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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Beyond - Legends Before - Legends Saga - Legends Rumours and Speculations [The Kessel Run Challenge 2023]

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by UltramassiveUbersue, Jan 10, 2023.

  1. amidalachick

    amidalachick FFoF Hostess Extraordinaire star 5 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2003
    Congratulations on completing your Run! =D=

    You did an amazing job with all of your stories, and I especially enjoyed your Week 8 entry, "Paradise". I'll always have a special place in my heart for Anakin/Padmé (they were my first ship!) but I've really loved the alternate pairings and futures for Padmé that have come out of this year's Run. :D

    It sounds beautiful!

    This is such a sweet, joyful image. [face_love]

    I love these glimpses into Obi-Wan's (and Qui-Gon's) past adventures, and the 'nostalgia that does not make them sad' is a very poignant touch.

    Another beautiful image.

    Oh, this is just beautiful, especially the line about the love that respects her will and makes her feel free to choose. [face_love]

    And then the ending! :( That really packed a punch after the moments of peace Padmé and Obi-Wan found on their lovely planet.

    This was a great read and so well-written. Great work all-around, and congratulations again on finishing! =D=
     
  2. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The (FavoriteTM) Fanfic Mod With the Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jun 29, 2004
    Sooooo, contrary to my best intentions, I completely fell flat on my face with keeping up with reviews during the Kessel Run, but I'm going to go about fixing that now! :D

    To do so, this review covers "The Disaster" through "The Good Day", and then I'll be back with more!

    &
    &
    I easily could have quoted every word of this - so know that all of your world-building in this piece was amazing, but these are the details that stood out to me even more so from the whole. I love how much thought you put into an aquatic species and society, and just how that would work! Yet none of the world-building felt purely just for the sake of world-building, which can be a trick at times - it let us know about Clighal as a character, and the Mon Calamari people, too!

    I also loved the details about her latent Force sensitivity coming to the fore. Really, truly well done! =D=

    Oh . . . =((

    The power of that last line, though . . . [face_hypnotized]

    Whew, but this was quite the poignant and sobering continuation of your last piece. Clighal is going through a painful genesis here, but I can fully see the beginnings of the healer that she will someday become!

    Again, the details about her Force sensitivity were particularly striking!

    She's come so far from the youth who was floundering to pass her own test only the day before. :(

    [face_hypnotized] [face_hypnotized] [face_hypnotized]

    THIS. EVERY WORD OF THIS!!!

    Where do I even begin with this? First, I love that this is how Luke and Clighal met - it's fitting, that the Force would draw him here at this exact, pivotal moment in her life.

    And Ackbar! The detail about kin-smell was excellent!

    And then: "War came to my home, too" just hit me like the proverbial tidal wave. This is one of those interactions that's going to linger with me, and I thank you for sharing two pieces with us, in particular - I think they're my favorite of your Run thus far!

    I did a double take, I'm not going to lie. You do have a gift for crack!pairings in the best cract!tastic situations. [face_mischief]

    I know L/M isn't quite the focus here, but this is one of my favorite parts about their dynamic when it is. [face_love]

    You know, I at first thought that "girlfriend" sounded funny coming from Mara, but Daala's response and Mara's subsequent reaction was gold. :p

    :eek: [face_rofl]

    (I still can't believe that I am laughing at this - so very, very well done. :p)

    This entire story absolutely gutted me. I had to walk away and process it, it was just that good. Just, the subtlety of Palpatine's machinations, and how he binds Mara to him and indoctrinates her over time . . . it's as heartbreaking as it is masterful. =D=

    The POV you used here really added an extra "umph" to your writing, too. Mara isn't quite a person here, she's The Child - a living, breathing weapon; an extension of Palpatine's will and an experiment by his own admission, and that . . . it shows. [face_plain]

    =(( [face_sick] but so, so well done by :emperor: [face_skull]

    How he just slowly warps her, bit by bit, all relayed with a child's relative innocence . . . =((

    &
    [face_hypnotized] [face_hypnotized] [face_hypnotized]

