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Saga Sibling Revelry (Pre-ROTJ, Vader discovers Luke and Leia are twins; humor short story) CH 8 UP

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by frodogenic1, Mar 31, 2010.

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  1. frodogenic1

    frodogenic1 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2008
    darthhelinith: I live to entertain. :)

    Jedi_of_Imladris: Let the miscommunication continue...

    Bri_Windstar: Oh, don't worry. Karlino has plenty of chapters left to get frantically worried. Of course the Rogues don't need much more than a scene or two to send anybody into panic mode. :p Han's predicament will indeed feature in the next chapter.

    dm1: I wouldn't count on Fred (or Vader) having any inklings very soon. After all, I've still got four chapters to post. :p And escalation is an author's best friend...

    epithree: Glad you think so! Hope you'll continue to enjoy the second half of the story.

    Darth_Xan318: Breathe. That's the key.

    Rebel_Mom: Thanks!
     
  2. frodogenic1

    frodogenic1 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2008
    A/N: Here comes Act 2...

    ...

    CHAPTER 5

    ...

    Lord Vader sat at his console, daring the chip he?d plugged into his personal computer to contain bad news yet again. Agent Van Hermahutt had sent his report several days early. That could only mean the news was significant. Whether significantly bad or significantly good remained to be seen?

    He clicked the report folder open. It had only one file, a holodoc labeled Operation Proposal. If the eyeplates of his mask could have narrowed they would have been mere slits.

    The projector lit up with the nervous but somewhat hopeful face of Agent Van Hermahutt. ?My lord,? the recording began, ?after several attempts to dissuade the targets I have determined that no influence external to their relationship has a reasonable chance of success. They have?um?demonstrated a definite tendency to ignore anything that the average being would consider a ?relationship obstacle.??

    The agent blinked to himself. Vader wondered with a sinking feeling what in the Empire an amoral agent from Imperial Intelligence considered a ?relationship obstacle? but his children didn?t. Clearly Kenobi had skewed their sensibilities even further than previously estimated.

    ?I did some further research, however, and I believe that this man represents our best chance for success.?

    The display flicked to a holo of?Han Solo?

    Agent Van Hermahutt was still prattling along, but Vader had ceased to pay attention, because he was too busy berating himself for not having hit on this most deceptively simple answer before. Of course?of course! How could he have forgotten about Solo? The selfsame Solo over whom he?d watched his daughter swoon in the freezing chamber at Cloud City? The very Solo to whom she had professed her love? It was just as well that Vader no longer had any hair, for he would have ripped it out at this point. Unbelievable. By freezing Solo in carbonite and handing him over to Fett, he had virtually driven his misguided children into each others? arms.

    Well, Anakin, you always did have a knack for self-inflicted disasters, the Obi-Wan-like voice in his head snickered.

    He shunted the voice aside, pacing a blue streak across his room while Van Hermahutt?s voice buzzed in the background. Clearly, the best thing to do was to retrieve Solo from wherever he?d wound up and send him packing back to the Rebellion, then let things take their natural (and hopefully favorable) course.

    You do realize what this means, the Obi-Wan voice said gleefully. You?re going to have to liberate a known Rebel?

    He gnashed his teeth and hammered a fist into the bulkhead.

    ?Then let him run away free as a bantha cub so he can paw his grimy hands all over your daughter! the voice added.

    Fifteen minutes later, when a message arrived at the Tech Maintenance station ordering the supervisor to send somebody to Lord Vader?s quarters to repair his devastated com console, no less than twenty-two enlisted technicians of His Majesty?s Imperial Navy resigned on the spot.

    ?

    B-0B12, popularly known in Mos Eisley and its environs as One-Eye Bob, had not lived what most would consider to be a pleasant life even by droid standards. Inasmuch as it was a dedicated nuisance, nobody felt at all sorry for One-Eye Bob, least of all Bob itself. Perhaps once upon a time, when it had been a brand new installation, it had pitied its lot in life, but a number of quirks and perversities had wormed into its programming over the decades, and these days it took a skewed satisfaction in being a rude bell-droid for Jabba the Hutt?s filth-infested Tatooine lair. The only other place where it could have similarly enjoyed itself would have been a juvenile detention center for delinquent boys; but as One-Eye Bob had no anatomy to its name except a large sand-crusted mechanical eyeball, it would not have lasted a day. It spent its monotonous days thinking up nasty things to say to the next wretched visitor and reflecting with perverse approval on the total inconsequenc
     
  3. dm1

    dm1 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 9, 2004
    dm1: I wouldn't count on Fred (or Vader) having any inklings very soon.

