Before - Legends Scars and Beginnings (Announcement 23 February)

I really like the way that you?ve described Obi-Wan, when he?s first run away. It puts across his desperation and his feeling of hopelessness very well, when he realises that running away isn?t as easy as he?d thought. I feel so sad for him .

To feel so alone as Obi does is terrible. To feel that no-one cares, and worse, that no-one can understand, is a heavy burden for one so young. My heart goes out to him .

Hm. About the way that Xani feels if he has to ask for help. I?m slightly like that. If I know that I can do something, then no-matter how long it takes me, I?d probably not ask for help. But if I know that I can?t do it by myself, then only would I ask. Probably not good, since I sometimes see others who are as independent, and I think that if I helped it would be easier, but they don?t want my assistance. I don?t think that it?s meant to be funny, but I found a touch of humour when Xani tells himself that ?This was not the time to contemplate his attitude towards life.? I don?t know why. It just brought a smile to my face .

Rin Calan. He?s so scary! His pov does nothing to improve my murderous thoughts about him . How can he be so insensitive to what he?s doing to Obi? And if that isn?t hate, then I don?t know what is.

I loved the way you?ve described Qui-Gon. The words that you?ve used: ?it was probably a serious issue and he should try to understand it. He didn?t dislike Obi-Wan.? gets across very well that Qui-Gon is having difficulty with his feelings about Obi, as a continuation of Qui?s thoughts about Obi that was above this passage. This is really muddled, isn?t it? What I mean is that after you?d written that Qui was wondering why Obi ran away and didn?t talk about his problems, the thoughts that he has following those thoughts further reinforces that Qui is having difficulty, though he?s making an effort, to understand Obi?s reasoning. It?s really believable. Aaargh! I?m so long-winded. Sorry.

When Qui first finds Obi, I felt so sad for him that I nearly cried! Your talent at describing Obi, and also Qui?s reactions to Obi?s responses were so good. They really touched me.

I liked Xan?s concern for his Master. It kind of reminded me that the Lower levels aren?t the safest place to be. It seems foreboding, or (more likely ) I?m just paranoid

Like before, I liked Xani?s thoughts about Calan, and the fact that he?d like to retort to Calan, but doesn?t. I have to take a few lessons from Xani about the fact that yelling doesn?t change anything

The flashback about the events on Malastaire are a bit sketchy, though. To be precise, I don?t understand what you meant by ?They had found a way to freedom at last but it had taken a long time.? How is Obi-Wan their ?way to freedom? out of the palace? Perhaps you?ll expand on this later?

Your writing is amazing and I feel as though I?m there in the room next to Qui and Obi. It?s so believable, your descriptions, and the plot is something I?m starting to worry about, because this paranoid person doesn?t like the look of the words: ?long and restless night?.

Thanks for writing!

Enough of my rambling now. See you ...... a lot later

~Velo~

 

Wonderful. I really empathized with all the characters, and you write so well it just draws me in.

 

Well, as always you already know what I think. You're doing a wonderful job, Indra. Can't wait to see the next chapter!

Shaindl

 

Sorry, the next chapter will take a bit longer. I had exams this week, so there wasn't any time to write.

PadawanKitara It obviously did ease your mind.

dianethx Thanks!!!

Perhaps they will all come together and Qui-Gon will know that Xan was right.

Do you really think it will be that easy?

forever_jedi Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Not being able to make the characters realistic is exactly what I'm always most worried about.

To me, it seems that he took Obi-Wan as a padawan, almost in revenge. Obi-Wan's life was saved while Nall's was lost in Malastare.

You may be on to something there. About Xanatos going back: maybe he didn't sense anything but just let his 'dark feelings' drive him.
I agree with you about the Agricorps. It would definitely be a better environment. But I don't think Obi would feel that way. Becoming a Jedi Knight has always been his dream and after all he still thinks that being mistreated by Calan could be his fault.