    Just . . . I don't have the words to do this justice, so I'll say that the gradual build-up in your writing was flawlessly executed and to devastating effect. This is another quality piece that's going to stay with me, and I thank you for sharing! =D=



    I will be back with my final review on the rest of your Run soon! [:D]
     
  3. UltramassiveUbersue

    UltramassiveUbersue Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Nov 7, 2022
    The heart wants what it wants, man.:D
    Thanks-- I'm glad to hear my backwards narrative thing worked here. :) I kept writing and rewriting drafts forwards and backwards because I was confusing myself!
    I'm glad you enjoyed my take on Mara's character. :)
    Thank you so much! And thank you for all your reading and reviews and encouraging me to write. :)

    Thank you! I've often wondered about Mara's process of examining her values and reckoning with her past; I don't recall profic going much into it other than her disenchantment with Palpatine and her role in his Empire.

    It's not a popular 'ship, but I like her and Lando; they're both trying to reinvent themselves and become better people. I figure he'd have a lot of respect and admiration for her for choosing to own up to her mistakes by facing the people she had wronged, since he made this choice himself in joining the Rebellion after losing Cloud City.

    I really like your comparison with what he went through on Bespin-- I hadn't thought of that, but you're totally right, and it reminds me of all the things he has gambled and lost.
    It's all falling apart for him, and his instinct is to bet more and more in the hope that his luck will turn.
    It is such an ordinary human indiscretion, and I figure in hindsight it must seem absurdly funny to him that this was the big bad deed that could ruin everything.
    The fact that he knows exactly who she is and what she has done, and he still wants to connect with her and make her happy... that's pretty hard to resist.
    It certainly tells her who her real friends are.
    That's a very eloquent way of putting it! :)
    Thank you so much! And thank you very much for all of your reviews and encouragement to finish the challenge. :)

    Thank you!
    Thank you so much! :) This was my first time writing Padme, and I'm so glad I did. She's such an interesting mix of wunderkind and hopeless romantic.
    I just love planets. :D
    Thank you! I was inspired by all the drafts I wrote of them being bored out of their skulls in that little shuttle...:p
    Thank you. :) I figure Obi-Wan was a straight-laced teenager and young adult, and Qui-Gon was like the dad his friends think is cool but really just embarasses the hell out of him.
    Thanks! I watched Moulin Rouge while writing this fic, so now Obi-Wan sings very nicely in my headcanon. [face_love]
    Thank you! I figured that for Padme to fall in love with someone so unlike Anakin, it would need to reflect the way she is changing overall. She longs for stability and control at this point in her life, and her natural sentimentality shifts toward Obi-Wan's steadfast devotion and courtly respect.
    Thank you so much! And thank you for all your encouragement in your reviews-- I really appreciate it. :)

    I'm glad I'm not the only one...:oops:
    Thank you so much! I have so much fun figuring out how life on Dac works, and I'm glad it's showing. :D
    Poor Cilghal's courage is about to be tested.
    Thank you! I wanted to show how being a healer is not easy and requires a lot of emotional resilience, and that Cilghal has a lot more potential going for her than Force sensitivity.
    Thank you!
    It helps that the humans have no idea how old she is... but she is also finally in a position where she can fully use her potential.
    Thank you! :D I vaguely recall them meeting under these circumstances in profic, but not from her point of view.
    Thank you so much!
    Why, thank you! :D
    It's definitely a sign that they've got potential...
    Thanks! :D
    Thank you! I still can't believe Daala waited ten years for her boyfriend to call... :p
    Thank you so much!
    I wanted to show how dehumanization is part of his process of breaking down a strong-willed person.
    He's so scary!
    He's just the worst.
    Thank you so much!
    Thank you so much for reading and reviewing what I've got so far! I really appreciate all your commentary. :)
     
  4. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Loved week 8. I fell in love with the beautiful place they found, felt homey right off. Obidala is so plausible and endearing as you've written them. It's a shame they had to leave that wonderful place but they feel like "family" anyway. @};-
     
  5. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2014
    Sorry for falling behind (again!) but to make up for it you're getting a double review from me today :)

    Paradise

    Holy banthas, you took the prompt and ran away with it here! I particularly enjoyed how you gave Padmé and Obi-Wan the time to grow to know and appreciate each other and to revive their old crush before bringing them together as a couple, with the long time period that they were on the run and all the hints at conversations and shared moments and memories. "Reasons Why Master Jinn Is Not on the Council" is a priceless example of it, because it makes so much sense that, over five months, Obi-Wan would have shared such little elements that are part and parcel of his life so far.

