how 18yos can be, anyone over 25 has one foot in the grave. I couldn't find any solid information about exactly how much time TTT covered, but judging by the advancement of Leia's pregnancy and the birth of the twins, I figure it had to be less than a year. With Luke and Mara's birth years established but not knowing exactly where in the calendar year it was when TTT ended, my best guess here is that Luke is 28 or just about to be, and Mara is 26 or just about to be. Corissa would probably deny thinking they're ancient - but yeah, she kinda does

And her concern for Karrde throughout TTT - she tells herself that she doesn't owe him anything, but you can tell she's not really convincing herself. And she did go to Luke for help and break into a Star Destroyer to get Karrde out, and cared very much that he knew she didn't betray him. She really doesn't want anyone to know how much she cares, but she definitely cares. And as much as I love the more mature and mellow Mara (holy alliteration, Batman ) of HoT, I also really love AUs that give her the chance to avoid those ten lonely years that led up to that point in time. Still, right here and now, yeah, it's so overwhelming for her, to be picking up on and caring about everyone else's feelings before she's even really sorted her own, and when she doesn't actually know how to handle emotional connections like this.

She's the best

@mayo_durron_666

Luke does try to be helpful! He's a people person, for sure. Whereas Mara's much more introverted and has so much baggage, but she is trying, poor girl. Corissa was the first of the family whose personality I was sure of, which is kind of fascinating, considering how different she is from Mara (and me ), but she's a lot of fun. Nico took longer to figure out, but there's definitely more depth there than he's really letting on yet. Thinking about what Ronan and Nadira might have to share with Mara was actually kind of sad, considering that they essentially bugged out of their home assuming that the Royal Guard was coming to kill them, so they wouldn't have had time to take much. I figured that they could only have grabbed a few necessities and a handful of things that meant the most to them, and that that would include their family album and Mara's very favorite things, since they couldn't possibly have come to terms with the idea of having permanently lost her. They had to believe they'd get her back somehow, because how do you even deal with the alternative? And while 3yos can have some weird favorite things, a stuffed animal, a favorite blanket, and a toy seemed like safe bets

lol, well, in fairness to Nico, Corissa's the only one of the family who's truly excited about the ballet and the clothes for their own sake. Ronan and Nadira don't have any objections, really, but they're doing it because Corissa wanted it and Mara pressed them to accept. But since Corissa had to hang out with Luke and Nico talking about ships, it's Nico's turn to be bored and let his sister have something she's excited about

Such an ungrateful droid

Everyone needs an emotional boost now and then

Thanks so much! Luke and Mara work so well together, they're always fun to write

@ViariSkywalker

I mean, who wouldn't?

Corissa is utterly self-assured, and not impressed with old men trying to hit on her, famous war heroes or not I'm pretty sure that Nico wouldn't expect anything else from her, but that doesn't mean he's going to approve of her bluntness

I still can't believe I didn't think of that name immediately

After all they've been through

lololol, after that Ben decathalon where you killed EVERYONE

Also, bebeh!Mara

Luke is so pleased for her. And Mara already loves Banta much more than she'd admit

Beru was a people person with many friends, she loved children and was an honorary aunt to half the kids in the Anchorhead area, and family and home meant everything to her and she did everything she could to keep the people she loved happy and safe and comfortable. This is my headcanon for Beru, and nothing can change it

I'm still amazed at how early in this process I knew exactly who Corissa was. There was never any doubt that she would be overjoyed by this whole evening. A performance by one of the galaxy's most elite ballet companies and a princess dress, how could she not be bouncing off the walls

She's always so excitable, and Nico is so very not And how very dare he, you don't eat messy foods when you're wearing fancy clothes that probably cost a month's wages, doesn't he know anything

Not rambling, I love it I think this is an interesting thing about Mara: at this point in time, she's been among the galaxy's very most elite, and also so very low that any random job with a smuggling group was a huge improvement, but until the last six months, she really hasn't experienced much in between those two extremes. Because she did know such extravagant wealth and luxury for so long, I don't think she fully appreciates that she's still fairly high up the ladder, by galactic standards. Like you say, five dresses as obviously expensive and fancy as these is simply unthinkable for Corissa, a queen's wardrobe. Mara sincerely looks at that wardrobe and not only doesn't see anything special, she sees it as a huge step down. She's very practical and didn't necessarily love the wealth for its own sake, but her current state is far, far removed from what she once knew. And I think that knowing both ends of the spectrum but absolutely nothing in the middle leaves her with something of a skewed outlook on financial matters. In Mara's world, you either have everything or you have nothing, and everything in the middle kind of blurs together. When you add that point of view to both her own practicality and that of her closest friends, I'm not sure that she even realizes there's much difference between her social level and her family's. You notice that it didn't really register with her just how awed Corissa was by her wardrobe. And to whatever extent she does notice any economic or social differences between them, they truly wouldn't matter to her. Mara's very much a substance over appearances sort of person. But that doesn't mean that the differences don't exist, or that other people wouldn't be paying more attention to it than she is.

He's been so supportive! And also sometimes it's nice to feel admired

Corissa's so, so adorable And Mara's so tentative about the sisterly girl talk, but she's trying!

They do!

I think it's safe to say that this whole scene is not exactly Nico's idea of a great time...

Her family might be starting to grow on her a little bit

lololol, she's so bouncy

I mean, they really basically are. They just haven't quite realized it yet

Right?? Banta needed her little girl

(why do we not have a bantha emoji? )

IT IS, I 100% AGREE WITH YOU, NO FIGHTING NECESSARY

 

Chapter Five



It would be too much to say that it was with a light heart that Mara opened her door late the next morning, but for almost the first time since she’d read Ronan and Nadira’s initial communication, she wasn’t actively scared. That alone was enough of a relief to be grateful for.

But she was also still grateful that Luke was the first to arrive, and not just because he brought breakfast.

“Although it’s closer to lunchtime,” he pointed out.

“It’s the first meal of the day,” Mara said, raising an eyebrow as she took another sip from the mug she’d carried to the door. “That makes it breakfast, no matter what the clock says.”

“All of this hanging around with smugglers is corrupting you,” Luke observed, setting the bags on her dining room table. “Got any more of that caf?”

“Says the guerrilla fighter,” Mara responded, setting her mug down to begin emptying the bags. “I’m sure you kept very structured hours in that rebellion of yours. And it’s in the pot, where else do you think it would be?”

“It’s called being polite, not just barging around in someone else’s home,” Luke said, heading for the kitchen.

Mara snorted and raised her voice enough to carry so that he could still hear her. “Uh-huh. Did you or did you not actually use my lock code to come in here and make dinner for me last month? Without asking?”

“You were working late,” Luke replied with dignity as he reentered the dining room, caf in hand. “Was I supposed to just let you eat a ration bar before bed? I called to let you know I was doing it.”

“After you’d made the dinner,” Mara argued, setting the pastries he’d brought onto a serving platter in the middle of the table. “And only because you didn’t want me to shoot you when I came home and found someone in the apartment.”

“But the point,” Luke said, taking another sip of caf before setting his mug down to help her unpack the bags, “is that I called.”

Mara really didn’t think that was the point, but the door chime sounded before she could reply.

Luke kept stacking pieces of fruit on the other platter, but his eyes on her were serious. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Mara said, and was surprised to find that she mostly meant it. “I’m okay. I think.”

“So I can head out, then?” Luke asked. “Because you’re doing so well and all—”

Mara felt her eyes widen before she could gain control of her expression, and Luke grinned at her. “Gotcha.”

She glared at him. “I can still kill you, Skywalker.”

“Sure, and then who’d make you dinner?” He folded the bags up and set them on a nearby shelf. “Go let your family in.”

Her family. Mara was pretty sure she liked them, but she didn’t think she’d ever get used to that. Nevertheless, she went to open the door.

Ronan was murmuring something to Nadira, but he paused to smile at Mara. It radiated genuine affection, warmer than the tentative, hopeful smile he’d offered yesterday morning at Luke’s apartment.

This is my father, Mara told herself.

Mara had never thought to imagine what her father looked like before Leia had asked about her own parents, after they’d thwarted the kidnapping attempt. Afterward, she’d never been able to imagine it, even when she tried.

She decided that she liked her father having Ronan’s quiet demeanor and kind eyes.

“Mara,” Ronan said.

“Sweetheart,” Nadira said, smiling more broadly and reaching her hands out. Reflexive anxiety rose within Mara in response to the gesture, but she forced it back, allowing her hands to be briefly clasped.

Nadira’s hands were warm and gentle, and her sense in the Force was also less tentative than yesterday, her affection open and almost relieved.

That relief made Mara even more nervous—liking her family was still a far cry from feeling like a part of it—but she breathed evenly, centering herself as Luke had taught her back on Wayland.

This is my mother, she thought.

Leia was the first mother that Mara had ever really known, as opposed to observing from a distance, and the twins were still very young. But Mara knew by now how tenderly Leia held Jaina and Jacen; the way her whole sense in the Force warmed as she smiled and cooed at them, the gentle way she bounced them lightly on her shoulder as she soothed them when they were fussy.

Mara still couldn’t imagine herself as a baby, or even as the toddler she’d been when Palpatine took her, but in her mind’s eye it was easy to see Nadira doting on her children the way that Leia did. Mara felt a sudden burst of jealousy, that Nico and Corissa must remember what it was like, to be so very small yet utterly secure in their mother’s love.

Breathe.

It was Luke’s voice in her head, but at that moment Mara had no idea whether it was actually him speaking or just her own memories.

“Hi,” she said, biting her lip for just a moment before realizing she was doing it. Her acting tutor would have been scathing over such a slip. “Please come in.”

Ronan and Nadira did, returning Luke’s cheerful greeting as they did so.

Nico followed. He silently met Mara’s eyes, then swept his gaze around her living room and looked back at her, head tilted, before stepping further inside. He also returned Luke’s greeting, and Mara pressed her lips together tightly in irritation before looking into the hall for the last member of the family.

Corissa was a meter back, carefully replicating a bit of footwork from last night’s performance. She looked up at Mara, frowning. “Does this seem right?” She repeated the procession of steps with a precise grace.

Mara watched, then asked, “Wasn’t there a glissade going into the relevé?”

“Yes! I knew I was forgetting something.” Corissa repeated the footwork yet again, this time adding the glissade, then beamed at Mara. “How much ballet do you know?”

“Enough,” Mara said, gesturing her inside the apartment. “All the basics.”

“‘All the basics’ does not a prima ballerina make,” Corissa informed her.

“I guess it’s a good thing I wasn’t taught to be a prima ballerina,” Mara said, shutting the door behind them.

Corissa’s eyes were bright with curiosity. “What were you taught to dance for, then?”

Images of the Court flashed through her mind, followed by memories of Jabba’s. Mara swallowed hard at the idea of admitting to either. “Just as a general skill. Are you planning to be a prima ballerina?”

“Wouldn’t that be something?” Corissa leaned into an arabesque, and again Mara admired her form. She had clearly been well taught, and was probably a natural as well. But then, Mara thought, if their grandmother had been a professional dancer, they had both come by the talent naturally. “The future prima ballerina of the Contruum Ballet, at your service.”

Mara couldn’t help but smile. “Not the Coruscant Ballet?”

Corissa laughed. “Not for my first posting!” She let the arabesque drop and bounced slightly on her toes. “Honestly,” she confided, “I haven’t decided if I’ll focus on ballet. I like a lot of different styles. And eventually I’ll probably be a teacher like Grandma was. But I know that I want to do some performing first.” She sent a dazzling smile at Mara. “Whatever I wind up doing, you’re going to be proud to say that Corissa Jade is your little sister.”

An unfamiliar warmth rose within Mara at that declaration. “I’m sure I will be.”

Luke leaned out of the dining room just then. “There you two are. If you don’t hurry up, you’ll be stuck with fruit. The pastries are going fast.”

Corissa let out a tiny yelp. “There are pastries?” She grabbed Mara’s hand and started pulling her toward the dining room. “You should have told me! Nico will eat all the nut ones, and I’ll have to kill him!”

Mara didn’t even need to meet Luke’s eyes to know his thoughts. Definitely your sister.


----------------


Half an hour later, with cups of caf and the last pastries and pieces of fruit scattered around them, everyone was settled casually in the living room. Though she rarely had guests other than Luke, Mara’s apartment was well furnished—one of the benefits of being granted a living space in the Palace—and she’d assumed that today she would pull over a couple of the chairs from the edges of the room. Instead, she somehow found herself sitting on the floor beside the low table that graced the middle of the conversation circle, looking at a hand of sabacc.

“I bet fifty,” Corissa said, tossing the chip into the pot.

Nico looked up at that. “You don’t have a fifty-cred hand.”

“Prove it,” Corissa challenged.

Ronan, who along with Nadira had successfully avoided being drawn into the game and was sitting on the couch watching them, frowned slightly. “I don’t want you betting in real life, Corissa. You either, Nico.”

“Dad,” Corissa sighed, “it’s a game chip, not a credit.”

“If you’d rather we not play this game—” Luke began.

Nadira shook her head. “It’s not sabacc itself we have any objections to, just gambling.”

Luke glanced sideways at Mara, and she could see the rueful grin he was hiding. In their personal social circles of smugglers and former insurrectionists, finding someone who even abstained from gambling was a near-impossibility, let alone someone who objected to the pursuit on moral grounds, and he hadn’t anticipated such a reaction when he’d suggested the game.

Mara wondered briefly whether his aunt and uncle would have felt as Ronan and Nadira did, or if perhaps such things were too commonplace on Tatooine to bother objecting to. She would have to ask him later.

“I bet Mara and Luke have gambled on sabacc,” Corissa said, derailing Mara’s train of thought. “Haven’t you?”

“Not the point,” Ronan said firmly.

“Your father’s right,” Luke agreed. “Anyway, gambling can backfire pretty spectacularly. I have a friend who lost his prize starship on a sabacc hand.”

Nico actually grinned at Luke. “Is ‘friend’ code for ‘me’ in this instance?”

Luke laughed. “No, I never played for such high stakes. That’s a whole other level, right there.”

“Did you ever play for such high stakes, Mara?” Corissa was looking at her own cards again, her attention only partially on whatever answer Mara might make.

Despite that, Mara was suddenly very aware of Ronan and Nadira’s eyes on her. Their senses in the Force didn’t feel judgmental. But she remembered how they’d looked at her yesterday when they’d given her back her childhood possessions, and when she and Luke arrived to take them to the ballet, and at the diner Luke had chosen for a late meal afterward, when Corissa had drawn her into a discussion about the stylistic differences between the Coruscant ballet’s previous and current artistic directors.

They’d smiled at her as though she was unimaginably precious, warmth overflowing in their eyes and their senses. It made Mara feel awkward, but she didn’t want to give it up, either.

While Mara didn’t share their distaste for gambling, neither did she have any personal love for it. She’d rarely gambled during her time as Emperor’s Hand, and only to maintain her cover. And despite the usual expectations, she hadn’t gambled at all with Karrde’s crew. She had instead held herself apart, as she always did, and avoided socialization as much as possible. She could answer honestly that she’d never been a gambler—

But eight months after leaving Phorliss, she suddenly remembered, she’d been stranded in a grubby tenth-rate spaceport town without credits enough for either a room or a ticket to somewhere better, and a diligent search had turned up no job opportunities. Clearly the entire town had seen better times. Mara had spent nearly a week sleeping in dark corners of alleyways and getting by on a single ration bar a day from her meager and swiftly-dwindling supply. Her connection to the Force, spotty in those days, had come back with a vengeance at the time, and the vivid nightmares left her even more miserable each morning than she would have expected from the squalid conditions.

Finally, exhausted and hungry and near desperation, she’d turned the Force toward cheating at sabacc. Her control wasn’t strong enough to read anyone’s mind, but it was easily enough to read general emotions and intent. She’d meant only to play long enough to win sufficient funds for passage offworld, but a week’s worth of hunger combined with anger at the galaxy in general overrode her usual convictions, and she’d spent an entire night slipping from cantina to cantina. She never stayed long enough to attract attention, and she certainly had neither lost nor won anything so valuable as the Falcon.

She had, however, cheated equally desperate people out of a large sum of credits by the time the night was over.

That money had gotten her out of the overgrown slum masquerading as a spaceport, and it had fed her and paid for a tiny hostel room until she managed to pick up a job in the next town she landed in. But she’d acquired it dishonestly, and hurt others in the process. For a long time, Mara had remembered it as a turning point in her life, a time when she’d sunk lower than she’d ever believed she could go, not just in status, but in honor.

How had she forgotten that?

“Mara?” Corissa glanced up from her cards now, brow furrowed over Mara’s hesitation.

“No,” Mara answered quickly. She tossed a chip into the pot. “But I call your bet of fifty.”

Luke was glancing her way again. Her shields were good, but so was his empathy. Mara shook her head minutely, and he took the hint and looked back at his own cards. “I call too.”

“Raise,” Nico declared, shoving another chip toward the middle of the table.

Nico won that hand, and the next half dozen as well, and crowed over Corissa in particular about it. Corissa, to Mara’s mild surprise, took the gloating in stride, merely rolling her eyes and making bizarre threats. Mara was no stranger to threatening tactics herself, but never had it occurred to her to threaten to shave off someone’s eyebrows while they were sleeping. Luke just grinned over it all, which implied that this was more of that supposedly normal family behavior which was so alien to her.

“And where exactly did you get so good at this game, young man?” Nadira asked Nico mock-severely. She was tucked against Ronan’s side, his arm stretched along the back of the couch and resting on her shoulders. It was fairly obvious that they were both more amused than anything, but Ronan kept up a better front of sternness than Nadira did.

It was Nico’s turn to roll his eyes. “Mom, everybody knows how to play sabacc. It’s not a big secret.”

“Hmm.” Nadira lifted her caf mug to her lips, and Mara suspected it was to hide a smile.

“Mom and Dad don’t,” Corissa said to Nico, smirking. “We should add it to game night. We’ll clean up.”

“You will indeed,” Ronan replied, raising an eyebrow at her. “The dinner dishes.”


“Ha, ha.” Corissa surrendered her cards to Nico, who was currently playing dealer.

“Game night?” Mara ventured.

Everyone looked at her but Nico, who busied himself shuffling the deck. “You know,” Corissa said helpfully. “Game night.”

“We set aside a night each week to play games as a family, Mara,” Nadira added gently.

“It can be tricky to work into the schedule now, with Nico and Corissa having classes at different times,” Ronan said, taking a sip of his caf. “But that just makes it all the more important to keep the tradition going, to make sure we have time together.”

Luke was nodding as he picked up the cards Nico dealt. “We did that most nights when I was growing up, after the day’s main work was done. Not always games; sometimes Aunt Beru would read to us while Uncle Owen and I fixed little things around the house, or sometimes we’d all have our own projects to work on, but we’d make sure to do them in the same room, at least, so we could talk while we worked.”

“Oh,” Mara said softly, picking up her own cards.

Corissa ignored her cards in favor of studying Mara. “What games did you play growing up?”

Ronan shifted uneasily, and Nadira wore a concerned expression. Remembering, probably, Mara’s admission about having neither friends nor toys growing up. Mara kept her eyes on her cards. “I had too much work to do.”

