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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Saga Severing the Past (PG, RotS and Inter) - OCs - Jedi Temple escape - Updated 1/13/08

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by wendynat, Jun 21, 2005.

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  1. voxynking

    voxynking Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 12, 2005
    I almost missed this post. That's not good. Can't wait for the next one
     
  2. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    Wow, nicely done. I loved the way you showed N'oenar's nightmare visions. They are so odd - like smoke or clouds that obscure and then show the light. They tend to throw me off balance but it's a good off-balance.

    N'oenar certainly needs Ayliana to keep him in the light or at least the twilight. Otherwise he might go completely dark.

    Wonderful.
     
  3. wendynat

    wendynat Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2005
    Voxynking - Thanks for the comment! I'm glad this post didn't completely slip away before you could see it :). Definitely a lot happening - the next post should be up in a week to a week-and-a-half, depending on work. Thanks!

    Dianethx - Thank you for the comment! And they way you described the nightmares is perfect - it's exactly the effect I was hoping for :).
    N'oenar certainly needs Ayliana to keep him in the light or at least the twilight. Otherwise he might go completely dark.
    :D
     
  4. Gina

    Gina Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Whew! You definitely had me holding my breath with that post. Looks like my suspicions about Kerenne were wrong - at least for now. I'm glad Ayliana was able to calm N'oenar. I love how you are setting up his character's situation, forcing him to find balance - or choose.

    Amazing, as always. You never disappoint! :D =D=

     
  5. Darth_Scroobius

    Darth_Scroobius Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2005
    Chapter 14:

    "Why are you always so cryptic? Why not just say straight out what's needed, what I'm supposed to do? What's supposed to be protected? What birds? Is the shroud the same as what Jerner was talking about? You speak a lot, but you don't say anything!"

    And he says what we've all been thinking.

    But what life could it be, to be trapped in a case of armor, to see nothing but a mechanized view of the world around? To have all your senses, sight, touch, smell, be reduced to nothing more than electronic impulses from some outside source?

    All your senses are nothing more than electronic impulses interpreted by your brain. So the only difference would be in how you were perceived. Which may be or bad or not, depending on your point-of-view. It doesn't sound so bad to me.

    "No, these two won't be going to the royal family. These young padawans will be my tribute to Lord Vader."

    And with that twist, the earlier visions become that much more significant.


    Chapter 15:

    "I made a deal, I did what I had to do, to get Keruck back!"

    Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.

    There he was. N'oenar could see him clearly, heading for the far end of the courtyard, where a gap appeared in the stone wall. He pulled on the Force, on whatever would help him gain more speed, and yelled, "Jerner!" The man turned, lit his saber, and it was then that N'oenar realized his own saber was already out and lit.

    I liked this passage. Very tense.

    His saber lay a few feet from him and, when N'oenar saw his face change to one of concentration, when N'oenar saw the saber that lay on the soft grass shift, he struck, a dragonsnake with teeth bared, blue blade becoming a glowing arc. Jerner let out a hoarse cry, clutching the stump where his hand had once been.

    It always seems to take a little Dark Side action for a Jedi to get it done. What's up with that? Oh yeah, it's kind of hard to win a fight being peaceful and passive.

    And we need to leave. Zehrid said it, too, when they carried him into the ship ? Vader's coming."

    Vader's coming. That would strike fear into anyone. When N'oenar says "The Force will decide." he really means: "Vader will make you die."

    Excellent work. Sorry for my temporary absence.
     
  6. MasterSareBabe

    MasterSareBabe Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 11, 2004
    Hmm, I almost wish N'oenar had killed him...no, I change my mind--that would have been bad. I am glad Ayliana to calm him as well. Good post! =D=
     
  7. wendynat

    wendynat Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2005
    My sincere apologies for this update being so late, as well as the update for The Dutiful Wife. I try to stick to a weekly schedule, normally, but the new position at work threw my schedule for a loop. I'm back on track, now, but will have to promise a biweekly update schedule rather than a weekly one.

    It was a rough chapter for the author, but hopefully not for the readers. :)

    A HUGE thanks to butter_cup_ for all of her beta help on this chapter! As always, I love feedback, and I hope I haven't lost too many readers/lurkers by taking so long to update.

