JCC Second Stimulus Cheque Poetry

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's getting a stimulus package

When she gets it she knows, that the stores are all closed
What to do with her stimulus package?

 

They had a reasonable stimulus package
It died! It died!
They said it was too expensive
They lied! They lied!
Why oh why is the package dead?
Couldn’t Corona kill [redacted] instead?
They had a proposal for Medicare for All-

 

There was an old man from Kentucky
Who spent trillions to untax the wealthy
But when it came time
To give poor folks a dime
He pleaded federal poverty

 

I am just a poor boy
Though my story's seldom told
I have lost my occupation
For the bankrupt of the company
I was working for
"Mitch, I need help!"
Still, a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest

 

Stimulus haiku

Here's $600 bucks
Burn it to keep warm tonight
Then please just **** off

 

Congress bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the check was so much less than I could bear

(Fallen by Sarah McLachlan)

 

Roses are red
Stimulus is due
This check is not big enough
Mitch is a stooge

 

Two bills diverged in a yellow wood,
And idiot Mitch could not find his heart
And be one Senator, long he stood
And looked down on one as far as he could
To which political ends he'd twist his art;

Then he took the other, much less fair,
And having perhaps the ****ier plan,
Because it was greasy and he wanted more
Largesse for corps that funded this score
Which would be very much on brand.

And both that morning equally lay
On his desk in white and black.
Oh, he ditched the last for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
He doubted if it should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two bills diverged in a wood, and Mitch—
Mitch took the one less generous,
Because he is an ***.

 

If you're sitting on the pot, and you feel something hot, well, get that stimulus you will not.

 

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore—
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
“’Tis some stimulus check,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door—
Only $600 and nothing more.”

 

The rents overdue
And the people are sick
Pass the damn check
McConnell you ****

 

It makes so mad I could spit
A check with 2 zeroes and a six
But they'll pay for a war
And tax as much more
And the ones who make out are the rich

OR

It makes so mad I could spit
A check with 2 zeroes and a six
But they'll pay for a war
And tax as much more
They should go suck a bag of #%^&$

 

If it's six hundred,
Glaze my cracked tub. But if two
thousand, replace it.

 

My wife and I were on the verge of being on the street
The stimulus check came
We will survive for another month at least
Thank Heavenly Father.

 

With the country in the tank
my budget really sank
waiting for the money in the bank
even with its Trumpy stank
it better not be a prank
though it's still never him I'll thank.

 

This Is Just To Say
by Mitch Carlos McConnell

I have thrown out
the $2000 stimulus bill
that was in
my inbox

and which
you were probably
praying for
to live

Forgive me
your tears are delicious
so salty
and so helpless

I heard a Check came - when I died - (591)
by J. Random Schmuckinson

I heard a Check came - when I died -
A Tiny Gift from Fate
Like Water to a Shriveled Plant
Just only - slightly - Late -

2020 Christmas Song

On the twelfth day of Christmas
Mitch McConnell gave to me--
Six hundred dollars!
. . . and that's it.
That's actually it. That's the whole song.

. . . get out of here.

Go away.

What, you want more? **** off, you ****ing Socialist.

 

How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
How many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
How many deaths will it take 'til he knows
That too many people have died?
The stim-u-lus check is blowin' in the wind
The stim-u-lus check is blowin' in the wind