    Right, the light bulb should have gone off, but I guess it didn't, did it?:oops: [face_laugh]

    As for Vader, he might not have gotten an inkling, but he knows an opportunity when he sees it. Looks like he had a choice between the least of two evils... sibling or scruffy looking nerf herder, which shall it be?

    Too bad Han had to leave the briefcase, but at least the money got put to really good use! Good thing Lando left when he did.

     
  4. RebelMom

    RebelMom Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 20, 2000
    Poor Vader... Having to get Han back to Leia to save his children. [face_laugh]
     
  5. kataja

    kataja Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 4, 2007
    This is getting better and better - and I seriously didnt think that to be possible! [face_dancing] The images you bring to my mind are just priceless - Vader & Jabba's little clash (what a contrast to Luke& Jabba! [face_laugh] )and Lando laughing at the end of Han's muzzle!!!

    And Davin's little story - [:D]
     
  6. frodogenic1

    frodogenic1 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2008
    kataja: Davin's little story is probably my second favorite part of this chapter. Favorite part was writing Bob. :)

    RebelMom: Payback's a Sith. :p

    dm1: Oh, Fred's got any number of lightbulbs. He just has them all screwed into the wrong sockets... And I do emphasize the verb screwed. ;)
     
  7. frodogenic1

    frodogenic1 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2008
    A/N: Sorry it's a bit late. Chalk it up to work...

    ...

    CHAPTER 6

    ...

    ?Leia?? Luke leaned around the half-open door of her quarters. ?You here?? The lights were all out, but he could sense her somewhere nearby.

    ?Oh, Luke,? came a distracted voice from behind the ?fresher door. ?Come in, I actually wanted to talk to you??

    Luke edged over and loitered around the ?fresher hatch for a few minutes until Leia said, ?I said, come in.?

    ?Um?Leia, isn?t that??

    The ?fresher hatch slid open, revealing Leia sitting on the floor in a sleepshirt and exercise pants, her hair in a single braid and datapads and chips strewn around her. She looked haggard. ?I?m hiding out so I can get work done without interruptions,? she explained. ?Come in.?

    Luke found himself sitting cross-legged on top of the commode staring down at her and not thinking about what his aunt would say if she knew he was hiding out in a bathroom with a girl. Or worse, what Uncle Owen?

    ?I tried your office, but you weren?t in this morning,? he said, wretchedly attempting to keep a straight face as she looked up at him from the floor. This must rate as the second least dignified situation they?d ever been in (it would take a lot to top the trash compactor on the Death Star).

    ?I came down with the Dymian flu this morning,? she said.

    Luke groaned. ?You could have mentioned that before I came in.?

    She waved a hand. ?Don?t worry, Dymian flu is cyclical, and it?s not contagious. It only even makes you sick for a few hours every day. At least it hit in the morning and not the middle of the night.?

    ?At least you can get stuff done then,? Luke said cautiously.

    ?True,? she sighed, ?but it usually takes weeks to get it out of your system.?

    Luke made a sympathetic face. ?Here?s to a quick recovery. Anyway, what did you want to tell me??

    ?We?ve gotten some interesting reports from Intel today,? Leia said. ?Apparently rumor has it around the Outer Rim that something has happened to Jabba.?

    Luke frowned. ?What kind of something??

    ?Several of our sources have heard that he?s dead.?

    Luke tumbled off the commode and found himself wedged between the bowl and the shower door. He worked off his shock by clambering back up. ?Dead? Have we heard anything from Lando??

    Leia shook her head. ?Nothing.?

    Luke blew out a nervous breath. ?Well, we shouldn?t jump to conclusions. Could have been Lando?s work, after all.?

    ?Could have,? Leia said dubiously.

    ?

    Hobbie loitered in the corridor outside Princess Leia?s suite with a face as long as the prow of his X-wing. The Boss had asked him to come run interference for her for a couple of hours?apparently she was kinda sick and kept getting interrupted by people, and the Boss had some meeting or other going down on the bridge so he couldn?t do it himself. Not that Hobbie minded watching the Princess? very agreeable back(side), but when it meant sacrificing two whole hours that Tycho and Wes would be plotting the next counter-Fred offensive without him?

    Then Fred Antilles appeared on one end of the corridor with a datapad in hand, and Hobbie rejoiced that his hours hadn?t been wasted after all. ?Hello, Lieutenant,? Antilles said, sounding a bit hesitant. ?Um?I?ve got this report for Princess Leia??