    Gina - Thanks for commenting!!
    Darth Scroobius - It always seems to take a little Dark Side action for a Jedi to get it done. What's up with that? Oh yeah, it's kind of hard to win a fight being peaceful and passive.
    LOL - very, very true :). Thanks for commenting!!
    MasterSareBabe - Thanks for the comment, I'm glad you're enjoying it :)



    [b]Severing the Past
    Chapter 16[/b]
    -------------

    N'oenar's head pounded as he walked back to the ship with Ayliana. The sun that had been a warmth was now harsh, and he wanted nothing more than to escape its knowing gaze. [i]The Force will decide.[/i] But what would its final decision be?

    "Rohnid saw." Ayliana's voice was low, but the surprise of hearing her speak still made him jump. "The others went right into the ship, but he saw me stop and was going to come after me. I told him to stay back? but he was watching."

    "I?" N'oenar shook his head, remembering the penetrating look from the other man after his practice duel with Jerner in the shop, remembering his own silent question about how much Rohnid knew of the Force, and the dark side. "I think he suspected, anyway. Before now."

    "I know."

    "I'm not going to use it again."

    Ayliana didn't reply, and the silence seemed louder than a shout as he followed her up the ramp and into the gray ship. Sarn's voice echoed through the rounded opening, and they followed the sound to where the others were.

    "He just keeps saying that. Over and over?"

    Sarn nodded at them as they entered. Rohnid stood behind Kerenne, staring down at Zehrid, but he looked up when N'oenar cleared his throat. To his relief, there was no condemnation in that gaze. Or there didn't seem to be, at least.

    "You're back," Kerenne breathed. "I was worried tha-"

    "What is he saying over and over?" Ayliana asked, cutting her off. Kerenne didn't even scowl, and N'oenar knew that Zehrid's injuries must be dire indeed if she was so distracted as to ignore an interruption from Ayliana.

    "That Lord Vader's coming." Rohnid frowned. "Who [i]is[/i] this Lord Vader, exactly?"

    "He's?" N'oenar stopped, at a loss. How could he explain, without giving away too much? Without giving away information about his dreams? Ayliana was the only one who knew, and he wanted to keep it that way. Luckily, Keruck spoke up.

    "I heard them talking about him, Yaril and his assistant. Vader is the Emperor's right hand man, from the way it sounds." Keruck paused before continuing. "And he's the Emperor's way of getting rid of the rest of the Jedi."

    "He has Jedi hunters, seeking out Force users. That's what Jerner said, before?" N'oenar stopped again, and this time Ayliana finished for him.

    "Before he got away from us." Ayliana shifted, one hand reaching up to her head and the other to the wall. "He ? they - called Vader. He's coming here."

    Silence fell, and Sarn shook his head before returning to Zehrid's wounds.

    "We need to leave soon." Keruck's voice was quiet, but firm.

    Kerenne looked at N'oenar and then jerked her gaze to Keruck, her fingers grasping the hilt of her knife spasmodically. "We? we can't. Zehrid needs to heal-"

    "I'll take care of that," Sarn said, cutting her off. "You just go do what you need to do."

    "But, Zehrid-"

    "He'll stay on this ship." Sarn met Rohnid's gaze, and some sort of unspoken communication passed between the two. Rohnid nodded slightly, and Sarn continued, "I'm coming with you. It's about time for another inventory run, and I
     
  8. voxynking

    voxynking Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 12, 2005
    I was wondering when another post was coming. Haven't had time to read it yet but I'm sure it's going to be great. Update soon
     
  9. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    The poor guy, fighting the dark side, trying to figure out what his Master really wants him to do and that pull of attachment that he is ignoring and others are not. Lots of intrigue. I wonder what is going on at the archives....

    Great job.
     
  10. Darth_Scroobius

    Darth_Scroobius Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2005
    "Rattatack?" N'oenar frowned. "The slavers?"

    Rattatack? A reference to rat attack (ha-ha) or rata-tat (like a machine gun)? Either way, sounds appropriate.

    ...a conversation about the dark side had shifted to a vision of Kerenne, and the cliff, and nothing else.

    Hmmm. No foreshadowing here. No sir-ee. And definitely no misdirection.

    Excellent update. Well worth the wait.
     
  11. wendynat

    wendynat Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2005
    Voxynking - Thanks! I hope you enjoyed it :D

    Dianethx - ...trying to figure out what his Master really wants him to do and that pull of attachment that he is ignoring and others are not.
    :D
    Thanks for the comment - I'm glad you're still enjoying it!

    Darth_Scroobius - Heee - I grabbed that planet from the starwars.com site. Loved the name, couldn't resist :). For the rest - :D - and thanks so much for the comment!!
     