“Work?” Corissa’s brow furrowed, not with confusion, but with a concern that mirrored Nadira’s. “As a child? I thought you said you grew up in the Palace.”

“Corissa—” Ronan began.

“I did,” Mara said, discarding two of her cards and pretending that the conversation didn’t bother her. “But I still had work to do. Studying, and practice.”

“Practice for what? Dance?”

Mara remembered the endless hours she’d spent, starting around the age of eight, taking various blasters and sniper rifles apart and reassembling them again, until she could do so in the dark. “Among other things.”

“We could set up a game night if you wanted, Mara,” Luke offered.

She almost smiled at him. “We hardly have the time for—” She caught herself just in time and swallowed the dismissive words that had nearly escaped. “—such a thing.”

“It’s good to make time, if you can, like your father said,” Nadira put in, watching Mara carefully. “Everyone needs some relaxation time.”

Relaxation time. Palpatine had insisted that she take some time for just that purpose once, not long before the destruction of the second Death Star and the end of her world. It had been such a rare concept in her life that Mara had scarcely known what to do with herself. After Endor, she’d worked every day, harder than she ever had as Emperor’s Hand, just to stay alive and fed and ahead of Isard. Then she’d worked just as hard to prove herself to Karrde, and make a place for herself in his organization. It had really only been since taking the liaison position on Coruscant that Mara had learned how to occasionally take time off without the inactivity making her want to crawl out of her own skin.

“That’s what the lightsaber practice is for,” she said, pushing a chip into the pot. “I bet twenty.”

Luke rolled his eyes affectionately. “The best part of that ridiculous comment is that you really mean it.”

“It’s not ridiculous,” Mara said indignantly. “You have just as much fun.”

“Lightsaber practice is fun,” Luke agreed. “Not so much with the relaxing part. I raise another twenty.”

“What’s a lightsaber?”

Mara and Luke both turned slightly disbelieving eyes toward Corissa, who blinked back at them, then glanced at each other.

“It’s a weapon,” Mara said. She shouldn’t be surprised; she knew better than most how much effort Palpatine had put toward erasing the legacy of the Jedi. But even after decades of that erasure as state policy, she’d found that the vast majority of people still recognized lightsabers, at least. Vader’s reputation probably had something to do with that, which wasn’t the sort of lightsaber association Luke would want anyone to have, but there it was.

“The ancient weapon of the Jedi,” Luke elaborated. “It’s—well, plainly put, it’s a laser sword. But there are challenges in the handling of it that you don’t get with traditional metal swords, and there are a number of different combat forms. It’s a more complex weapon than you’d think, looking at it.” He smiled at Mara, and added, “Mara’s been very creative in her own handling of a lightsaber.”

“Have you killed people with one?”

Mara turned toward the deliberate voice to find Nico’s eyes on her, not Luke. Under almost any other circumstances, she would have answered that question with a cool and intimidating affirmative. If it had been only Nico in the room, she still might have. But now, her own voice echoed in her mind: “Hi, Mom and Dad, guess what I learned after I left you? Two dozen different ways to kill a person without breaking a sweat.”

She’d been only three years old the last time they saw her, hardly more than a baby. Mara didn’t know much about families, but she was pretty sure that no one wanted to imagine their baby turning into a murderer. A sudden parade of visuals cascaded through her memory, all the people she’d injured or killed with a lightsaber. Never mind other weapons, or her bare hands… There were so many. How had she never noticed those numbers piling up before they became so suffocating?

“Nico,” Nadira said warningly.

“You always told us we should never touch weapons,” Nico replied, a flash of defiance in his eyes.

“Mara and I both served in militaries during wartime,” Luke interrupted. “Not bearing weapons wasn’t really an option.”

“So you have killed people,” Nico said with a shrug, turning back to his cards.

“Nico,” Ronan said, with quiet firmness. “That’s enough.”

“You said you were trained to be a shadow agent,” Corissa said, not timidly, exactly—Mara wasn’t sure that Corissa was capable of being timid—but more subdued than before. “For the military, then? Or the ISB?”

At the last second, Mara choked back the reflexive snort of contempt at the thought of her working for the ISB. That would be a fantastic addition to this conversation, definitely. She was so very bad at this.

She took a deep breath and looked back at her cards. “I worked outside of the military hierarchy. I call at twenty.”

“I raise,” Nico said, eyeing her. He shoved a fifty-cred chip into the pot.

“Fold,” Mara said, ignoring his gaze as she tossed her cards face down onto the table. In truth, she had a decent hand, but all her energy right now was going toward keeping a sabacc face about her life. Actual sabacc was suddenly a very distant second in her priorities.

“Call,” Luke said, managing to briefly squeeze her hand under the table.

Luke won that hand, and the next several as well. There was an almost imperceptible edge to his sense that made Mara suspect that he’d been holding back earlier. Unsurprising, really. He was far from being a professional gambler along the lines of Solo or Calrissian, but there was no way he hadn’t played enough sabacc during the war to beat a couple of university kids like Nico and Corissa. Apparently Nico’s comments had annoyed him.

Well, she thought fondly, he’d always leaned toward overprotectiveness.

Meanwhile, her own concentration was shot, even if she’d had the skill to match Luke’s. While the others bet and joked and, in Corissa’s case, threatened, she counted up her own obvious shortcomings. She’d started this whole visit off in spectacularly bad fashion, there was no denying that. She couldn’t carry on a conversation. She didn’t know ordinary things that everyone else did, like how babies put non-food items in their mouths or how things like game nights existed. She’d gambled and cheated and killed.

She’d been genuinely devoted to the man who stole her from her own family. That hurt worst of all.

She’d believed every single lie he ever told her, and there had been so very many. She’d believed that he was virtue personified, worth her loyalty and service and even her life, should it come to that. She remembered the warmth that had always flowed through her upon receiving his commendation, and cringed. In retrospect, it was obvious that even Vader, tame lapdog that he was, saw through Palpatine’s deceptions—but not her. No, she’d proclaimed the Emperor’s virtue far and wide. She’d obeyed his commands and repeated his propaganda and believed, with all her heart, that she was doing the right thing.

How could she have been so stupid? Why hadn’t she seen what was right under her nose? The Inner Court had been a contemptible hive of self-interest and backstabbing. The ISB had honed corruption to a fine art. The military was more interested in making a show of their own might than working for the benefit of the Empire’s citizens. The rot had come from above, encouraged, even, by Palpatine. She remembered that when Alderaan had been destroyed, he’d told her that it was Tarkin, overstepping his mandate. How had she not seen that the Death Star’s mere existence could only have come about with Palpatine’s approval and support? How had she not understood that a weapon like that could only ever have one purpose?

Luke had been only nineteen when he flew against it. An inexperienced, unsophisticated farm kid, fresh from personal tragedy, saw what needed to be done and risked his life to do it, while she, so proud and so sure, risked her life over and over to uphold that same unjust and murderous system.

The conversation continued around her, and Mara responded and evaded on autopilot as the shame grew within her. Where exactly had she thought she’d come from? “Chosen to serve the Emperor,” her tutors had said. “An extraordinary talent,” Palpatine had told her. They’d flattered her and praised her and scolded and shaped her into the perfect weapon, and never once had she thought to wonder at any of it. If she’d ever stopped to apply the analytical thought processes they’d so ruthlessly drilled into her to her own situation, it would have been obvious that she’d been stolen from somewhere.

But she never had. She’d been stupid and proud and blind, and wanted nothing more from life than the approval of her kidnapper and abuser.

How, she wondered, was it even possible to build any sort of ordinary, honorable life from such a foundation? How could she ever fit back into a family like this, where affection was dispensed so freely, where everyone somehow understood each other, where gambling and weapons were verboten? Luke and Leia and Han and Karrde—they were misfits, like her: people who’d long ago left “ordinary” behind, willingly or not; who knew the language of smugglers and soldiers; who knew what it was to fight and kill and then go have dinner, if you’d been lucky enough to survive, because life goes on no matter how much blood you have on your hands.

She could manage to build some sort of life among other similarly damaged people, hard though it sometimes was. Trying to fit into the life her family apparently lived would be a constant masquerade, and sooner or later her mask would slip, and they’d see her for what she really was.

“Mara?”

Luke’s voice broke through her dark thoughts, and Mara inhaled sharply, startled.

“Hey,” he said gently. “You were a million klicks away. Everything all right?”

She glanced around, embarrassed to find everyone else also watching her with concern, because of course they were.

Except Nico, who was ignoring her as he put the cards and chips back into their case. Because of course he was.

“Fine,” Mara said. “Just—distracted. Nothing important.”

She didn’t think that Luke believed her, but he didn’t push. “We were talking about ordering a light lunch. Any preferences?”

Mara shook her head a little too quickly. Calmly, her acting tutor’s voice scolded. Never rush. Never overreact. She didn’t know which she hated more, that she still heard the voices from her childhood, or that their advice was often still valid. “Whatever you want is fine.”

“You don’t cook?” Corissa asked her, the usual spark of curiosity back in her eyes.

“No,” Mara said. She folded her hands together in her lap and put on an expression of mild interest, hoping that the appearance of ordinary calm would be enough to effect the real thing.

“But you do,” Corissa said to Luke, undeterred.

“You’re taught self-sufficiency early in an environment like Tatooine,” Luke answered. “And no one raised by my Aunt Beru would ever be unable to put together a decent meal. There wasn’t anything on the farm she couldn’t do, but what she loved best was making it a real home.”

His voice was wistful, as it often was when talking about his first home and family, and again Mara wished that this miracle could have happened for him, too. The idiocy and brutality of those accursed stormtroopers, burning down a pair of farmers in cold blood, as though that got them any closer to Artoo and the Death Star plans.

“Mom taught us to cook, too,” Corissa said. She didn’t sound thrilled about it. “She said everyone should know how to feed themselves.”

“I think teaching us was just a way for Dad to get out of helping with the cooking,” Nico put in, grinning easily at Ronan.

“You mean a way for your mother to banish me from the kitchen,” Ronan replied, with the air of someone delivering a well-worn punchline.

Luke laughed. “Uncle Owen could cook well enough to keep us fed in a pinch, but the one time Aunt Beru was sick for a week, I’d swear that she recovered faster out of sheer determination just so she wouldn’t have to eat his cooking any longer.”

Mara had heard that story before, and smiled at Luke as he told it—the memories meant so much to him, and he always enjoyed sharing them—but she couldn’t stop envisioning Nadira teaching a young Nico and Corissa how to cook. If she had grown up with her family, then, she would have been taught as well.

Instead she had been taught how to spy, how to fight, how to kill. How to feed herself or anyone else had never been a consideration; she had her own chef in the Palace and ration bars on missions, and there was no one in her life for her to share a meal with.

Never before had that particular oversight in her education bothered her. Now she wished that she could have been taught something so simple and necessary by someone who loved her, as Luke and Nico and Corissa had been.

“What did you learn growing up, Mara?” Ronan asked, in such a gentle voice.

How to believe and enforce lies, Mara thought.

Aloud, she said, “All the usual things. Where should we order from, Luke?”

Luke smiled at her, the same smile she often saw during lightsaber practice. The smile that said, I’m not letting you off that easily. “I picked the diner last night. You pick today’s restaurant.”

Mara sighed silently, then went to get her datapad. The conversation that had started during her brief absence paused as she sank back down onto the floor next to Luke, and Mara told herself that it didn’t matter that everyone was looking at her. She was used to performing; so much of her life had consisted of playing one role after another. This was no different. “There are twenty restaurants within the Palace,” she said, pulling up the list. “They cover a pretty wide variety of cuisine.”

“Restaurants inside the Palace?” Ronan set his caf mug down on the side table as he exchanged a look with Nadira. “That’s something that was never exactly advertised to the public.”

“They didn’t exist during the Empire,” Mara said. She felt one corner of her mouth lift slightly as she glanced at Luke. “You can thank the New Republic’s lax security for this development.”

“Uh-huh,” Luke said dryly. “We had to have some provision for catering all those political meetings and government functions. You know perfectly well that Intelligence has every restaurant employee pass a security check. Safer to have approved Palace staff handling it than random people coming and going making deliveries from outside restaurants.”

“If they didn’t exist during the Empire,” Corissa began, dogged as ever in search of whatever tidbit of information caught her attention, “how did everyone in the Palace eat then?”

“Dedicated kitchen staff for larger events,” Mara answered absently, flipping through the selection of menus on her datapad. “Personal chefs and servers for permanent residents, generally.”

A ripple of contempt brushed against her senses, and hardwired instincts kept Mara’s eyes casually on her datapad even as she reached out for the source—ah, Nico again. Seriously, what was it that made him react so negatively to her every time, while he got along just fine with everyone else? It was really starting to get on her nerves.

“What about The Crystal Orchid?” she asked Luke, deliberately turning her thoughts away from her incredibly annoying brother. “They have a huge selection of appetizers. A few variety platters would be plenty, especially if we included drinks and a loaf of cheese bread.”

“Sounds good to me,” Luke agreed.

“Let us pay for it,” Nadira insisted. “You’ve already done so much.”

Luke was already shaking his head. “Really, there’s no need. You’re our guests. Besides—” He paused, and Mara knew him well enough to see the signs of embarrassment without resorting to the Force. “I’m, um, on the complimentary diner list for the Palace restaurants.”

“You get to eat at twenty restaurants for free?” Corissa asked, eyes bright. “Always?”

“I don’t know how long they intend to keep that in place,” Luke said, his embarrassment growing. Mara was deeply amused; he’d been on that list since the day the first restaurant opened, and he knew as well as she did that he’d probably be on it forever. No Palace restaurant would want to be the first to take hard currency from the hero of Yavin. Luke had already tried it a dozen times.

She took pity on him. “It’s a standard thing for certain Alliance veterans. And Luke doesn’t take advantage of it nearly as much as the others do.”

“They’re not exactly taking advantage, Mara,” Luke protested. “It was offered to them, and you can’t say they didn’t earn a privilege like that.”

“But you didn’t? Don’t think I don’t know that you argued with Leia about being on that list when they first issued it,” Mara said, tapping the datapad screen as she placed their order.

Luke narrowed his eyes. “You two are talking way too much.”

“You wanted me to get along with your sister,” Mara pointed out. “You encouraged us to talk. Don’t blame us if you don’t like the consequences.”

A mostly-smothered snort of laughter brought Mara’s eyes up to meet Corissa’s elaborately innocent expression. A surreptitious glance around revealed that Nico was raising an eyebrow at her, Nadira was smiling warmly, and the corners of Ronan’s mouth were twitching as he pretended to be absorbed in smoothing a non-existent wrinkle from his pants. Mara frowned slightly, confused.

“Anyway,” Luke said. Another slight flush of embarrassment washed through him—this time only noticeable through the Force, his sabacc face firmly set, but he hurried on before Mara could try to analyze it. “I really should apologize for the odd hours we’re making you keep on this visit. Between the war and trying to rebuild a government and working with smugglers and all, none of us exactly have what you could call a standard schedule. And Leia’s also using your visit as an excuse to get away from work extra early tonight. She’s been working such long hours lately, but even Mon Mothma agreed that meeting Mara’s family merited an early night.”

Nadira and Ronan exchanged a wide-eyed glance. “We’re meeting Councilor Organa Solo tonight, and someone mentioned us to Mon Mothma?” Nadira’s voice was wry rather than faint this time, but Mara could sense the disbelief that underlaid the words.

“So you know Mon Mothma personally,” Nico said, more of a statement than a question.

Mara shrugged. “Luke and Leia know her. I’ve met her.”

“She’s really very down to earth,” Luke said. “And of course she knows about how Mara helped Leia. Once Leia mentioned that you were visiting, it was a given that she’d get a night off to meet you. Nico, come help me get plates; the food will be here soon.”

The two of them rose and disappeared into the kitchen. Mara watched them go and wondered how and if she should try to keep the conversation going.

Nadira saved her the trouble. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “Mara,” she began gently. “Did—did you stay mostly in the Palace growing up? Or somewhere else on Coruscant? Or did you travel?”

Mara caught herself fiddling with the end of her braid, forced herself to stop. “The Palace. Unless I was sent on a mission.”

“What sort of missions did you go on?” Corissa tilted her head, scrutinizing Mara. Her earlier concern was evident again, shining in her brown eyes and feeling like a fuzzy halo through the Force.

“Nothing interesting,” Mara lied. The urge to fidget was almost overwhelming. She laced her fingers together under the table to prevent it.

“So you didn’t travel much?” Ronan asked, his voice soft.

“Not when I was growing up,” Mara replied, twisting her fingers together ever more tightly.

“Really,” Nico said with a deceptive airiness as he and Luke returned and began laying plates on the table. Resentment simmered beneath his words, but as usual, Mara had no idea why. “We moved at least twice a year until I was nearly fifteen.”

“So often?” Luke asked, his brow furrowed.

Ronan’s eyes were on Nico, but at that he turned his focus to Luke. “The Emperor had asked Mara’s name before he took her. That would have been enough information to look up who we were, where we lived, where we worked. We simply never knew whether he was still looking for us.”

Nadira sighed, resting her chin in her hands. She was still looking at Nico as she spoke. “The guard had been told to kill us, after all. We didn’t know whether he claimed that he did so, to avoid punishment, or if he admitted we’d escaped.”

“So for all you knew, there could have been an alert out for you within all Imperial military forces,” Luke said, understanding weighting his voice as he sat back down beside Mara. “I remember that feeling. Maybe that stormtrooper on the corner won’t recognize you, or maybe he’ll shoot you on the spot.”

“Exactly,” Ronan agreed. “After the Empire withdrew from Contruum, it—well, it seemed as safe as any place could be. There was no Imperial presence there. As long as that didn’t change, we felt like we could finally settle down. Until then—” He shrugged, a little sadly. “We just didn’t know. Moving frequently was the only way we knew to hopefully avoid raising any official suspicion.”

After the Empire withdrew from Contruum—that had been just before the battle of Yavin, Mara remembered. The war of attrition that Contruum had waged against the Empire made it simply too costly to maintain a presence there; one of the very few times that Palpatine had given in. If the second Death Star had ever left Endor’s orbit, Contruum likely would have been one of its first targets, as revenge for that earlier throwing off of the Imperial yoke.

Mara wondered if Palpatine had ever looked for her parents. It was just possible that the guard who’d been ordered to kill them had kept quiet; admitting failure to Palpatine was often a death sentence itself. But if he hadn’t, if he’d admitted that they’d escaped…

He probably would have continued to look for them, just out of sheer vindictiveness. He had ordered them disposed of—as though they were mere refuse, Mara thought bitterly—and it would have galled him to have that order unfulfilled. He never forgot a slight, however small. She’d seen proof enough of that during her time as Hand—

In the space between heartbeats, Mara felt her veins fill with ice. Her time as Hand.

She’d gone on her first offworld mission almost two years before the battle of Yavin. By the time Contruum forced the issue of Imperial independence, she was well established in her position, known to the Inner Court and the very highest levels of the military and ISB. She’d killed for Palpatine many times already.