    Had Antilles known what manner of man was Hobbie Klivian, he would have quit the system as soon as he saw the glint appear in the pilot's eye. ?Better not bother her right now,? Hobbie said brightly. ?She?s indisposed.?

    ?I?m sorry to hear that,? Antilles simpered. ?Any reason in particular??

    ?All I know,? Hobbie said with perfect truthfulness, ?is she said she and the Boss had a personal debriefing in the ?fresher.?

    The barely-contained horror on Antilles? face was, to the palate of the accomplished prankster, as sweet as a large box of Nubian chocolates.

    ?

    The crummy little crate Lando had taken to Tatooine took forever to touch down inside Home One. When it did, Han rocketed down the ramp and made a beeline through the ship for the hangar
     
  8. Jedi_of_Imladris

    Jedi_of_Imladris Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 14, 2004
    Uh-oh, Han's got an idea? This can't be good for Fred or for Vader's blood pressure when he hears about his children's 'engagement' party. Stories this funny must be from the dark side! I think Davik's brief story is my favorite so far! I look forward to more! =D=
     
  9. kataja

    kataja Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 4, 2007
    I'm repeating myself here but this is so hilarious!!! [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] You're writing it so vividly I can see it all clearly!

    And loved your use of canon-liners:
    Luke gave a loud groan and leaned forward, dabbing at his nostrils. ?I?m gonna kill Wes.?

    ?Right behind you, Boss,? Wedge said. He grimaced and massaged his abdomen again. He?d caught both of Han?s feet directly in the gut while attempting to intervene.

    ?I?m missing something,? Han muttered. ?This Fred guy said he was a friend of Leia?s and yours, kid.?

    Luke made an outraged noise of indignation, which was chopped off with another wince and timid rub of his damaged nose. ?Not quite,? Leia said on his behalf. ?But I?m only explaining if you promise to listen to the whole story without losing your temper and without killing the guy afterwards. You read me, Captain??

    Han raised an eyebrow. ?That bad, huh??

    ?Same as always,? Luke corrected him.

    [:D] [face_dancing] [:D] [face_dancing] :p
     
  10. dm1

    dm1 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 9, 2004
    Too funny...[face_laugh] Wasn't exactly the reunion any of them were hoping for.

    And now Han has an idea! This ought to be good...

    Mind games are the best, poor Karlino sure is close to the edge here!
     
  11. Bri_Windstar

    Bri_Windstar Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 27, 2002
    Best posts yet. [face_laugh]

    The engagement party itself is a stroke of genius, but to have Han free and show up to it without any backstory at all. The image of him barreling towards Luke is priceless. [face_laugh] Loved Vader going to all of that trouble to get Han back just to break up his kids. The line about Vader lamenting over freeing a Rebel like Han only to have him free to paw at his daughter and then destroying his entire comm console was my favorite. :D

    I'm so happy Han's back. With him in the mix, Karlino doesn't stand a chance with where the pranks are about to go. This is deliciously diabolical.
     
  12. DarthXan318

    DarthXan318 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 12, 2002
    [face_laugh]!

    Oh dear... :D I'm glad Han's back, but I smell shenanigans. :D :D
     
  13. RebelMom

    RebelMom Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 20, 2000
    Not only is Vader going to have a heart attack, looks like Han may be joining him. Welcome back, Han! :*
     
  14. Iverna

    Iverna Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 20, 2008
    Oh, wow, this is hilarious. I love it. Vader's efforts to keep his kids apart, and the twins causing him headache after headache without even knowing it... brilliant! I read the entire thing in one go and now I keep checking back for next posts every day. And laughing out loud at all the shenanigans.

    I'm glad Han's back! [face_dancing] I wonder what his idea is... I want to say I have a bad feeling about it, but I'm pretty sure it'll just lead to more hilarity. Great stuff, I can't wait for the next installment! [face_peace]
     
  15. frodogenic1

    frodogenic1 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2008
    Iverna: Posts go up every other day, but there's only one more after this one, sadly. Han has plenty of hijinks to waltz through before then, though. :p

    RebelMom: It just couldn't have ended without Han, could it?

    DarthXan318: That's his shampoo scent, I think. Either that or his cologne...

    Bri_Windstar: Deliciously diabolical? I like the sound of that...

    dm1: Oh, Karlino, you ain't seen nothing yet. [face_devil]

    kataja: That line is way too good to leave out.

    Jedi_of_Imladris: This story was SO not written to be good for Vader's blood pressure. Good news is, what with all his prosthetics, odds are he doesn't even require blood anymore. :) Also, *highfive* from one LOTR-fan to another!
     