  12. 1Yodimus_Prime

    1Yodimus_Prime Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 13, 2004
    Okay, I only read the first two posts, but I had to respond, and I didn't have the patience to wait unil I was caught up at my snail-slow reading speed. So I'm gonna post now, catch up later. Like layaway, but for fanfic.

    First of all:

    " Except for the scream.

    Butter didn?t scream."


    This line manages to be dark and disturbing, and hilarious at the same time. Very nice.
    What really makes me want to read this, after only looking at the prologue and first chapter, is that I feel like i want to follow them through their entire lives, even if it means reading about them as sixty year olds, or eighty year olds. The setup just has that epic, 'anything in the universe is possible' feel to it.
    Now, obviously that may not be the direction you're going, and most of the readers who are indeed caught up would likely already know, or at least have an idea of, what that direction may be. But regardless, that's the hook that makes me want read this.
    Plus there's the promise of more crazy lines like the one above. :D

    YP out
     
  13. 1Yodimus_Prime

    1Yodimus_Prime Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 13, 2004
    Oh and, by the way, that previous post gave me a serious case of Deja-Vu. I checked the other pages, but didn't see a post of mine anywhere. But, if you do notice that I've responded before, well, just be rest assured that I have a terrible, terrible memory. If you don't see anything, then be rest assured that I'm merely the most incompetent clairvoyant in the world. [/hijack]
     
  14. MasterSareBabe

    MasterSareBabe Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 11, 2004
    Rohnid pulled away, blinking rapidly. The large man cleared his throat and, scratching the back of his neck, looked away.


    Awww, cute! [face_blush]

    What a cliffhanger! [face_hypnotized] How cruel. ;)
     
  15. AngelQueen

    AngelQueen Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2001
    Some Jedi were still here, as he'd expected. Just a few? but he wouldn't be able to ask any questions of them.

    Slowly, he reached out his hand to touch a light brown robe, the mass of cloth crumpled around a limp form. Though he tried to ignore the uneven pattern of circles burnt into the Jedi?s robe, he was unable to keep his eyes from focusing on the darker brown of dried blood, centered in rings of black char.

    The black char of blaster bolts.


    :( :_|

    Too late... they were too late... the Jedi who remained in the temple are dead... Does that mean the knowledge in the temple was lost as well, or did the Jedi who had stayed behind manage to hide it from the troops that came to execute them?

    Another outstanding, riveting story you have here, wendynat! :) =D= =D= This story is excellent!

    I was especially curious about how our two Padawans are quietly keeping the identity of Vader to themselves. It really fits with the fact that only a few people knew his real identity until after his death. Great attention to detail! :)

    Again, great job! Can't wait for more!

    AQ
     
  16. wendynat

    wendynat Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2005
    Just a general FYI - Chapter 17 is with my beta, and I ought to have it posted later tonight or tomorrow morning :). A special thanks to everyone who's commenting and to all the readers - lurkers and commenters - who stuck with the story despite the long interval between Ch 15 and 16, in particular. I appreciate it!!

    1Yodimus_Prime - I LOVE those crazy lines, the ones where you want to laugh but shouldn't, so I'm glad you appreciated it :D. Thanks so much for commenting, I'm really flattered that you're enjoying it, and I hope the later chapters lived (are living) up to your expectations ;).

    MasterSareBabe - I can't seem to stop the cliffhangers - they always fall right in the perfect stopping point of the chapter! I try not to make them too evil, though :). Thanks for commenting!

    AngelQueen - Thank you so much for the comments! I'm very flattered that you're enjoying it so much, and particularly flattered that you noticed I'm keeping as canon as possible by not letting the padawans give away Vader's identity :D. Thanks!!
     
  17. wendynat

    wendynat Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2005
    A/N: Many thanks to all the lurkers and commenters and general readers!! I hope you enjoy the chapter :) If you'd like to be added to my PM list for this story, just let me know in a comment or a PM and I'll add you.

    Chapter 17
    -------------

    N'oenar remained kneeling on the floor while the others entered the sanctuary. He saw Keruck's boots pass him and he looked up, watching the other man's face as he scanned the room. Keruck's fist clenched, knuckles white as he knelt beside one lean body and gently closed the staring eyes with his other hand. With a jolt, N'oenar realized that the Jedi Knight might have known some of the fallen, might have served with them at some point. He knew, all too well, how stark that pain felt.

    Ayliana also moved among the bodies, scanning them closely. The silence thickened until her low voice broke it. "Blasters. Most of them, anyway."