If he had been looking, if he had found them once they’d settled down—

Mara knew, a knowledge as certain as tomorrow’s sunrise. He’d have sent her after them. He would have made up some excuse, had their backgrounds doctored, probably changed their last name in key documents, knowing that the deception would only have to last until she succeeded in carrying out his order.

She had always been very efficient. It wouldn’t have taken long.

How he would have delighted in the perversity of it all, the same way he’d been strangely gleeful over Vader cutting off Luke’s hand in Cloud City. Mara had never understood that reaction, until the day she’d learned who Luke really was. Palpatine had always been a consummate puppet master, and his greatest joy had been in convincing others to both build the trap and then walk willingly into it.

He would have sent her to kill her own parents and siblings. She, blindly obedient, would never have questioned him. She would have done it, Mara knew. She would have killed them, and never known what they were to her.

Palpatine would have praised her, the same way he did after all her successes.

She would have basked in that praise, and gone on to the next mission, never granting a moment’s thought to the destruction she left in her wake, the things and relationships and lives that could never be restored.

Mara sat still as death, unable to breathe, memories of blood-soaked hands and smoking blaster holes and lightsaber cuts anchoring her in place and superimposing themselves over her family. She would have killed them, she would have killed—

The door chimed at the same time that Luke laid a hand over hers, and Mara jumped. All eyes turned to her, concern rising in the room like a tide.

“Mara,” Luke began.

“That’s the food,” Mara said, a little too loudly. She stood, gracelessly, nearly tripping over her own feet, and didn’t care. “Luke, come help me carry it.”

It was only as she reached for the panel to open the door that Mara realized she’d dug her nails into her palms deeply enough to draw blood.

 

I am impressed!. How'd you do this?! Every emotion is so real and so on-point with how Mara would feel if she found her family, liking them, wanting their approbation even as she is getting used to it, finding the disconnect between normal family things like inside jokes and game nights and how she grew up as wide as the Marianas Trench... and then to top it ALL OFF, ... as time went on, what she really was doing for the Emperor, would it eventually come out, and the vigilance so that it never would, how utterly devastating and exhausting that would be... And oh, no! I never ever thought of it that she just might be sent to eliminate her family... and it's just the kind of thing Palps would orchestrate!

This is a very unique kind of cliffie, an emotional one, not an action-centered one, but it's one nonetheless.

 

Mara and I are in full agreement here.

I love this line.

Excellent callback to the first day, when Mara withdrew reflexively from Nadira. But look how far they've come in such a short time. Even if that reflex is still very much there, Mara is making the effort, and it's only been a couple of days. Mara may not realize it, but that's so huge.

I really, really love Mara's introspection here about Leia as a mother, and about how Nadira must have been when she and her siblings were small. The burst of jealousy here was so sad.

I love it.

Aww!

As a parent, I can attest that this is spot-on and heartbreaking, so, you know, good job. And I love that Mara doesn't know what to do with those feelings, but she also doesn't want to give them up.

Dang, Gabri... the flashbacks throughout this story have done such a great job of expanding on those years between RotJ and TTT, especially for those of us who maybe haven't read as much of the official material that takes place during that time...

I really enjoyed this scene, both because it very believably touched on Palpatine's attempts to erase the Jedi from history, and also because Corissa's total ignorance of what a lightsaber is was a great way to segue into this...

(I'm an angst-monger, of course I loved this part. And I swear I could feel the air leave the room at Nico's question.)

The almost casual indifference with which Nico responds to Luke's rationale felt very Mara-ish to me. He knows exactly what he's doing here.

She just can't catch a break, can she? Poor girl.

Excellent introspection, again.

Truly horrible in every way.

I really like this, how Mara isn't saying she can't ever be part of a family, but that she can't be part of this family. It's not like she's running away from the idea of having relationships and connections - she just doesn't know how she can ever forge connections like that with people whose world is so far removed from hers. And I think it's interesting that she reflects on herself and the people in her social circles as similarly damaged people, while her family is excluded from that because of the seemingly ordinary lives they lead. But damage comes in all forms, and soldiers and smugglers and orphans certainly don't have a monopoly on lingering trauma...

They couldn't be any more obvious if they tried, Gabri.

Oh?

Well that's just all kinds of horrifying.

(And I'm not saying you need to write this AU, but you know... if you ever need another dark!fic in the vein of Perversity of Life... )

*runs*

If that isn't the perfect summation of Palpatine's character, I don't know what is. And so perfectly worded, too!

Ouch. (And also, I love it, you low-key angst-monger, you. )

 

This chapter is a fascinating one, because while I'm reading it nothing bad is really happening, and yet there's this sensation of building dread anyway. There's this sense that something is about to go wrong.

Oh just get married already!

I don't actually want to go quote by quote as my reaction to the rest. I tried, but my comments ended up mushing together. Mara, in this period of her life, is grappling with a lot of different things. One of those things—and I think this is probably not the most difficult of them, but it's up there—is simply guilt. Lots and lots of people get deceived into following a bad cause: propaganda, family, friends, etc. can all lead people to embracing something as "good" that, if they had a broader perspective and a clearer view,

Allegiance to a totalitarian state, like the Empire, comes from a variety of places. You have the people who benefit from the state and therefore support it no matter the harms it inflicts on others; you have the people who don't believe in the state but who embrace and support it anyway out of fear of the alternatives; you have the people who don't believe in the state but who fear it and so go along because otherwise they'll be targets. And you have the people are told it is right and good and who only see small pieces of the whole, and they believe it is better than it is.

The Empire would have all of these groups. Tarkin in group 1, Pellaeon in group 2, every conscript in group 3... and Mara in group 4.

In this chapter, Mara is grappling with shame over having been in group 4. Shame in every way: over what she did, over having believed the lies, and most of all over how much she had felt personal allegiance and attachment to the man who was personally responsible for all of it. No Palpatine, no Empire! (Something else, maybe, but no Empire.) And the problem for her here isn't that she's grappling with it—she's been doing that since the end of The Last Command, we see her do that in your other short story. The problem is her shame is being intensified by the fact that she has an audience here she never expected, who she assumes will hate her / hate themselves / love her less / bad bad bad etc. So at the same time as Mara is finally coming to terms with her past—and with her relationship with Luke, which is all wrapped up in this for a hundred different reasons—the stakes have suddenly been intensified, and what had been a largely personal problem for her to grapple with internally has become a family problem, for a family she never imagined she had!

The only reason she's not running away is Luke, to be honest. He's her anchor here, and that becomes clear in the chapter too: each time the tension ratchets up, she leans on him (or he offers a buttress). But it's clear that there's going to be an explosion here at some point, we just don't know how it's going to happen or what the cause will be (though Nico seems like a good bet.)

I love this character so much. <3

 

@WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

Thanks very much! About six months' worth of serious thought went into the characterization and psychology inherent to this story, so I'm glad it works so well

@ViariSkywalker

That would make three of us

It's honestly one of my favorites.

It is! Mara's really not giving herself enough credit here.

She'd only just barely started learning about what being part of a family might mean by the time her own family showed up, so - yeah. Suddenly it's real to her, that she could have grown up that way too, and not only was she robbed of that chance, but she can't even remember the very short time that she had it

I love Corissa deeply for her own sake, she's such a headstrong sweetheart and so much fun to write, but she also turned out to be an excellent narrative device. She's basically mirroring Luke in being a bridge for Mara. Luke has been a bridge for her life on Coruscant, helping her connect to other people and other aspects of life besides her work, and Corissa is now doing the same, essentially bridging the gulf between Mara and their parents. Their parents are Mara's parents, with all the emotional expectations inherent in that. Connecting with her parents, who so clearly feel so much and want so much that Mara doesn't entirely understand and can't really match yet, is almost impossibly daunting for her - but Corissa? Corissa fully accepts Mara at face value and just gets on with the business of being sisters. Mara doesn't feel like she's going to break Corissa's heart if she says something wrong. Corissa is so much less scary. She's the first member of the family that Mara could almost relax around, which leads to her affection for Corissa (and the family as a whole) growing that much faster, and all of that turned out to be extremely useful for the story.

Corissa's just the best

It's pretty nice to feel like someone thinks you're unimaginably precious, you know? Mara's not at all used to being personally important to someone. It's a little weird, she's not exactly sure how she's supposed to react, it carries responsibilities she's not positive she wants - but it's nice, and she doesn't want it to end.

Well, aside from the mentions of Gorb and Jorshmin on Phorliss, the flashbacks are my invention and not necessarily a representation of the official material. In fact, the official stories don't focus a whole lot on the emotional toll those five years took on Mara, but I couldn't shake one detail from the story First Contact, by Timothy Zahn, in Tales From the Empire, where Mara first meets Karrde. She essentially saves his life, then we get this exchange:


"You've earned a considerable reward. Just name it."

She turned to look at him with those green eyes of hers. "I want a job," she said.

Karrde frowned. It hadn't been the response he'd expected. "What kind of job?"

"Any kind," she said. "I can pilot, fight, play come-up flector -"

"Hyperdrive mechanic?"

"That, too," Celina said. "Anything you've got, I can learn it." She took a deep breath, let it out. "I just want to get back into mainstream society again."

Karrde cocked an eyebrow. "You have a strange view of smuggling if you consider it mainstream society."

"Trust me," she said grimly. "Compared with some of what I've done, it is."


Now, here's the thing: She's not talking about being a spy or an assassin. This is before TTT, and in TTT Mara has no qualms about that, let alone regrets. She doesn't think "grimly" about any aspect of her life with the Empire; in fact, she misses it desperately. You know what she was bitter about at that point?


"...I had prestige, and power, and respect."

Slowly, her eyes came back from the past. "And you took it all away from me. If only for that, you deserve to die."

....

"And so you linked up with Karrde."

"Eventually. First I spent four and half years sloshing around the rotten underfringes of the galaxy, doing whatever I could." Her eyes were steady on him, with a trace of hatred fire back in them. "I worked hard to get where I am, Skywalker. "You're not going to ruin it for me. Not this time." -HttE


"...I had authority and power and a purpose in life. They knew me as the Emperor's Hand, and they respected me the same way they did him. Your brother took all that away from me."

Organa Solo turned back to face her. "I'm sorry," she said. "But there was no other choice. The lives and freedom of billions of beings-"

"I'm not going to debate the issue with you," Mara cut her off. "You couldn't possibly understand what I've been through."

A shadow of distant pain crossed Organa Solo's face. "You're wrong," she said quietly. "I understand very well."

Mara glared at her; but it was a glare without any real force of hatred behind it. Leia Organa Solo of Alderaan, who'd been forced to watch as the first Death Star obliterated her entire world... "At least you had a life to go to afterward," she growled at last. "You had the whole Rebellion - more friends and allies than you could even count. I had no one." -TLC


In TTT, Mara hated the life she'd lived since the Empire fell, but it was more than just bitterness about not being at the very top of the heap anymore. Look at what her words imply. She was completely alone. There was no one she could count on. She was without respect, and control even over her own life seems to have been fairly limited. She scrambled to get by at all. She comes close to begging Karrde for a job. A job - any job - with a smuggling group now counts as "mainstream society" in her view, and she looks back "grimly" at the other things she's done. She clings to that job fiercely once she has it - she, who once sat nearly atop the entire Empire, tells Luke that she worked hard to get where she was now, and he's not going to ruin it for her. Wouldn't you think that Mara, so very intelligent and talented and capable and determined, would want to aim higher? But she doesn't, at least not at that point. She wants the life she's desperately carved out for herself, a life she would have looked at with utmost contempt only five years ago. What exactly happened to her in those five years that her viewpoint has changed so entirely?

The official material doesn't tell us. And let me just say here that I don't subscribe to some of the very worst possibilities I've occasionally seen mentioned or speculated about - I don't believe for a moment that Mara would fall into prostitution or addiction, for example, both on account of her own personality and because the need for absolute control was drilled into her for her entire life, and I don't think she'd be able to fully shake that, and she'd also be very aware of how vulnerable anything along those lines would make her. As she herself thinks in BtEH, she doesn't run and hide, she's not prey, she's the predator. Mara fights. But it seems really, really obvious to me that all her fighting just barely kept her alive, that she had nothing, that she did things she didn't like, that for the first time it really hurt her to be so alone. It's not just words when she says that her life was destroyed when the Emperor died.

And in this story, with the reappearance of her family who seem like the GFFA's version of white picket fence perfection in Mara's eyes, those post-Empire experiences would have to weigh on her almost as much as what she did as Emperor's Hand. They'd have to echo in her mind as another mark against her, another gulf of experience that can never be bridged, another reason she's not good enough for them. Hence, flashbacks, as realistic as I could make them.

He's really not pulling his punches here, is he?

Yes, yes he does...

Clearly Mara feels the loss of her family deep down, even if it's only subconsciously, because in TLC when Leia asks why Mara helped them thwart the infiltration team, Mara tells her that she doesn't know, that it was just something about Thrawn trying to steal her children. There had to come a time, even if we didn't see it in the EU, when Mara fully realized what Palpatine stole from her, even if it was only in the abstract. But when it's not abstract any longer, when her real live family is right in front of her, seeming so normal and happy and loving, and it's so very obvious that no, they absolutely did not want her to go, they desperately wished to have been able to keep her - I've got to think that the memory of her personal devotion to Palpatine would just be a knife in her heart.

As @Bel505 has said, Palpatine essentially trained Mara to be a tame Jedi. He not only didn't try to turn her to the dark side, he actually cultivated her sense of morality and honor. As long as he had her convinced that he was the good guy, it was super useful to him for Mara to be moral and honorable. But hoo boy, after the fact, when she's trying to come to terms with just how completely she'd been used and lied to and all the things she did on behalf and in defense of evil, that same sense of honor and morality is going to eat her alive

Because we skipped over her childhood and training entirely, and because adult Mara is obviously an incredibly intelligent and strong person, I think the true exploitation of her childhood gets overlooked far too often. She was kidnapped, and at such a young age that she can't even remember what her parents look like. She was raised without love, in an abusive environment, and trained to be a child soldier. She's two years younger than Luke and Leia; she was 17 at the time of the Battle of Yavin, which makes her only 21 when the Empire fell, and yet by that time she was very well established in her position. Allegiance and Choices of One take place before ESB, when Mara is still a teenager, yet by that point Imperial officers hearing Mara's code identifying her as the Emperor's Hand are filled with almost as much fear as if Vader himself was standing before them. So just how long has she been active in that role, building that reputation? We don't have an exact answer, beyond: way too damn young. She was a child, a stolen, brainwashed, abused child. She survived it and even thrived despite it because she has a rare personal strength, but the psychological and emotional scars from all of that probably never faded, not entirely.

And that's why I get mad when people blame Mara for her actions as Hand, or the old complaints about she's too abrupt, not "nice" enough, whatever. You don't have to like her as a character (though I really can't imagine how anyone wouldn't) and I'm not saying she's 100% innocent and blameless for everything she's done, but for crying out loud, she was deliberately and personally stolen and then manipulated almost from infancy by the man who fooled and overthrew both the entire Jedi Order and the Old Republic, to be used as a tool on his behalf. You really think that an isolated child without even any contact with objective reality could succeed where they failed, or that that lifetime of manipulation wouldn't leave scars? Cut the girl some damned slack, already.

At this point, when she does have at least a few friends and is treated as family by the Skywalker/Solos, I figured that she couldn't be so entirely unaware as to think herself incapable of personal connections - but all the people who she has connections with also have trauma in their backgrounds, and it's largely war- or fringe-based trauma, like hers. They can still relate in a general sense. But she's not great with understanding emotion yet, so the full impact of her family's emotional trauma and how it would have affected them hasn't really occurred to her. On the outside, to her emotionally-stunted eyes, they look like they're doing great. Which is honestly really sad

They really couldn't. I'm still deeply amused that Mara's the only one in the room who doesn't know exactly what they just implied

What was that you were saying about lingering trauma?

Oh my GOSH, Vi, that would put PoL to shame

I do really see this as the essence of Palpatine. Control over other people, especially to the extent that he can manipulate them into being the architects of their own demise, is something he delights in.

@Bel505

Excellent

I truly love the "married but don't realize it yet" L/M dynamic

Exactly! As you say, the stakes have been upped immeasurably, and she doesn't expect them to forgive her, because she hasn't forgiven herself. She hasn't had nearly enough time to really come to terms with all of this, nor to develop her own stunted emotional health and self-awareness enough to realize that her parents have clearly already picked up on the implications of things she's said, or clammed up about, yet they're still here, still trying to reach out to her. What she thinks and believes is, here are her long-lost parents, so happy to see their lost baby daughter again, but she's not that person anymore. She's not who they knew, she's tainted, she's lived a life they would disapprove of, they wouldn't want her if they knew who she really was. And since she's not admitting this to anyone, no one can reassure her

This is true; she and Luke are a couple in everything but name and she absolutely is relying on him with every emotional crisis here, and he keeps wanting to step in and shield her from the things that are scaring or upsetting her. I fully believe that Mara would try hard to make this visit work even if Luke wasn't there, but I don't know at all if it would have worked. But even with his support, yeah, her tension is just steadily growing, and Nico clearly has some serious issues with this whole thing, and all we really need is a spark...

Mara is, in my opinion, as about as close to a perfect character as it's possible to get. So, so much depth and potential. She's also exactly the perfect counterpart for Luke, and a perfect addition to the OT Big Three. I'll never stop being impressed with what Zahn created in Mara Jade.

 

And I love what you are doing with Mara, giving even more insights in how she was manipulated by Palpatine

 

@earlybird-obi-wan

Thanks very much! It's a subject I feel strongly about, as I'm sure you can tell

@Mira_Jade

I'm actually flattered that you kept going, it's very disheartening when that happens! If I replied to you properly right now, I would run out of time to post, but please know that I love it all and will be back

 

Chapter Six



Once the food was set out, Mara excused herself and went to the refresher. Fortunately the slices on her palms weren’t deep, and after carefully washing her hands and dabbing some ointment on them, the bleeding stopped.

Relieved, she leaned against the counter and took a shaky breath. It was bad enough she’d lost her composure like that; no one would have been able to miss blood dripping from her hands.

Blood, not her own, dripping from her hands, the vibroblade handle slippery with it—

Mara shook her head violently, then crouched down, crossing her arms on her knees, and burying her face. She hadn’t killed her family, no more than she had Luke. They were all right in the next room, perfectly fine. She had to get control of herself. It was ridiculous, falling apart over hypotheticals.

She spent several long minutes just breathing deeply, then stood and looked herself over in the mirror. She smoothed her hair and her expression and squared her shoulders and remembered her training, and walked back into the living room with her head held high.

The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur. Ronan and Corissa sent her occasional sideways glances laced with worry; Nadira watched her and smiled encouragingly whenever Mara made eye contact; Luke carried on as normal while radiating comforting warmth through the Force.

Nico studiously ignored her. Mara told herself that she didn’t care.

Each hour felt like a lifetime, but eventually it was time to head over to the Solos’ apartment. Nadira’s nervousness became more evident with every step through the Palace hallways, as her eyes darted around to catch every detail of the ostentatious luxury, and her hands compulsively smoothed her clothes.

Luke noticed, of course. “Really, don’t worry,” he reassured her. “They’re very ordinary people in spite of Leia’s titles, I promise. And they’ve been looking forward to meeting you.”