  16. frodogenic1

    frodogenic1 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2008
    A/N: Just kidding, I have nothing to say. :p

    ...

    CHAPTER 7

    ...

    ?You want us to stage a rehearsal?? Both Luke and Leia stared at him with horrified expressions. Wedge Antilles had raised his eyebrows nearly up to the next deck of the ship. Lando rubbed his forehead. Over in the corner, Luke?s Rogue pilots gaped at him in newfound adoration.

    Han donned a swaggering smirk. ?You gotta up the ante somehow, right? What better way than this? It?s not an actual wedding.?

    ?But?but?? Luke groaned and rubbed his head. ?Han, we?re just trying to mess with Antilles, not the whole fracking Rebel Fleet! Hell, what if it gets back to Imperial Intelligence??

    ?So much the better!? Han grinned. ?Misinformation and all that. Right, Princess??

    Leia, who was stretched out on the deck recovering from her daily onset of the Dymian flu, gave a grudging nod. Luke, who knew that the person who would be misinformed by Imperial Intelligence was his maybe-father, made a faint whimper of protest.

    ?We can keep it mostly private,? Han argued. ?We?ll just let a few extra people in on the gag and invite ol? Fred along for the ride.?

    ?A few extra people?? Leia said, her eyebrows raised at a wary angle.

    ?Well, you need someone to officiate, ring bearers, groomsmen, maids of honor, all that jazz.?

    ?Fred can be one of the groomsmen,? Hobbie suggested. Luke glared at him.

    ?Lieutenant Klivian,? Wedge said severely, ?the Boss gets to pick his own groomsmen.? He turned to Luke. ?I?m best man, right, Boss??

    ?We?re really not getting out of this, are we?? Luke asked Leia in despair. She shook her head, resigned. Luke blew out a huge sigh and finally leveled a determined scowl at the perpetrators of the scheme. If he had to pretend to pretend to get married, he was by the Force going to give as good as he got. ?In that case, I say that Han has to be best man.? Wedge snapped his fingers in disappointment and Han swept a mock bow. ?Wedge, Wes, and Tycho can be the rest of the groomsmen.?

    ?What about me, Boss?? Hobbie asked.

    The malicious grin that Luke turned on Hobbie would have done the Dark Side proud. ?Don?t worry, Klivian. I?ve got just the part for you.?

    ?

    Darth Vader rarely had good days anymore, but he did have days of varying degrees of badness. Today had been spectacularly awful. It had started out with so much promise?they?d gotten a lucky tip as to the whereabouts of a bothersome Rebel cell in the Lykon system?but then the commando team he had dispatched to deal with the Rebels had first landed at the wrong address, then blundered the ambush, with the result that none of the Rebels were captured whereas all his commandos and a sizeable chunk of Lykon?s most productive spaceport were blown to smithereens. Consequently his day had been eaten up fielding complaints from the Lykonian government, fending off the galactic media, and explaining the entire mess to the Emperor. As the corpses of several senior officers of the stormtrooper corps attested, the Dark Lord was in no mood for further inconveniences.

    Unfortunately, his wayward children had never harbored much concern for his preferences. So it was of course that very afternoon when the next report from his spy in the Rebellion arrived, complete with holo of the twins? latest indiscretion.

    Darth Vader was now ensconced in his quarters, eyes glued to his holoprojector with that morbid fascination most beings reserve for natural cataclysms or genocides. Flickering in blue tones before his eyes, a sordid scene was unfolding in a spacious ship cabin. At the fore stood Luke and the Princess in everyday fatigues, holding hands and facing a bulging-eyed Mon Calamarian in admiral?s uniform who was presumably the ship?s captain. Flanking Luke stood a selection of male friends and the freshly unfrozen Han Solo, beaming beatifically on the proceedings. Flanking Leia stood a selection of female friends and one male pilot, holding the bride?s mock bouquet and teetering slightly in stiletto heels. His smile looked rather forced. Down th
     
  17. RebelMom

    RebelMom Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 20, 2000
    I think that Luke now knows what Vader does.

    Han and Leia's romantic dinner - how very Lady and the Tramp...
     
  18. Bri_Windstar

    Bri_Windstar Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 27, 2002
    I love Han. [face_love] [face_devil] I can't even imagine the panic Karlino must have felt when he got the invite to their rehearsal. Oh, to have seen his face. He can't be feeling much better witnessing this dinner gone so, so wrong between Leia and Han. At least from his POV.