    And this ending:
    In a single sentence, we went from paradise to paradise lost. They were on the run before to protect the children, but now they're very, very literally and precisely running for their lives and there's no going back. I'm almost curious to read a sequel to this story, because I wonder how this would impact their relationship going forward.

    Consequences

    This was a really unusual way to build a reverse narrative because of how you took us back and forth between moments when things are looking up and moments when everything goes sideways, and what made it even more unusual was that the moments when thing go sideways were the beginning and the end, or rather the end and the beginning.

    I loved how the title itself connected this to earlier stories in this thread. Yes, Mara has to face those dreaded consequences – but they're not the consequences we were thinking of before, even though you gave us reminders of the Palpatine-mandated consequences at various points, such as:
    Shivers! And of course, there was the "you will kill Luke Skywalker" command that came with its own set of consequences, both Palpy-issued ones and NR-issued ones.

    I thought it was a great twist on the New Republic/Jedi setup to have the NR institutions be so clueless about how the Force works, and to not be willing to take Leia's word for it. In parallel, of course, it was an absolutely brilliant idea to have Mara be trained by ghost!Anakin rather than Luke or Leia. She has grown into a Jedi essentially on her own, and the backwards narrative worked very well to expand the weight of this opening scene:
    =D=

    And of course, you brought this full circle with your spoilered end/beginning. My first guess when I read this was that Mara was joining her husband/beloved Luke in the afterlife, but I was really excited to find out, as I read on, that she was actually re-joining with the man she had killed and who forgave her.

    Thank you for the three months of emotional rollercoaster throughout these stories, and congratulations for completing the Kessel Run!
     
  6. UltramassiveUbersue

    UltramassiveUbersue Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Nov 7, 2022
    Thank you so much! :)
    I think they'll do just fine as long as they have each other. :)
    Thank you for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate the feedback.

    Thank you very much! :)

    I hadn't written this 'ship before, so I had to work out for myself how these two (usually) sensible people could fall in love and have a romantic relationship. I decided that it had to be the most sensible course of action for both of them, and that only took the collapse of their civilization and five months alone in a shuttle together to achieve. [face_laugh]
    I figured that as Obi-Wan's emotional intimacy with Padmé grows, his stories become increasingly risqué. :D
    A sequel, you say?... [face_thinking]
    Maybe. :D
    I ended up alternating drafts between forward narrative and reverse narrative and working towards the middle. And then I freaked out that I had just posted grimdark nonsense. [face_laugh]

    I suppose what I was really going for was the sense of chaos in Mara's life, but I also wanted to show how individual events are often direct and indirect results of her own choices, whether they be good, bad, wise, or reckless.
    Thanks! :)
    Mara is fighting her conditioning-- Palpatine's consequences-- and experiencing natural consequences in the real world. She is actively trying to reclaim herself from Palpatine by making choices and taking responsibility for the results of her actions.
    Thanks! I figure that without Leia's influence on the New Republic, there is no one to advocate for the Jedi or counter twenty years of Imperial propaganda.
    Thank you! :) I figured there was no way Leia could forgive her to that level, and Mara would be too ashamed to see Luke enough for him to train her. Anakin has his own sins to atone for, and I think that might compel him to keep vulnerable Mara from falling to the dark side or joining the Imperial Remnant.
    Thanks! :) While Mara suffers the consequences of her actions, she also succeeds in reclaiming herself from Palpatine by choosing what kind of person she wants to be, and ultimately trains herself so that even death can't harm her.
    I was thinking I was going to make some enemies here by having Mara kill Luke! [face_laugh]
    Thank you so much for all your lovely comments and encouragement! [:D]