Nadira twitched a half-smile at him, her green eyes skeptical. It took Mara a moment to recognize the expression as her own. “You’ll forgive me for sounding doubtful,” Nadira replied, “but she’s a princess. We’re nobody.”

Luke stopped, bringing the rest of the group to a halt as well, and put a hand on Nadira’s shoulder. “So am I. I grew up on a tiny farm on the frontier of an insignificant Outer Rim planet. So is my brother-in-law. Before he fought with the Rebellion and married Leia, Han was a smuggler who’d grown up in slums. You’d be surprised how many nobodies made up the Rebellion, and now the New Republic government. That’s the whole point of all of this, to make the galaxy a better place for ordinary people like us. And while Leia grew up as a princess, her adoptive parents believed in those same ideals with all their hearts, and taught Leia to do the same. I promise you, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s just dinner with friends, that’s all.”

Mara could actually see Nadira’s breathing settle into a calmer rhythm as Luke spoke. What a squadron leader he must have been during the war, she thought, with his uncanny ability to find the right thing to say, and his constant faith in those around him.

She also suspected that it should have been her who’d found the words to comfort Nadira. Wasn’t that something a daughter should do? But Mara wasn’t very good at that sort of thing even with people she knew, and her family were essentially still strangers to her.

Luke gave Nadira another encouraging smile, then began to walk again, adding, “Plus the food will be good. There’s a reason we had to go easy on breakfast and lunch. Han tends to cook enough for double the actual number of guests.”

They were nearly at the Solos’ front door when it slid open and a tower of shaggy brown fur exited. Chewbacca caught sight of them and lifted his head to let loose a howl. Luke grinned in response. “Hey, Chewie. Aren’t you staying for dinner?”

A long string of grumbling yowls followed, accompanied by much gesturing.

“Well, yeah, that makes sense,” Luke answered.

Chewbacca patted Luke affectionately, then tilted his head to look the rest of them over. He turned back to Luke and said something that sounded questioning.

“Oh, sorry!” Luke turned halfway to face the rest of them. “Chewie, these are Mara’s parents, Ronan and Nadira, and her brother, Nico, and her sister, Corissa. Everyone, this is Chewbacca.”

Ronan and Nadira murmured polite if awed-sounding greetings. Nico nodded, looking a little pale. Corissa, closest to Chewie, leaned her head very far back to look him in the eye. “Are all Wookiees as tall as you?”

Chewbacca whuffed with laughter. “He says he can see the resemblance,” Luke translated, then added with a grin, “I don’t think he means the hair.”

Mara raised an eyebrow at him, but any reply she might make was preempted by another lengthy comment from Chewbacca.

“He says that he’s honored to meet Mara’s family, and that you should be very proud of her,” Luke translated again, flashing a quick smile at Mara as he did so. “She acted with honor and bravery at Wayland, and he owes her his life.”

“Oh, no,” Mara said swiftly. “Don’t start that again. You can’t have a life debt to so many people. You’re only one Wookiee. Besides, you know Wayland was a mutual thing all around.”

Chewbacca said something that sounded unyielding.

“He says,” Luke told her, “that he can have a life debt to as many people as he wants, and it already extends to the rest of the family anyway.”

“I’m not family,” Mara pointed out.

Another whuff of laughter, followed by a briefer comment.

“Um,” Luke said.

Chewbacca patted him again, then put a hairy arm around Mara’s shoulders and pulled her in for a hug. “Chewie,” she protested, shoving futilely at his massive chest.

A howling remark was directed toward Ronan and Nadira as he released her, then he patted Mara as well and lumbered off down the corridor.

“He says,” Luke explained, “that he’s been on extra babysitting duty for the last week because Leia and Winter have been so busy, so although he’s happy to meet you, he needs to go work on the Falcon for a while to maintain his sanity.”

The extra work that Leia and Winter had taken on, Mara knew, was entirely on her behalf. She hadn’t thought about how it would have a cascade effect on Han and Chewie, too. She should have realized that. She should have offered to do—well, something to pick up the slack. It hadn’t even occurred to her.

She wondered if there would ever again be a time when she wasn’t too distracted to think clearly.

“A Wookiee owes you a life debt?” Ronan asked her, sounding a little dazed.

“A famous Wookiee,” Corissa added.

“No,” Mara said firmly. “I don’t need a giant Wookiee following me around. He can get that idea right out of his head.”

“I still don’t think you’re going to win that argument, Mara,” Luke murmured.

She glared at him. “Watch me.”

“Greetings, Master Skywalker,” a gravelly voice mewled from roughly waist-height, causing everyone but Mara and Luke to jump. “Greetings, Mara clan Jade.”

“Greetings, Cakhmaim,” Luke replied with grave dignity. “I trust all is well today?”

“All is well,” Cakhmaim told him. “Councilor Organa Solo is attending to a hygienic matter with one of her heirs, and Han clan Solo is nearly finished preparing the meal. We await only your presence.”

Nadira reached out to grip Ronan’s hand tightly, while Nico took a step back. Even Corissa stared. Another thing Mara had been too distracted to think of doing: warn her family about Noghri bodyguards.

Luke noticed everyone’s wide eyes as well. “Cakhmaim, these are Mara’s parents, and her brother and sister. They’ll be under your protection along with the rest of the family tonight.”

Cakhmaim sank into the traditional splayed-arm Noghri bow. “The clan Jade honors us with their presence. You may enjoy your evening without fear. My team will guard your security.”

“We thank you,” Ronan replied, with greater calm than most humans managed upon their first meeting with a Noghri, and an unexpected swell of pride rose within Mara.

Just then, Leia appeared in the doorway, carrying Jacen. “Luke, Mara! Please, come in. I’m sorry for the delay.”

“Cakhmaim explained it to us,” Luke said, grinning. “A hygienic issue, huh?”

Leia made a face. “One guess what that meant. Here, take your nephew.” Luke did, and Leia turned to Ronan and Nadira, beaming. “You must be Mara’s parents! We’re so happy to meet you!”

Mara recognized her cue. “Leia, these are Ronan and Nadira, my—” she almost stumbled over the word, even now, but she pushed it out through a suddenly tight throat. “—parents, and my brother and sister, Nico and Corissa.” To her family, she added, “This is Leia Organa Solo.”

“Just Leia, please,” Leia insisted. “And that’s Jacen, with Luke.”

Han leaned out of the kitchen with Jaina in one arm and surveyed them all casually. “Thought I heard voices. I’ll be out in a minute, I have to check the roast first. Hon, you want to pour the brandy? Mara, take Jaina, will you?”

Jaina was already leaning toward Mara, her tiny arms flailing, so Mara did. When he was blocked from everyone else’s view, Han raised his eyebrows at Mara. She understood, and shrugged slightly. “Hang in there, kid,” Han muttered, then disappeared back into the kitchen.

“And that’s Han and Jaina,” Leia finished introductions as Mara turned back toward them. “Please, make yourselves comfortable. Is brandy all right, or would you like something else?”

“Brandy is fine, thank you,” Nadira murmured, eyes still a little wide. “Maybe something nonalcoholic for Corissa?”

“Of course,” Leia agreed, pulling bottles out of the liquor cabinet.

“Have you ever had hot chocolate, Corissa?” Luke asked, bouncing Jacen.

Corissa shook her head, and Luke looked expectantly at Leia, who smiled. “And some for you?”

“Well, you know, if you’re making some anyway,” Luke said.

“For me too, please, Leia,” Mara added, sitting in her usual spot on the second couch—between so many people in the heart of the NR government and military being on close terms with the Solos and Leia always trying to court someone else for some political cause or another, their apartment had plenty of seating—and settling Jaina on her knees.

“Should you drink something hot while holding babies?” Corissa asked, watching as Jacen grabbed at Luke’s hair. “They seem to wiggle a lot.”

“I did tell you you’d be asked to hold babies tonight,” Luke replied, wincing as he pried Jacen’s fingers loose.

“I’ll take this handsome boy if you want,” Ronan offered, making faces at Jacen, who responded by grinning broadly and flailing his arms, one tiny fist narrowly missing Luke’s eye.

“If you’re sure you want to take the risk,” Leia said, handing an already-seated Nadira and Nico their brandy. “Because Corissa’s assessment of “wiggly” is a kind understatement.”

Luke handed Jacen over, and Ronan sat down beside Nadira, standing Jacen on his knees and cooing at him. Mara watched, barely noticing as Luke took a seat beside her. It had taken her a long time to get used to handling babies. Ronan, on the other hand, looked as happy as she’d ever seen him, and Jacen was quite obviously thrilled with this new arrangement.

Corissa must have noticed her fascination. “Dad loves babies,” she explained, plopping down on Mara’s other side and tilting her head to observe the baby on Mara’s own lap. Jaina looked back at her with open curiosity.

“You should have seen him when you were born, Mara,” Nadira said fondly, taking Ronan’s glass of brandy from Leia only to swiftly pull it away from Jacen’s impulsive grab. “If it wasn’t for feedings, I might never have gotten a chance to hold you.”

A swirl of emotions she couldn’t put names to held Mara silent. Jaina chose that moment to lean against her chest, and Mara stroked her still-downy hair.

“Mara as a baby,” Han said, emerging from the kitchen. “Now there’s a thought.”

“I saw baby pictures yesterday,” Luke piped up. Because of course he did. “She was adorable.” Mara sent him a sideways glare.

“Of course she was,” Leia agreed, handing her husband a glass of brandy. “Han, Mara’s family: Ronan, Nadira, Nico, and Corissa.”

“Glad to meet you,” Han said with an affable nod, settling into his chair. “But we still need to hear more about baby Mara.”

“Han,” Leia chided, sitting on the chair’s arm.

“Hey, we’ve only seen her as her current fierce self,” Han drawled, putting an arm around Leia’s waist and winking at Mara. “I’m dying to know how she started out.”

There had never been a time in Mara’s life when she would have considered “fierce” to be anything but a compliment. Now, though—she couldn’t quite bring herself to look over to see her parents’ reaction.

“Fierce, huh?” Nico’s voice was very dry.

Beside her, Luke smiled. “Remarkably talented.”

“Highly competent and principled,” Leia added.

“Kick-ass,” Han said.

Mara ducked her head, pretending to be absorbed in watching Jaina play with her own fingers, unable to meet anyone’s eyes.

“She was the sweetest baby you ever saw,” Ronan said softly. “Always happy.”

“Very bright and curious,” Nadira added. “She wanted to be part of everything. It was always hard to get her to go to sleep, because she’d fight to stay awake so she could watch everything.”

“Doesn’t that sound familiar,” Luke murmured beside her. Hands full with Jaina, Mara nudged his foot with hers. If he brought up Myrkr… He looked at her sidelong, the mild reproach plain.

“Oh, the hot chocolate!” Leia said suddenly. “I forgot. I’ll be right back.”

“Hot chocolate again, huh?” Han levered himself out of the chair. “Lando’s a bad influence on you, kid. I’ll help you, hon. Then,” he added, nodding toward Ronan, “we’ll take the kids from you so you can actually enjoy your drinks.” He followed Leia into the kitchen.

Beside Ronan, Nico sipped his brandy and muttered, “You know that Corissa’s had alcohol, right?”

“At least I didn’t get drunk with my idiot friends last semester break,” Corissa shot back.

Nadira leaned forward to send a hard look first at Corissa, then Nico. “We are not doing this now.”

Corissa nudged Mara and whispered while Nadira’s eyes were on Nico. “Ever been drunk?”

“I don’t remember,” Mara murmured back, holding Jaina a little tighter as she leaned forward to see Jacen, who was giggling madly as Ronan made another face at him.

A lie; she could still picture every detail of the scuzzy back room she’d been renting the first time she gave in to the despair of her post-Empire exile and drank herself into oblivion. The entire process had been bleak—she, who’d commanded Moffs and Grand Admirals, sitting alone on the dirty floor swilling rotgut, followed by hours of blackness punctuated by occasional bouts of vomiting, then a thoroughly miserable hangover. It had only happened a few times during those five years—the need for control had been drilled into her psyche and wasn’t easily overridden—but she remembered each time, right up until the blackness took her.

Which, of course, had always been the objective. It had never been about a misjudgment of her own tolerance, nor a carefree night out with friends. Each time, it had been about drinking enough to gain a few precious hours of unconsciousness, where neither the misery of her life nor the failure that haunted her Force-driven dreams could follow. And each time had been preceded by the faint hope that maybe she wouldn’t wake up at all, and followed by a shame that burned every bit as badly as the cheap liquor.

She didn’t need Luke’s explanations about normal family life to realize how far removed from an ordinary youthful indiscretion those experiences were.

Corissa frowned at her. “How can you not remember?”

Mara was saved from answering by Han and Leia’s return, bearing three steaming mugs. Leia handed one each to Luke and Corissa, then lifted Jaina from Mara’s lap so Han could give her one. Jaina gave her mother a bright smile, but still reached a hand back toward Mara.

“You can see Mara later,” Leia assured her. “She has to drink her chocolate now.”

“She seems to like you, Mara,” Nadira said, with another of her warm smiles that were becoming so familiar.

“Oh, the kids love Mara,” Han said, taking Jacen from Ronan.

Nico was giving her that sardonic look again, and Mara couldn’t decide whether she wanted to squirm or punch him. “They’re just used to me being around,” she murmured.

“You stop that,” Leia said, bouncing Jaina on her lap. She looked over at Ronan and Nadira. “So you currently live on Contruum? Our Intelligence Chief, Airen Cracken, is from there, and helped lead the fight for independence back on his homeworld. I’ve heard a great deal about it, but only visited a few times. Tell me about your part of the world.”

Leia, as Mara had observed countless times before, had a nearly unparalleled talent for putting people at ease, and Ronan and Nadira were soon chatting away with her as comfortably as they had with Luke yesterday. Mara wondered if they’d both learned the skill from their disparate upbringings, or if it was an inherited talent. From their mother, whoever she was, surely. Vader had never made a conversation easy in his life.

Beside her, Corissa’s sense flared briefly with appreciation as she took her first sip of hot chocolate. Mara remembered her own first taste. She’d been initially skeptical, and then quickly won over.

Just as she had been with Luke, really—the months it had taken to transition from enemies to wary allies to close friends felt like the blink of an eye compared to the five years of bitter hatred that had preceded them. It had been much the same with Leia and Han and even the New Republic.

It was the same now, with her family.

Mara sipped her own hot chocolate, thinking.

Before long a chime sounded from the kitchen, causing Han to rise and pass Jacen to Leia. “That’s the roast,” he said. “Everyone to the dining room, sit wherever you want. It’ll be out in a minute.”

“Do you need any help?” Nadira offered.

Luke waved her back. “I’ll get it. Go ahead and sit down.”

“I can take a baby, Leia,” Mara said.

“Yes, please,” Leia responded, tightening an arm around Jaina to keep her from pitching to the floor as she lunged for Mara again.

Mara and Leia settled the twins into their high chairs as Mara’s family took their seats, and Luke and Han reappeared to deposit platters of food, then headed back to the kitchen for another armful. As Luke had predicted, Han had clearly cooked enough for a full platoon. It probably came from living with a Wookiee for so many years. Once Jaina was settled, Mara hesitated only a moment before sitting beside Corissa, who beamed at her as brightly as Jaina had. Mara returned the smile before she realized it, then tried to cover her sudden flush of embarrassment by turning hastily to thank Luke, who was passing the plates around after Han had filled them.

Between Luke’s affability, Leia’s diplomatic abilities, and Han’s casual friendliness, dinner was a cheerful affair, the two families merging almost seamlessly. Before long, Leia was soliciting Nadira for advice on child rearing, while Nico, shyly at first then with increasing confidence, asked Han questions about the Falcon. Ronan soon joined in this conversation, seemingly fascinated by the so-called improvements that Han had made to the ship. Mara had seen a number of these customizations in action, and while she didn’t deny Han and Chewie’s inventiveness, she herself much preferred less jury-rigged arrangements. Corissa pulled Mara into another discussion comparing dance styles—what Imperial Intelligence wouldn’t have given to have cadets with half her single-mindedness—while Luke smiled upon everyone and joined in conversations about teething and docking ramp stabilizers with equal aplomb.

Jaina and Jacen grinned and gurgled their way through the meal, pleased to have so many new faces smiling at them, and mostly cooperated with their parents’ attempts to get them to eat in between the babbling pronouncements bestowed on whichever guest had looked at them most recently. Mara had only the vaguest of ideas about when human babies generally started speaking intelligible words, but she was pretty sure that the twins would go full throttle once they hit that stage.

By the time everyone else had nearly finished eating, the babies had worn themselves out with all the socializing and were beginning to wilt in their chairs, eyes drooping.

“What do you think, hon?” Han asked, lifting Jaina from her chair and settling her against his chest, where she curled up like a pitten, her gaze sleepy and unfocused through half-closed eyes. “Time to put them to bed?”

“Always take advantage of a tactical opportunity,” Leia said, lifting an equally drowsy Jacen from his chair. “If we let them get a second wind, we won’t get them to sleep for hours. But don’t get up, Mara can help me.”

The smile she sent Mara’s way was layered with meaning, causing a flutter to begin deep within her stomach, but Mara stood anyway, trying to ignore Han’s assessing look as he handed Jaina over. She followed Leia down the hall, half-listening to the conversation that picked up again as they left. Jaina’s breath was warm against the side of her neck, and so even that Mara suspected that she’d already fallen asleep.

Once within the nursery, with the hum of voices vague and indistinct on the other side of the apartment, Leia turned the smile on full force as she gathered the twins’ pajamas one-handed and began to change Jacen. “They’re wonderful, Mara,” she said.

“I know,” Mara said, bouncing Jaina a little, just in case she wasn’t quite asleep yet.

“So open and genuine,” Leia continued, laying Jacen in the crib. “They seem very kind.”

“They are,” Mara agreed.

Leia gently took Jaina, kissing the top of her head before beginning to undress her. Mara had gotten relatively used to the basics of baby-wrangling by now, but Leia had changing sleeping babies’ clothes without waking them down to a science. “And it’s obvious how much they love you.”

“Yes,” Mara said softly.

Jaina was carefully deposited in the crib beside her brother, and Leia stood quietly for a moment, watching them. “I almost lost them,” she murmured. “Only almost, and I can still taste that fear. I’ll never forget it. Your parents did lose you. They missed more than two decades of your life. I can’t imagine that anguish.” She looked up from the twins to smile again at Mara. “But it’s very easy to sense their joy now.”

Leia crossed the distance between them in a few quick steps and wrapped Mara in a tight embrace. “I’m so happy for you all, Mara. To see at least some of the damage Palpatine inflicted on the galaxy repaired this way…” She stepped back, examining Mara’s face, and Mara wondered what it was that she saw as Leia’s own expression softened in response. “Palpatine,” Leia said with a quiet vehemence, “was a kriffing bastard.”

“He was,” Mara agreed without hesitation. And what did that make her, who had served him so loyally?

“Come on,” Leia said, squeezing Mara’s arm lightly. “Let’s get back. Your parents have waited twenty years to spend time with you. I don’t want to take any of that time away from them.”