    "Most of them? Are? are there any?" N'oenar stopped, unable to continue, and Keruck looked at him.

    "Any what?"

    Ayliana understood, though, and she quickly shook her head. "No. None of them were? there aren't any saber wounds."

    He let out a shaky breath. So Vader hadn't been here, then. Skywalker hadn't been here. Likely the Emperor had heard of the location and just ordered a quick massacre. Or some lone Jedi could have sought shelter here, and been followed. He bit his lip, hoping that their own passage had gone undetected.

    Kerenne moved closer, putting a hand on his arm. He could feel some of the tension leave him at the touch, but it returned when she spoke. "I've never seen? they're Jedi. How many troopers did they have here, to be able to kill all of these?"

    He shook his head mutely. He had wondered the same thing. Would a single regiment have been enough? Or had they descended on this Jedi sanctuary with force, as they had the temple on Coruscant?

    "I mean, I've seen some? some things, but this is bad."

    N'oenar didn't tell her that it was a pale echo of the horror that had covered the Jedi Temple, after the massacre. Ayliana caught his gaze and they stared at each other, the shared memory creating a bond between them, through the Force. He clung to it, a steady lifeline, a comfort. Her essence pulsed in the Force, and acted as a steady reminder that he wasn't alone.

    "They fought well," Keruck said, his eyes fixed on the floor near the entrance, where a number of blood stains spread across the stone floor ? far from any of the fallen Jedi. Troopers normally took the dead with them, but the evidence remained.

    Zehrid sighed as he stood. He had been inspecting some of the fallen Jedi near the main entrance. "We should leave."

    "Actually," Sarn said, pacing slowly around the entrance hall, "we're probably safer here than anywhere at the moment. The troops have already come and gone."

    "True, but it's a little? unpleasant."

    "A little?" Kerenne snorted. "Gabris Prime is out for a while, but there's always Jabiim."

    "Jabiim's a possibility." Sarn rubbed his chin. "However? let's not forget there's a reason we came to this place, isn't there? Aside from meeting up with other Jedi?"

    Ayliana nodded. "Research. Saving the knowledge? we should save the knowledge."

    "We have to." N'oenar's voice was unyielding.

    Keruck nodded slowly, his eyes searching N'oenar closely. "I think that would be wise. But first, we must honor the vessels that remain."

    N'oenar bowed his head. Honor the vessels. There had been no Jedi left to cremate the bodies that remained in the Temple on Coruscant. He wondered if the Empire had bothered with the pretense, or if they'd just razed the Jedi Temple to the ground. Kerenne's hand tightened on his arm, bringing him back to the present, and he looked at her before nodding. "We will honor the vessels."


    The effort was long, but with three Force users working together, it wasn't as impossible a task as it might have seemed at first. They searched each chamber of the archives, bringing the bodies to the funeral chamber that Keruck found. As he pulled his hood fo
     
  18. AngelQueen

    AngelQueen Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2001
    The Jedi Code.

    The wall from his dreams.

    It was real.


    *falls off of chair*

    Talk about a cliffhanger, wendynat! :eek: :eek: Awesome!

    Great chapter! The simple ceremony held for the fallen Jedi was beautifully done, and I thought it was a great touch that N'oenar was also seeing those who fell at the Temple within his mind's eye. Outstanding.

    What will they find next in the temple I wonder...

    AQ
     
  19. voxynking

    voxynking Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 12, 2005
    Great job with this chapter. The last one was great. I love where it's going. Please add me to the PM list.
     
  20. Gina

    Gina Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 3, 2003
    No! You can't stop THERE!! Evil, evil cliffie.

    You continue to to make N'oenar's character, as well as all your OCs, more complex and intriguing with every post! The reader really becomes engrossed in their world.

    I thought the honoring ceremony was very poignant.

    Bravo! =D=

     
  21. wendynat

    wendynat Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2005
    AngelQueen - Thank you so much - I'm glad you liked the ceremony, it was a scene I struggled with in this chapter so I'm relieved it came out well!! As for the cliffie - heee [face_devil] :)

    Voxynking - :) I'll definitely add you to the PM list - thanks for commenting and I'm glad you're enjoying it!

    Gina - I'm glad you liked the honoring ceremony - I struggled a bit with that scene, as I told AngelQueen, so it's nice to hear that it came out well for the readers! I'm very flattered - and honored - by your comments on my OCs... they really feel "real" to me, and I'm glad that's coming across in the story :). Thanks!!! Cliffie - heeee [face_devil]
     
  22. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    I really loved this post. The way you have them go through the horror of all the dead bodies and yet they were able to put it behind them when they did the honor of burning the bodies.