JediVeloJinn Thank you for taking the time for this thorough review!
I think independence is something that is quite rare in a Jedi's life which is why Xanatos is craving it so much. All their lives they have to do what others say. They're never given a choice. I think it would be natural for them to try to preserve any independence they have. I always imagined Xan as being very independent, as someone who doesn't like his choices being taken away from him.

I think Qui-Gon is a very caring person but as he knows about Calan's past, he doesn't want to intervene too much. He knows that Calan has had a hard life and probably feels that he should be given more chances because of it. I intend to explain later in the story why Qui sometimes doesn't call Obi by his first name and is so distant towards him.

I liked Xan?s concern for his Master. It kind of reminded me that the Lower levels aren?t the safest place to be. It seems foreboding, or (more likely ) I?m just paranoid.

Do you really think you are?

The flashback about the events on Malastaire are a bit sketchy, though. To be precise, I don?t understand what you meant by ?They had found a way to freedom at last but it had taken a long time.? How is Obi-Wan their ?way to freedom? out of the palace? Perhaps you?ll expand on this later?

Sorry. This doesn't have any deeper meaning. Obi-Wan isn't their way to freedom, he just happens to be there. They find their way out on their own. It just takes some time. Sorry, if that was a bit confusing. Thanks for the many compliments. (I told you something about that, but since I obviously can't stop you, well...thanks you!)


obaona Thank you!

Shaindl You know, you'll be the first one to see it. Thanks again!

 

I just found this, and I'm shocked. Poor Obi-Wan...he really needs to tell someone what's going on, or his problems are going to get a lot worse.

 

Wonderful story, Indra! I love how you picture the characters. They all are so complex and natural. You're giving a very deep insight into their personalities as well as their relationships. Great job!

 

Time for an UP!

 

It's time to sound like an annoying Nemo seagull-

More More More More More More More More More More More

 

Be it up

 

More! More! Please post more! Excellent work! Great form!

(Voice in the background) Easy Padawan, settle down. Control your anxiety. They will post when they are able.

(I look downward at the rebute) Yes Master, I'll try harder.

(Hand appears on shoulder patting gently) That's all I can ask of you, my apprentice. Patience and calm. In time you'll have it mastered.

(I smile up over my shoulder) Thank you, Master.

 

*looks around*

My master isn;t here right now to keep me quiet. More More More...

 

I haven't finished reading the posts yet, so I won't comment on specifics, but this is an amazing piece of work. I'm awed at how your writing makes the reader feel like they are RIGHT THERE. Of course, right now I want to kick some butt, namely Obi-Wan's so called master. ARGH! I'm SO MAD at him right now!

 

Up!!

 

Please, sir (or ma'am)! Might I have some more?

 

More, please?

 

Soon?

 

UP!

 

Oh, this is so good. If I had known it had Xan and Obi in it I would have clicked on it sooner!

 

Agreed, this is a really good story, with an excellent twist. I hope that Qui-Gon gets through to Obi-Wan - although it's not my place to contend against the Muse. An interesting take on how QGJ was like before/without Xani's betrayal weighing upon him.

Poor Obi-Wan! I sort of wish he'd have normal masters more often in these fics.

Anyways, if you're able to update it, I'd be much obliged.

Thanks for sharing this.

 

Just wanted to let you know there is another interested reader out here. Great job so far!

 

Jedi_Jessie_Anne He really should, but he's probably much too scared for it.

Jedi_Nifet Thanks. Great to know they are somewhat realistic.

PadawanKitara Interesting. In the German version they say 'mine mine mine'!

Kynstar Hope you didn't get any problems with your Master.

VaderLVR64 Wow, thanks. What a compliment. You shouldn't do this if you want me to stay modest.

Opal Glad you clicked on it now.

Lurkalidth I hope I portrayed him well and that the way he's behaving is credible.

Poor Obi-Wan! I sort of wish he'd have normal masters more often in these fics.

