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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

CT Rewriting the OT to suit the Prequels (humor)

Discussion in 'Classic Trilogy' started by Darth Downunder, Mar 25, 2016.

  1. Martoto77

    Martoto77 Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 6, 2016
    Obi Wan : For a thousand generations, the Jedi Knights were guardians of peace and justice, in the old Republic...

    Luke : And corruption?

    Obi Wan: Oh no. We just acted aloof and passive aggressive while serving the corrupt senate and left it entirely up to the politicians to sort the corruption.

    Luke : Politicians like the Palpatine?

    Obi Wan : Yep

    Luke : The Emperor.

    Obi Wan : He sorted the corruption out like nobody's business.
     
  2. HighWiredSith

    HighWiredSith Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 25, 2001
    The shaft is ray-shielded, so you can just fly by and fire a few guided missiles...
     
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  3. TheCloneWarsForever

    TheCloneWarsForever Force Ghost star 7

    Registered:
    Apr 24, 2018
    TCW/Rebels rather than Prequel but why not...

    Endor Celebration

    Luke spots the ghosts of Yoda, Obi-Wan and Anakin.

    LUKE: All right, Master. I just talked to Commander Rex. What was all that
    about me being the last of the Jedi?

    YODA: Oh, hmm... yes, f...

    LUKE: And don't say "from a certain point of view!"

    YODA: Yes, yes... Young Bridger - became a Jedi he did when he let go of
    attachment to his father.

    OBI-WAN: Something you did not do, Luke.

    ANAKIN: Hey...

    YODA: But four years ago that was. And Tano - told her she passed
    her great trial we did. Twenty three years ago.

    ANAKIN (snickers): Just before she walked out on you.

    LUKE: So about me being "the last of the Jedi?"

    YODA: A Jedi you are, young Skywalker.
    ...
    YODA: Since three hours ago. Makes you the last, does that not?
    .
    .
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2018
  4. ObiWanKnowsMe

    ObiWanKnowsMe Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 7, 2015
    i think leia watched holovids of padme talking in senate growing up to see what her mother was like. i think bloodline addresses that
     
  5. Darth Downunder

    Darth Downunder Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 5, 2001
    "Don't be too proud of this technological terror the Geonosians constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Living Force!"
     
  6. Bob Effette

    Bob Effette Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2015
    “What is it?”
    “Your father’s “laser sword”. This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as uncivilised as a blaster. An elegant weapon, in all ranges of colour and style”
     
  7. PCCViking

    PCCViking Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2014
    "You must go to the Dagobah system. There you will learn from Yoda, the Jedi master who instructed me in teaching you how to do that first drill on the Millennium Falcon."
     
  8. TheCloneWarsForever

    TheCloneWarsForever Force Ghost star 7

    Registered:
    Apr 24, 2018
    LUKE: You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father!

    OBI-WAN: Your father...

    LUKE: Ben, I want to trust you. Tell me who my mother was
    and how she died.

    OBI-WAN: Vader betrayed and murdered her.

    LUKE: BEN!

    OBI-WAN: [growing nervous] Luke... I don't think you're ready
    for this.

    LUKE: [eyes start glowing red and yellow]

    OBI-WAN: Oh all right, then. Your mother... was the Senator from Naboo.

    LUKE: [moan] Palpatine is my mother?

    OBI-WAN: No, not Palpatine. His successor.

    LUKE: JAR JAR BINKS!!??

    OBI-WAN: No, Binks merely spoke for the Senator in her absence.
    Your mother was Senator Padme Amidala of Naboo.

    LUKE: And how did she die?

    OBI-WAN: As soon as you were born, she gave up on life and died of a broken heart.

    LUKE: You know what? I'm glad I know you're a liar. Go away.

    OBI-WAN: [vanishes into the Force] Whew. I should have done it like that
    about his father.
    .
     
  9. Darth Downunder

    Darth Downunder Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 5, 2001
    Echo Base medical bay. Han, Leia & the droids observe Luke being treated in a bacta tank.

    Han: "The kid'll be fine Princess. He just took a hit from one of those creatures. No big deal, especially not after my brave rescue".
    2-1B approaches them.
    Han: "How's he doin?"
    2-1B: "Medically he's completely healthy. For reasons we can't explain we are losing him.
    Leia: "He's dying??"
    2-1B: "I do not know why. He has lost the will to live".
    Han: "What! Wait a second. This ain't right. Can we get a real doctor in here instead of this tin can?"
    Leia: "Would you shut up & think for once. Luke's low will to live levels are what's killing him. A doctor can't help!".
    Leia runs to the communications console on the wall & grabs the hand piece. Suddenly all of the the speakers throughout the base loudly crackle & come to life to the sound of her frantic voice: "ATTENTION ALL PERSONNEL. WE NEED A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER IN THE MEDICAL BAY IMMEDIATELY!!"
     
  10. Martoto77

    Martoto77 Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 6, 2016
    Yoda : A Jedi uses the force for knowledge and defence. Never for attack.

    Luke : What? Never?

    Yoda : Yes

    Luke : Never?

    Yoda : Yes. Never!

    Luke : Really?

    Yoda : What did I say?

    Luke : So. You've never attacked an enemy.