    Omg, and now Luke knows. I cannot wait to see how this wraps up and who dies of their heart attack first. :p
     
  19. DarthXan318

    DarthXan318 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 12, 2002
    This is the best one yet. [face_laugh] Han and Leia pretending to fight! Han's inner admiration of the Ice Princess facade! The textspeak message-passing! And then the last line ...! *wipes tear from eye* :D
     
  20. Darth_Vaders_Sock

    Darth_Vaders_Sock Jedi Knight star 2

    Registered:
    May 10, 2009
    *dies laughing again*

    Ohhhdear oh dear oh dear. [face_laugh]
     
  21. Jedi_of_Imladris

    Jedi_of_Imladris Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 14, 2004
    Great update! I love the interaction between Leia and Han. I'm glad to see that they are coming together in an attempt to give Fred a heart attack. :p I rather think that Luke's shock at hearing Leia is his twin is rather stronger in this story than it ever was in the movies. I can't wait for your next installment. =D=
     
  22. lost_lauries_grapes

    lost_lauries_grapes Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 27, 2006
    Simply hilarious! I'm glad to see Luke know what the kriff is going on now and why Vader's been messaging him! Great job!

    Peace,
    Bea
     
  23. frodogenic1

    frodogenic1 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2008
    lost_lauries_grapes: But DOES Luke know all the kriff that's been going on? [face_devil]

    Jedi_of_Imladris: I figure that in the movies Luke wasn't pretending to be engaged with said sister. That would tend to up the shock factor IMHO. :p

    DarthXan318: That last line seems to be a hit. Can't figure why, I didn't think it was particularly brilliant, but...well, far be it from any author to avoid a gift horse. :)

    Darth_Vaders_Sock: I think I could almost write a fic inspired sheerly by your username...

    Bri_Windstar: Every story gets five times easier to write the second Han walks in. :p Thanks for the review!

    General Announcement: The last chapter will be up sometime later today.
     
  24. kataja

    kataja Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 4, 2007
    Ok, I started to pick out some of my favourites, but I couldn't just quote it all, could I? [face_blush]

    ? The malicious grin that Luke turned on Hobbie would have done the Dark Side proud. ?Don?t worry, Klivian. I?ve got just the part for you.? ?I love Luke when he gets mean! [face_love]

    and one male pilot, holding the bride?s mock bouquet and teetering slightly in stiletto heels. His smile looked rather forced.[face_laugh] But I ahd no idea he could get that mean!!!

    ?About twenty-one minutes later, a shuttle carrying all the Destroyer?s remaining technical personnel burst out of Hangar Bay Twelve without authorization and got its engines blasted out by Ensign Pol Bhussy, operator of Laser Cannon Mount 52B. It crashed somewhere on the forest moon of Endor, which the Executor was orbiting. It is suspected that the survivors were adopted by Ewoks, which some xenobiologists suggest as an explanation for the stunning leap in Ewok technology that occurred over the next two centuries?but that would be another story. ?
    This reminds me of Douglas Adams![:D]

    ?Well,? drawled Han?s voice, ?you an? Lando, like the first-rate buddies you are, didn?t bother to do any maintenance on the energy conduit for the dorsal cannon mount for the last six months.?

    ?I tried to do maintenance on it,? Luke retorted. ?I just couldn?t find it. Can?t imagine why I didn?t think to look for the access panel under the game table in the rec room.?

    ?What?? Han sounded wounded, which Luke knew to be a shameless act. ?It?s right by the air ducts and wiring routes to the cannon placement, it makes perfect sense!?

    ?Except that the whole point of an access panel is to be accessible! You have this ship?s guts so screwed up, just about the only thing on the schematic that?s still accurate is the engine bloc, and I?m not even sure about that.?

    This is so perfect it could be cut out from the movies (not that they are perfect but...:p )

    ?how do you plan to get out of marrying me??

    He looked up and noticed belatedly her grim expression. ?What is it??

    ?I think the Empire just gave us an excellent excuse for postponing it indefinitely,? Leia said. She handed him a datapad. ?Check out what our Bothan spy network just recorded in orbit around Endor.?

    I knew the Death Star must be good for something!!!

    ??She?s my what?? ?
    Ok, Luke found out he has a sister allright! :p
    This is so brilliant!!![:D]
     
  25. frodogenic1

    frodogenic1 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2008
    RebelMom: Well, you caught me. Shameless franchise borrowing... :p

    kataja: Huh...now that I look at it, the blurb about the Imperial techs was rather Hitchhiker-esque. I knew there was a good reason I liked it. :)
     
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