But what would we write about if he had?


Finally another chapter. Sorry that it took so long, but I couldn't quite get it right.
Many, many thanks to Shaindl for all her help. I wouldn't have made it through this one without her.



Chapter 6

The night was cold down there. Colder than it ever got at the Temple. Obi-Wan could see his breath in the dim light one of the moons provided. The small globe looked so much tinier than at the Temple although there wasn't much difference in distance, astronomically speaking.

He lay on his back at the entrance of the building. It had only looked intact from the outside. Inside there was as much rubble as in the one they had been the night before. They hadn't gone far in and Obi-Wan had no idea what would happen now. He would be punished of course. He couldn't for the life of him understand why Master Jinn hadn't already done it. Maybe because the punishment would be so much worse than what the Master could do. Maybe he would be thrown out of the Temple. Would he be sent to Agricorps? Or wouldn't he even be good enough to work for the Jedi as a farmer?

Somehow Obi-Wan felt that he should be afraid. But he wasn't; just hollow, empty. He had disappointed them all. His Master, Qui-Gon, Master Yoda and worst of all, Xanatos. What would the older Padawan say about his behaviour? Would he even say anything? Or would he just stand there, the disappointment at his failure in his eyes? Somehow imagining that hurt the worst. Risking a glance towards Master Jinn, he saw that the man was meditating. He seemed calm, not at all as if he was planning to hit Obi-Wan. But he had learned never to trust in the calm serenity of a Jedi Master. And suddenly, staring at Qui-Gon, another thought hit him like lightning. He had betrayed Nall.

*********************

Jedi Master Rin Calan was, for the second time in only two days, experiencing fear, an emotion he had thought didn't exist in him any longer. But there it was. Not panic, not the breathtaking fear one experienced when their life was being threatened, but a fear of the future. He had to get away from the others. The storm was exactly the reason he needed. He had to find his centre and then he had to think of a really good story to instil in his Padawan. He wouldn?t lose the boy. He was his to train, his to prepare for this universe. And Calan would make sure that his Padawan was well prepared for it. He wouldn?t make the same mistakes he had made with Nall.

No, he had learned his lesson. He had learned it the hard way but a lesson was a lesson, no matter how high the price for it was. One day, his Padawan would understand that. But Obi-Wan is not Nall, a voice inside him piped up. He?s not that bright, intelligent boy. He does not have the same potential. He tried to ignore the voice but it kept on talking. You know, you will lose him anyway. You?ve known all along. Kenobi will turn. And you will be left once again. He?s just a worthless little brat. It?s his fault Nall is dead. If it hadn?t been for him, you wouldn?t have lost so much time on Malastare. It?s his fault. And Jinn?s for saving him. He?s just the worthless son of a slave. But was he? Calan wasn?t so sure. Kenobi had been a baby back then, which didn?t mean that he was innocent. Nobody was. Calan knew that much. But was it really his fault that Nall had died? Had it really taken long

 

Never imagined I would write this:
SAVE XANATHOS!!! [face-cry]

 

*snrk* Save Xanatos hehehe yeah.. poor guy he was only acting out from what he felt. Poor Obi... prob never had affection from that mean ol Master of his! (looks to see if her Master is around... nopers, good I can say this w/o problems!) I just wish that Xanatos *had* done something to Obi's Master! Guy deserves every bloody bit of punishment!!! (looks around again, *whew* Master is busy elsewhere! hehehe)

Good post!!!

 

You give me too much credit. I like helping you.

GET CALAN! It had to be said, sorry. When Qui finds out what he's done to Xanatos, he's going to be one hunk of steamed Master. I don't think I'd want to be Calan then.

Great job, Indra! I know this one gave you fits, but you did a great job with it. Can't wait for the next one.

Shaindl

 

That was great, butI believe you left us with a bit of an evil cliffie. Is Xan going to be ok?