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Saga Return of the Jedi Humorous Version(SPOILERS!)-CONT'D

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by study3600, Apr 19, 2005.

  1. study3600

    study3600 Jedi Grand Master star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 16, 1999
    WARNING: This fanfic has ROTS spoilers!


    http://boards.theforce.net/Fan_Fiction_Stories--Classic_JC_Board_(Reply-Only)/b10016/1854753/p1

    ROTJ HV original thread (Required reading.)

    http://www.bus.miami.edu/~jdavis/Starwars/jedi.html]
    RoTJ shooting script


    http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/2062/index.html

    TPM HV Special Edition




    http://boards.theforce.net/Fan_Fiction_Stories--Classic_JC_Board_(Reply-Only)/b10016/6902197/p1]http://boards.theforce.net/Fan_Fiction_Stories--Classic_JC_Board_(Reply-Only)/b10016/6902197/p1

    AOTC HV

    http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/19237951/?2

    AOTC HV CONT'D

    http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=177852&replies=193

    ANH HV

    http://boards.theforce.net/Fan_Fiction_Stories--Classic_JC_Board_(Reply-Only)/b10016/203134/p1

    ESB HV

    [Ed.-5/30/05] Here it is! [link=http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=19980768&replies=3]ROTS HV[/link]


    It is ti me to complete the Humorous versions, abandoned back in 2002.



    EXT. FOREST LANDING SITE-ENDORPHIN-DAY

    The helmeted Rebel Scum commandos make their way through the forest. LEE and HANDS are slightly ahead of CHUNKY and MARCUS. The troops of the strike-team squad follow, with ARTOO and STINKY-O bringing up the rear. ARTOO beeps.

    Not far below them, two IMPERIAL SCOUTS are wandering through bushes in the valley below.. Their two SPEEDER BIKES are parked nearby.

    SCOUT 1: I just shot one of those annoying little Carebears earlier. They're sooo sickeningly cute.

    SCOUT 2: What are we doing out here anyway? Why are we searching this particular area?

    SCOUT 1: Beats the hell out of me.



    STINKY O: I told you it was dangerous here. But would anyone listen? Noooo.

    LEE:: Shall we try and go around?

    HANDS: It'll take time. This whole party'll be for nothing if we're seen. CHUNKY and I will take care of this...

    MARCUS: Quietly, there might be more of them out there. And put your glasses on,

    HANDS ignores him, and draws his blaster. He sneaks up behind one scout and holds the gun up to his head.

    HANDS(softly): Now, you're going to do exactly as I say. Give me your weapon.

    Reluctantly, the trooper gives hands his weapon.

    HANDS:: On the ground.

    Trooper gets on the ground

    HANDS looks up and sees that the other trooper has his blaster pointed at his face,

    HANDS: No fair! I only saw one!



     
  2. study3600

    study3600 Jedi Grand Master star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 16, 1999
    Hmmm... not a single response since I started this this morning.


    UP!
     
  3. study3600

    study3600 Jedi Grand Master star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 16, 1999
    The Scout Trooper fires at point blank range and misses (typical for a Stomptrooper) and HANDS barrels into him, catching him off guard.

    OTHER SCOUT(getting up): Do you want me to go for help?

    As HANDS kicks the sh** out of him the Scout says:

    SCOUT: I can handle this guy.

    CHUNKALUNK jumps out from behind a tree and growls (translation):Hosta la Vista, Baby!), pointing his bowcaster at the other scout He blows the scout away.

    Two more Scouts, previously unseen, take off on their speeders.

    MARCUS: There's two more of them!

    Whack

    LEE hops on one of the unoccupied speeder bikes, then gestures towards MARCUS.

    LEE: C'mon! Climb on behind me!

    MARCUS(in disgust and shame): Uh...I think I'll take the other bike.

    LEE takes off

    MARCUS: Wait, LEE!

    He hops onto the remaing bike and follows his sis. He quickly catches up to her.

    MARCUS: Quick! Jam their Comm links!

    LEE: Which switch is that?

    MARCUS: I don't know! Just press random buttons.

    LEE: I'm flying at 600 m/h through a forest and you just want me to press random buttons and see what happens? Are you trying to get me killed?

    MARCUS: Sorry.

    MARCUS and LEE speed into the dense foliage in hot pursuit, barely avoiding two huge trees. BONO, KENNEDY, and GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE, however, aren't so lucky.

    MEANWHILE, HANDS is still kicking the living sh** out of the Scout Trooper, who is now pleading for mercy.
     
  4. study3600

    study3600 Jedi Grand Master star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 16, 1999
    Boy it's hard to get Humorous Versions off the ground these days...

    UP!
     