    I loved that they were going through the Archives and not finding some things. The questions about what they were going to do finally - and they have been too much on the run to really think about it.

    And then to find out that his dream has been true...

    Great cliffhanger!
     
  23. Dragonlady

    Dragonlady Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Jul 1, 2005
    I came here from your "Dutiful" story, and I'm in awe of your skill. I adore N'oenar and how he and Ayliana and Kerenne and her brothers all balance each other out, and if I didn't have four application essays to write I'd go on for pages about how much I love this. Please add me to your PM list.
     
  24. wendynat

    wendynat Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2005
    dianethx - Thanks! They were able to put it behind them, for the most part, with the honoring ceremony. And the dream being true... more to come! :D

    Dragonlady - Thank you so much for commenting! I'm glad you're also enjoying this story, and I've added you to the PM list :).

    A/N: This was a difficult chapter to write, so I do apologize for its tardiness. I sincerely hope everyone enjoys it!! Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated :)



    Chapter Eighteen
    ---------------------

    N'oenar stared at the wall, the others silent as they watched him. It was the wall from his dreams; however, on this wall, the first line of the Code was still intact. The pull was indescribable, now. Feverishly, N'oenar's eyes scanned the familiar words, the deep engraving all that marred the smooth surface of the stone.

    [i]There is no emotion; there is peace.
    There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.
    There is no passion; there is serenity.
    There is no death; there is the Force.[/i]

    "Behind the wall. It's behind the wall," he said, almost gasping from the battering on his senses. Something on the other side of that wall had a connection to him through the Force, a giant star pulling him closer?. How to get through?

    Zehrid rapped his knuckles on the stone. "I don't know. Looks pretty solid to me."

    "There must be a hidden opening of some sort?" Ayliana murmured, running her hands along the wall. She dug her fingers into the bottom line of the inscription, feeling for a catch or trigger.

    When her fingers reached the word 'death', nausea hit N'oenar in a crushing wave, and he had to reach out with his free hand and grip the wall to keep from falling. The pull was tremendous; it would take too much time to discover the secret to opening the chamber; the draw would drive him mad long before then. "We have to cut our way through, I can't?."

    "Cut it?" Ayliana's fingers fell from the wall and she turned to stare at him. "But-"

    Keruck's voice was low, but it carried. "Are you sure, N'oenar?"

    "The opening? it's right behind the engraved stone. I can't?." N'oenar turned to Keruck, holding the torch up, and the glow of the flame framed his vision in oranges and yellows. He could see the Jedi Knight's face, though the rest of him was in shadow as he knelt beside the fallen Master. "Keruck, I [i]know[/i] this."

    Slowly, Keruck stood, studying N'oenar. Then he turned his attention to the wall as Ayliana moved back.

    "You're taller than I am, Keruck. If there's a door, they wouldn't have it cut right through the lettering." Ayliana's shoulders sagged as she glanced at the fallen Master, and then at N'oenar. "And I? well, I don't think I could cut through the Code, either way."

    With a sharp nod, Keruck lit his saber. N'oenar let out a long breath as the Knight approached the wall, and then sucked in a new one when he raised his saber. It was strangely appropriate that the Jedi Knight's first thrust above the top line of the Code caused the letters to shift and crumble, the force of his blade breaking the first line apart. Dust fell from the engraving, the words fading? just as in his dream.

    [i]There is no emotion; there is peace.[/i]

    He put his head against the stone and closed his eyes, willing himself to calmness. It was difficult; he could hear the thick noise from Keruck's saber as the Jedi slowly dragged his blade through the stone, and he could feel the pull, still, though it had lessened the moment Keruck's saber bit into the wall.

    Closer? closer?.

    When he heard Kerenne gasp, he opened his eyes, blinking in the light. Keruck stepped back from the opening, sheathing his saber. "I think I found the catch."

    "Or melted it." Zehrid shook his head. "Never realized those things would cut stone before."

    "The Force guided your hand," Ayliana whispered, stepping forward. "And look, there, that must be where it's controlled normally." She stepped forward and pressed against a softly glowing section of the stone ? a façade, covering the control panel - and immediately the
     
  25. Dragonlady

    Dragonlady Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Jul 1, 2005
    First reply!

    *blinks* ...Please tell me you didn't just do what I think you did...*crosses fingers*

    I really, really enjoyed this.
     
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