---------------


Luke was the first to look up as they returned, but the others were quick to follow suit. “They are out,” Leia announced, albeit quietly. “Time for dessert?”

“Time for dessert,” Han agreed. “I hope you all like ryshcate.”

“We’ll have ryshcate when we have Mara’s folks over.” Mara was touched that he’d remembered.

“I’ll get it,” she offered. “I’m already up anyway.”

Luke started to push his chair back to rise, but Corissa beat him to it. “I’ll help you,” she said, standing.

Mara felt the weight of answering hope behind the gaze of every person at the table—well, every person save one. “Thanks,” she said, and led the way into the kitchen.

The ryshcate was stacked beautifully on a dainty platter beside the caf machine. Mara opened the proper cupboards, taking out a stack of dessert plates and selecting a caf variety that would complement the rich pastry. “Have you ever had ryshcate?” she asked, her pulse only a little loud in her own ears. “It’s really quite good. Better than you’d expect from a place like Corellia.”

Han would have responded in kind, with both defense of Corellia and some sort of mostly-joking insult about Coruscanti prissiness at the ready. Corissa just leaned against the counter and looked at her seriously. “Mara, you have to talk to them.”

Mara measured out the caf and water and started the machine, her eyes carefully averted from her sister.

That, of course, dissuaded Corissa not at all. “You don’t know what our lives have been like without you.”

“And you don’t know what my life has been like,” Mara snapped before she could stop herself.

Corissa crossed her arms. “Nope, we don’t. Because you’re not telling us.”

Mara began taking the daintier caf cups out of the cupboard, the ones that she knew Leia reserved for special company. “No one wants to hear that.”

“You’re so wrong, I don’t even know where to begin,” Corissa said, shaking her head in exasperation. “That’s literally all they want to hear.”

“You wouldn’t say that if you knew what it involved,” Mara said, setting the cups in a row with far more care than the task necessitated.

Corissa stepped up beside her as she closed the cupboard, unmistakably in Mara’s peripheral vision, impossible to ignore. “How do you know that? You’re not even giving any of us a chance. They’re good people, you know. They’re good parents. All they want—all they want right now, Mara, is that chance you won’t give them.”

Mara turned in a fury—a fury that drained instantly in the face of Corissa’s unimpressed expression, leaving her feeling empty and scared and small again. “You don’t—” her voice almost cracked, and she hated herself for the show of vulnerability. “You don’t understand. You don’t understand what it was like to be raised the way I was.”

“And you don’t understand what it was like to grow up with a family that had a ghost in it,” Corissa answered, tilting her head and refusing to break eye contact. “Nico and I, we always knew about you, even though you weren’t there. Because they always made sure that we did. One of my first clear memories is of asking them where you were, and them telling me not to worry, they were looking for you, they’d find you someday. They always, always said that. Even though I think they’d given up believing there was a real chance to find you years ago, they still kept looking and they still kept your memory alive.”

Mara thought about that, and about what Nico and Corissa must have thought of the whole situation. “Did you hate me?”

Corissa looked startled for the first time. “Why would I hate you?”

Mara shrugged, aiming for a nonchalance she didn’t feel. “I don’t know. For not being there. For not being part of your life.”

“You’re such an idiot,” Corissa said, shaking her head. “No, I didn’t hate you. I missed you. Look, I love Nico and all, but how was I supposed to not miss a big sister? I used to wonder if you would have played dress up with me, or if you would have danced with me.” She raised an eyebrow at Mara. “I guess probably yes to that last one, huh?”

Mara almost smiled. “I guess. Probably. I—I didn’t choose to dance because I wanted to, you know. It was—just an assignment. Something I had to do.”

Someone as young as Corissa had no business wearing eyes that understanding. It reminded Mara suddenly of Luke, and she looked down at the floor, trying to suppress the swell of emotion. Corissa put a gentle hand on Mara’s arm. “Look, whatever you think is so terrible that you can’t share it, I guarantee that Mom and Dad have already spent more than my whole lifetime imagining worse.”

“Not possible,” Mara murmured.

Corissa sighed. “You might be more stubborn than they are.”

The caf machine beeped, and Mara turned to it, relieved. “If you’ll take the ryshcate and the plates out, I’ll pour and serve the caf.”

“Think about it,” Corissa said, picking up the platter of ryshcate. “Promise me.”

“I promise,” Mara told her. It was an easy promise to make. The hard part would be thinking about anything else.


---------------


The dessert and caf portion of the evening lingered. Mara watched and listened, spoke and smiled when she had to, kept alert to any Force probes from Luke or Leia, and genuinely appreciated the ryshcate and caf.

Han was an excellent cook, and while Leia was even worse in the kitchen than Mara herself, she had exquisite taste and always kept a wide variety of delicious teas and caf blends on hand. The two of them had bonded over that, once: they’d both grown up surrounded by the finer things in life and with essentially unlimited financial resources, and then gone years without indulging those tastes—in Mara’s case, after the fall of the Empire; in Leia’s case, during the Rebellion. Mara’s own finances didn’t match Leia’s or Luke’s these days, but they’d both treated her like family ever since Wayland, and while it took some time to get accustomed to that generosity, she had to admit that it was nice to eat and drink well on a regular basis again. Karrde’s service aside, she’d had very few really good meals between the death of Palpatine and joining the New Republic. While she doubted that she’d ever again live quite so lavishly as she had under the Empire, it was an intense relief to just live decently again.

And it was nice to be surrounded by people she trusted. People she thought she could genuinely call friends. People who embraced her long-lost family as though it was their own. She was far luckier than she deserved.

Mara watched her friends and family talk and laugh as though they’d known each other forever, and she told herself that she’d always remember it, this impossible, unexpected blessing.

Eventually the conversation wound down and yawns began to be smothered, and Ronan and Nadira began to make polite noises about letting Han and Leia get on with their night. Leia replied with equally polite and sincere noises about how it was no bother and what a pleasure their company was, and Han gave Mara a half-smile and stood.

“While they sort out the social niceties,” he said, “why don’t you help me clear the table, Mara?”

Nadira and Luke protested almost simultaneously, their words overlapping before they realized it. Both paused to let the other finish speaking, but Han just pointed a finger at each in turn.

“You,” he said to Nadira, “are a guest. And you,” he said to Luke, “can’t carry dishes nearly as efficiently as Mara.”

Mara couldn’t quite swallow her smile at that. “I have tried to teach him.”

“Not even he can be good at everything,” Han said. “Come on, Mara.”

She obediently went around the table, stacking dessert plates along her arm. Ronan and Nadira and Corissa and Leia smiled at her as she did so. Nico handed her his plate silently. Luke made a face at her, and Mara had to suppress the childish urge to stick her tongue out at him in return.

In the kitchen, Mara carefully stacked the dirty dishes and started to open the cleaner.

“Don’t bother with that,” Han told her as he set down his own load of cups. “I’ll take care of it after you’ve all gone.”

Mara raised her eyebrows at him. “It only takes a few minutes.”

“That’s right,” Han agreed. “So you don’t need to worry about it. I need to get you back to your family, not put you to work. Just wanted to make sure you were okay first.”

Mara closed the cleaner and leaned against the counter, glancing reflexively at the kitchen door before answering. “I’m okay.”

“Seriously,” Han insisted.

“I am serious.” Mara took a breath, met his eyes. “I’m okay.”

Han gave her another half-smile, a surprisingly protective one. “Not gonna lie, I was a little worried about what sort of people they’d turn out to be. But they’re pretty good. Great, even.”

“They are,” Mara agreed.

“Your dad seems like a good enough mechanic to trust with the Falcon, even,” Han said, and Mara recognized the supreme compliment for what it was.

“You’d have to explain every cross-wire substitution you’ve made on it first,” she replied. “No proper mechanic would know what to make of that ship.”

“Custom modifications,” Han corrected her. His gaze was still assessing, though. “And your mom’s about the nicest person I’ve ever met. She might even be as nice as Luke.”

Mara did laugh at that, a short burst of laughter that escaped before she realized it.

“There you go,” Han said, his smile becoming full and genuine. “So you’re all getting along okay?”

“Sure,” Mara said. He still looked expectant, so she added, “They’ve been very kind. I like them.”

“Well,” Han said, “They pass muster here, too. As long as you’re happy with the situation.”

Mara shrugged a little. “I like them,” she repeated.

Han grinned, then put an arm around her shoulders to pull her in for a quick sideways hug. “It was a brave thing you did, meeting them. I’m proud of you, kid. Glad it’s all turned out okay.”

“Thanks,” Mara murmured, smoothing her hair as he released her. She’d been hugged more this week than she had been in her entire life.

Well, since she was three, anyway.

Everyone was standing as they reentered the dining room, with Leia, gracious as always, going around to thank each person for coming. It wasn’t just words with her, though, and Mara was grateful for the sincere kindness and generosity that had made her family feel welcome.

“Really,” Leia was telling Nadira. “You have to visit us again the next time you’re on Coruscant. I can’t tell you what a relief it is to be around normal people for a while instead of politicians.”

“You’re a politician, Leia,” Luke pointed out.

Leia waved a hand. “Details.”

Han shook hands with Ronan and Nadira, slapped Nico on the back, nodded affably at Corissa. “Glad to have you over. You’re welcome any time.”

“Luke, you’ll see them back to their apartment?” Leia asked.

“Of course,” Luke said.

“He’s been exceptionally kind,” Ronan said, smiling at Luke. “You all have.”

“Nonsense,” Leia said warmly. “It’s a pleasure and a privilege to meet Mara’s family. I hope you enjoy the rest of your visit.”

“I’m sure we will,” Nadira replied, beaming at Mara as she spoke, and Mara managed a small smile in return before ducking her head.

Leia caught Mara’s hand as she walked to the door, just long enough to squeeze it, an encouraging look in her eyes. Mara smiled yet again, her cheeks aching with the effort, and followed Luke and her family into the corridor.


-----------------


Luke insisted on walking Mara to her own apartment after they saw her family to theirs. Not that it was exactly a surprise; he rarely let her walk home alone, despite the absurdity of the idea of Mara losing her way, or of any real threat getting through both her own razor-sharp danger sense and the Palace guard. She’d learned that it wasn’t really worth the argument.

Anyway, his company was a comfort, especially now.

“Did you have fun?” he asked, as they came up to her door.

“Of course,” she replied automatically, then added sincerely, “It was nice of Han and Leia to go to the trouble.”

“It was no trouble,” Luke said. “You know that. You and Corissa seem to be getting along well.”

“I’m not sure that anyone could hold out against her for long,” Mara admitted. “She’s very—enthusiastic.”

“She is that,” Luke agreed cheerfully.

Mara hesitated, then said very casually, “Nico’s a little—inscrutable, isn’t he? Especially for his age?"

Luke laughed. Not at all the reaction she was expecting. “He’s so much like you, Mara, it’s ridiculous.”

“He is?” This was even more unexpected.

“Completely.” Luke shook his head, grinning. “Reserved, quiet, doesn’t let any real emotion show—”

Mara crossed her arms and leaned back against the door frame. “Gee, thanks.”

“And Corissa,” Luke continued, with the air of someone just getting warmed up. “Okay, she’s more cheerful and bouncy—”

“The compliments just keep on coming tonight,” Mara interrupted. “Really, Luke, this is exactly what every woman wants to hear, that she’s sullen and taciturn. Fantastic social skills you have here.”

“—but she’s every bit as relentless as you are. If we could only recruit her to Cracken’s team and get her trained in interrogation, NRI would be unstoppable.”

Mara shrugged slightly, a reluctant smile escaping her. “I was thinking that she had the makings of a good intelligence agent. If you could keep her from—well, bouncing.”

“Now that part,” Luke said with another laugh, “might be hard to train out of her.”

“She deserves better than that life, anyway,” Mara said softly.

“So did you,” Luke replied, just as softly. “And now you have better.” He took her shoulders and pulled her upright, leaning his forehead against hers. “I’m so happy for you, Mara. Seriously. To not only find your family again, but to see so much of you in all of them—you fit in perfectly.”

Mara carefully, subtly checked that her shields were firmly in place—not a wall, which would be a glaring sign that she was hiding something, but simply a dam, keeping the strongest of her emotions back and out of sight.

Palpatine had trained her thoroughly in the matter of shielding, so that she could keep secrets even from Vader. In retrospect, Mara saw how he’d played them against each other. At the time, she’d been as blind to that as she’d been to everything else.

But she had always been a very good student.

So it was with all the skill she’d been taught, by acting and intelligence tutors and Palpatine himself, that she managed a smile in response to Luke’s optimistic appraisal. “I suppose so.”

Luke let his hands slide down her arms to squeeze her hands, then let her go. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, then.”

“Okay,” Mara said softly, and watched him go before entering her apartment.


-------------------


Mara was still deep in thought when she picked up Banta and climbed into bed.

She had been sure from the beginning that this whole thing was probably doomed to failure. She knew nothing about families, or relationships, or normal life. Most of the time, that didn’t bother her very much. In her old life, she had been the best of the best, and knew it. There were still many skills and traits from that training which were useful, which had protected her many times, which could be transferred over to a new life that involved smuggling, or politics, or even being a Jedi. Most of the time since freeing herself from the hateful command that Palpatine had jammed into her brain, Mara had been more or less content. There was a lot to work through about her past, still, and a lot to sort about her future, but she’d finally felt truly in control of herself. Her mind and life were more peaceful than not, maybe for the first time.

The initial communication from her parents had changed all of that. Yet again, her entire world had been upended and left unrecognizable. Suddenly all of her shortcomings had become glaring, impossible to overlook, while her talents and strengths seemed so inconsequential, or even repugnant. Why would her skill for undercover work matter within a family setting? What good was her usually excellent memory if she couldn’t even remember her own parents’ faces?

What would they think of her if they knew how calmly and efficiently she could kill? Had killed? These quiet and kind and unassuming people who taught their children not to gamble and to never touch weapons, who were so ready to welcome a stranger into the family just because she shared their genetics?

Mara was very much afraid that she knew what they would think. Even if Luke was right and she did have more superficial resemblances to them all, they would never want her back if they knew who and what she really was.

And there was the most unexpected part of all of this: Mara desperately, desperately wanted them to want her.

She couldn’t tell when exactly her fear and hesitation had changed to tentative affection, or the hope that maybe she could make this work after all. She wasn’t even sure if she was really feeling a sense of connection with them, or if that was merely wishful thinking.

But it didn’t really matter, did it? Because no matter what she wanted, she couldn’t hide her past forever. Even if she tried to fit in, be what they wanted her to be, it would come out eventually.

Palpatine hadn’t only stolen her from her parents, he’d warped and twisted her into something so far removed from the daughter they’d known that she could never step back into that role again. She was no longer suited to be a daughter or a sister—if she ever truly had been. The extent to which Mara had excelled at everything he’d taught made her wonder. Maybe there’d always been that flaw in her, maybe she would have broken their hearts even if she’d stayed.

Now, though, breaking their hearts was a certainty. The only question was which way she would do it. If she pushed them away now, she’d hurt them terribly. If she tried to be the daughter they wanted, she would only wind up disappointing them.

Both choices would inflict pain. But one other option left them at least the illusion that their daughter was who they wanted her to be, even if she was beyond their reach. One option saved Mara from seeing them look at her with revulsion.

She’d allowed herself to walk too far into this daydream to be able to decisively push them away. Had, in truth, given up that option the moment she agreed to respond to their first message. Having seen them, talked with them, seen the love in their eyes and heard it in their voices, she no longer had the strength to shove them away the way she should have at the beginning.

The best course of action, then, was to see this visit through, and then just—let the connection wither. Once they left, she could ignore further messages. Let them assume it was her job keeping her busy at first; later, after that excuse was worn thin, they’d probably think her coldhearted, distant. But that was still a vastly better opinion than they’d hold of her if they knew the truth. Eventually they’d get the hint, and it would probably hurt, but she was sparing them much greater pain than if she let them truly get to know her. It was a kindness, really.

And if it broke Mara’s own heart to give them up—well. It was no more than she deserved, was it?

There had been times since Wayland when Mara had looked back on everything she’d done, everything she’d been, and wondered when and how the inevitable penance would come. She couldn’t argue with the justice of it now that it had, and yet…

Mara curled herself around the little soft bantha clutched in her arms, and breathed through the misery until she fell asleep.

 

Amazing! I love the teasing with Chewie, the warm acceptance and gladness from all the Solos. The final scene, heart-tugging completely! The options Mara sees as open to her to 'kindly' sever ties...

What she does not realize, and probably could not being in the midst of it, is that they would see her as a courageous survivor and as a person who remade herself into something worthy of admiration and respect. She was never 'just' the Emperor's Hand, nor did she become tainted by his darkness.

 

Poor Mara, after all those nice meetings, still hurting herself by thinking about what she has done in the past.

 

I love these observations about Luke's innate people skills.

This scene hit me hard in the feels, really unexpectedly, because I realized just how long it's been since I've read about Chewie interacting with the whole family. And probably part of that has to do with me writing predominantly in a time period where he's been dead for two to three decades, but yeah. So many feels, Gabri. I love Chewie.

LOLOL CHEWIE!!!

Yay, Noghri! (And I love that you made sure to include all of these details, and also lolol at "attending to a hygienic matter with one of her heirs" )

Secret badass Ronan Jade, ladies and gents.

You know I'm a sucker for Luke & Leia moments, and this was perfect.

Aww, Jaina wants Mara. And there's den mother Han, making sure Mara's okay. Seeing him take care of literally everyone is just the best.

OMG LUKE STOP BEING SO ADORABLE. (Fine, of course I don't want him to stop, but seriously, Gabri, just about everyone in this story gets a chance to be so adorable AND I CAN'T TAKE IT. )

SEE??? ADORABLE.

Loved this detail.

My favorite parts of this exchange? Nico's response, and then Ronan's, for very different reasons:

Luke has been singing Mara's praises literally from the moment her family arrived. Of course he has been. He's in love with her, but more importantly, he wants this to work out for her, and for her family, so of course he's going to talk up all of Mara's positive qualities and achievements. And then we move on to dinner at the Solos, and you have even more: Chewie talking about how brave and honorable Mara is; Nadira talking about how Ronan loved holding Mara so much; Han calling Mara fierce... and then you've got Nico, who has had a chip on his shoulder the entire week and is clearly resentful of Mara for reasons we don't fully know. Whatever his issues, it's not hard to see how this unrelenting stream of praise would rankle him. And I love how it's all just been building and building with him, little by little throughout the visit. (I wonder when it's going to come to a head, hmm )

You know what else I like about this string of praise for Mara, all the qualities that Han and Luke and Leia admire in her and make sure to point out to her family? They're all great things, things her family would be proud of... but they're not the things Ronan and Nadira remember. Ronan's words here are especially poignant to me. They don't have anything to do with Mara's skills or with how much butt she can kick. They're simply the memories a father has of his sweet, precious baby girl. Those memories are all he has. Those memories are all he knows. But that also means that Mara was once that sweet, happy child. Yes, she is fierce and talented and principled (and I hardly think she's those things only because Palpatine molded her to be), but those aren't the things Ronan focuses on. I'm not exactly sure how to articulate this, but it's something I know I feel as a parent: my kids all have distinct personalities and interests and talents, and I love all those things about them. But when I remember back to their infant years, all of that sort of blurs, because babies haven't fully developed most of that stuff yet. Looking back, I can see reflections of my kids now in the babies they were, but mostly I remember what it was like to hold them and have them fall asleep on me and see them smile and laugh and be amazed by new things. I'm being nowhere near as clear as I want to be, but that's the sort of feeling I got from Ronan here. That soft, warm feeling of looking back on the babies and toddlers that my kids once were, and the memories of that time that only my husband and I will have, because our kids won't remember it at all.