    Yoda : (!).........Nothing more will I teach you today
     
  11. Darth Downunder

    Darth Downunder Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 5, 2001
    Yoda: "I cannot teach him. The boy has no patience".
    Ben: "He will learn patience".
    Yoda: "Much anger in him. Like his father".
    Ben: "Was I any different when you taught me?"
    Yoda: "Yes. 4 years old you were. Scream & piss your pants you would if candy you were not given".
    Ben: "Yes, okay but what I mean is..."
    Yoda: "Toilet training, most difficult part of teaching you was."
    Ben: "I think we're getting off topic here, which is..."
    Yoda: "To give you to Qui-Gon, relieved I was!"
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2018
  12. Prime Jedi

    Prime Jedi Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2018
    Obi-Wan: "Luke, don't give in to hate, that leads to the dark side. Give in to the high ground."
    Luke: "How is the high ground going to help me against a Sith Lord?"
    Obi-Wan, similar to Hagrid when Dumbledore is insulted: ".....Never, insult the powers of higher elevation."

    Luke: "You've failed, your highness. I am a Jedi, like my father before me.
    Palpatine: (pulls out lightsaber) "It's treason, then."
     
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  13. DarthTalonx

    DarthTalonx Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 12, 2014
    When Vader has been kicked down the stairs in the Throne Room on the Death Star II:

    Luke: It's over Father! I have the High Ground!
    Vader: You underestimate the power of the Dark Side. If you do, then you will be destroyed...
    Luke (imploringly): Don't try it!
    Vader: (jumps) Nooooo!
     
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  14. Prime Jedi

    Prime Jedi Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2018
    Yoda just before he dies in ROTJ:

    Luke: "I have to go to Endor and destroy their new superweapon."
    (Random faint voice): "What about the Droid attack on the Wookies?"
    Luke: "No, Ewoks are native to Endor, not Wookies"
    Yoda: "Go, I will. Good relations with the Wookies, I have."
    Luke: "Yoda, you can't go and figh-"
    Yoda, preparing to go to Endor: "While I'm on Endor, fight Vader on the Death Star, someone must"
    Random voice again: "I concur. Master Kenobi should lead the attack."
    Luke: ".............."
     
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  15. Dark Ferus

    Dark Ferus Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Jul 29, 2016
    C3PO strapped to Chewbacca's back:

    "Oh, this is such a drag!"

    Luke wakes up inside the Tauntaun and finds Han inside with him (how else could he have stayed warm that night?)

    "Did I miss something?"

    "Hold on. We're in a bit of a situation."


    Luke when he fires into the Death Star.
    "Now this... is skyhopping!"


    Here's one from the PT, I know it doesn't meet the criteria but still...

    "My powers have doubled since we last met, Count."

    "Oh, you mean a month ago on Serenno?"

    General Grievous:

    "Anakin Skywalker. I expected someone with your reputation to be a bit...older."

    "Are you kidding me? I just saw you on Utapah! You know exactly who I am, you dumb droid!"
     
  16. Dark Ferus

    Dark Ferus Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Jul 29, 2016
    Han: "Good against remotes is one thing, good against the living, that's something else."

    Obi-Wan: "The ability to speak does not make you intelligent. I thought I learned my lesson after Jar Jar, I guess I was wrong."



    Vader: "If only you knew the power of aggressive negotiations."


    Vader (throws Sidious into shaft) "Cho skrunee dopat, sleemo!"


    This one is from the sequels but:

    The Death Star looms over Endor. Yoda's Force ghost appears and sends a massive bolt of lightning through the Death Star, slicing the battle station in half.
     
  17. SateleNovelist11

    SateleNovelist11 Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jan 10, 2015
    Darth Sidious [while electrocuting Luke]: I have the power to kill the one you love. You must choose!
     
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  18. PCCViking

    PCCViking Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2014
    Tarkin: It's time we tested the full power of this station. After all Jedha and Scarif were just tests of the test.

    (technically, Rogue One is a prequel :p )
     
  19. Dark Ferus

    Dark Ferus Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Jul 29, 2016
    Han to Leia in Empire Strikes Back

    “I don’t like snow. It’s cold, and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.”
     
  20. Encuentro

    Encuentro Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 8, 2013
    I found this video from the folks at Auralnauts to be pretty funny and very appropriate for this thread. Vader's dialogue in A New Hope has been replaced and includes frequent references to the prequels.
     
  21. christophero30

    christophero30 Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    May 18, 2017
    Jek Porkins is the chosen one. No I'm all right ahhhhhhhhhh :xwing::tie:
     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2019
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  22. Bob Effette

    Bob Effette Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2015
    “The Emperor has been expecting you”
    “I know, Father”
    “You’re a Jedi aren’t you?”
    “What makes you think that?”
    “I saw your laser sword”
    “Perhaps I killed a Jedi and took it from him?”
    “Luke, must we go through this again?”
     
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  23. Dark Ferus

    Dark Ferus Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Jul 29, 2016
    "No one can kill a Jedi, except me."

    "I wish that wasn't so."
     
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  24. christophero30

    christophero30 Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    May 18, 2017
    that was awesome!
     
  25. Dark Ferus

    Dark Ferus Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Jul 29, 2016
    On Endor-

    C-3PO- "I'm afraid our furry companion has gone and done something rather rash."

    Obi-Wan's ghost- "Why do I get the feeling we've picked up another pathetic life form?"



    On the Millennium Falcon-

    Han- "We're caught in a tractor beam, it's pulling us in!"

    Obi-Wan- "Do you have a plan B?"


    Luke- "There's got to be something you can do!"

    Han- "Nothing I can do kid, I'm gonna have to shut down."

    Obi-Wan- "Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this."




    Obi-Wan chops off Ponda Baba's arm.

    "So uncivilized."
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2019
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