  5. study3600

    study3600 Jedi Grand Master star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 16, 1999
    EXT, FOREST-THE BIKE CHASE

    The two fleeing UMPERIAL SCOUTS have a good lead as MARCUS and LEE pursue through the nice straight lanes between the giant trees, the fire from their bikes' laser cannons hitting harmlessly near the moving targets. MARCUS guns it, closing the gap between him and the nearest speeder. He pulls up alongside it, ignites his brightsaber, and swipes off the SCOUT'S head. The speeder, with the SCOUT'S headless body riding it, careens into a nearby tree and explodes. The other SCOUT, seeing this, panicks and tries to get away, but MARCUS hurls his brightsaber like a javelin through his back. Lee is quite impressed. MARCUS pulls up to the speeder and pulls his saber out of the dead SCOUT just before the speeder crashes. FOUR MORE SCOUTS come out of hiding,

    MARCUS: Lee, you take two, I'll take two!

    With LEE shooting ahead MARCUS suddenly slams his steering vanes into the braking mode. Luke's bike is a blur to the two pursuing scouts as they zip by him on either side. He makes short work of them with his blaster canon. LEE shrugs and takes off her shirt, tying it around her waist, revealing her bra. The other two SCOUTS stare at her and stop paying attention to their driving. They crash and burn.

    MARCUS:Let's go back-and please put your shirt back on.

    LEE: Why?

    They head back, LEE having reluctantly put her shirt back on. Soon, LEE notices she's almost out of gas. She starts to call out for MARCUS but he is too far ahead. Then she sees a sign, with a picture of a cloud and a rainbow on it:

    WICKER'S GAS'N SMILE
    24 hrs Regular 2.99g
    Premium 4.99g
    STARE!!!!!


    Curious, she stops



    INT. DEADLY STAR II-THE SEQUEL-HOSPITAL WING

    Emporer Palpitatine paces back and forth. A MEDICAL DROID comes up to him

    DROID: My Lord, the construction is finished. He lives.

    PALPITATINE: Good, good.

    The droid brings the Emporer to an operating room. A green and orange figure is on the operating table. Red gloves and yellow boots cover the new mechanical limbs. A purple helmet is strapped to the head for good measure. The table begins to tilt, moving the figure to an upright position.

    PALPITATINE: GENERAL RIKKAN, you may rise.

    GENERAL RIKKAN: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
     
  6. study3600

    study3600 Jedi Grand Master star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 16, 1999
    Let's try to finish this HV last, since it wraps up the entire saga. Let's leave it alone for now, but we'll come back to it, ahnd with all the ROTS spoilers it's going to contain, it's gonna be great!


    -study
     
  7. study3600

    study3600 Jedi Grand Master star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 16, 1999
    Did anyone ever read this thread?

    If you like what I've written so far, show your support. Please?


    Be sure to read [link=http://boards.theforce.net/Fan_Fiction_Stories--Classic_JC_Board_(Reply-Only)/b10016/1854753/p1]Return of the Jedi Humorous Version part one[/link].
     
  8. LordTarr

    LordTarr Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Feb 11, 2005
    I guess I'll be the first to respond. I like it! UP!
    [hl=black]LordTarr[/hl]
     
  9. Darth_Funky_Monkey

    Darth_Funky_Monkey Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 10, 2005
    Don't worry you have me as a reader. I love these stories.:D
    more soon mmmmmkay.

    Monkey out.
     
  10. study3600

    study3600 Jedi Grand Master star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 16, 1999
    Thanks for your support, guys! :D

    -study
     
  11. LordTarr

    LordTarr Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Feb 11, 2005
    Hey c'mon Study! Post please!
    [hl=black]LordTarr[/hl]
     
  12. study3600

    study3600 Jedi Grand Master star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 16, 1999
    Every post on this thread so far has been mine. This ia a round robin, although I'll give you some ideas if you pm me. It's your turn to write part of this story.
     
  13. study3600

    study3600 Jedi Grand Master star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 16, 1999
    here is a better link to a ROTJ shooting script: [link=http://www.bus.miami.edu/~jdavis/Starwars/jedi.html]ROTJ script[/link]
     
  14. LordTarr

    LordTarr Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Feb 11, 2005
    OK Study, I'll see what i can do!
     
  15. whodamanyodaman

    whodamanyodaman Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 24, 2005
    "General rikkan You may rise"
    [face_laugh]
    Let's get it on!
     
  16. whodamanyodaman

    whodamanyodaman Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 24, 2005
    Hello? knock, knock anyone there.
     
  17. rabe_rocks

    rabe_rocks Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 28, 2005
    [face_laugh] love it
    ![face_laugh] [face_laugh]
     
  18. study3600

    study3600 Jedi Grand Master star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 16, 1999
    LordTarr has said he would help.
    Will anyone else?

    This can't go to waste.

    Be sure to read the other humorous versions before contributing; it will help.


    Not much I can do but wait.


    -study