Gee, did I ramble on enough there?

Well, this is just awful, especially the detail about faintly hoping she wouldn't wake up. Thinking also about how young she was during that whole period... this poor girl.

I love this reflection on Mara's part, and while I chuckled a little at the Vader mention (because, fair), I was also sad thinking that none of them - Luke, Leia, or Mara - had a chance to know Anakin at all. I know I'm always saying characters should still be recognizable as themselves even after they fall to the dark side, but I do think some changes in personality are perfectly reasonable and to be expected, and this is one of those areas where Vader does differ greatly from Anakin: conversation and people skills. But hey, that's why there are happy AUs with a well-adjusted light side Anakin Skywalker getting to be the best version of himself.

And of course, I love the nod here to Padmé, and Bail and Breha, and Owen and Beru.

This whole beautiful scene is so warm and wholesome and, well... beautiful!

(Also, Nico being all shy asking Han about the Falcon, awww)

Everything about Jaina and Jacen in this story is just sweet and precious and I love them... and then I think about the things they went through as teenagers and adults in the novels (and even in my own stories), and it makes me so sad. But I still love seeing them here, innocent and with their whole lives ahead of them.

Gah, Mara is so vulnerable here. And Corissa's line about playing dress up and dancing together...

Simultaneously heartwarming and heartbreaking, considering what Mara has decided by the end of the chapter.

I absolutely love the dynamics of Han and Mara's friendship. This is so perfectly in character for both of them, and I will accept nothing less.

(And this time around as I was reading, I was reminded of Enter!verse Ben and what his relationship with Han would have been like, and I can see it being very much like this. Which is perfect, again, because Ben is so Mara's son. )

Also, love Mara thinking about how many times she's been hugged this week. Just because she's becoming used to friendships, that doesn't mean she's gotten used to such overt and frequent displays of physical affection.

(Also laughing at "especially for his age" when he's only a few years younger than Mara. )

These two!!!

(And then we get the next paragraph )

I like this comparison between the dam and the wall very much, as you already know. I think it's a perfect distinction to make between the two. Mara learned from Palpatine, so her shielding is refined and subtle, meant to keep secrets and also hide the fact that any secrets are being kept in the first place. Essential for spycraft. Contrast that with someone like Dorian, who had zero training in shielding and zero time to learn it: he reaches for the strongest mental barrier he can imagine, a wall that keeps absolutely everything in and shuts everything else out. And it does what he needs it to do, but it's not exactly subtle, you know? (I imagine over time he learns to refine it to do more of what Mara does here, but in times of stress, yeah he's gonna revert to that wall big time.) Anyway, this was a clear, concise way of showing how Mara manages to keep her true feelings from someone as highly empathetic and perceptive as Luke, and very easy to visualize.

I mean, that's actually kind of creepy when you think about it. Yeah, she's their child, but she's also a stranger who has killed people on behalf of one of the most evil men to ever live. Obviously we know the Jades have nothing to worry about, but from an outsider perspective, it could certainly be unsettling, being bound by blood to this person you know almost nothing about.

(I'm using this one a lot today.)

I really feel like this is the crux of the issue here, that Mara deep down wonders if there was always something wrong with her, and that's why Palpatine stole her away. Because how can someone who is so good at killing and lying and manipulating have ever been anything else? Maybe she had to already possess those qualities in order to be of use to him. And if those things are naturally a part of her, then that means her path was inevitable, and her separation from her family was also inevitable. And that's just so sad, that she's struggling with this; but it also makes perfect, awful sense why she would think this and then use it as proof that her plan to distance herself from her family is the right one.

(I've been reduced to emojis, Gabri, see what you've done.)

 

@Mira_Jade

More of that ordinary family stuff I like to write But, I mean, you give Mara an option between gently sautéing some greens or wielding a knife, her choice is going to be pretty obvious there, Luke

Zahn gets the credit for fijisi wood; Mara notices it in the Palace in TLC. Even though it was likely just a throwaway world-building detail, it's always stayed with me, probably because if Mara's memory is triggered by it and it's not practical or traumatic, then it was probably something she liked, and especially in TTT, we didn't get a lot of positive memories from her. (Also, I personally adore the scent of sandalwood, so that's what I've always imagined fijisi wood to smell like.)

One of the most interesting and rewarding aspects of writing this story was looking at very familiar things through a fresh perspective. I swear that I never intended to write a family for Mara before about six months ago, but once the plot bunny bit, it was important to me that they be very ordinary people. Not Jedi, not anyone important, not connected to anyone else in the saga in any way. I've seen very few stories that allude to Mara's family, but the speculation I've often seen is that she's the daughter of a Jedi (though the old "daughter of Obi-Wan" thing seems to have died down these days), and SW sometimes suffers from an overuse of the six degrees of separation thing. It's a huge galaxy; not everyone knows everyone else, and if you keep writing that actually, they do, then you close off story opportunities.

Well, once that was decided, what's the social outcome? We've all seen Luke and Leia and Han and Mara up close and personal and in less than glamorous scenarios; we, the viewers/readers, are not starstruck by them. But if you're a random nobody who's living an ordinary life far removed from military or politics or royalty, these are people you'd read news reports about. You would never, ever expect to meet them and have a normal conversation with them, or sit down to dinner with them. You would never think that you'd see the inside of the Imperial Palace, let alone stay in it. Ordinary people don't live that life. So to Mara's family, this is all kind of unbelievable. And considering that her parents have been fearing the worst for decades, this has got to be a bit of whiplash - however desperately grateful they are to see her alive and well, this is so far removed from what they expected, and they themselves are nowhere near as comfortable in the Palace as Mara obviously is, so what are they to make of any of this? If she wasn't their own daughter, she'd be one of those people so far above them in society that they'd never imagine even meeting her.

Basically, it's a lot

There's definitely some introvert/extrovert stuff going on here, but also, as smart and capable as Mara is, not everything can come easily for her, including possibly the things she's good at. Just because you can do something well doesn't mean it's easy. And when we see Mara at her most comfortable and natural in the books, she's not being a gracious outgoing social butterfly. We've seen that she can do that, and falls into that mindset quickly when it's needed, but if she's just being herself? She's a lot more reserved and even abrupt. I remember one moment in Survivor's Quest where Luke feels under-dressed and murmurs to Mara to remind him to bring fancy clothes next trip they take, and Mara murmurs back, "I've always said you and Han are the scruffiest heroes I've ever met," and even Luke, who adores her with all his heart, side-eyes her over that bit of snark. And then he notices that she's actually quite preoccupied, and thinks that if she's concerned, he should be too, and starts paying more attention - but the point is that Mara, distracted and in a private conversation with the person she loves best in the galaxy, defaults to snark. So yeah, my takeaway is that she's very good at putting people at ease and being a social chameleon because she had to be. For Luke, putting people at ease comes naturally; he likes people, he's interested in them, he's good at conversation. Given the choice, Mara would rather quietly observe.

Heh, well, I've lived in Phoenix for nearly 30 years now (which gives me a fantastic basis for writing Tatooine, I should write more Tatooine-based stories), so the dry heat vs humidity debate is something I have a personal stake in I also went to C5 in Orlando, and let me tell you, Orlando in August is so much worse than Phoenix in August. Not even a contest.

So I'm going to get technical for a minute, please bear with me Have you heard of wet-bulb temperatures? To quote Wikipedia's definition: "The wet-bulb temperature is the temperature read by a thermometer covered in a water-soaked cloth over which air is passed. At 100% relative humidity, the wet-bulb temperature is equal to the air temperature; at lower humidity the wet-bulb temperature is lower than dry-bulb temperature because of evaporative cooling." How does it affect humans? We cool ourselves by sweating. If the humidity is near 100%, our sweat isn't evaporated, and we don't cool down. At some point, we overheat and die. So wet-bulb temperatures are a measurement not just of how hot it is, but how well humans can expect to cope with it. The theoretical human limit for wet-bulb temperatures is 95F. It's pretty normal for Phoenix in August to surpass temps of 110F. Personally, I've experienced 121F. (And yes, even in our parchingly dry heat, that'll kill you quick if you're not careful.) I'm not so familiar with Orlando, but I googled: in August the relative humidity usually peaks at 90% in the morning and drops to 60% by early afternoon. So I googled again and found a wet-bulb calculator, and I went with a very conservative Phoenix August temperature and equally conservative Orlando August humidity: 113F and 60% humidity. That gives us a wet-bulb temperature of 99.45F, almost 5 degrees past what will theoretically kill you. And as we've seen, Phoenix gets hotter than that, and Orlando gets a lot more humid than that. In this conversation about Tatooine's temperature, Luke is being a typical (well, kinda, plenty of Phoenicians are huge wimps, actually, but typical for those of us who've had to work outside in the heat or have had broken air conditioners we couldn't afford to fix right away and have thus acclimated better to the actual heat here) Phoenix resident, cheerfully proclaiming it a dry heat. Mara is being her extremely pragmatic and realistic self, thinking, yeah, because literally no one could live there if it wasn't. And this conversation came about because I basically live on Tatooine

tl;dr: dry heat is absolutely easier to deal with and if anyone ever says otherwise, google wet-bulb temperatures and wave the wiki article in their face

This makes me so very happy, because I love Corissa so much. I sincerely love her entire family, but Corissa was the first one I knew; somehow her personality sprang into my mind almost fully-formed, like Athena being born. And she's so, so much fun to write. I don't want to play favorites with my OC babies, but *glances around, whispers* Corissa's kind of my favorite

I feel like I now need to clarify that Mara didn't want to really throttle Corissa, it was just one of those ordinary sibling moments that took her by surprise because she's never experienced it before. But yeah, considering that Mara has very likely strangled someone to death, and even if not, she certainly knows how, it does take on a sad/sinister edge...

Vi's response to this was, "yeah, remember how you didn't like Ferrus for so long? Welcome to my world " I'll just say that yeah, Nico is being a jerk - but he has his reasons, and they're actually not such far-fetched ones, either.

My OC baby is a sharp one

Mara isn't one to offer her whole heart up to anyone right away, but there's a connection here that even she feels. She just doesn't really know what to do with it yet.

I'm glad that didn't come off as too much of a coincidence! Even though I didn't want her to be the daughter or granddaughter of a Jedi, I did want there to be some family traits beyond physical appearances, and a talent for dance seemed like a good one, but sticking with the "she comes from a very ordinary family" theme, I decided that her grandmother was an ordinary dance teacher, not some grand performer. And then sharing the talent was both something for Mara and Corissa to bond over and something that illustrates the difference in their upbringings: Mara doesn't hate dancing, but she had no choice in the matter, whereas Corissa lives for it.

I'm so glad It might well have been the first time that Mara ever thought about any of her grandparents as a real person she could have had a connection with, rather than an abstract concept that had no effect on her life.

That is one of the fun (in a manner of speaking ) parts of writing Mara so soon after TTT, rather than a post HoT Mara: these realizations are very new to her, and you can delve into the psychology of it. But yeah, it's like the contrast between her and Corissa that I just mentioned: Corissa wanted to dance, chose to dance, almost certainly did have recitals and pastel skirts at some point. Mara learned to dance as part of her required curriculum, and was passed off as a sultry court dancer when she was barely past recital age herself. Just because she was good at it doesn't mean that she should ever have had to do such a thing, let alone under such circumstances. And because she's gotten to the point where she can acknowledge that, it contributes to the emotional gulf between her and her family - they're normal, she's not.

Another instance of those inherited talents showing up in her very ordinary family! Mara had to learn a very wide range of skills, but it stands to reason that some of the ones she was really good at could have been an innate talent that she inherited. And she must have had an innate talent for mechanics, because it's for sure that the Emperor's Hand had people to work on her ship - even if she was taught how to do it herself when she needed to, it couldn't have been something she did on a regular basis. Yet there she was making a living at it when she met Karrde. (And I decided that Nadira would be an accountant because of the fanon I've seen where Mara is good with numbers, and because that logical way of thinking is so natural to Mara.) And of course her parents would be thrilled to see those connections between them, despite having spent almost her whole life apart from her

It really would be, wouldn't it? She's made so much progress, but she has to still be sorting out so many things about herself only six months after finding out her whole life was a lie, and then along come these strangers who look like her and share talents and personality traits, and that just complicates everything, because who is she? This poor girl's life is very complicated

Luke is the best

Aw, thanks

I mean, it really is sometimes. Your family is always your family no matter what, and sometimes that's wonderful and sometimes it can feel like you're caught in a trap, and for Mara, who is so used to being alone, I feel like her initial reaction would be the latter one. She doesn't quite see the benefits of these connections yet - which is fair, she's never had a family, she's never been loved (okay, yeah, Luke, but they haven't admitted that yet). To her it's probably going to seem like she's being tied down by strangers, and she's lived a life where being held down can be fatal, so there's probably a subconscious edge of panic underneath it all.

Mara is indomitable Also scared stiff at the moment. But she's trying hard to plow through it, because she's awesome

You know how I said Corissa's personality came to me almost fully formed? So did her dynamic with Mara. Writing them together was perfectly natural from the very beginning. (And part of that may have been subconsciously drawn from real life: my own sister and I couldn't be more different, but we understand each other better than almost anyone else understands us despite that. ) Corissa is incapable of pretense, and she also accepts other people at face value, and these things draw Mara to her. Corissa looks at Mara, stiff and reserved and seeming rather standoffish, and she isn't put off by that. Instead, she thinks, okay, my sister is a quiet introvert like my father and brother, that's cool, and shrugs and gets on with getting to know her. At the same time, she's not trying to hold back, the way Ronan and Nadira are. That could be argued to be either a good or a bad thing; Ronan and Nadira are genuinely worried about scaring Mara off after that initial meeting, so they try to slow down and hold back and go at Mara's pace. Corissa does not; Corissa goes at Corissa's pace. That could have backfired, but when you combine it with her easy acceptance of Mara exactly as she is, it actually endears her to Mara. I found that it didn't take long at all for Mara to feel tentatively affectionate toward and protective of this new exuberant baby sister. Her parents are a little bit scary even though she kind of likes them, and she and Nico aren't connecting at all yet, but Corissa is young and innocent and - well, not jaded, all the things that Mara never got to be. And that kind of fascinates Mara, and also makes her want to wrap Corissa up in bubble wrap, because the galaxy is not kind, not in Mara's experience, and nobody's going to hurt her innocent, cheerful little sister, even if Mara herself hasn't quite figured out what to do with her.

Hooray! As I've said, the people Mara routinely interacts with are legendary names that people like her family only see in news reports. It would just have to be intimidating to meet them in person. And again drawing from real life: so, so many fans go to more cons than I do, but after two Celebrations and something like a decade of attending Phoenix's own local con, which is fairly sizeable these days, I've spoken with quite a few authors and artists and occasionally actors by now, and you know, I was scared to death to do so at first. Yet what I found over and over again, is that all these famous names? They're just ordinary people. Literally nothing at all to be scared of. I wanted to channel that with Mara's family, that of course this would be unnerving for them at first, but pretty soon you figure out that all these big names are still ordinary people too.

Thanks so much

You know, that's really poignant - she did try so hard to gain Palpatine's approval, yes, because she was trained to do so, but also because people need connection and friendship and love, and Mara literally had nowhere else to look for it Now she has a lot of people who love her and are proud of her, if she can just figure out how to let herself accept that...

lol, that bit wrote itself. Because of course her parents are going to be freaked out at the thought of sitting down to dinner with THE PRINCESS OF ALDERAAN AND HER FAMOUS WAR HERO HUSBAND, and Mara and Luke are naturally going to calm them down/burst that bubble

Han and Nico will get along quite well, I think

I love Banta so very much, not going to lie

They'd just have to be so proud of her, wouldn't they? But Mara is used to gaining approval through sweat and blood and excruciating work to be the very best and never fail, while her parents are proud of her just for being her. She's Mara, that's literally all she needs to be for them to love her with all their hearts. Bit of a learning curve here for her, but a good one!

And you know, they might just have started to think that maybe it was better than they thought, that maybe despite the inhumanity of her abduction, the Emperor treated her well for whatever reason, maybe she's had a good life, maybe even better than we could have given her, looking around at the luxury to which she's apparently accustomed, and then you get things like this, where she's almost confused by the thought of having friends or toys as a child, and that sudden burning curiosity as to how her parents would have reacted when she misbehaved, that implies that someone was very harsh with her over what Ronan and Nadira would hardly bat an eye at - it's got to be all those fears they'd had for twenty-plus years rushing back on them full force, but they can't talk much about it yet either, because Mara is so obviously ill at ease over the prospect. Honestly, Ronan and Nadira have gone through absolute hell for more than two decades, and even once they actually find her, it's not something that can be fixed quickly or easily

And Mara - well. "Emotionally stunted" only just scratches the surface, considering how she was raised. She understands a lot about human behavior and relationships, but only in an abstract, intellectual way. She missed out on so much, and the stuff she did live through was pretty awful. She doesn't know what to do with her own emotions here, or what to truly expect from Ronan and Nadira, or how to handle any of it. And she certainly has no real concept of parental love being unconditional, because nothing in Mara's life has ever been unconditional. Everything, everything can be taken away, and will be if she falters. She's determined, and she feels a sense of obligation to her family, and the more she gets to know them, the more she likes them - but it's so, so much to deal with.

This was honestly a very, very complicated story to write, trying to work through and understand and do justice to all the very different types of trauma all of these characters have experienced, and the ways that they would interact and affect each other. Very rewarding, too! But dang, the amount of thought and discussion that went into it. (Endless thanks again to @ViariSkywalker and @Bel505 for all their feedback throughout the writing process, and for always being amazing sounding boards for all my thoughts on everything these characters had gone through and how to handle it. They absolutely made this story better than it would have been if I hadn't had them to talk to about it )

Thank you so much!

Exactly

Wes is impossible, but Corissa is easily strong-willed enough to put him in his place even at her young age

You be nice to my jerky baby, he's out of his element too

Banthas are so adorable, I really like the idea of them being the GFFA's answer to teddy bears, and that there's a couple of mass produced designs so popular that most kids in the galaxy had one of them at some point

This is all true! She's honestly a much better person than she realizes. She has a rightfully high opinion of her skills and abilities, but at this point in her life, at least, she consistently underestimates her abilities to simply be a good person.

Artoo is always a sucker for someone who likes him, and Corissa thinks he's adorable

Mara's all indignant, and Luke's like, yeah, remember that "the droid stays here. In pieces" thing?

Once this story idea came to me, I was pretty determined to give Mara back as much of her life as I could. You'll have to tell me how well I succeeded once it's all done

They doooooo

Thank you! I love Owen and Beru endlessly, and am firmly of the opinion that they and Luke were a happy, close family, so it was nice to write a little bit about that

That's no joke. You'd think that Mara would realize that by now, but she's not great at admitting it, that's for sure.

Okay, so, I probably should have linked these in the chapter itself, but the embed image code and I do not get along. But Vi helped me out, and now you can see the dresses that I tried hard to do justice to:

Spoiler: ALL THE PRETTY FANCY DRESSES

Mara's dress:


Corissa's dress:


Nadira's dress:

She iiiiss

Another piece of the story that got written out of order, very early on, because I just knew how Corissa would be

Right?? She's starting to reach out! Making conversation! Repaying a compliment! I can just imagine her shrugging off Corissa's gushing over her own dress, and then suddenly thinking, oh, I should compliment hers now, shouldn't I? Ironically, if these interactions meant less to her, if it was just some undercover mission, she'd be sailing through it without a single falter - but the stakes are so much higher now, and she's hesitant.

I love them all, Mira, so much

The EU did not give us enough Han and Mara interaction, and I am forever salty about it

I'll take it

It is! She's always been taught that she had to be entirely self-sufficient, and she wasn't supposed to have any emotional bonds at all. So much new territory to be learned here.

Formal clothes + casual pose = startlingly attractive. You know it to be true, Mira

And this is absolutely true, but you know it would be something else Mara just wouldn't know, and would think that she must be failing if she can't figure out how to manage all this new family stuff on her own. She holds herself to impossibly high standards, because it's basically all she knows.

lol, such truth. Corissa is completely adorable and completely exhausting.

Leia and Mara are two peas in a pod in a number of ways, and this is one of them

Here’s the thing—and I’m going to sound so obnoxious for a minute, I think, but it’s kind of unavoidable—there are generational gaps in SW fandom, and one of those big gaps is the Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader divide. I’m part of what I sometimes think of as the second generation of SW fandom: I wasn’t an adult when the OT came out; I don’t remember the ESB reveal as a big shocking thing the way fans older than me do. But I was only 8 or 9 when I saw RotJ in its theatrical release, which means a) SW fandom helped define my childhood, and b) I was nearly an adult before “more SW than the OT or a handful of books and comics that you may or may not be lucky enough to find in a used bookstore” was a thing (I was 16 when HttE was published; the only SW I’d read before that were the movie novelizations and Splinter of the Mind’s Eye) and well into adulthood before the PT premiered. I may not remember the ESB shocker, but I clearly remember the shock of finding out that there would be more SW movies, what even.

And back then, when no one knew who Anakin Skywalker had once been, then Luke’s faith that there could still be good in Darth Vader was a nearly unfathomable thing. At that point, the best that could be said of Vader was “astonishingly casual about murder; his former best friend says he used to be better than that, but even that guy considers any good in Vader to be completely annihilated, to the point that sending Vader’s own son to kill him honestly seems like the best and only option on the table.”

To those who were younger when the PT came out, and especially to those who’ve been born since and never really knew a time without Anakin Skywalker, who look at Vader and don't see just a mass murderer, an accomplice to genocide, someone who very nearly stood by and let his own son be tortured to death, but who see instead the remnants of a traumatized slave boy who adored his mother, who risked everything to help strangers, who became a courageous and generous Jedi war hero devoted to his friends and wife and excited to become a father, I think sometimes the immensity of Luke’s faith gets forgotten. Luke did not know Anakin Skywalker. He knew nothing of that when he surrendered himself to a killer who’d already caused him immense personal pain, knowing that he was genuinely risking torture and death.

What he did know was that Darth Vader kills people on a whim, is more than fine with torturing people, is an accomplice to genocide, is the chief enforcer of a brutal authoritarian regime. That’s the Darth Vader that Luke and Leia and Mara knew, and they knew nothing at all of Anakin Skywalker to balance it out. Mara, it could even be argued, had the highest opinion of Vader out of all of them, even though the two of them were never on good terms: at least she believed he was upholding something good in the Empire, at least she saw him at times when he wasn’t torturing and killing, at least she did have ordinary conversations with him, at least she did consider him a potential ally at times, if a wary one. But if that’s all you knew of Darth Vader, and you had no knowledge at all of Anakin Skywalker or his good qualities, and now you’re good friends with Luke and Leia, wouldn’t you wonder, how did this happen? How could that monster ever have helped create two such good and kind and generous people?

That’s where Mara’s at. And because I’m old enough to have grown up on Darth Vader rather than Anakin Skywalker, it’s a very easy mindset for me to channel.

SO MANY FEELINGS

@WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

The flip side of this, though, is that at this point in her life, Mara might well see even that as pity, and reject it, and probably wouldn't accept any absolution, either. After all, she argued against even Luke's suggestion in VotF that she wasn't dark. This early on in the process of learning who exactly she is, there's a huge tangled web in her psyche that she's hardly begun to work through

@earlybird-obi-wan

She is indeed

@ViariSkywalker

Luke is a people person, and he's a people person who was raised by Beru Lars

Yeah, I didn't want him at dinner just because there were already so many people to balance there, but I couldn't leave him out entirely In writing that scene, I kept thinking of the scene in ESB when Luke goes to say good-bye to Han and Chewie, and after Luke turns away, Chewie pulls him back for a big hug. That's the sort of affection I wanted to channel here

lolol, I literally just now realized that Threepio never makes an appearance. The one detail I forgot Oh well, we have Noghri. Tactful Noghri at that

That's right Like you said, Mara is her father's daughter

I aim to please

I've always leaned toward Jaina being especially fond of Mara, but Interregnum by @Bel505 was an influence here, too. I just love how Mara and Jaina interact in that story And I love den mother Han so much

I needed some adorableness to balance out the angst

Okay, that part really is adorable

You know it's been ages since I spent any real time around babies, but I do remember the way they'd sometimes be sitting on your lap and just lean all their weight back against you almost with a thump, and that's what I was thinking of

I wonder But yeah, Mara is the star of this visit, and she feels awkward about it, and Luke is happy to play the supporting role, and Corissa cheerfully and sometimes obliviously wanders on and off the stage, and Nico stands in the wings glowering. And since he's been annoyed with her almost from the beginning, absolutely everyone talking about how wonderful Mara is would definitely have to irritate him

Yup, a parent loves their baby simply for existing. And that's not to downplay the personality traits that even very young babies show, but like you say, there's so much that develops later on, as we grow, that either isn't there yet or isn't apparent yet during babyhood or toddlerhood. Ronan and Nadira love Mara now, but they don't know her now. They're only just starting to get to know who she grew up to be. And looking back, they can't say "honorable, talented, principled, kick-ass" about the Mara they knew; she hadn't yet become those things. But they loved her wholeheartedly just because she was Mara. Because that's what parents do (okay, yes, there are exceptions, but it's universally accepted that parents should do this): they love their children no matter what. When they're still babies who mostly just sleep and eat, when they go through defiant toddler phases, when they're adorable, when they're extremely obnoxious, when they're awkward teenagers who are constantly embarrassed by their parents, when they grow up, whether they grow up to be remarkably talented adults or troubled adults who struggle with serious issues, parents love their children. It's the number one defining trait of a parent. Mara doesn't know that yet. But Ronan and Nadira obviously do. And they love this grownup Mara that they're still getting to know, who everyone thinks so highly of, but the Mara they knew wasn't all those things yet. The Mara they knew was a sweet, happy, curious baby. And right now, as thrilled as they are to find grownup Mara, as desperately as they want to know her, the Mara who is probably foremost in their minds is that sweet, happy, curious baby they lost, and it has to be an understatement of epic proportions to say it's bittersweet, because look at all they missed, all that they didn't get to be part of, the fact that they now have to get to know their own daughter.

Honestly, as hard as this is for Mara, it's probably harder for Ronan and Nadira.

You may have noticed that I ramble sometimes myself

It goes back to my earlier rambling essay about Mara's post-Empire exile: it was obviously a terrible time for her, one she was truly desperate to escape after four and a half years. And I stand by my assertion that Mara wouldn't, say, fall into addiction to cope with it. But for all Mara's strength, she's not perfect. No one is. She was miserable and lonely and sometimes desperate, and she had that Force command jammed into her brain besides, a constant vivid reminder of her failure, that she'd failed the one person who mattered most in the galaxy, it was her fault, his death was her fault, the fall of the Empire was her fault, her own misery was her fault. It would be a miracle if she didn't succumb to the occasional unhealthy coping mechanism, and getting blackout drunk seemed a likely one because at least she'd be unconscious and that Force dream couldn't follow her. And even if she wasn't actively suicidal (which I doubt she would be, she's pretty ferociously determined even in awful circumstances), I can see there being a tiny part of her brain thinking, that would be nice, wouldn't it? To just be quiet forever? To not have to wake up and deal with all of this in the morning? And then when she did wake up, she'd be ashamed of all of it, the weakness of getting drunk in the first place, the weakness of hoping, however faintly, for the easy way out. Because that's what unhealthy coping mechanisms do, they make things worse. But poor Mara was never taught how to be emotionally healthy, and she had no support system to help her. And yeah, she was only in her early twenties during that time. No wonder she feels old next to Nico and Corissa; she's lived a dozen lifetimes compared to theirs.

I think it's inarguable that Vader was a terrible conversationalist There's also the distinct possibility that he'll murder the other person in the conversation if it goes a way he doesn't like, so you know, that's just not going to set anyone at ease. But yeah, Luke and Leia and Mara really have no idea at all who Anakin Skywalker was, they only knew Vader. Luke, at least, always believed that there was still something good in him, but Leia and Mara really don't have a lot of grounds to share that belief, based on their own experiences. I do think that Mara was rarely if ever openly hostile to Vader - she was almost certainly wary of him, and probably frequently annoyed by him, but she essentially saw the two of them as being on the same side - but the contrast between him and Luke and Leia is an extremely sharp one.

As you know, I pretty much always think that Owen and Beru and Bail and Breha are unfairly overlooked. Certainly Luke and Leia have inherited traits from Anakin and Padmé, but it was their adoptive parents who raised them and shaped them into the people they became. And the shadow of Anakin always eclipsed Padmé - before the PT and aside from that one conversation on Endor, there's basically never even a hint that Luke or Leia ever wonder about their mother, the way that Luke is so obsessed with the memory of his father, which is both unfair and unrealistic. So yeah, let's give Padmé and Bail and Breha and Owen and Beru some credit here.

Yay! Sometimes I worry about little chunks of exposition like this being boring or unconvincing, so I'm glad it worked Nico's kind of in awe, but the boy really loves ships, and the Falcon is such a famous one

Remember that "shhh" gif I send you sometimes? Imagine it here We will not think about what the EU (or you ) put Jaina and Jacen through, right now they are just happy and sweet babies all excited to get to babble at new people

Right?? Mara is incredibly exposed here, and she knows it. But she's not pushing Corissa away, because Corissa has already won her heart, even if she can't admit it. She's trying to sidestep Corissa, but we all know that's not going to work. But Corissa instinctively knows how to handle Mara, and does the best anyone could have with this situation.

You have to assume that Nico and Corissa thought a lot about Mara throughout their lives, and I imagine that Corissa would have been quite taken with the idea of an older sister, especially when Nico wanted to do boring introvert things and Corissa wanted to do bubbly extrovert things. It's awfully sad in retrospect, though, particularly when you consider what Mara was doing at the time instead of playing with her little sister

My work here is done

Huzzah! My Han-Mara dynamic goes back to when their strike team was in Mount Tantiss. Han notices how haunted Mara looks, surrounded by her past like this, and thinks, hang in there, kid. Just a little longer, okay? Even that early on, he's looking out for her. She's become his kid sister, like Luke's his kid brother

Awww

She is definitely not used to being hugged. And to be fair, she probably hasn't been hugged very often before this, even since Wayland: Luke's not going to go around hugging her because - well, let's be honest, he'd really like to hug her, but they have not reached a status quo on that and he doesn't want to risk what they do have, and Han and Leia probably aren't hugging her on an everyday basis, you know? The friendship is still newish and Mara is obviously new to having friends at all, and isn't naturally inclined to be openly affectionate, so they're not going to push her. They hug her now because they recognize what a huge thing this is for her, and they're genuinely so happy for and proud of her. So this is another way this week has been very weird for Mara

lol, this is true, he's only four years younger. But considering the differences in their lives, I'm pretty sure Mara feels much, much older than she really is.

Luke is so, so happy for her

But Mara's not exactly onboard with his expectations

I am relieved, as describing Force stuff is always a daunting prospect for me But yeah, Mara had to have been taught shielding techniques, and when you consider that her teacher managed to stay hidden right under the collective nose of the Jedi Order while plotting their demise for decades, and that Mara herself is strong in the Force, that's a powerful combination. Without those shielding skills, Luke would surely have figured out what she was thinking and argued against it, but I strongly suspect that even he could never get past her shields if she didn't want him to.

lolol, taking this in a totally different direction than I'd imagined But, I mean, fair! If they'd known all that before they met her - well, I still think they'd have met with her, but maybe they wouldn't have brought Nico and Corissa, you know?

But also, yes

Exactly. Because she was very good at all the terrible things he taught her. She was the best. And how could that have been, unless she was also fundamentally flawed? This was probably something she could ignore while she was busy setting up the Smugglers' Alliance and settling into a routine with Luke and his family, but as she's already reflected, they're damaged too. The people she spends the most time with have lived through similar traumas that will never entirely leave them; they can relate to each other on that most basic level. But it's a whole other story with her family, especially because she doesn't fully recognize their own trauma and damage.

 

Chapter Seven




It was raining when Mara awoke the next morning—a common enough occurrence on Coruscant, and not usually one that bothered her. Today, though, the overcast sky felt oppressive, and the downpour gloomy rather than refreshing.

Mara stayed where she was for a few minutes, holding Banta close and watching the rain, until the chime of her comm unit intruded on the listlessness weighing her down. With a sigh, she gave Banta a last squeeze before she rose and made her way to the comm, pulling a robe on as she went.

Luke’s face appeared on the screen as she answered. He took in her appearance and winced. “Did I wake you?”

“No,” Mara assured him. “Just moving a little slowly this morning, that’s all. What’s up?”

“Would you be okay being with your family on your own today? Just for the morning,” Luke hastened to add. “Wedge has a bunch of new recruits coming in today. Tycho was supposed to help handle orientation, but Tycho’s sick.”

“So that’s where Winter was last night,” Mara guessed. “Serious?”

Luke shrugged. “Serious enough to make Winter threaten to put him in the medward herself if he didn’t stay in bed.”

“I knew I liked her.” Mara hesitated, but there was only one answer to his question. Would have been, in truth, no matter the reason behind it. This was still her family and her obligation, not his. “Sure, I’ll be fine.”

He regarded her steadily for a moment, searching, she suspected, for any hints of insincerity on her part. “Wedge sends his apologies. And I’ll join up with you at lunch, I promise.”

Mara couldn’t quite help smiling at that. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I do want to,” he insisted. “We were going to their apartment today, right? So I’ll meet you there by 12:00. Maybe earlier, if I can manage it.”

“Okay,” Mara said, then added, “Why you, though? You’re not even active military anymore.”

“No,” Luke agreed, “but Wedge and I worked almost in tandem through most of the war. We ran so many orientations together that we could probably do it in our sleep even now. And Wes and Hobbie are on leave—when we ran into them the other day, they were heading offplanet, or he’d have pulled one of them to fill in.” He shrugged again. “And since he knew I was onplanet right now, he said he thought it would be like old times.”

Mara smiled again. “He does know that you blew both hyperdrive motivators with that little maneuver you pulled escaping from the Chimaera, right? He still really wants you instructing new pilots?”

“Are you kidding?” Luke’s grin would have lit up a cave at midnight. “Wrecking your ship on an escape and managing to live through it is exactly the sort of thing that adds to your aura of authority with the new kids.”

“You only lived through it because of me,” Mara pointed out. “Space is big, and you also blew out your subspace radio.”

“I’ll be sure to give you credit for that if the story comes up,” Luke promised. “And I’ll be at your parents’ place by 12:00.”

“See you then,” Mara said. “Have fun.”

“You too.” Luke smiled at her, then cut the connection.

She was on her own.

Well. She could manage to put on a convincing act for a few hours. It would, she thought darkly, be good practice for the rest of her life.

It was no more than she deserved, Mara reminded herself. It would be the height of hypocrisy if she, who had spent years believing herself to be the arbiter of justice, balked when it came knocking at her own door.

Swallowing a sigh, Mara went to get dressed.


--------------


Corissa opened the apartment door when Mara rang the chime, as bright as ever. “Hi! Did you eat yet?” She peered past Mara, a frown briefly creasing her face. “Where’s Luke?”

“He had to help a friend,” Mara said, stepping inside and nodding a little shyly as Nadira entered the main room. “He’s going to join us for lunch.”

“Another famous nobody friend?” Nadira asked with a wry smile as she hugged Mara.

Mara forced herself to relax within that embrace, consciously keeping her muscles from going stiff. “Wedge Antilles.”

“Hear that, Nico?” Corissa called toward the hallway. “Luke’s hanging out with Wedge Antilles today!”

“General Antilles?” Nico’s interest was obvious as he poked his head into the main room. He caught sight of Mara and his usual warily neutral expression reasserted itself.

“Wedge’s background is a lot like Luke’s,” Mara told Nadira, trying to ignore Nico. “Very ordinary, and wound up in the Rebel Alliance almost by accident. They just both happened to be exceptional pilots, too.”

“I admit,” Nadira said, “before this week I would have been terrified to meet people like Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa Solo and Han Solo—”

“And Chewbacca,” Corissa put in.

“And Chewbacca,” Nadira agreed. “But they’ve all been so very kind and—well, ordinary, as you said. Is General Antilles like that too?”

“He’s very nice,” Mara said. “Very unassuming.” It had been a learning curve for her too, meeting Luke’s friends and getting to know the people behind the names that had graced the Empire’s most wanted list for so long. They had the universal cockiness of fighter pilots the galaxy over, but none of the arrogance she’d come to expect from TIE pilots or Imperial Navy officers. Wedge in particular had taken pains to be kind to her ever since Luke had introduced them.

“Mara,” Ronan greeted her warmly as he came down the hall behind Nico and entered the room, putting a hand on Nico’s shoulder as he did so and propelling him along as well. “No Luke today?”

“He’ll be along for lunch,” Nadira told him. “Mara, we were just about to order breakfast—unless you’ve eaten?”

Mara shook her head silently.

“Good.” Nadira smiled gently at her. “Gives us a chance to treat you for once.”

“The kitchen should be stocked, if you’d rather not spend the credits,” Mara said. She was sure Leia had said something about that.

“It is,” Corissa assured her. “With some really good stuff.”

Nadira reached out to press her hand gently against Mara’s cheek for a moment. “We just thought we’d treat our little girl to something special today. Someday soon you can come visit us and I’ll cook for you.”

Mara’s heart seemed to turn over within her. She ignored it. “That sounds nice.”

However much Mara might tease Luke about the security of the Palace restaurants, they uniformly provided excellent and efficient service. Breakfast was delivered quickly, and they gathered around the dining room table, with Corissa and Nico falling into an apparently familiar routine of setting out drinks and flatware while Nadira transferred the food to plates that Ronan then handed around. Corissa laid out the last fork and sat down, patting the seat of the chair beside her. Mara obediently sat down, forcing a smile in response to Corissa’s own.

Ronan set a loaded plate in front of each of them and beamed. “All our babies together at last, Nadira.”

Nadira smiled at them all—so warmly, much more warmly than Mara deserved—as she sat down. “Just the way it should always have been.”

“Does this mean it’s Mara’s turn to do the dishes?” Nico asked, with a good impression of guilelessness. Mara glanced over and saw Ronan give him a forbidding look as he set Nico’s breakfast down.

“I don’t mind cleaning up,” Mara offered, looking at her plate and poking at her food.

“Don’t be stupid,” Corissa said.

“Corissa,” Nadira said, giving a stern look of her own.

“Welcome to family life, Mara,” Ronan said a little ruefully. He stopped behind her chair to bend over and drop a kiss on the top of her head, and Mara’s breath caught. “It can be chaotic.”

Chaotic. Mara had been in firefights, had argued with Darth Vader, had been employed in Jabba’s Palace, had been a smuggler. Nothing about having a meal with such a small group of people could qualify as truly chaotic by her standards unless there was an attempted poisoning or someone pulled a blaster. Even with Nico still being—well, Nico, this was more peaceful than almost anything she’d ever experienced during the Empire.

What would it have been like to have grown up like this? To feel natural sitting down to a meal with her family? To squabble with siblings about chores? To belong with them, really and truly belong?

“I don’t mind,” she told Ronan.

“You might have minded the mandatory cooking lessons.” Corissa made a face, then took a bite of her breakfast.

Mara thought again of the stories Luke told of being young and learning such things from his aunt, and of Nadira’s warm smiles and open affection. “I wouldn’t have,” she said softly.

“I can teach you if you like,” Nadira said, her eyes shining. “Tell me your favorite meal, and if I don’t know how to cook it, I’ll learn, and then we can make it together when you visit.”

It felt as if her insides were being wrung out like an old rag. With an effort, Mara kept her expression neutral. “I’ll think about it.”

“You don’t have a favorite meal?” Corissa asked somewhat indistinctly around a mouthful of food.

“Corissa, really,” Ronan said, but his tone was tolerant.

Corissa finished chewing and swallowed before responding. “Sorry, Dad. It just seems weird to not be able to come up with a favorite food right away.”

Nico snorted. “Not everyone spent two years eating the exact same thing for lunch every day.”

The ripple of amusement went through them all, and Mara surreptitiously looked around, hoping her curiosity wasn’t too obvious.

“Yeah, and who picked nerf roast every single time it was his turn to choose dinner?” Corissa turned the joke, whatever it was, on Nico, who only grinned.

“I’m sure Mara will come up with something,” Ronan said, giving her a gentle smile. “Give her time.”

Mara turned her attention back to her plate, pretending to be absorbed in the meal as the grief that was twisting her gut began to be swamped by a rising, fervent hatred. If Palpatine hadn’t already been dead, she could have slit his throat without so much as blinking.

And wasn’t that a flaw in itself, right there? Hadn’t she reminded Luke that Jedi weren’t supposed to hate? She knew the true story of Luke’s confrontation with Palpatine by now, knew that it was anger and hatred that had almost caused his downfall, and knew how he’d overcome both to stand by his principles even when it nearly cost his own life. How could she be a Jedi if she couldn’t do the same?

“Corissa,” Mara said, to distract herself before her control broke. “How did you know you wanted to dance?”

Nadira laughed. “The question is, did she ever give a thought to anything else.”

Corissa smiled and shrugged at her mother. Mara thought she looked impossibly young and cheerful, and had to breathe carefully. I used to wonder if you would have danced with me.

She should have been there, to dance with and laugh with and take care of her very own little sister.

Luke and Leia had occasionally mentioned their regret over not growing up together. Mara hadn’t realized until this week just how deep that regret must run.

“I always liked dancing,” Corissa answered, unaware of Mara’s inner turmoil, and Mara knew a moment of desperate relief that none of her family appeared to have more than the barest modicum of Force-sensitivity, if that. She’d never have been able to keep up this front otherwise.

“That’s something of an understatement,” Ronan added, smiling fondly at Corissa. “She wiggled to music even as a baby.”

“Ugh, remember her glimmik stage?” Nico wrinkled his nose with evident disgust.

“Glimmik is great and you know it,” Corissa shot back.

“Not exactly suited to ballet,” Mara ventured.

“I told you, I like all sorts of dance styles.” Corissa hummed a frenetic bar of a glimmik song that Mara remembered from the year after Palpatine had died. She’d landed another serving girl job—at a place much less well run than Gorb’s, she thought with a pang even now—and that particular song had been in heavy rotation in the too-loud piped-in music. She had to suppress a cringe at the memory. “I’ll never understand why you don’t like it, Nico,” Corissa continued. “Glimmik’s always been popular with racers.”

“Just because I like racing doesn’t mean I have no taste,” Nico replied archly.

Ronan and Nadira, Mara noticed, were exchanging wry and somewhat resigned glances. Clearly this was an argument they’d heard before.

“No taste?” Corissa’s voice rose half an octave with indignation. “Listen, you sleemo—”

“Corissa,” Nadira said firmly. “No swearing. And Nico, don’t bait your sister.”

Sleemo really didn’t count as swearing by Huttese standards, but Mara took another bite of her breakfast and kept that thought to herself.

“And Nico,” Ronan said, “took things apart at a young age like you did, Mara.”

Mara and Nico met each other’s eyes, then quickly glanced away.

“And he’s an excellent artist, so that will help with the ship design,” Nadira said, smiling at Nico. “And Corissa was always remarkably good at her history lessons.”

“History is interesting,” Corissa agreed, helping herself to another pastry. “But not as fun as dancing. What was your favorite subject, Mara?”

Mara couldn’t remember her own childhood preferences ever mattering, and she wasn’t about to admit that she’d enjoyed sniper practice. “I was good at languages.”

“That’s my smart girl,” Nadira said, her voice soft but full of pride.

“You can teach me more Huttese when you visit, then,” Corissa said brightly.

Mara’s throat felt suddenly thick. “Sure.”

“You don’t need to know more Huttese,” Ronan told Corissa. “But we’d love to have you visit, Mara.”

“Pick any date you like,” Nadira said. “We’ll clear our calendars. Our house isn’t very big, but there’s a guest room. It’ll always be open for you.”

The guest room, Mara thought. Her entire life had been so far derailed that she was now a guest to her own parents. Even knowing that she had to give them up and that this hypothetical visit would never happen, it still hurt. “My schedule is likely to be busy for a while,” she said, poking at her food again. “There are a lot of variables in the Smugglers’ Alliance, and a lot of the politicians don’t like working with smugglers anyway. Lots of details and egos to balance.”

“Of course,” Ronan said, the faint disappointment evident in his Force sense if not in his voice. “But as soon as you can? We’ll change whatever we need to to accommodate your schedule.”

Mara kept her eyes on her plate, unwilling to see the hope that she knew was on his face, hope that she was going to dash. She should never have answered that initial communication. Spending the rest of her life wondering what she’d missed would have been preferable to this pain. “I’ll see what I can do.”

There was a moment of awkward silence, then Nadira said, “Of course, sweetheart, we understand. Your job is an important one, and we’re proud of you. But whenever you can—”

A muted chime cut her off, and she looked at Ronan, who fished his comm out of his pocket and looked at the incoming number.

“It’s Kumi,” he told her, then glanced at Mara. “She’s our shop manager; she wouldn’t be calling if it wasn’t important. It’ll just take a minute.”

“Of course,” Mara said, and continued rearranging the food on her plate.

Ronan tapped the comm. “Yes, Kumi?”

A Twi’leki-accented voice answered. “Ronan, I’m so sorry to interrupt, but there’s a dispute about the Reshef account, and their director is being rather—intractable. He’s insisting they were promised a ten percent discount. I can’t find the contract records; do you know where they might be?”

Ronan leaned forward, putting an elbow on the table and rubbing at his temple. “We should really just let him walk. This account is way more trouble than it’s worth.”

“We can’t,” Nadira said, a little grimly. “As difficult as they are, the work is still profitable. Until we have a replacement lined up, we need to placate him.” She raised her voice enough to be picked up by the comm. “Kumi, it’s Nadira. I have a copy on my datapad, and it should say where it’s filed in the main computer as well. Maybe it got put under the wrong name. Let us go check, and I can either tell you where to look or send you a copy.”

“Thanks, Nadira,” Kumi’s voice answered. “And sorry again.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Nadira reassured her. “We all know what the Reshef director is like. Come on, Ronan; my datapad is in the bedroom.”

Ronan was already rising. “We’ll be right back.”

Corissa sighed as their parents left the room. “Dad’s right. I hope they find someone better than Reshef soon. They’ve been nothing but trouble.” She stood as well. “I’m going to go make some tea. There are some really good teas in this kitchen, and Mom and Dad will need something good to make up for arguing with the Reshef director again.”

She disappeared into the kitchen, and Mara was left alone with Nico. She glanced up, only to find him watching her steadily, his expression more openly hostile than it had been with the rest of the family present. Mara’s breath came a little quicker. It felt cowardly, but something in Nico’s eyes unsettled her to her core, and she stood as well, taking a step toward the kitchen as she spoke. “I’ll—I’ll just go help Corissa.”

“Too good for us, are you?”

It took the span of several breaths for Mara to gather herself enough to turn slowly around. “What did you say?”

Nico leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms and glaring at her. “Do you have any idea how desperate my mother was to see you?”

Anger blossomed suddenly within Mara, overriding her earlier determination to remain distant. “She’s not just your mother.”

“Could have fooled me,” Nico said. “Could have fooled her, too, the way you rejected her the very first time you met her.”

The memory of the hurt in Nadira’s eyes that day was as good as a knife in Mara’s heart. She hadn’t meant—she hadn’t even realized she was pulling away, she hadn’t meant to inflict pain. She hadn’t known then that within a few days she would somehow love Nadira. Her pulse was hammering in her throat, and she couldn’t get any words past it.

“They dropped everything to come see you, and made Corissa and me do the same. They’re still offering to rearrange our whole lives to accommodate you, and you can hardly even smile at them. Can’t tell them your favorite food, can’t commit to a visit—”

“It’s—I—”

Nico was unrelenting, giving her no time to recover. “Special agent to the Emperor himself, didn’t you say?”

Mara took a step toward him before she realized it and felt her fingers curl at her sides, ready to grasp a weapon, or a throat. She stopped, horrified, and forced her muscles to relax. “I had no choice in that.”

“Raised in the Imperial Palace,” Nico continued, either oblivious to or unimpressed by her momentary lapse of control. “Part of the Emperor’s Court.”

“Again,” Mara said, fighting for control. “Not by my choice.”

“And now here you are again,” Nico said, his eyes never leaving hers. “Living in the Palace itself. Working at the highest levels of the NR government.”

“I think you have a warped view of what qualifies as high government levels.”

“Close friends with galactic legends like Luke Skywalker. Leia Organa Solo. Han Solo.”

Mara breathed in, fighting against the urge to—what? Did she want to floor him, or bolt from the room? “What exactly are you getting at?”

Nico stood and took a step forward. “What I said. Must have been inconvenient to have your ordinary working class family show up on your elite doorstep, huh?”

“Nico!” Corissa’s voice from behind Mara was hardly more than a shocked whisper, and with the part of her brain that had been too diligently trained to shut down even in moments of intense stress, Mara noted that this was the first time her sister hadn’t seemed in complete command of a situation.

“And when did I say anything of the sort?” Mara demanded.

“When exactly did you say anything at all?” Nico asked scornfully. “My whole life they’ve looked for you, and once they find you, you hardly talk to any of us. You’re fine showing off your connections, but gods forbid you talk to your parents, or brother, or sister.”

Corissa was at Mara’s side now. “Nico, stop.”

“Just because you can be bought off with a ticket to the ballet,” Nico said, turning to her, “don’t assume the same of the rest of us.”

Mara took another step toward him. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. No idea of what I’ve lived through or what I think about anything.”

Nico also stepped forward, and for a wild moment Mara truly thought it might come to blows.

Clearly she wasn’t the only one, as Corissa caught her arm and quickly put herself between them. “Nico, leave her alone.”

“I don’t know why you’re sticking up for her,” Nico said disgustedly. “Just because she used to dance too—”

“She’s your sister,” Corissa told him. “What’s gotten into you?”

“Wasting a week on someone who couldn’t care less about any of us, that’s what’s gotten into me,” Nico said, glaring at her. “After our entire lives revolved around her. She was never even there, but everything we did was because of precious Mara. All the moving, all the time Mom and Dad spent searching for any sign of her, and they finally find her, and for what? She doesn’t want anything to do with any of us.”

“Nico!”

Their father’s voice was considerably louder than Corissa’s earlier whisper, and all three of them cringed in unison. Luke, Mara thought distantly, would have laughed at that. Nico turned, squaring his shoulders defiantly. Mara looked past him to see Ronan looking fiercer than she would have believed possible. Beside him, Nadira stared with wide, shocked eyes, a hand over her mouth.

“Dad—”

“Not another word,” Ronan cut Nico off. “Mara—”

“I should go,” Mara said.

Corissa held fast to her arm as Nadira stepped quickly toward them. “Mara, no,” Ronan said.

“You don’t understand,” Mara said, shaking Corissa off and backing away. “None of you understand. I’m not like you. Maybe I was once, but that was two decades ago. All of you—” She gestured wildly, aware that her voice was rising, but unable to stop. “All of you have had a whole lifetime together—you have a shared history and memories and in-jokes and—” She choked and hated herself for it. “I was alone! I was always alone, I grew up alone, I worked alone, I spent five years on the run alone! I don’t know how to have friends or family or normal conversations or—”

“Mara.” Nadira spoke her name softly, as if to a frightened wild animal, and held her hands out, palms up, ready to take Mara’s own. “Don’t go. Please don’t go.”

Mara swallowed hard against a rising sob. “I’m sorry. I know you wanted your daughter back. I tried. Even if you don’t believe me, I tried. But I don’t belong here.”

“There’s nothing you need to know except that we love you,” Ronan said softly. “You always belong with us.”

Her parents’ quiet desperation was a rising tide within Mara’s perceptions, and guilt swirled nauseatingly through her gut, mixed with a profound loneliness that she’d never felt before, not even during her worst times in the fringe. “I don’t. I’m sorry.”

Beside Nadira, Corissa watched Mara silently. For the first time, her warm brown eyes held the same fear that their parents had been trying to suppress all week, and something snapped deep inside Mara at the sight.

Without another word, she turned and fled.


-----------


Mara only slowed her pace through the Palace hallways when she noticed the way the guards tensed before recognizing her and relaxing. With a conscious effort, she slowed to a brisk walk and tried to look casual.

She more or less maintained the pretense until she stepped into her own apartment—alone alone alone alone—and the quiet whoosh of the door closing behind her sounded like a death knell in her ears.

In a sudden fury, Mara lashed out with the Force, and the vase of flowers on the low table before her couch flew across the room to shatter against the transparisteel window. Tiny shards of glass rebounded as the wet spot where the vase had hit began to bleed trails of water down the window to join the flowers lying limply on the puddled carpet.

A heartbeat later, the remorse hit. Using the Force in anger like that—it was like Vader, like Palpatine. Luke would be appalled.

Luke.

She didn’t really want to talk about what had happened, but she had to tell him not to go to the apartment for lunch. After a moment’s thought, she called his apartment rather than his personal comm and left a brief message, then curled up in a tight ball in a corner of her couch, holding one of its pillows tightly against her middle and trying to hold back the intense feeling of loss. A stupid, pointless feeling. This last week notwithstanding, she’d never had a family at all. You couldn’t lose what you never had.

So why did she hurt so badly inside?

Only half an hour later, she heard her door chime. Mara emerged far enough from her self-imposed cocoon to reach out with the Force.

It wasn’t one of her parents, but it was bad enough.

She ignored the next two chimes, then the door slid open and Mara heard a familiar step draw close. “That blasted droid of yours forwarded the message, didn’t he?”

“I told you he liked you,” Luke said, sitting down at the other end of the couch.

Mara buried her face a little deeper against her knees. “He’s the only one.”

“What happened?” Luke asked softly.

She just shook her head. “I told you this wouldn’t work.”

There was a long moment of quiet. “Mara, you know they’d do anything for you.”

“It’s not them!” Mara finally looked up, angry because if she didn’t stay angry she’d cry. “I can’t do this! I can’t try to wedge myself into a family that moved on without me twenty-two years ago! Just because they want me to doesn’t mean I can!”

“It’s not about trying to wedge yourself into an existing family, Mara,” Luke said, leaning forward. “It’s about building a new family together, one that encompasses all of you.”

“They don’t want me anyway.” Mara pressed her face against her knees again, guilt rising anew as she remembered Ronan and Nadira’s pleas and Corissa’s eyes.

Luke sighed. “Nico said something stupid, didn’t he?”

Mara choked back a bitter laugh. “Did he already tell you all about how much he hates me?”

“He doesn’t hate you,” Luke said. “He’s just having a hard time adjusting to this. Like you are.”

“No, he hates me. And thinks I hate them.” She looked up again. “It doesn’t matter anyway. They wouldn’t want me if they knew who I really was and what I’ve done.”

“Have you actually told them any of that? Given them that chance?”

Mara thought about the things she’d done in the Emperor’s name, the people she’d killed. True, she hadn’t gone around outright murdering people for petty mistakes the way Vader did; she’d always been sent after Imperial officials implicated in corruption or treason. But was treason against an Empire built on self-serving lies automatically reason enough to kill someone? Back then, Luke had been labeled a traitor, too. So had Leia and Han, and all the other former Rebels she now knew. If she’d been sent against any of them, she would have killed them without hesitation. Almost had killed Luke.

She shied away from that thought, just as she shied away from the thought of explaining this to her parents, and watching the yearning affection in their eyes change to disgust. “I can’t.”

“Mara—”

“You said,” Mara reminded him abruptly, “that if I really couldn’t do this, you would respect that. You said that, Luke.”

He lifted a hand to rub wearily at his face, then sighed. “All right.”

“And don’t go calling them behind my back, telling them I need more time or whatever.”

His eyes flicked over to her, and she could read plainly enough that he’d been planning just that. “All right,” he said again, after a long moment.

Mara set down the pillow she’d been hugging and uncurled enough to slide across the couch to curl up again at Luke’s side, her head tucked against his shoulder. He put his arms around her, and she closed her eyes and wondered how long it would take for the aching sense of loss to subside.

 

Magnificent candor from Nico and Mara. He thinks she's writing them off in some heartless I'm-better-than-you or I-couldn't-be-bothered attitude whereas, like she said, it's worlds apart from that. Darling Luke would so communicate with her family but now he's given his word he won't. It's a testament to how endearing and lovable and loving Nadira, Ronan, and Corissa are that they've been able to get Mara to miss what she never knew she wanted.

 

NICO!!!!!!!

(Obviously I will be back with more )